Just A Personal Problem.. - ThinnerTimes

holly1885 · 08-14-2005, 08:31 PM

Hey everyone! Ok so I dont know if I should talk about this here, because it doesnt really have to do with the surgery, but yall are just so great and I dont really know who to talk to. So heres the thing... I have the most WONDERFUL boyfriend in the entire world. He's honestly perfect. Well I've gone and fallen for him, I totally love him. The problem is that my dad doesnt think that interracial dating is ok. And if youve seen any of our pics, we are CLEARLY interracial! haha But the thing is, I dont know what to do. I mean Im still in college so theres a chance me and him might not even make it through till Im finished, but the way things are looking... we might end up getting married. If I were to marry Keith, my parents say they will take me out of their will and never speak to me again. Im not really worried about my mom not speaking to me, I dont think she could actually do that. But my dad probablly would. I believe very strongly that I only get one life and I should be able to make my own decisions. I also believe VERY strongly that skin color has nothing to do with the person themself. Me and Keith have been together for over a year now, and I've never been happier in my entire life. He was with me when I was my biggest... that takes a great man right there! I just dont know what to do... anyone have any suggestions? Im really sorry this isnt related... I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks yall

Nichole · 08-15-2005, 04:21 AM

Interesting situation...Funny thing is my parents were an interracial couple and my grandparents did the same thing to my mom. Fortunately when I was born my grnadmother had to eat her words because she just couldn't stay away from a baby now could she. That also made my grandfather come around as well. I think you need to do what is right for you. You will love who you love and you can't help that. I guess it just comes down to can you handle not speaking to your parents and being on your own if that's what it comes down to?

lealphachienne · 08-15-2005, 05:40 AM

It's a lot of pressure. If you married and for some reason divorce in 20 years, you parents will still blame it all on race, regardless of the fact that 50% marriages in divorce. You would never hear the end of it. You can't change others perceptions and behaviors, only modify your own. You can go ahead with a wonderful guy and take the risks. Or you can stay holed up in a safe place and end up miserable. You took a risk with the surgery, why not take a risk with love? Though, I would caution that get get further along in your weight loss before setting a date. You're still early post-op and the big doozies of depression and elation are yet to come. If your man is able to stand by you through this transformation, then he's a keeper.

Baron Patrick · 08-15-2005, 08:44 AM

Holly

The only thing I hate worse than ignorance, is RACISM!

If you and Keith feel that strongly towards each other, then go forward, with your head held high! My wife and I are also "interracial" - she's from the Philippines. We've both had our share of S%#T from other people as well. I was very fortunate, my parents welcomed all my girlfriends with open arms (be them black, yellow, brown, orange or pink).

My wife and I were at the Cheesecake Factory, meeting some friends last week. A black/asian couple came in and sat down waiting for their reservation, and she was sooooo pregnant. I was gitting pretty burned with some of the comments I heard from "stupid white people". I went up to them and congratulated them on their "parents to be" status, and said they make a cute couple. The guy's eyes light up, gave a broad smile and shook my hand, and his wife said thank you.

It's beyond my comprehension why, even to this day, people have these attitudes. It's going to be a shock to your parents, but they will eventually wake up and come around. May not be for a very long time, but I can bet it willl happen. Just remember, there are ignorant people who will not think twice to make a racist remark to you and/or Keith. If your love can deflect that, you will be fine.

By the way, my wife and I will celebrate 20 years together next April. Our son is a Sr. in high school this fall, and he's constantly mistaken as Samoan! Yep, he's a big kid with a heart of gold!

Good luck in your decision, and my God Bless you both!

bridgetgirl · 08-15-2005, 08:56 AM

My ex husband and current boyfriend are both black.

Although my parents never threatened me, they werent exactly elated, they thought that relationship (with black men) would create problems for me.
My mom said she was fine with me dating black men, but asked me not to have children, she thought that they too would be faced with hardships on not knowing where they "fit in."

The problem is that people THINK too much. When I was preganat with my second child a woman confronted my mom with the idea of how many problems my child would be faced with as being bi-cultural.. well my mom read her the riot act. I dont hink my mom can even imagine grandbabies without afros now!

My point of this is, your parents threats are just that. It sounds like bullying to me... threatening you if you do something they dont agree with. All you can do right now is, live your life one day at a time. Save up for your own retirement, and continue to live a happy life. Who's to say what will become of your relationship or your parents attitudes a year from now. My mom who once pleaded with me about having mixed kids, now embraces the idea. She's a proud grandmother.
Do whats in your best interest, live YOUR life to the fullest. One day at a time, dont fret about your parents, one of two things will happen they will accept it or not. Time heals all wounds, I bet that eventually they will come around.
Best of luck! (( BIG HUGS ))

holly1885 · 08-15-2005, 08:57 AM

Marie, It will definately be after I graduate college before me and him set any kind of date. Plus, I know this is bad but I have to have my parents to pay for the rest of my college. So they cant really know much until after college is paid for. I know thats bad, but I figure thats what they get for being how they are. They know about him but I dont talk about the seriousness because they would flip. My mom is always like "well once you lose your weight you wont have to date black guys anymore because white guys will want to date you" but honestly I dont even look at other guys and definately have no interest for white ones because I was raped by one 3 years ago and I cant stand the idea. I try to tell her that Keith IS what I want, Im not looking for better, because hes perfect. Its such a mess! She wont even listen to me about it, shes in denial and if i mentioned anything to my dad he threatens to kick me out of the house. So its all messed up.

Baron, that is so nice to hear about you and your wife. Thats so cute! Congrats on the 20 years! Thats just awesome!! ive never heard any comments when me and keith go out... but maybe its because when we're together we're kinda oblivious to other people! haha kinda sappy and dorky but its the truth! Its crazy to think that people in California had problems with interracial dating/marriage. I mean Im from Georgia and I just thought that it was because Im in the south where there are still so many rednecks and ignorant people in the small towns, such as where I live. Never thought it was so big other places! Thank you so much for your encouragement, it means alot.

bridgetgirl · 08-15-2005, 09:01 AM

As much as I hate to say it, your mom is right. White guys will look at you more.... pisses me off it wasnt like that when I wasnt thin. Just dated black men, hispanic, Samoan and some asians...... but it is true

But ya know what sistagirl, being white dont make it right..... I know ALOT of white men that are creeps also!

holly1885 · 08-15-2005, 09:04 AM

Bridget,
Wow I never knew that. Its nice to know Im not the only one. It probablly is bullying, they kinda do that. I mean not like beat me up or anything. Its just that like they have a lot of money, they own a remax where we live and they say ill be set for life if i do what they want me to do. They hold things over my head, like the fact that they bought me a car, so if I dont do right, they threaten to take it away. They think that because they have money that I wont be able to be happy without having all the nice things that I have, I mean it will be different, but Id rather be happy and in love than have nice things, which its not like I wont have nice things at all, Im goin to college, and Keith has an engineering degree. My parents think that hes just broke and would be a bum. My mom actually told me the other day that he only likes me because I have money but that it wouldnt matter to him because if I married him I would get nothing. Keith doesnt know exactly that my parents would "cut me off" so to say if something happend with us... I dont think I should tell him until later because its my own problem, I dont think he should have to be hurt by their ignorance too. Thanks so much Bridget!

bridgetgirl · 08-15-2005, 09:09 AM

No worries girl.. I dot think you can put any dollar amount on happiness, love and desire. I always said that when I lost weight I wanted to be a TRPHY WIFE.. lol! Now look at me, head over hill with a Navy guy.... I make way more money than him and thats not saying much!

I figure if I have a life clipping coupons and living on a budget with a man that adores me, well then its just gonna be another day in paradise! Best luck to you, Im here if ya need me!

holly1885 · 08-15-2005, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

As much as I hate to say it, your mom is right. White guys will look at you more.... pisses me off it wasnt like that when I wasnt thin. Just dated black men, hispanic, Samoan and some asians...... but it is true

But ya know what sistagirl, being white dont make it right..... I know ALOT of white men that are creeps also!

Ive always said my whole life that if I ever lost weight, I wouldnt date someone who wouldnt have given me the time of day when I was fat. So to me it doesnt matter if those guys hit on me, Im going to have a fun time turning them all down.

Me and Keith were talking the other day and he says hes scared that Im gonna leave him when I lose my weight because all these guys are goin to be hitting on me, it was the cutest thing. Ive never been this happy in my life and I dont think Im gonna risk it for just some guy that looks good... that would be kinda stupid. Thanks so much for your support Bridget! It means alot and makes me feel much better!