The dubmest smart person you know...or is it the smartest dumb person? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

ragazzarosa · 04-20-2009, 10:13 AM

Hey - I thought I'd start my "blog" here. I like to write and think at the same time. Or, close to the same time. Actually, I think it's better to think first and write later but sometimes it doesn't happen that way - like with talking. Always better to think first and talk after, but sometimes my mouth engages without my brain being in gear.

The quote is something my brother said to me. Unfortunately there is some truth to it. I'm pretty smart, for a dumb person, or pretty dumb for a smart person, but I make mistakes. Lots of them. Sometimes they are funny...no I can't think of any examples right now...but usually they just piss someone off. Like my friend from Pittsburgh. I have nothing but respect for Pittsburg, Philadelphia and Pennsylvania - however, having been born and raised in the west I don't have a flawless recall that allows me to automatically distinguish between the three - you see, they all start with P's. Also, they are all thousands of miles away. Additionally, I've never lived there and only driven through there once - and that time I thought it was really cool that Valley Forge was a real place and not just something they talked about in history books.

So yes, sitting here I know that Philly and Pittsburg are cities (and that they are pretty much on opposite ends of the state), but during one of those times when my mouth was going without benefit of aforementioned brain, my friend from Pittsburg asked me if we had driven through Pitts on our cross country trip. "No," I said, "we went through Pennsylvania."

He, of course, never forgot this. Now is is an imfamous story of how I can't keep my eastern cities/states straight. And an example of the "smartest dumb person."

I'm also really bad at cards. I blurt stuff out before it's my turn, causing me to lose.

I read A LOT. Like ALL THE TIME. But I guess that means that I miss out on some regular person to person interaction. But I LOVE TO READ.

Anyway, I decided to start this little record book today because this weekend I was able to wear a bridesmaid dress that I got for my friend's wedding in 2004. It hasn't fit since then. I only remember it was 2004 because that is the year that my sister became ill with non-hodgkins lymphoma, the year my weight started to really get out of control (again), and I remember being upset about picking the dress and not really being upset about that, but being upset that my sister was sick.

It's not a bad dress - it's similar to this dress, but instead of a yellow sash around the waist it had a tie around the top (where the chest is). This is the same color though. Tiffany w/Ruched Waist - Siri Inc

I was upset at first because I wanted something more jackie-o. This dress ended up ok, though - it was just ridiculously expensive because even though the designer went up to size 22, I was out of that size by the time we shopped. Even then I was trying to lose weight and it just wasn't working. I was spending a lot of days commuting between work and the hospital and my family was here and we went out to dinner a lot and it was just a nightmare of long, hectic, stressful days - my sister was in the ICU for over 3 months.

So, since I wasn't fitting into their size 22, they could make me a dress, no problem. We were, after all, at the factory showroom. But even though the other bridesmaid (her sister) wore a regular size and got her dress for like $225, mine ended up being over $400. At that time it was 1% of my income. I still think it's the most I've ever spent on a dress. I had to pay for extra fabric, and I had to pay for the special pattern to be made, and for the alterations. It was sticker shock to say the least, but I never considered not being in her wedding - I know being a BM (hahaha) is an expensive proposition. I got her an engagement party gift, and a bridal shower gift, I got new shoes, I took her out drinking for her bachelorette party, I rented a car to drive down to her wedding in Monterey, I got fake nails - she was nice enough to buy me a long line strapless bra and her mom let me stay at her house so I wouldn't have to rent a hotel room. It was very nice of them to do that.

I didn't get them a wedding gift because I was strapped by the time the wedding came along and I had already spent all that money...but a few months after I heard her bitching about how "surprising" it ws that some people didn't get them gifts. Like complaining because people didn't send them money or whatever. I thought that was the *most* unbecoming thing I'd ever seen. Now that I'm having my "big day" I have a few rules for myself.

1) I will never say "it's MY day" in order to justify some action on my part. It is a day for everyone to celebrate with us. I'm not the princess or the queen.
2) I won't argue with my mom about who is or is not invited. People who didn't invite me to their weddings are not automatically disqualified and if they are people from my mom's family if she really wants to invite them, I will. There is no tit for tat.
3) I don't expect gifts. Gifts are nice, but I'm a grown up who owns my own place and I have pretty much everything I need. I would rather have someone I love there than have them send a gift.

So, back to the bridesmaid dress...story (see, I got sidetracked).

So I wore it this weekend to my niece's first communion (and of course I spilled salad dressing on the silk taffeta whatever - I hope the cleaners can save it) and I felt really pretty. I miss feeling pretty. I miss wearing cute clothes! I love shopping and I love fashion and and I love to feel like I look good. I went shopping to nordstrom with my friend y'day and I tried on a pair of size 24 jeans. They fit ok, but they didn't look right - jeans are difficult because the proportion of the pockets is important. But on the way back up to size 32, I was upset when I had to buy 24s. Now I'm just grateful that I can fit into them - that I can wear a 24 and a 2x shirt (although 2x is a bit tight - especially where it comes down over my hips).

I'm shopping in my closet (I have boxes of clothes in storage and I need to start going through them). I love my dress up clothes. I'm also really glad that the 80's are coming back around...yea! Right now I'm sticking with my basics - capri pants and t-shirts, but I can't wait until I'm back into my "uniform." Straight skirt, tights and a cardigan. That won't happen today anyway because it's hot here...but soon...maybe in time for one of our famously cool summers and

I.
Can't.
Wait.

Cee99Cee · 04-21-2009, 05:55 AM

loved reading your story

Cathy

foxyfuzz · 04-21-2009, 10:02 AM

I TOTALLY loved reading your story and connected with so many parts of it!

I make silly little grammer/spelling mistakes like the one you did all the time.

An old co-worker of mine who is still a dear friend calls them 'cerissa-isms' and used to have a running list of the words I would say and the true meaning or what it really meant. Man I felt so dumb. DH will catch them off and on and completely stop what he is doing and look at me and be like "What...?" So yes either the dumbest smart person,m or the smartest dumb person fits me totally...

I love the dress! So awesome! Congrats on looking so great for the event the other day, my shelf (aka boobs) sometimes gets hungry too and ends up with food on it.

And as far as the jean issue......Nordys has weired sizes (as does many other stores) not only that, but different jean styles also the sizes can differ so don't take that to heart!

ragazzarosa · 04-25-2009, 07:45 PM

Thanks ladies! I'm happy that you read my little story (haha on the cerisse-isms - I have another story about being shushed that I won't relate just now - but I'll never live that one down either. Just DON'T SHUSH ME!!!).

In the last two weeks I've upped my protein to 96 grams a day (using protein supplements). I have a hard time feeling confident that I'm eating enough protein in my regular diet because my pouch is small. I have noticed a good outcome though - it seems I'm losing about 1 extra pound a week because of that. It also keeps me from feeling like "there's nothing I want to eat" because there's a lot of fuss involved with making something that is low fat and low carb and that tastes good to me. Like I said - it seems to have been working.

I cleaned out my closet and I unboxed some stuff from Nordy's (size 24) that I bought when I was just a little baby starting out in the work place after college. Once was a hideous knit dress with giant gold buttons down the left side. It's very early 90's. It fits, but I finally decided to get rid of it. Yeah, it has sentimental value, but because it was knit, the fabric is all pilled up and doesn't look that great anymore. I did save a long pleated skirt from the same era (also size 24 from Nordy's) because it fits and it still looks nice. It just desperately needs to be taken to the cleaner because it's all wrinkled. I found a couple of skirts that I bought on my way up here - both from around 2005 - a black fishtail skirt that still looks pretty professional (but could do with a nice ironing) and a black and white Tommy Hilfiger mini that looks ok but will probably look better when I've lost another 5 - 10 lbs. I also came across a couple of pairs of black capri pants! YEA!

I also went through two of my giant shoe boxes. I tried them on and if they were ugly or too big or gave me blisters, I got rid of them. My feet have definitely shrunk. I got rid of my crocs and several pairs of sandals. I couldn't stand to part with my patent leather vans (I *LOVE* them and they are a size 9 - I'm close to fitting in them) or my jelly shoes (I will probably get rid of them eventually, but they remind me of high school and my jellies that I wore to death - I got them last year...do people still wear jellies this year?). I also kept my doc martens. I got a new pair before they really went out of style in the late 90's, but I see people are wearing them again, so I am putting them back into rotation. YEA! I love DOC MARTENS!!!

My dog got so excited to see me trying on shoes. I would think it is because she shares my love of shoes, but I think it's more likely that she associates my putting on shoes with being taken for a walk. Since I put so many pairs on, she was confused - and then afterwards I had to take her out, just because I felt guilty.

All in all, I got rid of 2 bags of clothes, including my now-too-big bathing suit from our trip to Italy last October. I threw out the bottoms because I figured they are like underwear, but I think someone might be able to use the top because it's just like a lined tank top. Is that gross? Should I just throw that out too?

Some of my clothes still don't fit, they went back into the storage box. I have to go to our storage area and there are two more boxes. I took that bride's maid dress to the cleaners and need to go get it to see if they were able to salvage it. I'm almost afraid to find out.

It was fun to try on my stuff that didn't fit for so long. Even though it's a size 24, and I remember crying after I bought a pair of size 24 Dickies because it had been so long since I had to wear that size - NOW I'm glad I can fit into those after being a 32 or 34! I'm glad I had the courage to get rid of lots of stuff. It's like purging my previous life and knowing that I never have to go back there. I don't have to save those clothes "just in case" because I'm on my way DOWN, BABY!!!!

We are going to the video store and the grocery store now, I think I'll go put on my "new" dickies and a cute shirt and put on some shoes so Star knows that we are going for a walk. She'll be happy. I'm pretty happy.

Aviator · 04-25-2009, 09:45 PM

...or little social blunders happen to us all. Mine seem to come in 3s for some reason - usually in rapid fire. They make me feel like a goofball. Best forgotten, in my book.

While I cant relate to the dress issue, I can certainly correlate that with pants. It certainly feels good to be shrinking out of those big clothes. Im now down 10 waist inches.

Nice story Suzanne. I hope to see more.

ragazzarosa · 04-28-2009, 01:50 PM

Facebook - hyperventilating.

We moved around a lot when I was in high school. I went to 4 different ones (two in one year, then a private one, then a public one for the last two years).

So, I've reached the critical mass on facebook where I am finding people that I went to high school with (at least the one I went to for the last two years). Seeing how they all stayed connected and seem to be intimate with the events of each others lives makes me feel a little sad and a little like I did in HS - like I was the odd girl out. After all, it's really not easy to be fat and somewhat obnoxious and insecure and loud and THEN be thrust into a brand new group of kids every year - especially since they all knew each other basically from grade school on up.

It makes me fee a little dizzy and a little scared. Like, how has my life turned out compared to these people? What about that guy I liked? (looks like he married his HS sweetheart, which wasn't me). What about that guy I hated who tortured me and called me names?

I still remember walking across the parking lot in an outfit I felt ok about and hearing one of the jocks yell "I'm gonna harpoon you!" You know, like I was a whale. ha. ha. That's really funny, huh? I graduated from that school 20 years ago now and I still remember that. Really freaking funny.

I don't have many pictures on facebook because I don't want people to see how big I let myself get and even now that I am losing weight I don't really want them to see.

It's just so weird to feel so isolated AGAIN. It makes me sort of sad. Yeah, I have a nice life now, but I'm NOT still friends with my high school choir teacher (as so many people apparently are) and I'm NOT in the pictures of the plays I was in or the choir I was in (I'm still trying to figure out why I missed that session).

I just feel weird. And sad. I guess it's good that I've been able to reconnect, but I feel sad that I missed out on so much stuff because my parents moved me around. And because I had no confidence and felt like no one wanted to be my friend. I'm just a weirdo.

Also, I feel like I am not losing weight fast enough. I'm doing ok, I think. Average, I guess...I'm just feeling weird today.

Why haven't I done more with my life?

foxyfuzz · 04-29-2009, 05:40 PM

I think you are just having one of those days. I have them and I am sure many people on here have those days.

I also moved around quite a bit, spent freshman and sophomore year at one highschool and the junior and senior at another. What a mess. Found the graduating class from the 1st high school on myspace the other day and they are planning their 10 year reunion. They mentioned wanting to get together with all the graduating class and anyone who anyone remembers coming or going at any point. No one mentioned me. Kinda sad. It's okay I suppose I do not know that I would really want to see them anyway.

So long story short, I know what you mean. I don't want them to know how heavy I got, and or see where I am at, until I am at goal.

I had to laugh at your dog and how excited she was getting about the shoes, I can totally see that in my head. Good thing you broke down and took her for a walk anyway.

Aviator · 04-29-2009, 09:54 PM

Like you Suzanne, I went to four different schools during my HS years. I remember it was one of the worst periods of my life. And my parents seemed oblivious to it for some reason.

After moving to Houston the first week of starting my Jr. year of HS, my beloved car was stolen. It was my pride and joy. My only significant posession.

Here I was the new kid, didnt know a soul, and now I was a pedestrian. I moped about glumly for a week or so. Then my Dad took pity on me. One day after work, he said, "Let's go car shopping." Now that perked me up to say the least.

What we found was a 1963 seafoam green T-Bird. It was the fall of 1967. For a HS kid this was a gift from heaven. I fell in love with that car. We bought it for $1200 and it changed my life. I went from the geeky new kid to "OMG, who is the guy in the T-Bird?" I tore a wide swath through the Scottish Brigade (our girls drill team). I would love to have another one someday..... Never underestimate the power of a sexy ride. I vowed to always have one. A vow I've kept.

Probably a big part of the reason I'm so dang money motivated now. To get chicks you gotta have cool toys. To have cool toys you gotta have money. To get money you have to have a cool job. To get a cool job you gotta have a good education. To get a good education you gotta make good grades. Figuring it was all in my power to do, I just made it so.

The workings of a juvenile mind anyway.....something I've never outgrown. The perennially juvenile mind that is.

Its all about women really, isn't it?... :: blushes ::

Chin up Suzanne. Dont sweat the small stuff.

ragazzarosa · 04-30-2009, 10:24 AM

Thanks Av and Foxy. It sure is nice to know that I'm not the only one with an unfortunate high school story. I do feel like I've moved on, but some days (like the other day) when I'm feeling overwhelmed, it's just too much. And then that picture! Why wasn't I in it? But why do I care now?

I had a semi-cool car in high school. Well, I always had a car. My dad was very generous in that way. At first I inherited my sister's 65 mustang. It was fun to drive and distinctive. For a while we had a pacer - we called it "The Football" because it was brown and looked like one. We also had a diesel oldsmobile we called "the boat." I think I liked the mustang and my mom's grand am the best.

Work is just insane. I shouldn't even be writing right now - I should be working, but I'm exhausted. We met with our priest - we switched because I felt the original one was too mercurial in personality. I just found out that we can do just the ceremony. The other priest (who I blasphemously refer to as "b*tchy queen") told us we had to do the whole mass. 1.5 hours. Most of both of our families aren't catholic - my mom is the only practicing one on her side and Mr. R's family left the church when his dad died. I had also signed up the caterer and the DJ based on my "ceremony only" timeline.

The new priest, he's such a sweet old man. He keeps a rose garden. My mom will LOVE him (she keeps roses too). He's full of stories and reminisciences and knows a lot about the history of the church. Anyway, he told us we could do just the ceremony - and was surprised that BQ told us we had to do the whole mass. So now I feel like BQ was just doing it to be mean. I'm glad we switched. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to want to go to that particular church after we are married. There is another one closer to us that does a lot for the poor people in our neighborhood - catholic or not. I really like that. I think that is a church that Jesus would go to. Well, actually he would probably go to Glide Memorial, AKA the Hippie Church. I went to one of their services once, it was really different. We walked out of there feeling great and energized. But they are AME. For now I'm going to stick with catholics, but after my experiences with BQ, I'm definitely looking.

Anyway, NOW the place where I want to order my invitations from is having a sale. I know I should do it soon. But before I do that, I have to finalize the parking arrangements (so they can be put on the invitation) and finalize the guest list (so we know how many invitations to order). AND this saturday we have to start our pre-cana meetings. We're doing two, two saturdays in a row. That'll be interesting. Fortunately, it's just down the street (yes, there are a lot of catholic churches around here).

I took two pretty long walks yesterday and I'm really tired - the dog seems to have loved them though. I'm not sure I'm up for another one already.

I have to finish folding the laundry. And cleaning up around here. And blah de blah de blah. I also need to go to the gym. I wish I could take her with me - she hates to miss a walk!

Cee99Cee · 04-30-2009, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ragazzarosa

Thanks Av and Foxy. It sure is nice to know that I'm not the only one with an unfortunate high school story. I do feel like I've moved on, but some days (like the other day) when I'm feeling overwhelmed, it's just too much. And then that picture! Why wasn't I in it? But why do I care now?

I had a semi-cool car in high school. Well, I always had a car. My dad was very generous in that way. At first I inherited my sister's 65 mustang. It was fun to drive and distinctive. For a while we had a pacer - we called it "The Football" because it was brown and looked like one. We also had a diesel oldsmobile we called "the boat." I think I liked the mustang and my mom's grand am the best.

Work is just insane. I shouldn't even be writing right now - I should be working, but I'm exhausted. We met with our priest - we switched because I felt the original one was too mercurial in personality. I just found out that we can do just the ceremony. The other priest (who I blasphemously refer to as "b*tchy queen") told us we had to do the whole mass. 1.5 hours. Most of both of our families aren't catholic - my mom is the only practicing one on her side and Mr. R's family left the church when his dad died. I had also signed up the caterer and the DJ based on my "ceremony only" timeline.

The new priest, he's such a sweet old man. He keeps a rose garden. My mom will LOVE him (she keeps roses too). He's full of stories and reminisciences and knows a lot about the history of the church. Anyway, he told us we could do just the ceremony - and was surprised that BQ told us we had to do the whole mass. So now I feel like BQ was just doing it to be mean. I'm glad we switched. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to want to go to that particular church after we are married. There is another one closer to us that does a lot for the poor people in our neighborhood - catholic or not. I really like that. I think that is a church that Jesus would go to. Well, actually he would probably go to Glide Memorial, AKA the Hippie Church. I went to one of their services once, it was really different. We walked out of there feeling great and energized. But they are AME. For now I'm going to stick with catholics, but after my experiences with BQ, I'm definitely looking.

Anyway, NOW the place where I want to order my invitations from is having a sale. I know I should do it soon. But before I do that, I have to finalize the parking arrangements (so they can be put on the invitation) and finalize the guest list (so we know how many invitations to order). AND this saturday we have to start our pre-cana meetings. We're doing two, two saturdays in a row. That'll be interesting. Fortunately, it's just down the street (yes, there are a lot of catholic churches around here).

I took two pretty long walks yesterday and I'm really tired - the dog seems to have loved them though. I'm not sure I'm up for another one already.

I have to finish folding the laundry. And cleaning up around here. And blah de blah de blah. I also need to go to the gym. I wish I could take her with me - she hates to miss a walk!

must have missed it When are you getting married? My Daughter is getting married on September 12 so we have been doing alot of what you are doing