NelleBelle's Story - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

NelleBelle50 · 07-25-2005, 08:47 AM

Friday I got an invitation from Rockstar to go BBQ on a beach. He and his friend would have their boats there for people to waterski or boogey board. What a dilemma. I told him I'd think about it. I had a 1pm meeting w/a friend, and he said they'd be there until 6pm. I really wanted to go simply because Rockstar asked me, but I DID NOT want to go hang out in a bathing suit in from of him and anyone else who was there. Ewww!!

He's a good looking guy, so chances are he'd have some "groupies"

hanging around. And they'd be skinny and young....it never fails. He's actually a guy with a lot of integrity, but he's also single....and not blind.

Anyway, after obsessing about it Friday night, I went to my meeting on Saturday and ended up talking to my friend all afternoon and it was 5:30 before I knew it. I'll admit I didn't try to break the conversation off very fast. I did not want to go to be seen in a bathing suit by Rockstar.

(sigh) I called and left a message for Rockstar and told him sorry I missed it, but I ended up hanging out with my friends all day and invite me again sometime. Hopefully....it won't be at a beach next time.

Now I've been invited next weekend to go to a local amusement park for a friends B-day. Part of me wants to go, and the other part is wondering if it's a good idea. The whole fitting into the seat, and then there's the problem with my back. Do I want to risk getting something out of whack again?

Hopefully, my appt. with the surgeon tommorrow will go well, and I can look forward to better days ahead!!!

Realtor Linda · 07-25-2005, 09:52 AM

Ok Annelle....you are frustrating me! There is NO reason what so ever that you cannot go and do these things with ROCKSTAR or your other friends. The more you make excuses, the less likely the will invite you again. If you are concerned about the activities, there are "excuses" you can use, but still attend the function. You say you have back problems....so....while at the ammusment park, limit your ride choices to those you are comfortable with and tell your friend you need to sit a particular ride out due to your back pain. The beach thing....Yes, I understand about the bathing suit thing too...however, that could have been overcome with shorts and a t shirt. I hate to hear you put yourself down and limit your fun with friends because of your weight.
Know we all have been there. I am is the beginning stages of this life change too! I have yet to get approved by the surgeon, however, I am NOT gonna let life pass me by in the mean time.
Annelle.....like you, I had Cinderella dreams as a little girl, I wanted the Prince Charming, the white picket fence and 2.5 kids. I was always "bigger than the average bear" not HUGE BIG but larger than the "normal" girls, so I always felt I was never gonna get the happily ever-after. I was a good church girl, parochial school, Christian college, etc.... BUT, was afraid I would never have what my paerents had becuase I was fat. WELL...hummm.....low and behold, here I am, happily married, still fat, looking into the surgery to better my health, but am HAPPY.
Remember, for others to find the good in you, you need to find it in yourself first! Don't put yourself down. Don't make excuses for your life. We are what we are. We are doing what we can at this cery point in life to better ourselves and our health. What could be better than that? You are doing what is GOOD for you. Be pround you have the courage to make the decision. And as you read all these posts ...aren't you excited about the future? These ladies have all been so successful in their weigthloss and they are so encouraging.
So, off my soapbox....but Annelle, don't put yourself down anymore. You are worth so much more than that. Something I am sure you hae heard before....God didn't make no junk!
Remember that!
Linda

NelleBelle50 · 07-25-2005, 01:09 PM

Linda-

I'm sorry I "frustrate" you, but I thought that this was the place to talk about our feelings honestly and openly and have people understand, not criticize.

While I am still single, I do not on a regular basis find excuses not to do fun things with people. I say yes way more than I say no. At my current size, I"ve gone to Cancun with 20 other singles and lay on the beach never worrying about wearing a bathing suit. It helped that I was around girl and guy friends, not potential dates. I've gone tubbing down a river, and played in volleyball tournaments, and gone on hayrides.... But going to an amusement park is expensive. And do I really want to spend that much money to be that frustrated? For me, no. I think I'll wait until I can go next year, after I have the surgery. Because, heaven knows, I do not want to mess up my back and mess up my chances of having surgery sooner than later.

Gastric Bypass will not solve all my problems, and I may never get married, have kids, etc. But, I'm happy now, and God willing, I'll be happy then.

Realtor Linda · 07-25-2005, 01:19 PM

Annelle, I did not mean to criticize. If it seems I have, forgive me. I just want you to remember your worth and value andthat you are a good person, friend and member of this great forum! I am happy you are active. From your earlier post it seemed you were avoiding activity. I misunderstood. And of course, Amusement parks are not cheap. There are so many other good things in life to do. Just keep up the hard work of getting your surgery approved and before you know it, your time will come!

NelleBelle50 · 07-25-2005, 02:22 PM

It's all good....

BTW, since I don't think I made it clear, Rockstar is going to be in my solar region for the next year at least. We're going to be in a church group together. I'm pretty sure I didn't screw things up (if there's anything to screw up besides friendship). He made an off the cuff invitation on Friday night, but it was something I knew all the losers on this forum could appreciate.

Besides, I lent him my Season 1 of the Dukes of Hazzard, so I'm pretty sure that'll clinch it.

NelleBelle50 · 08-01-2005, 03:12 PM

Being in dictation has helped me have conversations with people so they understand why I'm doing this.

The most important one was my Mom. The first question out of her mouth was, "So, I suppose you're really excited about this now?" I've gotten better at answering her back. She says these things without meaning to hurt. Mom couldn't hide an emotion to save her life. My retort was "Actually, I'm more resigned that this is the only way I can do it."

That perked her up and I was able to explain some of the statistics I've found on this forum and what it could possibly mean for me. Despite the fact that she's 5'5 and her heaviest weight (ever) was 185, she still sees that she and I are just alike. And we are very similar, I inherited a lot from her, but she barely squeeked into the obese category at her heaviest, and I've been morbidly obese as long as I can remember. She just lost 20 lbs on Weight Watchers with light exercise. Her hip is starting to bother her, and she has degeneration there. She has been a successful dieter all her life, and I couldn't loose anything for as long as I can remember.

But, having said all of that, I think she now understands why I'm doing this, though she fears the surgery. Hopefully, she'll really see why when I'm loosing lots of weight fast!!

Now I'm just waiting for the call from the WLS office telling me I can schedule the surgery. I've hear that it goes pretty fast, but doesn't every day until the surgery drag by increadibly slow?

As for Rockstar - well, we're having a BBQ at his house this Sunday. He's got a 4ft tall kiddie pool in his backyard and a jacuzzi, so I'll still have to face being in a swimsuit around him. But, I'm with friends this time.....HUGE Difference.

JohnsWife4Life · 08-02-2005, 02:09 PM

I have tried to post here before honey bunny, but my puter was sick. And so was my life, but anyway, I want you to know you are not alone darlin! My husband's Christmas list consisted of one thing, and one thing only a few years back. "I want my wife to rejoin society". I tried, and I couldn't. I didn't want to be seen, and I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to be seen huffing and puffing, and waddling down the road. I was disgusted with myself, my life, my world, my health. We all handle things differently. I was not fat as a child, in fact I was young and beautiful, big boobs, but I had a little tummy. To me I was fat at 120 pounds. I was the biggest in my family. My sister is 4'10 my mom was 4'8, my daughter is 4'11 and my aunts are all under 5 feet, and here I was 5'1, huge to all the others in my family. I still get choked up when someone tells me "u are a tiny thing". Last night at the hospital, Mark told me that the "group" somehow got on the subject of "his mom" being so tiny and cool. I was so shocked to hear that. To me I am still big, my feet look like boats to me, but to hear my neighbor talk, I have tiny feet. We never see ourselves as others do. Just remember that you will not have these things to worry about this time next year. Okay? We all have to deal with life in our own way, even if we close ourselves off from each other, that may be our only mechenism.

when I had surgery I only wanted to save my life and lose weight, I never imagined I would lose 131 pounds.

Take care of you and the rest will follow.

God makes all things beautiful in his own time. I had my own "rockstar" at church, and in October we will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary, and in Feb we will have been together for 15 years.

HUgs and more hugs to you.

NelleBelle50 · 08-02-2005, 02:39 PM

Thank you so much Traci for your kind words!

I have to admit that I haven't quite let myself think too much about the upside of this surgery. I'm afraid to believe that I'll be skinny by next year. Too many times in the past, I've believed in something and been horribly disappointed. Being thin is so not my reality. I literally can't imagine it. At this point, I can only think about getting into a size 22, which is the smallest I've been.

In all other parts of my life, I have been blessed. I have a wonderful family, LOTS of good friends who give me a great social life, a good steady job, a place to live, a nice car. God has given me a lot of miracles in my life. Being fat is what I've come to think of as my crutch to bear. (The apostle Paul was thought to have had a seeping eye wound that he called his crutch to bear) On one hand I feel total peace about my decision, and on the other hand, I sometimes question why suddenly God would give me the means to "heal" this crutch. I've definatley learned how God strengthens his people through trials!

I'm hoping once I become a "loser" I'll be able to post about the faith and blessings that this surgery will give me.

God Bless-

JohnsWife4Life · 08-02-2005, 11:12 PM

You will. Don't worry babe, you will unleash plenty more crutches to bear. I too have a weeping eye, a residual of Bells Palsy. I know that the Lord has something else planned for you. You know that saying, "be patient, God isn't finished with me yet". He isn't.

NelleBelle50 · 08-10-2005, 03:01 PM

Okay, so I know I'm in prior authorization, but I haven't heard anything. Sigh!

This is taking freeeking forever!

Since it's almost on top of me, I'm going to start my three week training beginning on the 15th of this month. I'll be in class all day for three weeks straight. Phew....not really looking forward to it even though it'll be good to have under my professional belt.

So, I'm thinking I'll hopefully have the surgery in September. Which isn't bad. It's still nice here in MN then, no snow yet, not too cold. I won't feel like I'm trapped inside all day.

I'm thinking I'm going to invest in a laptop computer. I post 99% of the time from work. I'm trying to be diligent and not waste the companies time, but y'know, not good politics @ work. Plus, once I have the surgery, my only options to post are to go to a friends house or a library, and who knows if I'll want to leave my apartment for a really long time!!! I have an older 90's computer, but no internet access because I don't have a home phone, only a cell phone. And high speed is really expensive, plus, not sure it'll work on an old computer. So, maybe the most cost-effective thing is to finance a laptop..... We'll see what happens.

Last weekend with Rockstar went great. He's such a little boy who loves his toys! He's got a pool and a hot tub, and a "movie theatre" downstairs and a dance floor in his garage.

Plus, he's got a boat, and a Corvette, and two motorcycles, and.... I asked him if he knew we wanted him the group because of all his stuff. He smiled and said, "Yeah, I knew that." The man never stopped doing things, so there was no time to worry about what I looked like in a bathing suit. He was like a buzzing bee, doing this, doing that. It was cute.

Then on Monday the male small group leader decided he didn't want to lead anymore, (the small group year starts in Sept.) so the small group female leader and I have to figure out what to do about that (I'm a coach to her in the leadership area). Since Rockstar said he wanted to continue with the group, and he's the only other male at this point, we called and asked him. He's thinking about it. I'm totally OK if he doesn't lead, but I want to keep the group together. Not just because of him, he's just an added bonus. Our group had so much fun on Sunday! I'd like to try and keep that going! The one thing I havta remember, though, is that it's in God's hands, not mine!!!

Hard to remember sometimes.