Finding the me in Mel - Page 9 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Kymel · 10-08-2009, 08:58 AM

Well, I guess I've hit a milestone. One that I really honestly never thought I'd see or hear.

I had my 18 month post-op appointment yesterday. Met with the Nutritionist and the Nurse Practioner. Both said that not only am I doing great...but I am at a 'normal' range, and they think that it's ok for me to stop now. Really? Stop? That word hadn't entered my brain yet. The other weird thing for me is to have a doctor, I believe for the first time in my life, regard my weight as 'normal' and not feel the need to talk to me about diet and exercise to 'get healthy'. Now, these are the folks within the program, so it's a little different than my GP saying it...but still. I was just astounded to hear that I'm at their goal.

They want me to stop at 155 because that's where I hit a 25 BMI so she said that I don't really need to go any lower than that. I've had in mind that I'd like to have a 5-10 pound cushion under the upper end of the 'healthy' mark...which I thought was at 150. Some so that I have room to fluxuate without freaking out, and some just so that I'm not sitting at the upper end of 'normal' teetering back and forth between healthy and overweight. I was 162 when they weighed me yesterday, 157 this morning (161 yesterday morning). I didn't eat any dinner last night though - so that would be the drop there. I'm sure it will be back today, or at least a little. The lowest I've been so far was 154, but it was only for like 2 days. They recommended that I drop some of my suppliments because I'm getting enough with some of the basics I'm taking. Said I can drop all the extra B's and the D3, and to cut the D2 back to once a month. Again, since I'm not as big as I used to be...I no longer need as much. Here's what I was taking:

Celebrate Multivitamin
Celebrate Calcium Plus (with D)
Celebrate Iron +C
Celebrate B-12 sublingual
Super B Complex (dropping)
Balanced B-100 Complex (dropping)
D3 (1000 IU) (dropping)
Potassium Gluconate
5-HTP
D2 (50,000 IU once every 2 weeks) (switching to 1x per month)

She did add in for me to start taking some L-Carnatine because my muscle mass is 10 pounds under what it should be for my weight. This was from the nurse practioner. That suppliment will help me my body build muscle better. Something she pointed out was that the more muscle we have the better our bodies will maintain a good metabolism and be able to maintain our weight once we're at goal and long term.

The nutritionist said that I don't need to loose any more because the only thing I'd be loosing at this point is muscle. She seems to think I don't have anymore fat to loose...but when you pinch my fat rolls (still have 2 on my belly) they're a good inch or so thick. I know that's not all skin...and I've still got quite a bit on my hips, theighs and ass. I know I'm not ever going to be 'thin' by society standards, but I don't think I'm done yet either. Course she did have a good point...if I were to go in for a tummytuck - they'd be removing close to 10 pounds of skin and fat that's attached...which is the majority of what I have left to loose.

Otherwise, things are going ok. Kiddo and I have been doing better. Things have been pretty busy with school and sports, so right now looking at things I still feel a little more detatched than I like to be. I'm working on getting back into the habit of asking questions daily to find out what's going on with her instead of just waiting till she feels the need to tell me. She has been opening up and talking more now, and sharing with me again things that are going on with her and some of her friends...so that's much more back to normal than it was. She seems happier lately, and that's really what matters to me the most. Dumb boyfriend is still around...but 'eh... they're doing ok.

I finally had a chance to chat with his mom some, about what's been going on lately and what had happened at the beginning of the summer. She was a little upset about it too, but so much time had already passed - I told her to just be aware of it and not try to retro discipline or anything. One thing that I'm hoping I misunderstood from her....when I told her how far Kyla had admitted they'd 'gone' the mom said "Oh, that's it? Ok". Granted others have done a whole lot more, but still - what they did do was on the virge of 'a whole lot more...real soon'. Anyway - at least she's aware and it's hopefully another set of eyes. And both kids are now aware that we know - so hopefully that might help curb things from that side for a bit too.

Eating wise...well...I've been participating in the "For those of us struggling to maintain" thread. I've been on a couse of about 1 or 2 weeks of backsliding...then a week of being strict. I've been testing foods lately. Some out of curiosity, some out of rebellion, and some out of hmmm... I think it's out of isolation. The 'everyone else in the world gets this' thing. I feel left out sometimes. Still working on battling the old closet eating issue that's been creeping back in. I'm aware I'm doing it, and that's the first part to fixing it. I'm also trying to reign in the grazing. Seems to be strongest between lunch and the end of my work shift, and my old friend...the 8 pm munchie fest. Most of the time it's foods we're supposed to eat, not junk...but some crackers and a few other things have slipped their way in at times. And even though the foods are good for me, or at least not bad...it's still additional calories that add up...calories I don't need to survive....and calories that are keeping me from my goal. Any of those that are additional just make it that much more for me to burn off later.

The gym took a hiatus for the summer - just didn't have time to go while they were open. Now that we're done with the lamb stuff, I've started back up again. Was going 2x a week, but missed last week because I didn't feel too great...mother nature, and I was really tired and feeling worn out. Haven't been in yet this week either. Need to get back into the habit and remind myself that it is more important than other things out there. 2 or 3 days a week isn't asking all that much...come on get yer ass up and just go!!!

Well, that's about it for now...and I'm sure it's plenty. lol

poet_kelly · 10-08-2009, 04:48 PM

Glad to hear you're doing so well! I am just curious. Why were you taking D2 and D3? And why drop the D3 and keep D2? We don't absorb D2 well at all. Usually D3 is what is recommended.

Kelly

Kymel · 10-08-2009, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poet_kelly

Glad to hear you're doing so well! I am just curious. Why were you taking D2 and D3? And why drop the D3 and keep D2? We don't absorb D2 well at all. Usually D3 is what is recommended.

Kelly

Hey Kelly - we've been over this in another thread...but just incase others haven't read it...The nurse practioner said that I'm getting plenty of D3 from the other sources - the multivitamin and the D3 that's included in the calcium supplement (this was mentioned below) . Too much D of any kind can actually cause problems. My bloodwork came in pretty high earlier this year, so they said it was ok for me to back off of it.

I was taking D2 because it was prescribed for me. I added the extra D3 after our discussion in that other thread, as a 'just incase' cushion. I know what has been discussed before about D2 and D3, and I disucssed it with my nurse practitioner - she explained that the one I was on (the green geltab) had it's own purposes also, in addition to aiding with calcium absorption. There had been discussion in the other thread about our ability to absorb D2, and I did listen - but I also have my bloodwork to look at too...which was done prior to starting to take the additional D3 - and it was not only just fine - but slightly on the high side...which means that I'm absorbing it just fine. Normal healthy range is up to 75 in the blood. I was at like 105. (my first draw I was at 13 prior to surgery)

These reductions in dosages and needs are primarily because I am smaller now (nearly at goal by the height and weight charts...not my own personal one), so my body doesn't need as much as it did when I was 300 pounds, or even 200 pounds. So I'm definately not advocating for anyone else to follow, unless their surgical and support staff recommend it based on their bloodwork.

Kymel · 10-13-2009, 10:10 AM

Finally decided to buckle down and do what I need to do to get the carb cravings under control. Ok, mostly what I need to do - or at least a first step. Started a 5 day pouch test yesterday. Doing ok on it so far - but I found it funny for my brain, even at 18 months out, to be going back to the last supper syndrome for a minute. Now, it wasn't thoughts of deep fried foods, pop, chips and whatnot that it was before...more along the lines of just solid foods in general...but it's just funny that I had the thoughts.

When I initially started my program I did go through a last supper syndrome - last chinese food meal, last pizza, last pop, etc...and scarfed an entire stomach-full of each one. There must have been a solid month of 'last meals'. I'd been weighed at the docs office initially - then when I went back in after a month I hadn't lost anything at all...infact, I think I may have gained a few. They were very disheartened, and so was I when I looked back at all the extra calories and fat I'd added to my body. It was just that much more I'd have to work off, and that much further from my goal...not to mention the mental strife it caused when I was constantly questioning whether I could be successful after surgery or not.

From that appointment on - I steeled my brain into treating all my food and portions as though I'd already had the surgery. I figured if I'm going to eat this way for the rest of my life - I might as well start now...and I didn't want to have another one of those ultimately dissappointing appointments with the nutritionist again. I'm one of those obnoxious people that have to do things right for fear of being judged as a failure (by myself and others both). Sometimes it works for me, other times it doesn't. In this case - it really helped.

So fast forward to the present. My habits aren't horrible - but they're slipping just enough that I'm aware of it. I know where all of it leads and I'm putting my foot down and saying 'no more, I won't go back'. I've put my body through way too much to just waste my tool and my second chance. I think I've mentioned below some of the things I've let slide, but I may be thinking of other posts too...so for those seeking information, guidance or just curious in general... Crackers have always been my downfall - any kind - I love them. I stared out about 6 months ago just having a couple here and there. Maybe with my tuna or something. Those couple turned into a few, and at one point I'd cleaned out a sleeve of Ritz in a day. My brain knows full well that if I eat too much in one sitting - I'll hurt, and I'll be sick...but if it's spread over time - I'm just fine. It's dangerous information for a rebellious brain. Lately I've also been having bread and muffins more often. Not a lot, but apparently just enough to crank up that familiar craving machine. For sandwich bread I always get whole wheat, and I'll use that for a half a sandwhich - which isn't all that bad. Where I fall down at is when I've got the muchies and I'll make a piece of toast because I'm craving the bread...and put natural peanut butter or almond butter on it and pass it off as a protein snack. The few muffins I've had would be a good example of my 'huge' downfall (could be worse..but still). They have absolutely no nutritional value that I need - just wasted calories, fat, carbs and sugars...the only reason to eat it is because it tastes good and 'because I wanna'. Not very good reasons.

I've also started back up with sipping after I eat something. Meals I'm usually good about - it's the snacks...and it's usually a snack that's outside the 'ok' realm. Like the muffins. I'd have a swig of milk after having a 1/4 of one. I think mentally, I was trying to wash away the fact that I ate it. If the taste isn't in my mouth - it didn't happen, right? Sheesh.

That brings up something else, a long time ago I had a theory about something that could contribute to our gain (before or after surgery...just in general). You ever notice that when you eat a lot of something (or drink) - your mouth gets tired of it. Lets say salty chips. Usually after about a handfull or two the salt becomes overwhelming in our mouths. If we were listening to our bodies - we'd know that meant we've had enough. Instead - the majority of us will take a drink of something which washes it out...opening us up to being able to tollerate more. I know I did this a lot prior to surgery. Salty, sweet, spicy...anything. Amazingly enough I remember my worst one would be chips and chocolate - they counter balance eachother. I'd have both on hand - eat the chips till the salt got to me, switch over to the chocolate for a bit, then eat more chips (usually a swig of pop was in there somewhere too). Either one of these alone - I'd have got sick of the taste, and or to my stomach...but combining them and bouncing back and forth neutralized the flavors, allowing me to consume more. And of course, all of this in turn and over time contributes to our ever increasing tollerance levels of what we can take in without getting sick.

Whether we're pre or post op - we need to listen to our bodies, and what they're telling us - instead of hitting the manual overide button all the time.

Ok, I'm jumping off my soapbox here...and continuing on with day 2 of my pouch test...I know this will help to reset my pouch and hopefully my cravings. Looking forward to getting back on track - even though I'm only slightly off of it. I know me - once I'm slightly off that path...I'll wander right into the woods.

Good day everyone!

Kymel · 10-26-2009, 03:17 PM

Ok, I'm one week post 5 Day Pouch Test.

Thought I'd wait to post to see how the results really worked. The test itself was ok. I stuck to it for the most part. The 5th day I did wind up having some foods along with my protein that wasn't protein, like I dunno...veggies... I just felt weird not eating any veggies, so I had some. I figured if I'm still getting my required protein in, it's not doing my body any harm.

So... Let's see here...I think it was day 3, I wound up with some pretty horrible diareah, cramping and gas that followed (gas pain that is). My system pretty much cleaned itself out, and still seems to be doing it.

My carb cravings are better - but it's still a mental thing. I don't find myself searching things out - but if I see them, I do have to tell myself "no". My pouch did shrink back up some, but it really depends on if I continue to eat properly or not. If I'm distracted and eat my meal over a longer period of time instead of finishing in 15 minutes - I'm still finding myself finishing the entire portion of 8 oz. Not bad, but it would be great to cut off at 6 or 7 instead of taking it all in. Sugar tollerance is back down too. Boy howdy is it. It was making me sick before - even this far out, it still was - but now it only takes about half of what it was to make me start feeling nausious. Fats tollerance...still don't know on that one yet. It's been a really long time since I've had too much and caused a dump - and I'm still with that. I just don't eat high fat foods.

So, I feel that the effort of the 5 days was worth it. My weight did fluxuate as others have mentioned with theirs. I think I gained 3 the first couple days, then started dropping after that. When I started it I was about 6 pounds over my lowest post. (I've been up and down the same 5-7 pounds for about a month now). The past week I've been right at 155 and holding, which is at +1 from my lowest post of 154. So overall - not too bad. The fact that it's holding is good. The past several months, I'm bouncing on a daily basis of a +3 / -3 pattern. I do notice there's a sharp difference in day to day choices. The days I'm really vigilent on everything that goes into my mouth - the scale continues to reward me. The days I slip...it lets me know. But I haven't been all that far off track since the test. Yeah!!!

Exercize wise - well, I've let my membership lapse again. We've been busy with soccer, again...and my period seems to be hampering things. I know, lame excuse - but I just get so tired around it. Seems to take everything out of me now for the week before, during and the week after. I'll get back into it soon.

Really starting to want plastics too. Mostly for the same areas I've mentioned before - belly and boobs (just skin reduction for the girls, no addition)...but I think if I get those done - then my theighs and arms will look funny and disproportionate. So far, my insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgeries unless they're cancer related...so it's gonna be awhile anyway.

Things are going good with the kiddo. House has been pretty quiet, and she's not hiding away in her room so much anymore. We still have our days, but it's not an everyday thing anymore (for now). Her boyfriend is even coming around to realizing I don't hate him - so that's good. Helps a lot with my relationship with her...keeps me from being the mean enemy so much.

Brain surgery is still going forward. So much has been tucked away in a corner, even now...I'm still procrastinating about dealing with some things till I absolutely have to. Lately, it's more dealing with family issues that will eventually come to pass. I have 2 grandparents left (one maternal, one paternal). Both have dimentia and aren't doing so great. I was close with both of them before they started into this phase. I try to be there now, but I often feel that I'm not doing enough. I also talked to my dad this weekend. Last month he had congestive heart failure just before he was supposed to go in for knee surgery. Made it through that, made it through the knee surgery (2nd one this year) - and then wound up with 2 blood clots just below the new knee. They're trying to thin everthing out enough to pass them safely, but sometimes it's just so much to take in. I haven't hardly seen him in the last 2 years, and if he goes - there's so much for me to try and take care of. Not to mention, I'm just not ready to loose him yet. It's nothing I'm crying over at night - but it is a concern. His health has never been really good, and things seem to be cropping up all the time now. In the hospital all the time and all...and he's just far enough away that it makes it hard for me to just jump down there. I hate the feeling that I have to weigh whats going on at home and work with whether I can or should go see him...is this emergency/illness severe enough to move things around?? It's a sickening feeling.

Anyway - that's my life right now. Just trying to keep up at home and with everyone else. Still haven't found any social groups to join...still haven't moved forward with that idea to volunteer somewhere either. Been helping a friend quite a bit lately - her hubby is overseas and she's been tasked with a bunch of home renovation things they want to get done. Does make me feel good to help, but it's not out and about.