So, I'm new here...But I feel so lost, alone, and depressed, and don't really know what to do...
My story thus far... (in a semi-nutshell
)
I graduated high school in 2003. I was 380-ish pounds, and I hated myself. I tried to go to college, tried to have a normal life...tried to live, and all that got me was more depressed and heavier. So, after thinking about it for 2 years, I decided to have the gastric bypass surgery (open) in 2005, right after my 20th birthday.
There were no (major) complications, I was released out of the hospital 4 days after my surgery. I followed the diet and other instructions down to the very last period at the end of every sentence, and by 6 weeks after my surgery, everything seemed to be going great, I had lost almost 50 pounds. I was excited.
On July 20th, 2005, I woke up and felt really odd. My brother's birthday was the day before, and I had assumed it was from smelling the triple chocolate lava cake my mom had made him!
I made some tea to try and calm my stomach. About an hour later, my brother was on the phone with my mom who was at work...I got up to go to the bathroom because I felt sick...As soon as I got there, I started throwing up massive amounts of blood and was doubled over with the most horrific pain I have ever experienced...I started crying, my brother freaked out, and my mom ended up calling 911 from her work (which, ironically, is at the hospital)...When the ambulance got there, the EMTs told me that I had thrown up 950 mLs of blood, and they were freaking out...
When I got to the ER, my surgeon was there, and he took me upstairs and did an EGD, I woke up the next day hooked up to 2 IVs, a central line, and had already had 4 liters of blood. He has diagnosed me with an ulcer. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks, throwing up almost 1200 mLs of blood every other day. My mom finally got tired of everyone telling her different things, and I was transfered to a hospital 2 hours away that had a bariatric specialist.
He did an EGD the next day and told me that my stapleline between my old stomach and the pouch had completely broken down. My "new stomach" was emptying into my "old stomach." I was transferred to ICU that day after I threw up 2000 mLs of blood. My mother later told me that the specialist was very upset with what he saw. "Freaked out and pissed off" were the exact words she used. He told her that my surgery had been botched and how in his 25+ years of doing bariatric surgery, he had never seen anything like me...He had never seen a staple line break down after only 6 weeks after surgery. He also said that the surgery was done wrong in the first place, that the "old stomach" was supposed to be moved down so that it could never be used again. My "old stomach" was never moved, therefore the stapleline between the 2 stomachs had ripped apart and the were semi-whole once again.
I was in the ICU for 6 months, throwing up 1000+ mLs of blood every other day. I've had so many blood transfusions, I lost count around 134...I was in so much pain that they had to put me on a narcotic pain medicine that is usually only used for terminal cancer patients. Every other day I was taken for tests, EGDs, X-rays, Angiograms (to find the source of the bleeding), etc etc etc etc...
One day, after 6 months, the specialist came into my room and told me that the only thing left to do was take out my entire digestive system. By then I was so numb to everything that I didn't even blink an eye. But for some odd reason, 6 days after he told me that....I stopped throwing up blood.
After 2 weeks of not throwing up blood he decided to let me go home. I was still in so much pain though that he kept me on the medicine.
When I got home, I would have times when I would throw up blood or be in so much pain that I would have to go to the ER. This became a 3-times a week thing. In 2006, I was in the ER over 120 times.
Well, it's been 3 years, and I am still suffering. I still throw up blood on a daily basis, though it isn't as much as it used to be. I stopped taking the pain medicine, but for the past 6 weeks, I have been in so much pain that I cannot even get out of bed. The doctor will not give me anything (which isn't what I'm asking for...I want an answer for why I am in pain, and how to make it go away...) No one knows what to do with me. No one has any answers.
I am 23 years old, I live at home with my mother, I cannot work, I cannot go to school, therefore I am not eligible to receive any kind of insurance. I am in so much pain everyday that I am....just ready to cut my own throat. My doctor said there is nothing he can do, and since I do not have any insurance, I cannot go see the specialist to see why I am still in so much pain and still throwing up blood after 3 years. This is a nightmare.
I have lost most of the weight due to the fact that I cannot keep anything down. If I smell food, I get sick...if I even look at food, I will get sick. I am hospitalized every other week for dehydration and malnutrition. They have
actually classified me as "an involuntary anorexic/bulemic."
Everyone has told me to sue the original doctor, yet I cannot find a lawyer, and I was told that I only had 3 years to file the lawsuit. That 3 years runs out on May 30th.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I am so lost...After all of those months in the hospital...these past
years of not being able to do anything...I have lost all that I once was....I used to be this artistic, knowledge-thirsty, wannabe-ER-doctor....And now.....I am nothing. I feel like I lost my soul and my sanity in that ICU...And I don't know how to get it back. I want to do so much with my life...But moreso, I just want to lay down and die. I honestly would rather be 1000 pounds than have to go through this.
What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? I'm almost ready to do surgery and take out my own "entire digestive system."
I'm 23 years old. I should be starting my first year of med school. I just want to get better and get on the rest of my life...I just want the pain to go away...And I am 100% completely lost at how to do this...any of this... ........Help?
Neverending Nightmare...
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