Vetty

For the woman who have lose weight and are heathly now. How do you treat men? I have this weird thought that I am not worthy of someone until I am thin but then I think a guy should love me the way I am first. I alwasy wonder when I lose the weight will I look at all men with the thought "You didn;t want me before!" I know I should generalize and think that of all men I just hate that men look at me like I am some how not "worth" giving a chance because I am fat.

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VETTY


I am sick of being the president of the Pretty face club!!

10/2/2009 Called to ask insurance what’s the "new" process
10/8/2009 Case Manager was assigned
10/13/2009 Medical director agreed to accept my medical evaluation from the first time I tried for bariatric surgery
10/14/2009 Case Manager and orthopedic doc. Proved I had a co-morbid condition
10/23/2009 Quit Smoking
11/14/2009 WLS Seminar

lvl0rg4n

Hey Vetty,

I know exactly how you're feeling right now. Infact, I posted something similar a few days ago.

A summary of the answers I received was: accept the attention from the guys with an open mind. Most guys aren't looking for a larger, unhealthy lady. It sucks that we can't be accepted while heavy, but I know personally I don't want to date someone my size.

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lvl0rg4n says Morgan

10/27/2009 - Surgery day

Highest/Date of Surgery/Current/Goal
400/388/360.0/140

Vetty

You have your surgery soon! I am so excited for you! I still have awhile to go! Cross your fingers. I want a man that is taller and bigger than me. I have always been the "bigger" one in the relationship. I totally agree its not on the top of a mans list to have an unhealthy woman! I think that is why I personally think I shouldnt even think about seeing anyone until I lose the weight until I can accept myself.

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VETTY


I am sick of being the president of the Pretty face club!!

10/2/2009 Called to ask insurance what’s the "new" process
10/8/2009 Case Manager was assigned
10/13/2009 Medical director agreed to accept my medical evaluation from the first time I tried for bariatric surgery
10/14/2009 Case Manager and orthopedic doc. Proved I had a co-morbid condition
10/23/2009 Quit Smoking
11/14/2009 WLS Seminar

lvl0rg4n

Hey Vetty,

I knooow! I'm counting down the days. Well, I've been actually counting down since I got my date. My advice is to be pleasantly persistant. Call daily with a happy go lucky tone. I got everything done in less than a month. My doctor decided he had to go on vacation or I'd have my surgery sooner. It's all good though, gave me some time to meditate on the surgery I guess lol.

I want a man who is taller and bigger than me too! But I want him to be healthy, and I'd like to be my recommended weight, which is like 125 pounds - so having someone bigger and taller wouldn't be a big deal.

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lvl0rg4n says Morgan

10/27/2009 - Surgery day

Highest/Date of Surgery/Current/Goal
400/388/360.0/140

Vetty

How tall are you?? My recommended weight is 148-155 to think I have to shed half of my body is scary. Can I even accomplish that? I see others have been able too but what if this another failed attempt. I have so much self doubt what they hell is wrong with me! I guess I am in the state of "i'm not appoved...it's not going to happen!"

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VETTY


I am sick of being the president of the Pretty face club!!

10/2/2009 Called to ask insurance what’s the "new" process
10/8/2009 Case Manager was assigned
10/13/2009 Medical director agreed to accept my medical evaluation from the first time I tried for bariatric surgery
10/14/2009 Case Manager and orthopedic doc. Proved I had a co-morbid condition
10/23/2009 Quit Smoking
11/14/2009 WLS Seminar

lvl0rg4n

Vetty,

I'm 5'2. I have to lose OVER half of me! Talk about intimidating.

I've been in the mindset "Until I get it, it's not happening". I was a moody evil mess while waiting for the insurance approval. The pre-op testing at the hospital made everything a little bit more real, but until I'm going into the hospital on Tuesday, I don't see it happening. That's part of our mentality - we're pessimistic!

What kind of insurance do you have? Have you talked under the Insurance area to see what type of timeline to expect?

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lvl0rg4n says Morgan

10/27/2009 - Surgery day

Highest/Date of Surgery/Current/Goal
400/388/360.0/140

Vetty

So I am not crazy for thinking No one until I have it done! I hate when I talk about it GB (I never mention I want it) they say oh thats the easy way out omg I get on the defensive. I believe it is a tool not a quick fix. People at work say why do those "people" just diet and work out I say dude they dont have 40#'s or less to loss they have a second person. Why are people so rude. Its not their life!
I keep telling myself its going to take a long time! I just pray I get everything done by Jan so I can have the surgery by feb. I really want to have lost enough weight to feel comfortable for my birthday in aug next year. You and I need to become optimistic. It wont happen over night but we can help eachother!!!!
I have insurance through presbyterian the case manager said I have to have three months of a nutitionist or my PCP My PCP is out after having a gallbladder surgery. Its been a wait from hell. I hope to have my documentation submitted by dec thats the earliest because of this nutrition thing. Once its submitted it takes the medical director a few days to decide if I am a "candidate" then I have to meet with Del Sol medical center they tell me the test to do and then we re submit to the medical director to decide if now if the surgery is right for me!

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VETTY


I am sick of being the president of the Pretty face club!!

10/2/2009 Called to ask insurance what’s the "new" process
10/8/2009 Case Manager was assigned
10/13/2009 Medical director agreed to accept my medical evaluation from the first time I tried for bariatric surgery
10/14/2009 Case Manager and orthopedic doc. Proved I had a co-morbid condition
10/23/2009 Quit Smoking
11/14/2009 WLS Seminar

jenn75

Your questions about men...

Well, I became single (ended engagement) 2 weeks before my surgery. I'm now almost 10 full months out from surgery, and I can tell you that a lot of things have changed for the better, but I'm nowhere near being what I had envisioned in my mind - as far as emotions go, and the way I see myself.

We do think that losing weight will solve all of our insecurities. Well, while losing the weight does lend to becoming more confident, we still have old habits of thinking that are very much a part of who we are...they're not necessarily tied to our looks, but they may have gotten their start with the way we once looked. Now, they're deep-rooted beliefs about ourselves...far beyond how much weight we lose. It's a struggle to first of all recognize some of the beliefs we've held, but as the weight comes off, I think it becomes a little more apparent just what we thought of ourselves, and just what we actually want to change about the way we think of ourselves in our new bodies. It's a daily struggle to overcome our old beliefs. I know that the voice inside my head does now a lot of time think good thoughts, but when it comes to meeting men, I'm right back where I always was. It's just that now that I have dated a few men, and they are different than the men I used to meet (they're not overweight, they take care of themselves...they're more attractive and I actually do feel like they are more attainable), I can say that I do feel more like I'm not going to settle for some guy unless he has more of the qualities that I want. I've settled my whole life...a big reason being because I felt unattractive, therefor less worthy of what I truly wanted from a partner. Now, this may be due to age and my relationship experiences and what I've learned from them, but I'm not going to settle anymore.

I don't know what to say about feeling resentful that the guys weren't interested in you before surgery are suddenly interested after surgery. That has not been my experience. Mainly because I know very few single men, and the ones who are single are my friends...of course they think I'm more attractive, but they don't want to date me now just because I lost weight (mainly because we have more like brother/sister friendships...we just don't see each other that way).

Mike&HisMotorcycle

Hey Vetty, if you don't mind a man's perspective on this, FWIW...

First my personal experience related to this topic. My wife left me while I was in the hospital after my surgery. Yes, she packed up most of the house, took the two little ones and left. Long story, but I think she was planning this hijack for some time. I was devastated, to say the least. Anyway, I picked myself up and started doing what I could to recover from the surgery, but also to get better and healthier. The weight was melting away and I was feeling so much better about myself. I had this aire of confidence, not arrogant or cocky, but just secure in myself and self-image. The first thing I noticed was that people started paying more attention to me. Like at work, co-workers would actually listen to what I had to say and value my opinion where in the past wouldn't. I had others going out of their way to stop in and say hi or ask to go to the gym or to lunch or something.

Then came the girlfriend... I met my girlfriend at a WLS support group meeting. She has also had the surgery. It was one of those eye-catching attraction moments. I was certainly not looking to hook up with anyone new, coming off of a divorce. But the attraction was undeniable and it is what it is. She is 10 years younger. OMG. Beautiful, smart, funny, and very confident in herself, too. She is someone that I would never have talked to pre-surgery because I was not confident in myself and my self-image was negative.

My girlfriend's experience.... Since she has had her surgery, she has noticed a big change in the way she is treated. First of all, she is 5' 10" stunning red head. So just her appearance alone gets a lot of attention. Pre-surgery, she would have guys joke around with her, but weren't very forward. Now, they are very bold and to the point of being obnoxious. She tells me she gets hit on all the time. Guys will come right out and say, "hey, what's a pretty girl like you doing all alone..." or, "you know what would make me happy? For you to take me home..." She also tells me she gets stared up and down like a piece of meat. Some of the attention she likes, but some of it makes her feel uncomfortable because it is so new. Luckily I am not the jealous type, otherwise I would have been in about a dozen fist fights already. I just remind her that I am very lucky to have her and certainly that goes both ways for her, too.

The unfortunate jist is that people will treat you differently. People from the past may notice you differently, too. My ex-wife for instance has said numerous times that she regrets leaving and that I am attractive and wishes that we were still married. The changes that will take place with you physically and mentally will give you the tools to help deal with these things. You will find that you don't take as much crap from people.

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319/307/190/190
Highest/Starting/Current 9-30-2009/Goal

Lap RNY 8-29-2008
GOOOOALLL!! 8-26-2009!!

Josephine

A lot of it has to do with how much your attitude changes, not how much your weight changes. That's important to keep in mind before you shoot someone down because they didn't like you before surgery.

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