Mistymee...aka Kel's story... - Page 8 - ThinnerTimes

Vim&Vigour · 07-25-2008, 08:39 AM

Good for you Kel to catch yourself out!
Awareness is already a pretty good tool!
Take a deep breath as regards your kids...
Cheers,
Vim

mistymee · 07-25-2008, 05:07 PM

Thanks Vim..

What I don't understand is.. why even GO there... knowing I shouldn't but allowing myself to do it and then.... not even enjoy eating it or allowing myself to think about it while actually eating? It was like I was a zombie or something, completely zoned out before & during..then hating myself AFTER. In the grand scheme of things, I know I could've done worse, but.. this is what Fat Kelly did.. this is what I did to get to become Fat Kelly. And I didn't like her so much. I don't want to be that person anymore.

Today, I'm back on the right track as far as food & fluid.. the exercising is still on the side track due to my foot, though I have taken several short walks, it's the most I can handle for now. The specialist wants me to do other things besides walking but all of them cost money I don't have.. all would require a gym membership or buying equipment I don't have money to buy so they're all out for the time being. (swimming, biking, elliptical riding.. stuff that won't put added stress on my foot)

I so dearly want that Century Club milestone by Tuesday which will be my 1/2 surgiversary! lol.. I am going to do whatever I can in the next four days to <safely!> get to that 217 mark! I'll take all the cheering on y'all wanna give me

Vim&Vigour · 07-26-2008, 08:47 AM

hej Kel!
Great to have introspection and the ability to do something about it!
Well done for focussing on the next target!
If you can do it, so should I!
Cheers,
Vim

A Subby's Wife · 07-26-2008, 10:36 AM

Kel, I have sat here for the last couple of hours or so and read through your entire story, yes every single post by you and everyone else.
I think you are doing awesome and are being too hard on your self. Your picture now compare to pre-op show an amazing loss of weight and it is noticable. I'm sure many others have had setbacks on what they eat. But, it appears to me, you scold yourself for doing it and revert back to good eating habits. If you were to continue the bad eating habits, then that would be a problem. I also give you a ton of credit for posting your faults. Many people cannot do that and I hope when my time comes that I will be able to post my faults or setbacks. There are so many encouraging members out here, it is awesome.
I love your mathatters cake website, they have some really cute cakes out there. Good luck on your decision for finding that right cake to fit what you want. Especially since the look is what matters to you.
Keep up with the posts, I look forward to keeping with you!

agodewey · 07-26-2008, 11:55 AM

I too have been reading your journey the last couple of hours, and it has inspired me to do my own. It's great that you are recognizing the dysfunctional behavior, and working to change it. However, I also think you are being too hard on yourself. In 12 step groups they say, "relapse is part of recovery." So, the fact that you are not doing things to make you sick, and are aware of the things that you need to change is awesome in and of itself. Keep up the good work!

mistymee · 07-27-2008, 08:57 AM

Thanks for the encouraging words Toi & Jon.. I find myself in a total funk, both last night & this morning. All I can think about is FOOD.. I am so close to this major goal and all I want to do is EAT.. I really struggled yesterday with not sabotaging myself.. and there really isn't anything in the house that is crap.. but just found myself standing in front of my cupboards/fridge too often throughout the day..

What I ended up eating was nearly a whole box of sugar free popsicles (throughout the day)... the pistachio crisps from True North (not sure how much.. bag was partially gone already and bag is now empty... I didn't measure much yesterday.

Breakfast was 1/2 container of FAGE yogurt with Kashi honey almond flax cereal- my very favorite meal these days.

Lunch was 3 inches of a Subway chicken ranch sandwich with the bread part of the roll scooped out.

dinner was the other half of the FAGE & cereal

snacks: the popsicles, two cheese sticks and whatever amount of pistachio chips were in the bag.

What IS my problem?? SO close to that 100 lb mark.. and I feel like I'm reverting to old habits.. is it fear? Am I too scared to reach my goals?

Godsblessedme · 07-27-2008, 09:07 AM

i totally feel ya Kel! the eating everything urge is totally here and i too struggle not to stand in front of my cupboards and refridge. I agree with Jon we almost have to just act like we're in AA and follow the 12 step rules. we CAN do this i think for us and probably a few others its really difficult with our overeating issues. we have to get ahold of them and conquer them i'v seen quite a few lately within the 6-9month range that are struggling with overeatting or the eating urges so i guess its normal around this time so we must have will power

mistymee · 07-27-2008, 09:10 AM

Oh Deb.. I have tears welling up in my eyes.. here I am trying to cheer you on, while you're trying to cheer me on..... why can't we do that for ourselves, too? What is wrong with us?

Vim&Vigour · 07-27-2008, 11:39 AM

Kel,
I have just come back from seeing "Mamma Mia" with my daughter (who came back gorgeous, tanned and happy from Greece this morning - she is 19).
I bought 1/2 a day's worth of water which I sipped throughout the entire performance, so half a goal reached!
But, apart from the actors being big names, I enjoyed the film immensely: I know the music and can identify with it and the 1970s... But what inspired me was, whilst being virtuous with my water, the fact that they portrayed having "fun" - pure simple fun (albeit with a few stresses!). They were dancing, moving their arms and bodies to the music, they were LIVING! My daughter (a chorister) was trying hard not to sing, and I was writhing in my seat, desperate to loosen up!
When we came home, I got an ice lolly to cool down and took the 3 dogs for a marathon 45 minute walk - they are really flaked, lying in recovery position and I am sweating! Feeling really good.
What was it all about? Motivation, motivator, inspiration.
You'll see from my signature that each time I feel down, I struggle to choose the positive over the negative...
Keep your head up and think of you on your wedding day, in your gorgeous new sexy underwear and outfit! Only for YOU!
Cheers,
Vim

rachalrg · 07-27-2008, 12:02 PM

Kel,

I truly believe this prayer. It just speaks to me all the time and I hope it helps you. At least to show you you can change the things you need to change and so on...