The Story - ThinnerTimes

Esouza · 03-28-2005, 07:06 PM

So there I was...

I've always been the fat kid. No different and nothing out of the ordinary that anyone else who has had the experience of being obese their entire life. It just he way I thought I was going to be pretty much forever. I've been on dozens of diets and tried to fight it but there came this time when I was about 28 or so where I decided to accept it and give up trying. I began pretty much freestyle eating. Anything and whatever amount without thinking of consequences. I opened a business also and did very well. I got married and we had a condo in tierrasanta. Life was pretty good from the outside. Inside my health was failing as myweight increased. It seemed as if it all went downhill one year. I had every obesity related disease it seemed. Sleep apnea, diabetes, hypertension, back and joint problems, and my mental health was failing also. I found myself slipping in to depression and isolating. It began effecting my business and my relationship with my wife. The business eventually failed. I just couldn't handle running it anymore. It seemed as if it took everything I had just to get out of bed in the morning. I slipped further into depression and was isolating in my home office for laong periods of time. 12-14 hrs a day just sitting in the dark and not knowing what to do next. I had basically shut down. My wife used to knock on the door and ask if she could help. I would send her away and tell her everything was fine. She knew better and asked me to see someone for help. I really felt worthless. One night while the wife was out of town I work up at 2am and had trouble breathing. Nothing really bad just shallow and rapid. I was feeling weak that day but physically I always felt lousy so it was no surprise. I called 911. The EMTs get there and they ask me to sit down on the couch. One of them puts the O2 sensor on my finger. He looks at the other guy and says "52". All of a sudden they are slapping oxygen on me and telling my i need to breathe. There is a real sense of urgency going on around me and I have no clue what's up. The take me to the ER and there is a guy planted at the edge of my bed watching me. Turns out my lungs are full of fluid. The doctor comes in and says no one can keep up this kind of respiratory rate and I need to be moved to the ICU. I was there for 6 days and in the hospital for a total of 10. During that time they had told me how close I was to dying. I remember thinking I had missed my chance. I remember asking god to please let me pass. I was so tired and in so much pain. Instead I guess he decided to send an angel. My PCP was out of town and the alternate doctor came in the room. He told me wow.. your health is a mess. We'll get you fixed up before you leave here. He then said have you ever heard of gastric bypass surgery? I said yes. He told me I was a perfect canidate. I had heard of it because someone I met had it but I didn't know the details. When I had asked my regular PCP about it she said all I needed was more excersice and to eat less. I didn't pursue it any further. I get released from the hospital and refered to Dr. Callery. The thing is I'm feeling better so I wasn't as desparate anymore. The wife asks me if I'm going to the seminar and I put it off for 2 months. Apparently she knew I wasn't interested at the time. I wasn't taking care of myself and I had become a burden instead of a partner in the relationship. She wanted a divorce. The stress had become to much and I needed to leave and take care of myself. So within the year I lost my business, marriage, and almost lost my life. Now I find myself with $20 and one pair of sweats. That's pretty much it. I'm desparate gain and I decide to seriously look into the surgery....

Well that's enough for tonight.

JohnsWife4Life · 03-28-2005, 07:40 PM

Wow Ed,

You have come a very long way from the "fat kid". You are a great person with a great mind, glad you came out of isolation.

Hugs,

Traci

Esouza · 03-28-2005, 07:43 PM

There more and but it gets to be a little draining remembering all that. I'll post the rest of the story a little later. It gets happier. lol

Jeanie · 03-28-2005, 09:31 PM

Thanks for sharing that. I will be waiting for the rest of the story, and the happy ending!

JohnsWife4Life · 03-28-2005, 09:32 PM

Glad it does Ed. All the rocks that roll over us and pull us around is not gathering moss, but smoothing out into a fine, polished rock.

barbana64 · 03-28-2005, 10:38 PM

The story sounds familiar. Each of us can relate whether we went through all the phases or not, we feel the agony of being MO. I see you at the meetings and marvel at the progress you have made; your commitment to live your life and to help others achieve the great health you have today is so gratifying to see. "Success" is written all over you! Take a well-deserved bow and know that we all await the rest of the story.

Barb C.
7/14/04/Callery
239/164/134

watergirl · 03-29-2005, 05:53 AM

I just love your posts. I wish you would post more often.

What a great story...I'm really anxious to hear the part about the gold medal!

Esouza · 03-29-2005, 06:31 AM

More...

I go to the seminar. The room is full. There is a post-op patient there for a 9 month checkup. I'm pretty sure it was 9 months. After the pass out the packet with info they bring her up front. They open the floor to her for questions. She states she has lost like 140 pounds in 9 months... I get all excited and start calculating numbers in my head. Wow.. 15 pounds a month. She also mentioned that she still drank soda. I'm pretty much not hearing anything else but what I want to hear at that point. She said a bunch of stuff and answered many questions. All I heard was lose weight fast and you can still cheat on the program and lose weight. Typical for me and my weight loss history. All I'm thinking in my head is that I can lose this weight fast and get my life back in order. I can rebuild my business, get my wife back, go back home and everyting will be peachy.... I had some big surprises waiting for me. I didn't realize the journey this surgery was going to take me on.

About 6 months later on May 23, 2001 I have the surgery. I went thru the same anxeity and impatience everyone else did so I won't go into that. I wake up in the recovery room. It was my first surgery and I didn't realize that going under was going to be like closing your eyes for a minute. I was thinking something went wrong and it didn't happen...but it did. lol I remember I was so determined to make this thing happen from the start. I took hold of my IV pole and walked around the ICU like I was on a mission. The nurses telling me to slow down. lol I had set it in my head that I was going to get everything I had once back within 6 months to a year and I was going to make it work. I go thru the same struggle as everyone else as far as getting sick on foods and such. I don't have any craving for "bad" foods tho. A month previous I had ate like I would as far as the type of food I would be eating. No white carb or sugar. Still tho I was so turned off by food I could care less about eating. I was intolerate to a lot of things. Thinking back tho I wonder how much was physical and how much was mental. I lived for months off of Sobe Lean and beef jerky. My labs were good so I didn't care then. Physically and mentally I was feeling good. The pounds were coming off quick. Within 3 weeks I was submitting resumes and looking for a job. I didn't have any money. I was pretty much flat broke and the wife wasn't supporting me so I was on my own. I had no clothes. I swolled my pride and asked a friend to loan me money to buy a suit for interviews. He went shopping with me and put his on his credit card. I promised to pay him back when I got my first paycheck. After several interviews I landed a job. It felt like everyting was clicking... Now I had to work on the relationship with the wife. She saw me about 8 weeks after the surgery. She cried. She was so happy for me. She just said "look at you..you have life in your eyes again". I didn't know I was that bad. I didn't realize I had showed it so much. I thought I had hid it well. I had shared with her how I entertained thoughts of getting back together. She was not responsive. This was going to take more work than I thought. After several months work was going well and the pounds were coming off at record pace. I go thru all the emotions of body image and new experiences like sitting in booths and smaller clothes. It's been about 6 months after surgery and my wife has agreed to let me take her out. We go to a play and a carriage ride. It was a nice night. We get back together for about 2 months and my issues start coming back. Stuff like fear and insecurity of losing everything again makes me start trying to control my environment and I start getting obsessive about it. We split up again and she files for divorce. I continue on with my life. Work is fine and I'm still losing weight but it has slowed some. A year post-op comes around... This was the time frame I have givin myself to take care of things. I've lost weight and feel good. I'm working. Things didn't go well with the wife but at the time I figure that's on her. Damn... I haven't lost any weight in a few weeks. I wonder why? Then I realize I'm sitting on the couch watching tve with a bag of doritos in my lap. After all I've been thru I'm thinking how can I be unconciously doing this? I'm in danger of not losing anymore weight and even regain. I'm scared and I don't know what to do.....

Man... this is a long story.

pambragg · 03-29-2005, 07:05 AM

Ed,
Thank you for posting your story. It takes a lot of us back thru what we had been thru. You get to a point where you wish it would all just be over, I was there. I thank God and Dr C every day now. I have my life back. Actually, I really have a life now. Your's is an inspiring story and I look forward to the next excerpt.

Americanwoman397 · 03-29-2005, 07:35 AM

Ed
Thank you for sharing this with us. It makes me remember what I've been through in the last 8 months. I'm very lucky now but I don't ever want to forget where I've came from

XO