"But you have such a great personality..." - Page 28 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

jenn75 · 07-07-2009, 06:12 PM

Thanks, and you know what, I forgot to write about something else that's really bothering me....

On a recent date (second date), the guy was asking me about past relationships and I guess I didn't have anything that great to say about the men...we were talking about some of the negative experiences we had, although I'd prefer not to talk about that crap right from the start, but rather focus on the strengths of the person first. So in the future I really want to avoid talking about past relationships from the start, because it triggers them to ask "why did you put up with these guys?" I mean, the guy said it in a really nice way, but he just kept asking why I was with such men when I seemed like such a nice/great person. Why did I stay in unhappy relationships? It really brought some shit up in me that I now feel embarrassed about. Why did I endure such bullshit? I know why, and I told him this: I had no self-esteem, I didn't think anything better would come along, I always try to see the best in people and really try to work at a relationship, much to my own detriment. But it really hurt to realize this was the truth. That never before had I had such a rewarding relationship that just didn't happen to work out. Or maybe I just see it that way now. I mean, at the time I truly did care for these men...but I did not care for myself very much, so, I settled. It's very disheartening to say that to myself. It wasn't all bad/hell, but I just should've not lived in complete denial about the relationships.

jenn75 · 07-09-2009, 12:30 PM

"The fat is gone. I have no real reason for me to loathe myself anymore. I need to find out how to love myself." That is a direct quote from an email that I wrote to someone here on TT who shall remain nameless. I liked it so much I had to put it here. It's 100% true. As LisaM said, I hid behind the fat excuse to not have to learn how to love myself, and now the mask is off. I'm stripped. It's time to build upon that instead of stripping myself down to nothing. The superficial self-esteem that I have now must learn to grow roots within myself, or this feeling is not going to last very long.

LisaM · 07-09-2009, 06:29 PM

Honey chile, you only had the surgery 6 months ago... not even! It took me a year before the illusions started following the path of the weight and disappearing, and more than two years before I cared enough about myself to get out of the situation completely. Forgive yourself first, then you can learn to love the woman you're creating, brick by brick.

jenn75 · 07-09-2009, 07:07 PM

Lisa, you're very correct. I just realized tonight while talking to one of my good friends that I was on a weight loss surgery post-op high. Well, it's starting to wear off and I'm realizing that I didn't change anything. I thought I had transformed the day I woke up post-op, but that was just the many distractions the surgery gives to us early on. Now, the maintenance stage is kicking in, which is the hardest part. The results are a little less dramatic, the excitement of losing weight has lessened (but still a great feeling all around), and well, the reality that my life is still as shitty as where I left off before I went under the knife has kicked in like a serious slap in the face.

I need to start getting down to the dirty work of addressing the shit that I thought would magically go away once I had the surgery. The honeymoon has worn off. I need my therapist and I need my meds. That's all there is to it. It's time to start the internal work now. Yet, it's seriously depressing me. I'm in a major funk right now.

jenn75 · 07-09-2009, 10:11 PM

Inspired by one fabulous and sexy cheerleader here on TT - Ms. Kimber:

jenn75 · 07-18-2009, 09:28 AM

I'm a complete moron when it comes to money. I can't save money at all. With the surgery and the weight loss I am spending more on clothing. I don't feel I'm out of control per say, but I know I need to really start to put limits on it. I have slowed down a lot as far as buying the clothes, but it's money I don't have in the first place, really. I had to borrow some $ from my mom for the second time in a month. I feel like such a loser. I guess I need to start setting financial goals as well as the weight loss goals. It can't go on like this!

I do know that when I get depressed, I spend. Hopefully with getting back on the meds I will be feeling a little better soon and be able to have more self-control. I'm pretty much staying in my house today so I don't spend a damn dime. I may go out to the movies with my friend tomorrow simply b/c it's good for my mental health not to isolate.

scoman187 · 07-18-2009, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenn75

I'm a complete moron when it comes to money. I can't save money at all. With the surgery and the weight loss I am spending more on clothing. I don't feel I'm out of control per say, but I know I need to really start to put limits on it. I have slowed down a lot as far as buying the clothes, but it's money I don't have in the first place, really. I had to borrow some $ from my mom for the second time in a month. I feel like such a loser. I guess I need to start setting financial goals as well as the weight loss goals. It can't go on like this!

I do know that when I get depressed, I spend. Hopefully with getting back on the meds I will be feeling a little better soon and be able to have more self-control. I'm pretty much staying in my house today so I don't spend a damn dime. I may go out to the movies with my friend tomorrow simply b/c it's good for my mental health not to isolate.

I know what u mean about spending.Ive bought at least a dozen pairs of jeans and as many t shirts and button down shirts,not to mention over 20 pairs of boots! I traded one addiction for another yet my credit card is full so Im done for awhile,lol
Isolation is not always a bad thing.I wanna be left alone to play my video games...yeah Im a big kid on the inside,lol

justme09 · 07-18-2009, 10:18 PM

Jen, just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your posts. I understand and can tell you I've been there with the relationships. Thank you for sharing, it helps us all.

GTR-Mark · 07-18-2009, 10:19 PM

I've been buying a lot of clothes lately - luckily they are a lot cheaper at "normal" stores like Kohl's than where I had to buy them before..

There is going to be a massive tax deduction this year to look forward to from all the donated clothing.

jenn75 · 07-19-2009, 11:29 AM

Yes, tons of clothes to donate! I keep putting it off, but I have bags...

I guess it is par for the course in this post-op world...we do need new clothes. I may have gone a little extreme for a little while, but I've backed off. It is just so refreshing to have so many CHOICES now in regular stores. It's hard to resist.

JUSTME09 - thanks for letting me know that some of what i write might help someone, if only to know they're not alone.