Not a whole lot to update today (might be a good thing...maybe this will be a decent length for once!! lol).
My official weigh in for this morning's Monday Morning post was at 160.0 even. So...maybe next week. I love to joke that I hadn't poo'd yet before stepping on the scale and that those few ounces would have put me slightly lower...but then there's breakfast - so it's just a funny little joke to myself.
I did start shopping for a motorcycle this weekend too. I take forever to make up my mind on big ticket purchases - so figured I'd better go ahead and start looking into information and familiarizing myself with the ins and outs so I can feel like I'm making a decently informed decision when the time comes. A friend of mine did agree to teach me to ride too, so hopefully we'll get around to doing that soon...and that will be one more thing checked off the list...and one more step closer to having a hot little number parked in my driveway. I know that goal may seem odd to some that it would have anything to do with my motivation or self esteem or building things within myself - but it's along the lines of just one of those things I've always wanted...probably since I was around 16. Not only is it finally aquiring it, but it's also learning to do something that I've never done, something that's a little scary for me - pushing me beyond my comfort. Another aspect of it is that in order to have one, I have to focus my money there - instead of elsewhere - like money going down the tubes at a bar. And the last one that's really frivioulus, but well, I can't help it - I think I'd look pretty damn hot on a crotch rocket...or at least I hope to. Kinda thinkin I'm gonna defniatly have to get a leather jacket though...I can't imagine what my arms would look like flapping in the wind...lol. I've seen my forearms under a hand dryer that was suped up (or something - some new style) - and well it wasn't pretty, but the kids got a good laugh....and there's hardly even any loose skin THERE! lol.
Anyway, for the rest of it. I've got my goals in mind - and I'm trying to focus on them. My emotions this past week have been on a roller coaster yet again. Between the phone call I had (covered in the Confessions thread), and my stupid period starting - I've been all over the board. I picked up the book Foxy suggested below, along with Dating for Dummies - as suggested by a friend in town that really enjoyed it. Sat down last night and started reading some of each - and wound up feeling even more pathetic. I'm sure they're really good books - and I'm going to continue to read them. I just wasn't in a great mood last night, so it didn't come across to me how it should have. I wound up feeling extremely alone in this bit 'ol world and finally broke down for the first time in a long time - and just cried. Parked it right in the hallway and bawled. (kiddo is away at soccer camp, so the house was empty and no one there to think I was a total freak) As sad and pathetic as that sounds, I needed it. I don't feel too aweful much better today, but I know that there's been plenty of times over the past few months that I've felt like I need to have a good cry and couldn't do it.
I did make it through my second weekend without going out or drinking. So that's an accomplishment I guess. The rebellious part of my brain sat there Friday evening and whined "it's ok for all these other people to go out...why can't I??? Why am I not allowed to??" It's a funny thing my brain does when I tell myself to not do something. lol. I know why I drew that line, and I'm trying hard to stick to it. This weekend was easier than the last, and next weekend will hopefully show even more improvement. I just get bored, and lonely in the evenings - especially on weekends when I've been home most of the day already. I crave something to do with other adults and outside the house. Doesn't really matter what it is - just something. Now that I've effectively grounded myself, it feels like punishment and there's nothing to do other than housework or things that are done alone. Sewing, watching a movie, reading - all of which I'm also sitting on my ass. (not that I wasn't doing that at the bar too...just on a stool instead of a comfy chair). K so I'm rambling now I think, but these are simply my thoughts and the process I'm in to recovering from old wounds, bad decisions and the journey that this surgery has put me on in my life.
Seems like I had some insightful things pass through my grey matter this weekend, bu tnow I can't remember them - so I guess if it comes around again, I'll come back and post. But I guess that's it for now.
Hope you're all having a great day...I'm working on convincing myself that mine will be better (maybe tomorrow)
) Be well ya'll
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