Not for the faint: Tanya's Story - ThinnerTimes

tazbabygirl69 · 04-09-2005, 08:13 AM

STOP NOW IF YOU ARE SQUEEMISH!

Hello,

My name is Tanya and I am Morbidly Obese. My story begins at the age of 9 when an extremely traumatic event occurred in my life; I was raped by 8 guys. At the time I was under the care of a babysitter because my single mother worked the night shift. The babysitter didn’t believe me and wouldn’t let me call my mother. I had to attempt to sleep that night until my mother came to get me in the morning. My mother listened; she believed me and immediately took steps to bring those responsible to justice. Back then rape was still swept under the rug and not much was done. Three of the offenders were sentenced to 3 months in Juvenile Detention, the remaining five were considered on-lookers and therefore not guilty. As far as the law was concerned, it was over.

But at home, it was just beginning. I turned to food to protect me. I thought “if I make myself so fat and disgusting this will never happen again.” In the beginning, I would avoid all men. I would cross the street just so I wouldn’t have to pass one on the sidewalk. But then I set out on a path of destruction. I became a doormat for boys and men alike. Even my niece’s father got in a little action and I was only 12 at the time. As my body started changing, I discovered that I actually did like boys. But by this time, it was too late. I was known as the fat n****r that could crush you. I was the girl who beat up the boys for making fun of me. I pretty much kept to myself and ate.

Fast forward to my junior year in High School. We moved from CA to AZ and it was a chance to start over. Nobody knew who I was. Great right? No. That stigma followed me. I was still that fat chick who didn’t belong. Finally I was a senior. I had a few friends from the drama club. It was a place where I didn’t have to be me, so I fit in perfectly. I was asked to the senior prom by this guy I really liked. I thought this is awesome; things are turning around for me. A week before the prom he came to me and said he didn’t want to go with me. He said he only asked because he knew I wanted to go with him. Well let’s just go eat some more, which will make me feel better.

Out of High School I went right into DeVry. I met my son’s father there. He and I dated for about a year and a half. We both left school and kind of lost track of each other. I ran into him about two years later and we got back together. We got engaged and were planning a trip to NY so I could meet his parents. Well, the good Lord decided we needed a child (and I say that because we used double protection but I have a son). Three months into the pregnancy, he goes nuts calling me a whore and saying he was just a sperm donor. He heads off to NY without me and almost nine years later, he still hasn’t met his son.

Ever since my son was born, I wanted to give him the best life possible. I quit my $5/hr fast food job and went back to school. I graduated from a vocational school the day before his first birthday and started my new corporate job two days later. Over the years, I keep trying to get in shape so I can do stuff with him. I bought a home gym, exercise videos, and every diet book I could get my hands on. I managed to lose some weight and then, bam, my feet are killing me, I can’t take this anymore. I go see a podiatrist. Well Tanya, you have what’s called Morton’s Neuroma. It’s an enlarged nerve in the ball of the foot putting pressure on the joints. After other non-invasive treatments we elected to go with surgery. It ended up being the first of six surgeries on my feet; an average of 1 a year for the next six years.

In January of 2004 I started seeing a Diabetic specialist to help with my weight loss. He had me join a gym and I worked out with his personal trainer. After eight months of six days a week, I was five pounds heavier than when I started. Everybody kept telling me that muscle weighs more than fat and all that. But hey, shouldn’t my clothes fit looser. They didn’t, in fact I had to buy a bigger size. Well I stopped working out because I was having problems with my feet again. Christmas week I ended up having surgery number 5 and just after the New Year I had number six.

So here I am recovered from all that and I go to my doctor for a check up because I had a blood pressure spike of 190/103 and I was scared to death. I get on the scale and I see the number 269, that’s fifteen more pounds in three months. I just lost it. I’m in the room just crying and the dr. comes in and can’t understand what’s wrong. I finally stop crying long enough to explain to her what I was feeling. We get to talking about WLS and she agrees to give me a referral to the bariatric surgeon.

Confession time: When I started with the Diabetic specialist, I was one of those people who swore I would not have surgery. I wanted to do this on my own. I didn’t want to take the “easy way out.”

Thank goodness, I am one to get all the facts and I can admit when I was wrong. I researched throughout the entire process. I began to realize just how uneasy it was to have the surgery. The changes that have to be made both mentally and physically helped me to see that it wasn’t “cheating” as some of my acquaintances call it.

Here I am and most of my friends and family are behind me 100%. I have only one surrogate mother who is dead set against it. I decided I just won’t mention it in her presence. Now, I have seen the psychologist and she of course recommended counseling afterwards to deal with that whole rape thing. As she put it, all of my defenses will be gone after surgery. No fat to hide behind. No food to comfort me and protect me.

I just have to wait for the recommendation letter from my PCP and then the surgeon will send the packet for insurance approval. That’s all for now, thanks for reading my story. I hope to have a very happy ending to it.

Well, I was approved for surgery on November 1, 2005. I wasted no time getting in. I had surgery on Thursday November 17, 2005. That's right, one week before Thanksgiving. All my friends and co-workers were worried about me enjoying my Thanksgiving 'dinner'. The truth is, I didn't care about missing out on turkey as it was and still is one of my least favorite foods. Thanksgiving dinner consisted of cream of potato soup. I will say this, smelling the stuffing was the hardest.

LizardQueen · 04-09-2005, 08:21 AM

You are a very strong person. I am so sorry for all you have been through. It's great you are able to share your experiences. I was molested by my step father and i still can't say much on the subject. Food protected me for years too, but never again! Thanks for sharing your story. Just know you are not alone. I'm here for you!!!

Dara · 04-09-2005, 09:05 AM

Tanya and Amber:

I have said this before...if we did a roll call, I think that the great majority of us would have some history of sexual abuse in our past. We have used food (translation: weight/fat) as our shield all of our lives.

I learned that my yo-yo dieting and my inability to keep weight off was directly related to my vulnerability level. As the weight would come off, I would feel at risk. Poof! The weight would come back with vengeance. I just couldn't handle the vulnerability.

For WLS patients who are sexual abuse survivors, it is IMPERATIVE that there is some type of counseling involved. I truly believe this is an integral part of success after WLS surgery. The emotional and psychological changes are just as important as the physiological changes. As Dr. Callery says, he operates on the stomach, not the head. The head must be addressed!

Bottom line, ladies: We are survivors! We deserve happiness. We deserve good health. WLS is a tool to get there. But please, please, please don't forget that the biggest scar to heal is in the head.

May God help us all. Much love to you...

VanessaSFL · 04-09-2005, 09:55 AM

Tayna~I really enjoy real life stories.That was one of the best posts I have read.I am very excited for you and this journey.

Dara~You and Dale have the most calming effect on me when I read your posts.Not sure why.

Thanks,,Vanessa

Dara · 04-09-2005, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanessaSFL

Dara~You and Dale have the most calming effect on me when I read your posts.Not sure why.

Vanessa:

Maybe it's because I'm almost old enough to be your mom!

LOL

Whatever it is, I'm glad it helps you.

Anytime, my dear..

Jeanie · 04-09-2005, 11:12 AM

Thanks for sharing that with us. I'm sure in some ways it brought back memories that you didn't want to bring back, but it also helped a little just to talk about. My Grandma's son did it to me (I won't even say he is a family member) I hate him with everything I have. The problem is I didn't tell anybody until I was 16, and I only told my Mom. I begged her not to tell my Dad as he would have killed him. It's sad that so many women have to go through this. Just know that you're not alone. There are many people that are here to help. I can't wait to here the happy ending. Keep us posted.

watergirl · 04-09-2005, 06:30 PM

What a heart felt story. My heart aches that you had to endure such tragedy. You have the most beautiful smile in the world! Your son is so perfect in every way.

God bless you and I can't wait for Tanya Part II!

tazbabygirl69 · 04-09-2005, 07:16 PM

Thank you all so much. I know that others have come before me and there will be others after me that have endured the same. It has always helped me to talk/write about it because it is a part of who I am. I can't change it, but I can attempt to control how it makes me feel. You all have inspired me and I thank the Lord I found this site. I haven't had too many people in my life who truly understand. Like most of you, I always had to hear, "eat less and exercise more and you'll lose weight." Yeah, that worked didn't it!

Again, thank-you all for the words of encouragement and support.

Blueyz · 04-09-2005, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanessaSFL

Tayna~I really enjoy real life stories.That was one of the best posts I have read.I am very excited for you and this journey.

Dara~You and Dale have the most calming effect on me when I read your posts.Not sure why.

Thanks,,Vanessa

Vanessa~

Maybe it is because we are the same age. I never thought that what I post means anything to anyone. I am touched and happy to be here. This is such a wonderful family.

Americanwoman397 · 04-09-2005, 07:31 PM

You are a very strong woman and I believe after reading that you are going to make it through this just fine. Thank you very much for telling us your story it is very nice to see we are not alone in things that happend to us. I would for sure take the thearpy after surgery I know it has helped me a lot. My boyfriend and I go once or twice a month together as well. It has helped me so much deal with the issuse of why I ate. I was molested by my cousin from the age of about 6 to 9. It was not a good ordeal and I never told any one. It wasn't until after my sugery I came clean with people about it. It makes it so much easier to talk about when you really see you are not alone in life.

Remember no matter what you are going through I'm sure someone here as been through it and we will do everything we can to help you. Wishing you all the best.

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