SueZQ's Journal, A time to heal - ThinnerTimes

Groovey kinda Love · 04-13-2005, 09:10 PM

Time is winding down, and I have had lots of time to reflect on the way things have gone in my life. One week from today I will be leaving for Chicago knowing that the following day will be the day I cross over to my knew life. I have thought about how things have gone and how I have reacted to stress, grief and disapointment in my life. From this day on I have forgiven the people who have wronged me or hurt me in any way shape or form. No I don't believe I can forget my past but through much prayer I believe the pain will lessen and lessen as time goes by and I no longer hold the person captive who has done me wrong. Like everyone I have my own history, and like everyone there are things in my past that only God can heal, but his grace is sufficient and this too shall pass.

All of my life I have held others responsible for what happens to me.... not realizing it, but it was always someone elses fault. I am responsible for myself, no longer a child, I realize there are times that things come against us and we may not even see it comming; but I am responsible for my actions and no matter what someone else does I want to do better.

I am starting a new chapter in my life. Gone with the old Sue and here with the new. Gone with the old "woo is me" attitude and here with the "I know I am an over commer". It takes 35 days to break or make a habbit, and today I am going to make or break myself!!! I want this surgery to be a success and in order for that to be so I need to let go of what my father did to me as a child, I need to let go of the rape that took place at work and the boss fired me instead, I need to let go of the anger I had for my ex-husband who drove me into a weight issue in the first place..... You see there is so many things that we can blame for our bingeing or eatting habbits, and though they don't help it boils down to the person behind the fork. I am a new creation, all things pass away and all things become new!

Reversing the process of being over weight to being fit and trim first must start in my mind. I must think like the fit person I once was, and I must also behave like the fit person I once was. I can be a very diciplined person when I want to be, and my will power is exceptional but only when I want to use it. From now on from this day on, I will fight the cause, because I know I am worth it; and I am very blessed with a wonderful family and friends who have been there from the start and have helped me along, it is time I stand on my own two feet and stop using food, and junk as an excuse as my crutch.

There is so much I want to do in my life, and I find that sometimes I can't accomplish them cause I am a "big girl" I get winded to easily or I can't run cause my knees or ankles stiffen up on me, but no more...... if I can't run I'll walk, and if I get winded I'll slow down..... but the time has come no looking back, forward march !!!! I am a determined person and there is no changing my mind. to be continued!!!!

watergirl · 04-14-2005, 05:34 AM

You will be successful! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

I wish you peace these last few days of waiting.

JohnsWife4Life · 05-09-2005, 02:27 PM

I am so sorry I missed this post Suez. I had to back off this thing a minute. I was spending every minute between work and sleep on this site. I can keep up with all the posts, but man it means 12 hours on and 12 hours work, then when can I sleep. To be continued... It is time. I love you Suez!