Kelly's story - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

kellyMASS · 06-15-2008, 05:54 AM

Dh and I have decidedwe need to take cpr classes and get her into swimming lessons. I have never been so scared in my life.I am still feeling emotional today.

Vim&Vigour · 06-15-2008, 06:16 AM

Talk about a rough life 'til now Kelly!
Survival of the fittest - not fattest!
Well done you for keeping an eye on your priorities!
Best wishes ahead!
Cheers,
Vim

kellyMASS · 07-02-2008, 08:19 PM

I really need to talk to someone but I cant right now...

My dad's boss called me around 8pm and told me that he is in jail.My dad's boss has always bailed him out of any and all trouble that he has gotten himself in to but this time is different.You see my dad has been clean (heroin addict) for about three months.I have been helping him out alot even putting a truck on the road for him to get back and fourth to work( stupid).I am very close to my dad and always want the best for him and when he is doing good I help him.Well apprently he is not doing all that well.He got arrested for shoplifting but he swears he didnt do it.The weird thing is that I have not gotten a call from him yet.I dont have any idea where he is right now and I dont even want to call and find out if the jail has him.I am so sick of taking care of my parents.They always pick drugs first.I understand how hard it is but I cant keep putting my life on hold to bail him out.But, of course I am sitting here feeling sick with worry.I cant tell my DH because he has been suspecting him of being back on the shit for a while and I have been sticking up for him.I feel like an idiot.He did it to me again.Why do I keep letting this happen.
On a better note I did not turn to food.I watched a sad show and cried.Now I am going to spend some time on TT.Thanks again guys for being my shoulder always..If anyone has advice i really need it right now

Vim&Vigour · 07-03-2008, 12:52 AM

Kelly,
I really feel for you right now and for your times past. What a HUGE responsibility to shoulder and one, on top of that, which is actually not yours. I believe as with all things, there is a point where enough is enough and you seem to have reached it. "The Point" can be for anything positive or negative, insignificant to major. Congratulations for not turning to food. That is indeed one of your major achievements! Being strong for yourself is another way in which to be a "good daughter" whether your parents appreciate it or not, but at least you can claim to have been delivering your part of the parent-child bargain.
I have no experience at all with drugs, nor prison for that matter. The combination of all of it must be very heavy and difficult for you. You appear to have an ally in your father's boss - can you talk with him and get some strength? Would he understand if you explain your "enough is enough" position?
Betrayal is very painful and ultimately wrenching for the best of us. To "lose" your Father to drugs and prison, yet again, is inevitably heartbreaking but to have been lied to and deceived yet again might give you new strength to fight it. By posting here, you have started your protection campaign. You are becoming more assertive, focused and able to self-preserve, it will ultimately benefit your relationship with your DH and family. Like taking the blinkers off that they have seen you wear all along.
Best wishes and strength for the tough times ahead - you have already made a difference for yourself by taking that first step! Congratulations!
Cheers,
Vim

Godsblessedme · 07-03-2008, 08:37 AM

o sweetie i'm SO sorry that you have to deal with your dad like that. As a former drug addict i gotta tell you that you have to distance yourself completely. Do like they do on that show "Intervention" let him / them know that as of TODAY if they do not choose to get help you will have no contact with them and the truck goes away. You gotta keep yourself and child away from that lifestyle completely and you need to be away from him so that he cant hurt you (emotionaly) any more. i'm sorry sweetie

tx mom · 07-03-2008, 08:42 AM

so glad your baby is going to be ok, thank god.

Angel~in~KY · 07-03-2008, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kellyMASS

I feel like an idiot. He did it to me again. Why do I keep letting this happen.

Wow does this ever hit home for me! I understand exactly how you feel. It took TONS of therapy for me to get to a place where I could stop taking care of my Mom and take care of myself instead. It was so hard to stop being in denial about her drug problem. It is so very normal to want to believe the best about the people we love. Letting go of my 'responsibility' for her was the single most hard thing I have EVER done in my life. Giving myself permission to even be angry at her changed my life entirely. Addiction finally claimed her life three years ago when she overdosed on April Fool's Day.

If you want advice (and I'm not sure if that's what you're looking for here) I would say you should exhaust every option you have of forcing your Dad into residental treatment. Once you have exhausted all your options let him go. The bottom line is that you can not fix him. You can make his life harder, and hopefully painful enough that he wants to change, but you can not change his life for him. Everything you do to keep him from being miserable will help him continue to use.

Even if you manage to set these boundaries you won't ever stop worrying about him until the day he dies. And, if your situation is as much like mine as I think, you may find yourself relieved when that day comes. For me that a whole other issue that I'm still dealing with three years later.

PM me if you want to talk more about this... but know that I'm going to be honest about it. With my experiences I can't tell you that everything is going to be OK for him... but you CAN be OK.

Vim&Vigour · 07-03-2008, 01:55 PM

Nice, honest, warm post Angel - sounds as though you have it figured out!
Thank you for sharing.
Cheers,
Vim

RebeccaNV · 07-03-2008, 02:23 PM

I too, can relate to this, other than that my mom is a gambler and not a drug addict. Why do we feel that we must take care of our parents? I am to the point of anger. I don't want to talk with her on the phone. I do the minimum for her that needs to be done. I am just now begining to see how she not only has ruined her relationship with her own sisters and brother, and with me and my brother, but now I can see how it has affected my own relationship with my children. I went to therapy a few times but I don't see how it could help things. I feel guilty for feeling the way that I do. She was the only person there for me when I needed my liver transplant.

Rebecca

kellyMASS · 07-03-2008, 03:11 PM

I am trying to move on from this but I just keep getting pulled back in.I called the court house today and he was released.I can not find him or the van.it is so stressful!I brought my daughter and sister to the water park today. I wanted to be out searching for him but I'm not. I can't do this anymore. I went to see his boss today also and it looks like he lost his job.I would like to find him a rehab but I need to find him first.I just want this to be over.when he got in that accident back in march he was in the hospital for a month and that cleaned him up. When he got out he started the methadone clinic and I thought he was doing great. Boy am I nieve he kept telling me they would kick him off the clinic if he was dirty.I believed him. I am going to a drum corp show tonight and I hope it takes my mind off all this. Angel I thank you for telling your story I needed to hear it.