A little depressed.... - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

rappaport · 05-22-2008, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godsblessedme

thats me too! but trust me that monster will tame itself soon enough, o i forgot to say that in order for me NOT to eat everything i really crave especially out of bordum, i chew gum. yummmm i smack my gum, pop bubbles and drive everyone around me crazy

Excellent idea. Wearing headphones and listening to music while you shop is another.

MiladyB · 05-22-2008, 09:07 PM

Sweetie, first of all try not to beat yourself up too much. It really isn't helping how you feel about yourself when you beat yourself up. This isn't an easy journey and old habits are really hard to break. For me it was stopping at the fast food resturants on my way home from work. After surgery I was really scared about how I was going to stop myself because like you they almost called to me. One thing that helped me a lot was to change my routine. I would drive home a different way. At home if I found myself craving food because I was sitting in my favorite chair where I always ate, watching tv...well I sat in a different chair. I've heard of some people even moving their furniture around.

You can find control. You are a strong woman who can do this. I'm sure of it but you need to try to understand what it is that triggers you. Is it habit? Stress? A certain situation? What is it within you that that food feeds? What is the need? Are you bored? Are you grieving the old friend food was for you? What is the void that the food is trying to fill for you?

When you find you want to eat something journal what you are feeling. Stop, take a breath, count to 10 and then write. If you don't want to journal then try to take yourself out of the situation...go take a walk...walk right out of that store...do whatever you have to in order to create a change.

I honestly feel that once you can understand what is triggering you that is when you will be able to gain control.

Phoenixfire · 05-22-2008, 09:28 PM

Well, you're now at the stage where the hard work on the inside starts. The doctor did surgery on your stomach and now you get to do the surgery on your mind, emotions, thoughts and actions. It's the hardest part of the surgery and those of us that have succeeded to lose the weight have had to work on this. It's not simple but it CAN be done.
The key is you must learn to love your pouch. You'll hate it for restricting you, but it is your tool to help you get what you want: a healthy body. Along with THAT, will come a healthy mind. But only if you work on how you treat food, what you treat food as, and how you can change it.
It can be done, and I don't have quick little tips like distracting yourself. Quite the opposite. This is the time that deep internal focus is required. Otherwise you won't figure out and face head-on the very reason you are struggling. The answers are inside you, you just have to be willing to look at them head-on and challenge your past behaviors by replacing them with new ones.
Your pouch controls you now, like it or not (and it sounds like you're not liking it - I went through that too) but it IS YOUR FRIEND.
I hope you find something useful in this?

Hawaiianese Girl · 05-23-2008, 04:47 AM

MiladyB, Rappaprot, and PhoenixFire..thank you. Everything you said made so much sense.

I try to look inside and figure out what my problem is but it's so hard to come up with an answer. I love food but I know there's something deeper. I'm almost positive that it's filling a void for me. I never had a father, I'm an only child and my Mom committed suicide in 2003 and ever since I've been totally out of control with the eating. Certain meals make me feel closer to my Mom and to the rest of my family. I'm all alone in Atlanta (except for Danita) and therefore I'm pretty lonely because my family is in Ohio. And when I think about it, my favorite foods or meals are ones that I've loved for many years, that I used to eat with my Mom or with the rest of my family. I love food that reminds me of home and to have all that taken away from me is very painful. I also eat out of "routine". Going into Publix Grocery store and heading to my favorite chicken counter is my favorite thing to do and alway has been. It makes me feel safe and it's fun. I love hot, salty food and makes me feel warm inside...lol...does that make sense?God that sounds so weird now that I'm saying it. It's simply habit and routine. And now that I'm out 2 months and able to tolerate food that I shouldn't be eating, I'm starting to feel out of control again. I guess I just need to try harder. But God I'm in tears while I'm typing this and I don't know why. I guess it's sad to let my old 'friends' go...my favorite foods. They make me feel closer to home and not so lonely. How do you walk away from something that has this kind of effect?

After surgery I told Danita that I didn't even want to TRY bad food because I knew that if I found out I could tolerate it, it would be ugly. The thing is, I've been feeling this need to want to "be like everyone else" and not feel like an outcast by not being able to eat what everybody else can eat. It's torture for me seeing people eating "normally".

Quote:

Originally Posted By: Fisher1000
Like David said, we know you can do it. Look at that face in your avatar--that ain't the face of a quitter sister! You're already beautiful--just keep taking those steps in the better life direction!

Thanks for your support Fish...you made me cry (good tears though). I'm definitely gonna work on this.

I don't know what I'd do without this forum...thank you so much everyone for your support.

Amandazon247 · 05-23-2008, 06:33 AM

Aww girl take a step back ..... and take a deep breath....people think this is the eay way and they are so wrong.... its not a magical change... it hurts just like being addicted to drugs... the withdraws are awful... they make me quite mean and irritated because now I have to face my emotions and I can just go get a cookie or a piece of chocolate to make it better.... Girl it will get better .. we had surgery the same day so I KNOW how you feel.... I just try and remember when I am craving something ... that I didnt go through all this to be back where I started....... Have you thought of talking to a councelor or someone like that ?.....

splendifor · 05-23-2008, 06:39 AM

I've been reading a book called "when food is love" by Geneen Roth - it's about eating and emotional intimacy and I learned about it from VV. It makes a lot of sense to me and helps me to identify where my "cravings" are coming from... I guess the challenge now is to find new ways to meet those emotional needs that will actually work - I've been considering an OA group or something like that.. and talking to friends and such. What we really crave is connection to others, and it takes awhile to rebuild those neural pathways... you're doing good work as I can see from your posts.. maybe that book could help?

J

Vikkator · 05-23-2008, 06:52 AM

In a city as big as Atlanta, there must be support groups somewhere. This is like any other addiction. It's like being an alcoholic. Although Danita is there to offer emotional support, a group setting might help too. When I went to Weight Watchers meetings I always felt energized when I'd come out of there. It would help me stay focused. You might also find a couple of people you could call when you get these feelings, kind of like the sponsor that alcoholics use.

This forum I'm sure helps, but it might help to actually talk to someone in person. It's also a great way to make friends in your community. Hang in there kiddo! Get some help.

rappaport · 05-23-2008, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawaiianese Girl

I don't know what I'd do without this forum...thank you so much everyone for your support.

Thanks for being open and sharing your feelings. I know it's hard to bare your soul like that, but I think you clearly described the core of your issues and I hope you feel better getting that off your chest. I also hope you find some comfort in knowing that there are many here who care about you and that you are part of this family.

Hawaiianese Girl · 05-23-2008, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by: Rappaport
I also hope you find some comfort in knowing that there are many here who care about you and that you are part of this family.

That means more to me than you know....thank you.

Quote:

Originally Poted by: VikkatorIn a city as big as Atlanta, there must be support groups somewhere.

Well, I guess this is my next project.

Quote:

Originally Posted by: Splendifor
I've been reading a book called "when food is love" by Geneen Roth - it's about eating and emotional intimacy

I'm definitely going to look into this book...thanks for suggesting it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by: Amandazon247
Have you thought of talking to a councelor or someone like that ?.....

I know I need to, but I keep putting it off because I hate drudging things up....it really sucks. I think I made a breakthrough today at lunch time, though. My Mom and I used to love to eat Salt & Vinegar chips together...they were her favorite. Guess which chips I picked up last night at the store? Salt & Vinegar.
So I'm sitting on the bed today at lunch, next to Danita while she was reading all these posts and doing her best to support me, and I leaned over and grabbed the chips. As I popped them into my mouth I could see her anger building and then she just snapped. So, we got into a bit of a fight over the fact that I'm struggling to stay on track and that I need help and here I am STILL eating the chips. She got so frustrated and said some things that were pretty negative. It's not her fault...she doesn't know how to support me or how to deal with this. I can imagine how frustrated she must've felt because she wants to help me so bad and can't stand to see me so in pain and I'm sure she felt helpless. BUT...what she said just made me want to run to the comfort food to seek happiness from it. God this is so crazy. Why do I have to be so emotionally attached to food?
So I began crying and she tried to comfort me but I wanted none of it. She asked me if I minded her giving the chips to a co-worker today or if she threw them away and I absolutely LOST IT. She asked me why she coudn't get rid of the chips and I flung myself down on the bed...sobbing my heart out....and as if someone else was speaking the words for me....out came..
"BECAUSE ME AND MOM ATE THOSE CHIPS TOGETHER AND THEY'RE HER FAVORITE!!!!!"
I'm tearing up just remembering it. I've never cried so hard. I associate those chips with my Mom...God that sounds so crazy right now. I've been doing that for years. All of my favorite foods "link" me to home or to my family or to awesome memories I have from my childhood or to my Mother. This is going to sound crazy but it's very deep...it's as if Danita was going to give my Mom's chips away or that she was taking my Mother's memories away from me. God I really need help...lol

Jennifer Miller · 05-23-2008, 06:41 PM

Please look at yourself in the mirror. You are beautiful.
Eating is like a lot of things, the easy way out. I hope you realize
that two years from now your pouch will not be the same. It
will take more control then you can imagine to keep the lbs off.
Commitment is the answer, the concept of being fat is scary for me.
I live everyday with the fear of getting fat. Sometimes I feel like
"what's the use?" But when I slip into my size 12 jeans or a large top
instead of size 26 I regain my wits. Nothing feels as good as thin.
Nothing. Try a little harder to control your complusive behaviors

.
Jenni