BrandnewMe

I met my boyfriend in March as I was just starting to think about surgery. He accepted me as I was and never wanted me to change. About 2 months in, I told him my intentions of having WLS. He was supportive of me doing it but he stressed that I should only do it for myself because he loved me just that way I am. He is in a healthy weight range but has been overweight and lost 50+ lbs 20 years ago and kept it off.

He has been my biggest supporter (he was the only person who was by my side during the surgery and in the hospital) and he helps me with making sure I'm following the dr's orders about drinking, eating, etc. He's not mean about it, he's just making sure all is well and I am ok.

I think it depends on the person you meet. Was I looking for him at the time? Not really. He's not even the "type" I go for, but inside he is an amazing guy who truly respects and loves me just as I am and I feel the same about him. For the first time in my life, I feel I've gotten a good one and I'm thankful I didn't push him away because I was having surgery (it did cross my mind).

Keep your options open, but know that you are #1 in your life and the surgery is your focus right now. If he's worth having around, he'll support you and only make the process easier for you.

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Highest/Surgery Day 9/24/09/Current
258/252/228 30 LBS GONE!!!!


This is my fight to fight, my battle to win!

Amilea

I wanted to comment on the reasons why I think some people are rude or unaccepting, saying things (to your face our behind your back) like "why don't you just work out or diet". I can't take credit, this is something I've talked to my therapist about extensively.

People at or near normal weight have body issues too. Many have to work very hard to stay at their ideal weight and many many women (especially), though they appear thin and healthy to others, see themselves as fat. A lot of this is our hyper thin obsessed media. I know that at 107lbs (when I was 18) and 5'6" I still looked at myself naked and shuddered. Why wasn't my waist smaller? Why could I still pinch fat on the inside of my thigh? etc etc.

My boss of 10 years was a GORGEOUS woman in her 40's and rode up and down the scale between 120 and 135. It was always work for her to maintain her weight. She was obsessed with her size and how her clothes fit.

I think for some people like that, that struggle obsessively with the same 5-10 lbs they can't imagine how anyone could just gain 100lbs (or 250lbs in my case!) and not panic and go on a crash diet. (My ex boss never ever even hinted at my weight, so please don't get the idea that she was one of those rude people). People just 'deal' with weight in different ways. For my boss, her 'panic' kicked in around 130lbs and she would crash diet, get lenient and gain it back, rinse repeat. For me, I would diet obsessively, never quite get to goal weight, get discouraged and feel frustrated that I couldn't eat what my high metabolism (now ex) husband could, and decide that maybe what my body needed was more calories in order to feel less famished. Slowly at first the weight would come back, then faster, until I had regained all the weight plus some. Rinse and repeat.

There is no excuse for their rudeness, don't think for a second that I am excusing them. But I remember thinking when I got to 181lbs about 5 years ago (and wanted desperately to get to 160 but just could not get the last 20lbs off) that it was ironic that now that I really needed WLS as a tool I was too thin to qualify. Not that I think most thin people are jealous of the surgery so much that they are frustrated that someone that 'allowed' themselves to get to 400lbs (in my case) has more assistance than they do, when 'obviously' they work so much harder at it.

Secondly, I imagine there are others that simply don't get it. My ex husband had the metabolism of a race horse. When I was 18 and 107lbs, he was 5'11" and 155lbs. He could devour an entire large pizza and a six pack of beer and not even be bloated the next day. I'd gain 2lbs just smelling the pizza box. He couldn't understand why I had to starve myself all the time, why I made myself throw up. He had never faced serious illness or injury, had never worried about his weight. If he did weight work consistantly for a month he developed muscles in all the right places (never was going to be stacked like a weight lifter, but he'd bulge up some).

In either case - the thin, chronic dieter and the metabolically gifted - they just don't have the tools to understand those of us that by a varying combination of psychology, biology, and genetics suffer from morbid obesity. The good news is that most people will either consider it none of their business or will approach it with support and compassion. But some of them are just - frankly - jerks. And their reaction says much much more about them than it does about you.


(Incidentally, my ex husband is now 38 years old and the pizza and beer have caught up with him. He's probably 250 now, mostly in his gut and face. A lifetime of being metabolically gifted have given him no tools to deal with this common side affect of aging. I'm probably going to hell for feeling a small amount of satisfaction from that. Not that I wish him ill, really, but he is a jerk about my food issues.)

Vetty

Thank you all! I just feel like this crazy lady that has so many issues that I need to deal wife before my surgery I freak my self out! Its ok if I dont "fix" all of me that needs to be fixed hey maybe somethings wont ever get fixed. IDK guys I bet I am the biggest looney toon to ever step foot on TT. I need to work on my jealousy issues bad though!

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VETTY


I am sick of being the president of the Pretty face club!!

10/2/2009 Called to ask insurance what’s the "new" process
10/8/2009 Case Manager was assigned
10/13/2009 Medical director agreed to accept my medical evaluation from the first time I tried for bariatric surgery
10/14/2009 Case Manager and orthopedic doc. Proved I had a co-morbid condition
10/23/2009 Quit Smoking
11/14/2009 WLS Seminar

milwmarc

Keep in mind big guys like myself 280 in high school and in 290, 300's in my 30's Also had women that wouldnt give them the time of day. Now at 224 lbs with a 22 %BMI at 6'2 I'm getting LOTS of looks, but I take it all in stride. When I get those looks like I did tonight from women that seem intersted I think to myself..."you wouldn't look at me at all when I was much bigger, so I'm really not intersted in you now" Of course I'm married so my perspective is a bit different.

I do have to admit at a smaller size it is nice to be ogled by the eyes of others a bit, Have the surgery, Be A part of your OWN journey and enjoy the ride...it will bring things you wouldn't expect.

You can go through life a fat person knowing that people treat you different because your fat, or you can have the surgery, lose the weight and have peole treat you different because your "normal" in their eyes. Honestly, have you never judged someone based on their appearance, I certainly know I have, even though we all know we shoudn't.

Enjoy the ride..You'll like it.

Remember with us men. If we look at a pretty women, as my wife always says "when the man's d*ck is up, the brain is down". For most of us men that is most of the time as we are always thinking about sex at some level.

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It's A Good Life