mistymee

True, I did stop myself, though I was very upset that I allowed my feelings towards that scum affect me in a way that was so negative towards MYSELF. It doesn't affect HIM if I eat myself to death.. he'd probably relish that happening!

He's a man very much like Whitney's STBX.. into porn and skanky women... but he has done all he can to try to control me since our divorce anyway.. ugh. One of the reasons I have been so reticent to put up pictures. I do worry that he'll find me and I'll have to leave

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mistymee

Oh Gawd, NO.. you're not alone.. though I will say my stuffing my face with SF cool whip isn't *quite* the same as you know WHAT! LOL..

It really is our heads that can screw us up, isn't it? I mean.. neither one of our bodies was screaming for that cool whip or the other stuff.. just our heads..

I do feel I've made huge progress overall, though. I used to sooth myself with your neighbors Ben, and his good buddy Jerry far too often. I actually don't really miss that so much anymore. (at this time, don't hold me to that comment! )

I'm seeing my surgeon & my nut this Friday. I am considering making an appointment with someone to talk to, just to get some things out in the open. I need to figure out why I revert to self-destructive ways.. now it's not food so much, but other things. (Like TT!!!)

As for listening.. no problem! You return the favor as well.. so we're good!

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mistymee

I'm seeing the Nut & the surgeon this AM.. I guess I have been worried about this, or maybe it's in response to the two threads on here yesterday regarding newbies eating what they shouldn't be eating and what not... but last night I had a dream (NIGHTMARE!) that I ate not just the toppings off a small slice of pizza, but the entire pizza- no problems and I was shocked and dismayed with myself and scared that if I was able to eat it all I was going to stay fat forever.

I've lost 73 lbs since that first appointment with my surgeon back in Nov of '07. I still have more than that to lose and I'm scared that I won't be able to get there..

I will admit right here and now that I have to work hard to fight the jealous and envious feelings I get when someone posts to having had their surgery before or near my surg. date and they've lost 20, 30, 40+ pounds more than me..(then when they admit they're eating junk I think WHAT??) So I wonder WTH am I doing that is so wrong?

I walk three times a day, some for 15 to 20 minutes and one that is at least 30 minutes... plus I am very physically active at other times.. I get in WAY more than my 10,000 recommended steps a day. I eat my proteins, I track my calories (ranging from about 650 to 900 a day), I track my fluids. I get to eat so little now that I want to make sure it is *good* stuff going in...

Even when I'm online here reading posts, I never read more than a couple before I get up and do something, unless I am chatting with people (which is why I don't go into the chat more often than I do.. I could easily spend all night sitting here talking to people..I love talking with friends )

So anyway, I'll post back later with what the docs have to say. I'm anxious to get copies of my blood work results, though I will have to wait a while for that.. I *really* am looking forward to seeing my A1C.... a year & a half ago, my A1C was in the 6's... it has gone up as high as 9.4 when my BG went skyrocketing out of control and so I am anxious about this one the most! I've only used insulin twice in the last month as I haven't needed it, so it should be a good number!



(ooops! forgot to hit SEND LOL..).. will report the details of the appointment later.. on my way out, though.

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Godsblessedme

YEAH! i'm so ticked when i see stuff like that
cant wait to hear your doc appt results

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Deborah
Highest weight 268
Surgery Date: 12/18/07 Lap RNY
Current Loss: However far this journey will take me Current Weight:175 (10/26/09) and finally a SIZE 12

mistymee

Hi Deborah... (and anyone else that is actually reading this! LOL)

When I went to the doc's today.. 1st I have to say, I walked up the HUGE flight of stairs to her office which I was just thrilled with.. I'm so excited about that.. then I 'jogged' down the stairs.. I did that at the insurance company office yesterday, too (auto, not health related). Wow.. you can't believe how excited I got over being able to do stairs! lol.

Both my nut & surgeon were thrilled with my progress... said it looks like I'm doing all the right things and that I'm *crazy* to be disappointed with my weight loss up to this point.. to *stop* worrying about whether others are faster or what not, we're all different, yada yada.. just like everyone here keeps telling us. *sigh*.

I did ask for clarification on some things with the nutritionist, like the fact that last time she wanted me at 600 to 800 calories a day and how to stay in that range with the 70 grams of protein, plus the fiber (which is always carby and tends towards adding up calories quickly) I need due to constipation..

She said that the 600 to 800 is a general range and that I can go higher, depending on what I'm eating.. for instance, if I'm eating a fatty fish like salmon, because that's still a healthy type of fish, so it's okay to go higher. (Since I don't eat any seafood, then I that isn't a consideration. I need to trend towards the lower end, but 800 isn't necessarily the absolute limit)..

I still find all that on the confusing side, considering so many say they have no calories restrictions, just watching protein, and fat content.

As for the rest.. I'm being sent for blood work so I have no information there.. my blood pressure was down significantly though and the nurse cheered for me when she took it... Aww.. that made me happy.

The docs scale was 2.5 lbs higher than my own scale, but then at home, I'm weighing before food or liquid, after using the bathroom and buck naked...here, I was fully dressed (including my hair in a french twist with clips, and jewelry on..) so I attribute the slightly higher weight to that

All in all.. a good report from the doc

(oh.. I forgot to mention.. the lady in the hallway near the elevators cheered when I turned down the open elevator door saying "I'm taking the stairs this time!" LOL.. then she showed up in the surgeons waiting room a few minutes after me.. and said "I can't wait till I can do the stairs too!".. We had a nice chat in while waiting..it was good.)

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fisher1000

Can I make a request? (And this isn't just for you Kelly, it's for all the women on this board.)

First, men are reading your posts. When the posts include the words: naked, boobies, butt, frolic, or hot oil--nothing else you write gets through.

Second, Kel--I read your entire post, got to the end, and asked myself, "Did she say she was naked?"

I know you wrote profound and important stuff, but it took me reading through it three times before I, too, cheered for your blood pressure.



-Mike

mistymee

OMG, Mike..my daughter just came in asking what I was guffawing about! LOL... I truly did laugh out loud!

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Godsblessedme

hurray Kel! thats great and thanks for sharing the nutritionist info i have NO idea where i should be on the calorie scale i see some on here that are years out and only eat 900/ day which is where i am so maybe i do need to cut back?

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Deborah
Highest weight 268
Surgery Date: 12/18/07 Lap RNY
Current Loss: However far this journey will take me Current Weight:175 (10/26/09) and finally a SIZE 12

mistymee

I see you've been part of that discussion of calories on the other thread.. it does seem that many here who've done REALLY well and whose opinions I trust are telling me that the calories might be too LOW. I know I didn't lose well on the significantly lower calorie number... My weight loss just seems so much slower than some and I do wonder if I am being too strict on them.

If you add the fact that we're eating that many calories.. but have the malabsorption to deal with then our bodies aren't REALLY getting that many to use so maybe we are starving ourselves 'fat'?

That would seriously suck, wouldn't it????

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Godsblessedme

absoulutly Kel i know that we need more than 6-800 calories and that we also have the malabsorbtion. i TRY to eat at least 900 now. i have to push myself to do that because i litterally will forget to eat. I crack up thinking about that now

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Deborah
Highest weight 268
Surgery Date: 12/18/07 Lap RNY
Current Loss: However far this journey will take me Current Weight:175 (10/26/09) and finally a SIZE 12