A little depressed.... - ThinnerTimes

Hawaiianese Girl · 05-22-2008, 03:41 PM

...because I've discovered that I can eat chips with NO problem. I have told Danita (my partner) that I am NO longer allowed to go grocery shopping alone. The first place I headed was the hot food counter. I picked up a fried chicken breast, carried on with the rest of my shopping, and then got a bag of salt & vinegar chips. I even picked up a soda. I couldn't wait to get in the car and TEAR THAT CHICKEN UP!!!! I ate about 4-5 bites and then my chest started hurting so I knew I was full. That was about an hour ago....now I'm snacking on the chips. I am feeling that "out of control" eating monster living inside me again. I guess I thought it wouldn't be there ever again after surgery but it's here. I'm about in tears right now. I feel like ravenously snacking and I don't know why. This is the first time I've felt this way since surgery 8 weeks ago. What do I do, now that I know I can eat this crap? I obviously can't control myself. God I hate feeling out of control. I walked through that grocery store and just started grabbing things like I never had surgery....like it was the old me. This is very depressing for me because I know I can't control myself once I start this. What if I can't stop like before? It's like something else takes over me and I can't focus on anything else except the taste of that awesome food. I can't control it. God what if I gain all my weight back because I can't let go of the food? What if even a tiny tummy doesn't stop me? Man, this is scary.

blisandt · 05-22-2008, 04:11 PM

I am not in your shoes, so I have no right to give advice... but if you can get out of the house. Take a walk... sit on a bench and make up stories of the people walking past. Don't go back for an hour... if possible, brush your teeth as you are pulling yourself out of the house.. get that taste out of you.

good luck.

Hawaiianese Girl · 05-22-2008, 04:15 PM

Oops...I guess I should've posted this in "emotional support." I wonder if it can be moved...oh well.

Godsblessedme · 05-22-2008, 06:05 PM

let me just say you are not alone sweetie! around 8 weeks is when i discovered that chips, cheese its, crackers i have no problem with either. if i do eat a few chips i get the tositos brand because to ME its got better nutritional value and less fat ect.

I just have to say try to resist them, I also did discover this particular brand of baked, vegtable crackers make me dump if i eat over the "serving " amount but not the tostito chips and yes its really hard to overcome these cravings but the more you resist the more the "calling" goes away it really will. I know how youar feeling but dont feel defeated its perfectly normal

Hawaiianese Girl · 05-22-2008, 06:27 PM

Thanks for your support, Deborah...I can't stop crying. Danita called me from work (she works second shift) and asked me what was wrong...I bursted into tears and sobbed the whole 15 mins of her lunch break. It's so hard trying to explain this to someone who doesn't experience it. She's not emotionally attached to food the way I am so she doesn't understand a lot of my issues. It's like there are 2 sides of me. When I get a craving, the monster inside me gets tunnel vision and WILL NOT STOP until the food is eaten. The monster doesn't give a damn about the logical me...the one who had the surgery and doesn't want to gain weight or be fat again. Danita says, "You just have to try and fight it." Well, that's easier said than done. I literally don't have control over myself when I get a craving and it sucks because feeling out of control is very scary. It reminds me of the way I was before surgery. I didn't give a DAYUM about what I was eating or drinking. I ate WHATEVER I wanted and I saw a little bit of that person today after it was all said and done with. Now I'm laying in bed feeling nauseous and dealing with gas pains that are out of this world. I just hope that I don't forget how bad this is making me feel so that the next time I crave chicken and chips, I'll associate the bad feeling. Hell, it's worked for broth and pudding! Since that first week, you know where all you can have is broth, jello and popsicles, I'm not able to even THINK about chicken broth or jello or popsicles now. I literally feel like throwing up. I don't know why because it's not like I had a lot of it, I think it's because I associate it with all the pain, misery and discomfort I was in at that time. I had a bad experience in the hospital and I believe I associate the broth with that as well. Let's hope the same works for these yummy foods that I keep craving.
Anyway, Danita and I have decided that me going to the grocery store alone is NOT a good idea so we're gonna try and make sure that it doesn't happen again. I guess it's just too soon for me to be trusted alone...lol

rappaport · 05-22-2008, 06:33 PM

Surprisingly, brushing your teeth was a great idea. Make food taste bad. But you really need to get in touch with yourself and deal with understanding what you're feeling when you reach for those bad things. I have my demons called boredom and stress and it sent me mindlessly grabbing things I didn't even want. So, I created little things to stop that behavior. Like I go immediately and walk on my treadmill, or walk through the house several times till I forget what I was doing. Divert your energy elsewhere and to something positive.

Hang in there, you can beat this!

Hawaiianese Girl · 05-22-2008, 06:39 PM

Thanks for the support and advice Rappaport and Blisandt. I'll try brushing my teeth or something.

rappaport · 05-22-2008, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawaiianese Girl

Thanks for the support and advice Rappaport and Blisandt. I'll try brushing my teeth or something.

Always remember, we all were addicted to food and it's not easy to just stop being addicted. This is a lifelong commitment. Don't beat yourself up over a few bad days. Your real success comes mentally, ridding yourself of those old demons. It doesn't happen overnight, and we're always going to be a work-in-progress. But I know you can do it, and so do you.

Godsblessedme · 05-22-2008, 06:48 PM

Quote:

the monster inside me gets tunnel vision and WILL NOT STOP until the food is eaten

thats me too! but trust me that monster will tame itself soon enough, o i forgot to say that in order for me NOT to eat everything i really crave especially out of bordum, i chew gum. yummmm i smack my gum, pop bubbles and drive everyone around me crazy

fisher1000 · 05-22-2008, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rappaport

Always remember, we all were addicted to food and it's not easy to just stop being addicted. This is a lifelong commitment. Don't beat yourself up over a few bad days. Your real success comes mentally, ridding yourself of those old demons. It doesn't happen overnight, and we're always going to be a work-in-progress. But I know you can do it, and so do you.

Let me just add on to this by saying that sugar free mints could be your best friend.

Especially early out, and even now--I eat SF Lifesaver's Spearmint Mints constantly! Target has this new brand of mints I tried last week called BURN. They are a peach/mango combo with B vitamins to boot! They are freakin' awesome.

You could also chew mint SF gum--anything to take the flavors out of your mind and mouth that you crave!

Like David said, we know you can do it. Look at that face in your avatar--that ain't the face of a quitter sister! You're already beautiful--just keep taking those steps in the better life direction!

Being healthy and thinner is gonna taste a helluva lot better than fried chicken and potato chips---guaranteed!

-Mike