"But you have such a great personality..." - Page 12 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

foxyfuzz · 04-11-2009, 05:32 PM

I have finally had the time to catch up on your post, and you have come milestones!

As an apartment manager, get whatever you can in writing from your current landlady about her releasing you from that apartment. CYA ya know? Better safe than sorry.

Congrats again on your new apartment. Take it easy on yourself, and rest!

jenn75 · 04-16-2009, 10:56 AM

Thanks, ladies. And Foxy, I think I'm ok now, the other guy has signed a lease to move in for May. But I definitely thank you for the input.

jenn75 · 04-16-2009, 11:14 AM

Today, well, I've reached a point where I'm unhappy with myself. I mean, just yesterday I wore these size 16 jeans and thought I was on top of the world. But, I know there are deeper emotions that I need to address.

I never expected to feel this alone once I got to my own place. Shawn was my best friend in many ways, even if we couldn't make our relationship work. And emotionally it's coming out in constant hunger. My old friend. When I was alone in life, I had food. I don't think I'm out of control with my eating, but at the same time, I'm unhappy at how much I think about it. I have made myself feel uncomfortable from eating, which of course scares me as far as stretching my pouch. There are some days when I'm thinking to myself that I'm not really eating that much less than I used to, but I know that can't be the case. It is just really hard to handle when you first start off after surgery barely being able to finish a 1/4 cup of food, and now...who knows. I know I'm not consuming nearly as many calories as a normal person should, so that is a relief. But I just feel like I'm screwing myself somehow. I haven't lost much weight, I'm sure it's just your average stall, but when I'm right on the cusp of Onederland, it is really screwing with my head. And since I've moved, I haven't been good about using the online tracker for my food. I also have barely exercised (mainly due to being busy and also due to a foot pain in my right foot). I'm really disappointing myself. I know that I will exercise, probably today even. I just don't want to completely fall back into my old ways...that would be so unbelievably depressing.

And today I called off. I woke up with a stiff upper back & neck and had a headache I thought was a migraine. I vowed to myself that after the surgery I would not call off anymore. I'm healthier now and for the most part I don't get migraines as much as I used to. I stopped taking the preventative med for it. My desire is to take as little medication as possible. I used to call off because I was depressed, but blame it on some physical ailment. And I know I called off too much. Today I actually had a headache, but I still feel so terrible about calling off. I still kind of have the headache, it's definitely sinus, not migraine. I hate this guilty feeling. UGH.

Luckily I have a therapy appt this Saturday. Maybe I shouldn't have scheduled it so far out from my last appointment, but I was on top of the world during my last visit and didn't really think I needed it that often. I also think I need to up my meds. I was on double the dose of this same med when I used to take it before surgery. I don't think it's enough. I wake up and don't want to go to work and get there and stay in a bad mood. That is not like me to stay in a bad mood at work. I always seem to snap to it once I'm there.

Ok, I'm just going to shut up now because I'm just jumping from topic to topic and writing this out doesn't even make me feel better. I can't organize my thoughts to really figure out what is bothering me. I just know my ultimate fear is being a slave to food again.

Aviator · 04-16-2009, 08:12 PM

(((Hugs)))

Ive been through it, and getting emotionally better after a breakup is a process, and takes time. Hopefully your therapist can help. I didnt have one and it took me a couple of years to fully recover. My thoughts are with you Jenn

jenn75 · 04-17-2009, 10:32 AM

Thanks so much, Aviator. I know that I'm pretty much moving on and ready to do that, I just need to get past this residual stuff that would've been addressed a few months ago if it weren't for the fact we still lived together.

I mean, I'm doing the online dating thing, although thus far have yet to actually go on a date! But perhaps soon...there are some fires in the oven at least.

jenn75 · 04-17-2009, 10:36 AM

ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am there! Granted, I'm at 199, but still. I'm below 200's. Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!

Kimberly76 · 04-17-2009, 12:35 PM

Hiyas Jenn,

I just wanted to let you know that I've been reading your thread hear and there and yesterday I could totaly relate to how you were feeling, and I wanted you to know that you weren't alone. It's been a BLAH week way over here for me too. Sometimes when my bf calls me nuts, I wanna agree with him half the time.

I do think you are a pretty steller person, and keep up the great work! oh, plus ^5 for a couple of replies you've go going awn in other threads... truly bravo.

rawk awn, mah sistah.

Kimber~

jenn75 · 04-17-2009, 04:23 PM

Thank you very much, Kimber. I greatly appreciate hearing that I'm not alone in this sometimes.

I hope your bf doesn't really think your nuts????

Kimberly76 · 04-17-2009, 06:07 PM

Ok, maybe after rethinking this, not nuts just a little emotinal. Or with lots of expression these days.. LMAO

TGIF!

Kimber~

jenn75 · 04-27-2009, 04:35 PM

Today I went for my 3 month follow-up with the surgeon. He was impressed with my activity level. He also said that all of my labs were great and that I can cut down on the B-12. I was taking it M-W-F, now I can just take it M & F. I knew I should've written down my question about taking allergy meds, because of course I forgot. And although on my own scale I'm 195 (naked), their scale says I'm 198 (fully clothed with shoes). I was just hoping it would be below 200, so I'm satisfied.

And since I'm updating, I will also add that I've been texting with some guy for the past week. We actually have a lot in common, the biggest thing is that we went to the same college at the same time (I doubt we knew each other). He seems very much into me, yet he has yet to ask me out. I even asked him last night if he's afraid or nervous to meet me, and he said quite the opposite, yet he did not take that opportunity to ask me out. This is really the only part that I'm confused on. It just seems strange. He even makes reference to us meeting, it seems so likely, yet I already said we should get together for his birthday this weekend and he ignored my suggestion completely.

And, I decided that when I meet him I'll tell him about the surgery. I thought it was going to weigh heavily on my mind and want to put it out there on the table, but so far it hasn't really come close to coming up. I just feel I would be able to explain it better in person.

In other random news, I just found out that my cousin's wife just had GBS 3 weeks ago. I'm not close with them at all, but they are both extremely obese. I hope she does well with it. Maybe my cousin will go for it once he sees her results. AND, she had it at the WLS that I originally started to go to, but decided their customer service skills sucked and they seemed disorganized so I went elsewhere and am paying more for my insurance this year just so I could go to this other WLS. She was reportedly not impressed with them, so I think I made the right decision!