Let's start at the very beginning - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Pink Stella · 09-17-2009, 11:51 AM

So this is the beginning of my journey. I have a lot to say and I’m not sure if anyone is even listening, or remotely interested in listening, but here it is anyway.

I have been fat for as long as I can remember. I had two older cousins growing up and I can remember not being able to wear their hand-me-downs because I was too chubby. I was the first person in 4th grade to weigh more than 100 pounds. It wasn’t until high school that I was really fat, though. I crossed from overweight to morbidly obese in about two years.

In the past 15-20 years, I have lost and gained more than 100 pounds. As soon as I lose it, I find it again. In the two years before I got married, I was at my lowest adult weight of 245-250. I’ve gained a lot of weight since I’ve been married, about 15 pounds a year (I’ve been married for 3 years now, so that’s right, I’m hovering between 299 and 308).

When my sister-in-law entered treatment for alcoholism, I began to realize how much of a problem I have with food. Emotional eating had become a way of life for me, my coping mechanism, my reliable friend, constant companion, and sneaky enemy. I decided to see an eating disorders counselor to help me address these issues. I am so glad that I did that first. I know now that I’ve worked out a lot of my “issues” and without having done this, I think, even with surgery, I would have continued to meet with certain failures.

Now I’ve decided to have WLS. At first, I had my heart set on the lap band. I did a ton of research and reading and decided it was right for me. I had three main reasons for this: my father had intestinal bypass in 1976 (a dangerous surgery that most people have since had reversed) and his quality of life is much diminished for it; I like the idea of losing weight slowly because in my head, this helps prevent loose skin (a lot of bandsters have informed me I have this wrong); and I like that it’s adjustable – this is a flaw in my reasoning because in the back of my mind, if I gained weight after being banded, I could just get a fill and be on my way, so I think I was sort of trying to let myself off the hook for actually making a long-term lifestyle change (king of bad ideas, I know). I had my first consultation with the surgeon on 9.14 and he really encouraged the bypass option for me due to the amount of weight I need to lose, the long-term success of the bypass over the band, and the ongoing maintenance of the band. He told me that my fears about the bypass based on my dad’s experience were biased and just wrong. I think I secretly wanted the bypass all along, and the doctor’s words were just the confirmation I needed.

Here I am now, at the beginning of the surgery process. One visit down, two pysch visits, two nutritionist visits, and another surgery consult to go before they even submit anything to my insurance company. I looked into surgery about 5 years ago and got scared. I wasn’t ready then, but I am now. I’m still a little scared, but I feel ready now.

My (skinny) husband is wonderfully supportive and didn’t bat an eye when he found out that I weigh 300 pounds! Sometimes his support is really hard for me to accept, but he never backs down. I am blessed.

poet_kelly · 09-17-2009, 12:17 PM

Good for you for getting help for the eating disorder. You're right, if you don't deal with that, the surgery probably won't be successful.

From what you say here, it sounds like gastric bypass might be the best choice for you. Good luck with everything.

Kelly

Pink Stella · 09-17-2009, 02:04 PM

Thanks, Kelly.

I haven’t told anyone about the surgery yet. My husband knows, of course, and he’s been very supportive. I have also told one of my close friends; we have shared our weight loss struggles with each other over the years and she is supportive, too. Oh, and of course my counselor knows and she is very supportive and has put me in touch with the surgeon and a support group.

I am struggling with who else to tell. I would like to not tell anyone at all. Since I haven’t even been approved for the surgery yet, I haven’t told anyone, but at some point, I’ll have to come clean. I don’t want to tell my father – he’s had such a bad experience with his own surgery (which he has been advised to have reversed, but refuses to do because of the cost…how can your life and health be more important than money???) – and we’re not really close. I feel like I should tell my mother and sister. If I do tell them, it will not be until after I’m approved and have a date scheduled. Sometimes I don’t like them, and I don’t want them to try to talk me out of it pass judgment on me and they will. But I didn’t really tell them I was getting married, more like I told them two months after we did it, so there are some lingering issues there.

I am on the fence about telling my boss. Obviously I am going to need some time off work to have the surgery and recover, but I’d really just like to say, “I’m having surgery, see you in two-three weeks,” and let that be that.

Once the weight starts coming off, what do I tell people? I don’t want to lie, but I don’t want people in my business either. I could never lie to people I care about – my parents, my in-laws, friends. They will ask, what do I tell them? It seems difficult and unsustainable to create and keep up with some story. I almost told one of my skinny friends about it today (that’s my judging voice coming out…I’d be devastated if someone referred to me as their fat friend), but decided not to.

For now, I will just keep it to myself (and the world wide web). Unless and until I have a surgery date confirmed, no one needs to know.

Suzi-Q · 09-17-2009, 02:32 PM

I struggled with who to tell, and who not to tell. I told my parents, my siblings. The people that I was concerned about were my in-laws. They weren't supportive in the beginning, but once they figured out they couldn't change my mind, they were supportive. I don't care who knows now. I had my surgery August 18. I am down 22.5 pounds since then.

mistymee · 09-17-2009, 02:39 PM

Hey there Stella.. welcome to TT.. it seems that you've already done a ton of work to prep yourself mentally for this surgery and this huge change.

Regarding telling people. I'm one of those open book types of people so I tend to tell anyone who'll listen. Now, the further out I get, the less likely I am to want to tell people than I was earlier.

Regarding telling your boss & coworkers.. you could just tell them you had some intestinal issues and the doctor needed to do some surgery.

When you come back, you could honestly say that you've made changes in your life and are working to get healthier to explain the weight loss and new way of eating (I'm loathe to use the word diet, as it has sadly been co-opted to have a new meaning beyond 'the food we eat to sustain ourselves'.) None of that would be a lie, but would possibly maintain a bit of privacy. They will probably speculate, though.. as it's human nature to do so.

In any case.. wanted to say welcome and good luck

Pink Stella · 09-17-2009, 04:29 PM

Thanks, mistymee! I've read your story, thanks so much for sharing - although it sounds like things were tough for you, it's really invaluable help for me. It's been really great to have this much information and feedback. I don't know anyone (yet) who has had the surgery, though my surgeon does require at least one visit to the support group before he will continue the process.

I think you're right about telling people - intestinal surgery is true and that should be plenty of information. I will have to tell my boss and those under me that I'm having surgery of some sort and my absence from work for that long will require documentation from a doctor. I would almost like to take two weeks of vacation so that I didn't have to do that, but I only have a week of vacation time accrued and something like 35 days of sick leave accrued. Maybe I can plan it for around Christmas so that most people won't even notice I've been out of the office.

"Lifestyle changes" should be enough explanation for anyone, but I am sure people will talk, that's what people do!

Pink Stella · 09-17-2009, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suzi-Q

I struggled with who to tell, and who not to tell. I told my parents, my siblings. The people that I was concerned about were my in-laws. They weren't supportive in the beginning, but once they figured out they couldn't change my mind, they were supportive. I don't care who knows now. I had my surgery August 18. I am down 22.5 pounds since then.

Congrats on 22.5, that's great! I am glad they came around. I suspect my mother-in-law would be supportive, I just don't want her asking a million questions and hovering around and telling all her friends. She's a wonder, sweet person and great MIL, but she can be a little too much sometimes. I will probably tell my sister-in-law sooner rather than later.

poet_kelly · 09-17-2009, 04:50 PM

What you tell people really is up to you. Some people tell hardly anyone. I told pretty much everyone, myself. I was lucky, I guess, because I did not get any bad responses. But many people get people trying to talk them out of it and just saying all sorts of stupid things.

Once you start losing weight, people probably will ask you how you're doing it. You can tell them or not, depending on what you feel comfortable with. A lot of people just saying something like, "I'm eating less and exercising more," which will be true, after all.

Kelly

Kymel · 09-17-2009, 05:24 PM

Welcome to TT Stella! Congratulations on your decision for a healthier life...and a huge kudos for taking some very important steps prior to surgery! As you spend time here reading peoples stories - victories and challenges - you will find that dealing with the known issues prior to surgery is a much better route than waiting to deal with it all post-op.

You're on the right track. Keep us posted on your progress, ok? And of course if you ever have any questions, need guidance or just an ear (eye)...we're here for you. In most cases, there's been at least someone out there that's walked the path ahead and can lend you that helping hand or shine the light ahead for you to follow.

It's a great family here - use it for all it's worth.

lwilson21 · 09-17-2009, 07:30 PM

Hi Stella! Welcome to TT--- I am happy to see someone else from Wilmington, NC on here, and I am also a patient of Dr. Harris. I'm hoping to have GBS by the end of his year.

Are you planning to come to the October support meeting? I hope to see you there.

Leah