Originally Posted by Christina

A year ago today I was preparing to change my life.
I didn’t know the complete impact this surgery would have though. I checked into the hospital the night before so I had my bags packed, my hair braided and my cell phone charged. As I was leaving for the hospital I took my final drinks of Dr. Pepper, which I knew would be the most difficult separation ever. On the way to the hospital I sat in the back of the car and didn’t really say much other than giving directions. I looked out of the window and watched the world go by, trying to take every last detail in. I wasn’t sure if I would make it through surgery, so I wanted to really appreciate the beauty one last time. Of course it was about 11:30 PM so I couldn’t see much. Anyway I had already written letters to my family telling them all good bye, I had written my obituary out because I didn’t want anyone to forget that I was preceded in death by my daughters which I had lost at 31 weeks. There were so many thoughts that went through my head. I wasn’t concerned so much about the pain; I had been through many surgeries before so the incision itself wasn’t my greatest fear. I wondered where I would be a year from then, what I would look like as a thin person (I hadn’t been thin for many years, and now looking back and trying on old “thin” clothes, I wasn’t as thin as I had thought I was.) I wondered if I would ever find someone who loved me just for me and would be kind and not hurt me physically and/or mentally. I wondered if I would be the first person that didn’t lose weight with this surgery. I pondered if I would truly be able to give up soda or sweets or carbohydrates. How could a person possibly survive only eating two bites of anything after all? I had been to all of the support groups and met many friends and even though I was embarking on this journey right about the same time as them, I wasn’t sure even if they would accept me for who I was or if they would ever truly be a full time part of my life. I called Tracie one last time before she had to get ready for her trip and she talked me into not eating even though I wanted to so bad. I just really wanted cereal at that moment. I talked to Karen and Sandi since they wanted to know how I was holding up and tell me they were excited for me. I did my freaking out on the phone probably mostly with Tracie. It was then that I realized that these people really liked ME not just the image of me. They weren’t my friends because I made them look better by being fat. (You all know what I am talking about too, the fat friend that makes you look better.. geeez people are shallow) These women really liked me, women, I had never had women friends, they were all too rude for me. I felt a sense of peace and calm go over me as we entered the hospital parking lot. When I walked into the ER the lady said she was waiting for me. I was a few minutes late, oops! Anyway my Dad went out and smoked a cigarette and my Mom sat with me in the Emergency Room while I was waiting for the registration clerk to call me in. After I checked in I grabbed my CPAP machine and headed upstairs. I gave my Dad the Insurance card and stuff so that I didn’t lose it between moving rooms. When I got upstairs the phlebotomist was waiting at my room for me. He gave me a cup for urine to check for pregnancy and took my blood. I then changed out of my clothes and gave those to my parents to take with them as I wouldn’t be needing them for a few days and honestly because I didn’t want them to have to come back and get them if something were to happen to me. Anyway they gave me an Ambien and I laid on the bed watching TV for probably about 5 minutes and I was out. The funny thing was, I was watching a show on Discovery Health about gastric bypass. The nurse woke me up in the morning and had me take a pill for what I can’t remember I was just glad to have water. I went in and took the betadine shower paying close attention to getting all of the areas that would be touched in surgery. I looked at my body in the mirror and stood there and just examined myself. I brushed my teeth and got back in bed to wait for them to take me downstairs. This little transporter came and looked at me then went and got two guys to help her pull the bed. I said you know I could get out and walk, or you could just stop over dramatizing because I have pulled 500 lb patients in the “big beds” before by myself and they pretty much push themselves, all you have to do is steer the bed. I was mad and I let her know it. She just kept giggling and making faces behind my back or so she thought, I could see her in the elevator reflection. I wanted to smack her but I had better things to think about. My parents met me outside of the OR and my Dad kissed me and told me he loved me. When I got into the pre-op holding area it hit me, it really hit me. I was pretty much numb beforehand and just then I realized that I was having surgery! It was all over with; there was no turning back. That is when my emotions started to boil up and I was so overwhelmed that I could not hold it in. The Anesthesiologist noted this and came over. He was very nice and held my hand for a second then numbed it up and put in the IV. A couple of seconds later I was out. I never saw the inside of the OR or Dr. Callery. Before I knew it I had people yelling at me and felt someone giving me a shot in my arm. As I started to wake up in a fuzzy state I saw Dr. Callery standing over me. I felt so scared. I said is it over? He said yes you did great. Then he told me he had to put a drain in. I remember asking why because I hadn’t eaten since 1PM the day prior. I asked what I did wrong. He said I did nothing wrong but he felt it was the safest thing to do because I was pretty juicy inside. If he thinks it was the safe thing to do, I wasn’t going to question him. Anyway I wasn’t in recovery long before they brought me to ICU. They asked me when I got to ICU if I needed help onto the bed, and I said no I need help getting up so I can start doing my laps. The nurse Jody (I loved him) asked if I was sure I wanted to get up and start walking because most patients want to rest a bit before they start doing that. I told him I have to get up now I don’t want blood clots. Well to make a long story short I didn’t sleep much in ICU I was constantly up walking and doing about 18 laps each time. That day kind of stunk as I could only get ice chips and that was it. My back was killing me. I had some people come and visit me and please forgive me if I forget someone but the first day Jeana came and Tiffany came, then Sandi & John, Julianna and Kelsey, Jean, Jeannie, I just know I am forgetting people.. but the people who were there are all logged into my journal. Sorry. Anyway it was so nice to see everyone. Thankfully they told me about the Toridol for my back because I was dying. It hurt so bad. That night I started vomiting (or frothing actually) and I couldn’t even keep ice chips down. I thought it was from the insulin they were giving me, as I was not used to it before. By the next morning I was still vomiting up my ice chips and when Kelly came to see me I told her about it. She scheduled me for a barium swallow test. When I went down there I drank that nasty stuff and watched it go down my throat. I remember thinking wow this pouch thing really is small as it looks like the same size as my esophagus. The Radiologist was in there and told me that nothing was getting into my pouch. What!! Well that freaked this girl out and I started jumping up and down trying to get things to move. He laughed and said that wasn’t going to do the trick. I got really sad and went back to the ICU. I had failed. This was my first problem and my first regret for having surgery in the first place. Later on Dr. Callery came in and told me I had to go back into surgery. I asked if he could just scope me and fix me that way. He said he felt it was safer to go through the initial incision and open me back up. This was on April Fools Day remember, and I started crying. I begged him not to do that, and then I asked if I could wait until my Dad got here. He said I could and I called him and told him to hurry that I have to go back to surgery. Tiffany came in and sat with me and waited for them to take me in and then went to the support group that night. When I got out of surgery this time Dr. Callery had his hand on my forehead telling me that I had spiked a fever and seeing if I was ok. Then he said that my family was waiting outside and asked if it was ok for them to come in to the recovery room. I didn’t mind and since I was the only one in there he let them in. He then came back and said I had some friends waiting for me outside, and that is when Karen, Tami, and Tiffany came in and made me laugh. My Brother was there and he gave me a lottery scratcher and I won 10,000 of course it was one of those fake ones and even though he thought it was funny, I didn’t. So I survived my second open surgery in two days and was on my way to a healthier life. Somehow the second surgery really slowed me down. I wasn’t doing as many laps as I had the previous night but decided that I needed to do what I could to get better. I was in some pain and mostly just felt like my insides would fall out if I didn’t have my binder on. I went through a lot in the beginning, the gagging not being able to hold food down, having my incision opened in two spots and packing it due to leaking fluid which I caught in time before it became a problem or got infected. I spent plenty of time talking to my girls on the phone and crying to them about wanting to eat steak (which I never even liked pre-surgery) and I really wanted a cheese pizza and grilled cheese. I did the trial and error thing for several weeks after surgery. I couldn’t keep anything down for several months and got very frustrated with my limited selections. Skip ahead a few months and I was actually going places with people. Bridget and I went to the rodeo and saw Chris Cagle with her friends and we had a blast. I went to singles night at the Aerosquadrin and went to Knott’s Berry Farm and didn’t have a problem on any of the rides. I went to many support groups after surgery and really felt as if I was accepted for whom I was. I have never had any bond between my friends like I have with these people. They are my Sisters and my Brothers!! Then the most important support group ever I got reunited with Stuart. I almost didn’t even go to that one either but I am so thankful I did. Stuart and I haven’t spent a day apart since (well at least we haven’t had a day we haven’t talked on the phone). We got engaged and will be married in a few months. I flew up to Sacramento and met him at the airport. We spent a few days at his Brother and Sister-in-law’s house and went to San Francisco twice. We had so much fun and it was nice not feeling out of place or like I was the biggest person there. I’ve made some mistakes along the way, but for the most part I am very faithful to this new lifestyle that I have chosen. I have lost over 130 lbs and am pretty much done losing weight, the only excess I really have is skin. I got approved for a breast lift, a thigh lift, a tummy tuck and an arm lift from my Insurance and start having those surgeries on 4/25. My life has changed so dramatically and sometimes I can’t contain myself with all of my enthusiasm. I went from wearing a 28 pants to a size 4 in less than a year. Will everyone do this? Maybe, maybe not. I think the more you have to lose the faster you lose it and maybe the better results you get? I am not sure, I could be wrong on that one. I just know that I am so dang happy most of the time. I went through some very scary times where I was seriously depressed and even contemplated suicide because I couldn’t take it any more. Some of the stress was from my Mom and some from work, other stress was just on my own accord. I went through a whirlwind of emotions as most of us will or do and I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I went through periods where people were like “ok enough is enough and you’re not all that, get over yourself.” LOL I think we all do that too, where we get a bit cocky after surgery. Well, I try and monitor that now, because I don’t want to be THAT person. I have found through this surgery so many things.. first and foremost I found myself. The happy person I used to be. I’m here!! I found lifelong friends whom I share the ultimate bond with and I love like family they are my family. I found my soul mate and future husband. I found that no matter what you do, there would always be something about yourself that you don’t particularly care for. That is when you have to get over yourself I guess. LOL

This has been one heck of a year and the journey is still going on. I want to thank those who have been in my life for the past year or so and you all know who you are. I love you so much and wouldn’t be where I am today without you in my life. Stuart, well you know how I feel about you. You’re my lobster baby!! Without you in my life, it would be boring and dull and uneventful that’s for sure. I am so thankful for you and your constant love and support.

I promised myself last year when I went into the hospital that I would lose 100 lbs by now and I honored that promise and then some. I honestly never thought I would see a size 6 let a lone a size 4 pants. I just didn’t think I had it in me to be “that” successful. I was wrong once again.. and I am thankful for that. I feel better than I have in years and look much better too. I have the problem with my Neuropathy (Take your B1 everyone!) and a slipped disk in my back but other than that I am pretty healthy, much healthier than I was before surgery anyway.

Well that’s my story .. that’s who I am and what I’ve been through the past year. Happy Re-Birthday to me.. hehe

Originally Posted by Christina

A year ago today I was preparing to change my life.
I didn’t know the complete impact this surgery would have though. I checked into the hospital the night before so I had my bags packed, my hair braided and my cell phone charged. As I was leaving for the hospital I took my final drinks of Dr. Pepper, which I knew would be the most difficult separation ever. On the way to the hospital I sat in the back of the car and didn’t really say much other than giving directions. I looked out of the window and watched the world go by, trying to take every last detail in. I wasn’t sure if I would make it through surgery, so I wanted to really appreciate the beauty one last time. Of course it was about 11:30 PM so I couldn’t see much. Anyway I had already written letters to my family telling them all good bye, I had written my obituary out because I didn’t want anyone to forget that I was preceded in death by my daughters which I had lost at 31 weeks. There were so many thoughts that went through my head. I wasn’t concerned so much about the pain; I had been through many surgeries before so the incision itself wasn’t my greatest fear. I wondered where I would be a year from then, what I would look like as a thin person (I hadn’t been thin for many years, and now looking back and trying on old “thin” clothes, I wasn’t as thin as I had thought I was.) I wondered if I would ever find someone who loved me just for me and would be kind and not hurt me physically and/or mentally. I wondered if I would be the first person that didn’t lose weight with this surgery. I pondered if I would truly be able to give up soda or sweets or carbohydrates. How could a person possibly survive only eating two bites of anything after all? I had been to all of the support groups and met many friends and even though I was embarking on this journey right about the same time as them, I wasn’t sure even if they would accept me for who I was or if they would ever truly be a full time part of my life. I called Tracie one last time before she had to get ready for her trip and she talked me into not eating even though I wanted to so bad. I just really wanted cereal at that moment. I talked to Karen and Sandi since they wanted to know how I was holding up and tell me they were excited for me. I did my freaking out on the phone probably mostly with Tracie. It was then that I realized that these people really liked ME not just the image of me. They weren’t my friends because I made them look better by being fat. (You all know what I am talking about too, the fat friend that makes you look better.. geeez people are shallow) These women really liked me, women, I had never had women friends, they were all too rude for me. I felt a sense of peace and calm go over me as we entered the hospital parking lot. When I walked into the ER the lady said she was waiting for me. I was a few minutes late, oops! Anyway my Dad went out and smoked a cigarette and my Mom sat with me in the Emergency Room while I was waiting for the registration clerk to call me in. After I checked in I grabbed my CPAP machine and headed upstairs. I gave my Dad the Insurance card and stuff so that I didn’t lose it between moving rooms. When I got upstairs the phlebotomist was waiting at my room for me. He gave me a cup for urine to check for pregnancy and took my blood. I then changed out of my clothes and gave those to my parents to take with them as I wouldn’t be needing them for a few days and honestly because I didn’t want them to have to come back and get them if something were to happen to me. Anyway they gave me an Ambien and I laid on the bed watching TV for probably about 5 minutes and I was out. The funny thing was, I was watching a show on Discovery Health about gastric bypass. The nurse woke me up in the morning and had me take a pill for what I can’t remember I was just glad to have water. I went in and took the betadine shower paying close attention to getting all of the areas that would be touched in surgery. I looked at my body in the mirror and stood there and just examined myself. I brushed my teeth and got back in bed to wait for them to take me downstairs. This little transporter came and looked at me then went and got two guys to help her pull the bed. I said you know I could get out and walk, or you could just stop over dramatizing because I have pulled 500 lb patients in the “big beds” before by myself and they pretty much push themselves, all you have to do is steer the bed. I was mad and I let her know it. She just kept giggling and making faces behind my back or so she thought, I could see her in the elevator reflection. I wanted to smack her but I had better things to think about. My parents met me outside of the OR and my Dad kissed me and told me he loved me. When I got into the pre-op holding area it hit me, it really hit me. I was pretty much numb beforehand and just then I realized that I was having surgery! It was all over with; there was no turning back. That is when my emotions started to boil up and I was so overwhelmed that I could not hold it in. The Anesthesiologist noted this and came over. He was very nice and held my hand for a second then numbed it up and put in the IV. A couple of seconds later I was out. I never saw the inside of the OR or Dr. Callery. Before I knew it I had people yelling at me and felt someone giving me a shot in my arm. As I started to wake up in a fuzzy state I saw Dr. Callery standing over me. I felt so scared. I said is it over? He said yes you did great. Then he told me he had to put a drain in. I remember asking why because I hadn’t eaten since 1PM the day prior. I asked what I did wrong. He said I did nothing wrong but he felt it was the safest thing to do because I was pretty juicy inside. If he thinks it was the safe thing to do, I wasn’t going to question him. Anyway I wasn’t in recovery long before they brought me to ICU. They asked me when I got to ICU if I needed help onto the bed, and I said no I need help getting up so I can start doing my laps. The nurse Jody (I loved him) asked if I was sure I wanted to get up and start walking because most patients want to rest a bit before they start doing that. I told him I have to get up now I don’t want blood clots. Well to make a long story short I didn’t sleep much in ICU I was constantly up walking and doing about 18 laps each time. That day kind of stunk as I could only get ice chips and that was it. My back was killing me. I had some people come and visit me and please forgive me if I forget someone but the first day Jeana came and Tiffany came, then Sandi & John, Julianna and Kelsey, Jean, Jeannie, I just know I am forgetting people.. but the people who were there are all logged into my journal. Sorry. Anyway it was so nice to see everyone. Thankfully they told me about the Toridol for my back because I was dying. It hurt so bad. That night I started vomiting (or frothing actually) and I couldn’t even keep ice chips down. I thought it was from the insulin they were giving me, as I was not used to it before. By the next morning I was still vomiting up my ice chips and when Kelly came to see me I told her about it. She scheduled me for a barium swallow test. When I went down there I drank that nasty stuff and watched it go down my throat. I remember thinking wow this pouch thing really is small as it looks like the same size as my esophagus. The Radiologist was in there and told me that nothing was getting into my pouch. What!! Well that freaked this girl out and I started jumping up and down trying to get things to move. He laughed and said that wasn’t going to do the trick. I got really sad and went back to the ICU. I had failed. This was my first problem and my first regret for having surgery in the first place. Later on Dr. Callery came in and told me I had to go back into surgery. I asked if he could just scope me and fix me that way. He said he felt it was safer to go through the initial incision and open me back up. This was on April Fools Day remember, and I started crying. I begged him not to do that, and then I asked if I could wait until my Dad got here. He said I could and I called him and told him to hurry that I have to go back to surgery. Tiffany came in and sat with me and waited for them to take me in and then went to the support group that night. When I got out of surgery this time Dr. Callery had his hand on my forehead telling me that I had spiked a fever and seeing if I was ok. Then he said that my family was waiting outside and asked if it was ok for them to come in to the recovery room. I didn’t mind and since I was the only one in there he let them in. He then came back and said I had some friends waiting for me outside, and that is when Karen, Tami, and Tiffany came in and made me laugh. My Brother was there and he gave me a lottery scratcher and I won 10,000 of course it was one of those fake ones and even though he thought it was funny, I didn’t. So I survived my second open surgery in two days and was on my way to a healthier life. Somehow the second surgery really slowed me down. I wasn’t doing as many laps as I had the previous night but decided that I needed to do what I could to get better. I was in some pain and mostly just felt like my insides would fall out if I didn’t have my binder on. I went through a lot in the beginning, the gagging not being able to hold food down, having my incision opened in two spots and packing it due to leaking fluid which I caught in time before it became a problem or got infected. I spent plenty of time talking to my girls on the phone and crying to them about wanting to eat steak (which I never even liked pre-surgery) and I really wanted a cheese pizza and grilled cheese. I did the trial and error thing for several weeks after surgery. I couldn’t keep anything down for several months and got very frustrated with my limited selections. Skip ahead a few months and I was actually going places with people. Bridget and I went to the rodeo and saw Chris Cagle with her friends and we had a blast. I went to singles night at the Aerosquadrin and went to Knott’s Berry Farm and didn’t have a problem on any of the rides. I went to many support groups after surgery and really felt as if I was accepted for whom I was. I have never had any bond between my friends like I have with these people. They are my Sisters and my Brothers!! Then the most important support group ever I got reunited with Stuart. I almost didn’t even go to that one either but I am so thankful I did. Stuart and I haven’t spent a day apart since (well at least we haven’t had a day we haven’t talked on the phone). We got engaged and will be married in a few months. I flew up to Sacramento and met him at the airport. We spent a few days at his Brother and Sister-in-law’s house and went to San Francisco twice. We had so much fun and it was nice not feeling out of place or like I was the biggest person there. I’ve made some mistakes along the way, but for the most part I am very faithful to this new lifestyle that I have chosen. I have lost over 130 lbs and am pretty much done losing weight, the only excess I really have is skin. I got approved for a breast lift, a thigh lift, a tummy tuck and an arm lift from my Insurance and start having those surgeries on 4/25. My life has changed so dramatically and sometimes I can’t contain myself with all of my enthusiasm. I went from wearing a 28 pants to a size 4 in less than a year. Will everyone do this? Maybe, maybe not. I think the more you have to lose the faster you lose it and maybe the better results you get? I am not sure, I could be wrong on that one. I just know that I am so dang happy most of the time. I went through some very scary times where I was seriously depressed and even contemplated suicide because I couldn’t take it any more. Some of the stress was from my Mom and some from work, other stress was just on my own accord. I went through a whirlwind of emotions as most of us will or do and I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I went through periods where people were like “ok enough is enough and you’re not all that, get over yourself.” LOL I think we all do that too, where we get a bit cocky after surgery. Well, I try and monitor that now, because I don’t want to be THAT person. I have found through this surgery so many things.. first and foremost I found myself. The happy person I used to be. I’m here!! I found lifelong friends whom I share the ultimate bond with and I love like family they are my family. I found my soul mate and future husband. I found that no matter what you do, there would always be something about yourself that you don’t particularly care for. That is when you have to get over yourself I guess. LOL

This has been one heck of a year and the journey is still going on. I want to thank those who have been in my life for the past year or so and you all know who you are. I love you so much and wouldn’t be where I am today without you in my life. Stuart, well you know how I feel about you. You’re my lobster baby!! Without you in my life, it would be boring and dull and uneventful that’s for sure. I am so thankful for you and your constant love and support.

I promised myself last year when I went into the hospital that I would lose 100 lbs by now and I honored that promise and then some. I honestly never thought I would see a size 6 let a lone a size 4 pants. I just didn’t think I had it in me to be “that” successful. I was wrong once again.. and I am thankful for that. I feel better than I have in years and look much better too. I have the problem with my Neuropathy (Take your B1 everyone!) and a slipped disk in my back but other than that I am pretty healthy, much healthier than I was before surgery anyway.

Well that’s my story .. that’s who I am and what I’ve been through the past year. Happy Re-Birthday to me.. hehe