Not for the faint: Tanya's Story - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes

Americanwoman397 · 04-11-2005, 07:56 AM

You know I had my weekly app on Friday with my therapist and we talked about this subject. It is only now that I really see the light of things. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm in control. I have slept with so many guys and given oral favors to guys because of thinking it was the only way a guy could love me. When every guy still walked out on me and I felt my own father didn't love me I started to really give up on life. Over the past couple of months I've been dealing with the fact that I don't need to give sexual favors for a man to love me. I can't help if a man doesn't love me.

Star the guy I'm with now has helped me so much in seeing this. He tells me every day just how much he loves and never pushes me for sex. I mean last night I was so tired that I couldn't hold me eyes open and he just held me tight until I went to sleep. You know the one thing I don't get through all of this is why I still struggle with the thought of how someone can love me for me. He knows everything there is to know about me past and what I went through. I'm struggling now with the thoughts of him regretting moving here to be with me because things are tight. He is having problems finding a job, his dad is having some health issues and I know he misses the heck out of his best friend in Texas (where he moved from). I mean when ever I talk to him about it he says that he got the best of everything moving here to be with me. When I talk to Nancy (my therapist) she says that it's his choice but how do I get over this. I mean I've had it drilled into my head growing up that if it's to good to be true it probably is. How do I get over this?

Barbarajo · 04-11-2005, 10:02 AM

Tonya,

I have been struggling with this for a long time. I just have not felt lovable for my whole life. It isn't until now that I am 43 almost 44 that I am beginning to except love from my husband, mom, son, dad, etc. The harder one for me is understanding and excepting the fact that God loves me. It has been a struggle to say the least.

Try an excersise that I have been doing for the past couple of months. Just lay in Star's arms and ask him to hold you tight but not too tight and say I recieve your love for me. I don't have to earn it, I just recieve it. You don't have to say it out loud but it helps if you do. Don't be suprised if you start crying cuz you probably will. If you believe in God as I do. Try doing the same thing with Him. I put my arms in the air as if reaching for my dad and say i recieve your love for me. Then i just wait for a couple of minutes. It is very powerful and great therepy for a broken life.

Americanwoman397 · 04-11-2005, 11:15 AM

Barbara
Thanks this is something I'm just starting to own up to with everyone. I will try this tonight and I'm sure it will help once I've done it a few times. I'm sure it's going to be just like seeing me as pretty. It took him saying it a couple under times and I have started to believe it. Thank you so much for this.

Dara · 04-11-2005, 01:14 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I've always felt unworthy of anyone's love. My history of sexual abuse ingrained those feelings in me. Then, in my first serious relationship, I chose a man who was emotionally unavailable and psychologically abusive, just perpetuating my feelings of unworthiness.

It took a major mental breakdown and years of therapy to repair some of those feelings. I found my husband after a lot of hard work on me. Then it took me over two years to believe that my husband really, truly, unconditionally loved me. I kept thinking he would leave me. Now I can say it and really believe that he's in the relationship for the long haul--good, bad or ugly. That feeling is a wonderful thing.

Good luck with your progress and journey for self-love. You're worth it!

Groovey kinda Love · 04-11-2005, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dara

Tanya and Amber:

I have said this before...if we did a roll call, I think that the great majority of us would have some history of sexual abuse in our past. We have used food (translation: weight/fat) as our shield all of our lives.

I learned that my yo-yo dieting and my inability to keep weight off was directly related to my vulnerability level. As the weight would come off, I would feel at risk. Poof! The weight would come back with vengeance. I just couldn't handle the vulnerability.

For WLS patients who are sexual abuse survivors, it is IMPERATIVE that there is some type of counseling involved. I truly believe this is an integral part of success after WLS surgery. The emotional and psychological changes are just as important as the physiological changes. As Dr. Callery says, he operates on the stomach, not the head. The head must be addressed!

Bottom line, ladies: We are survivors! We deserve happiness. We deserve good health. WLS is a tool to get there. But please, please, please don't forget that the biggest scar to heal is in the head.

May God help us all. Much love to you...

Dara
I totaly agree whole heartedly with you!, It seems that so many of us on here have so much incommon, I mean more than the obvious morbid obesidy. What was the driving force? ect.... I feel for all you wonderful people and I know that you are strong and you will come through.

HAMPTON5555 · 04-11-2005, 09:30 PM

Tanya,

It took alot of courage to write your story. My heart aches for the little girl lost that horrible night. I am inspired by your fortitude to preservere and not allow that experience to over take you.

You look like a loving mother and reading your words are healing to so many unfortunate women who have had similar experiences. Perhaps, not to that extreme or possibly worse. I have hid an incedence in my life, from when I was 16 years old. So few people know the details, but I can say that trying to hide myself in an overweight body only hurt myself. In time, I hope I will be able to openly deal with the experience.

Thank you for sharing, it inspires the best of ourselves to emerge.

Good luck to you!!

Rain

misty gunn · 05-06-2005, 10:04 PM

Thank you for sharing your story, you are an amazing, strong woman.
I will be praying for you and your son.Keep us updated on your date.

twokids · 05-07-2005, 07:07 PM

Thank you for sharing. I can so relate. I was also raped and turned to food to protect me. You and your son's pictues are wonderful!

This is a great place to share and not feel out of place when you do so.

tazbabygirl69 · 05-07-2005, 09:48 PM

Thank-you both. I decided a while back that I couldn't let them control my life any longer. Of course the damage had already been done. Now I am working my a** off (literally) to reverse that damage.

Just as an update, I have my cardio appointment on Friday the 13th.

I don't know if that's such a good thing. We shall see.

blondie · 07-17-2007, 05:29 AM

Hi, Tanya!!

When I Looked At Your Age I Couldn't Believe It ! I Thought You Were In Your Early Twenties. You Look Beautiful!! You Survived A Few Horrible Chapters In Your Life And It Seems From Your Posts That You Have Dealt With It The Best You Can. I Do Not Hear Any Bitterness OR Self Defeating Comments About Yourself Which Is Truly Remarkable To Me Considering What You've Been Through. It's So True That "hate Breeds Hate", But You've Turned Your Situation Around To Benefit You. I Struggle With My Abusive Past Just Like The Rest Of Us On This Site. I Don't Live My Life In The Past. I Just Know That I Am The Way I Am Because Of It. I Believe That If More People, Women, Men,teens And Children Continue To Report All Forms Of Abuse, It Will No Longer Be A Taboo Subject Swept Under The Carpet. The Dirty Little Secret Needs To Continue To Be Exposed. The Cycle Of Abuse And What Abuse Does To The Survivor Needs To End!! God Bless You, Tanya. Thank You For Sharing Your Story. Can't Wait To Hear That You've Been Approved!!

"trust In The Lord With All Your Heart And Lean Not On Your Own Understanding; In All Your Ways Acknowledge Him, And He Shall Direct Your Paths". Proverbs 3:5-6

Getting Closer To Surgery Date Of August 2, 2007 !!
Dr. Gagne, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Highest: 237 Current:229 Goal: 130-140
Bmi: 39
5'4"