The Story - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

Esouza · 03-29-2005, 07:41 AM

You're welcome. Actually once again I'm doing this for myself. I've been approched several times in the past to tell my story in print. Yes.. like contributing to a book. I declined every time. I had so much going on and so many changes it just wasn't time yet. So I was approcahed again. Things have settled down more and I am more intune with myself I think. I'm pretty sure I know the direction I should be heading. I feel better about it. I started writing my story in word but I'm so anal about stuff. The distractions of spelling and grammar just kill it for me. (red and green squiggly underlines everywhere) lol I keep losing my thought. I figured I could get it going here better and do the proofreading later. lol

CiCi · 03-29-2005, 08:05 AM

Ed, I'm new here, but I've seen your posts here and there. All I can say is THANKS. I am having surgery tomorrow and your story is inspirational. Forget the spelling and grammar and let it out! We've all been there in one way or another and this is a great reminder that we're not alone.

This is a good kind of purge.

Thanks for sharing! Maybe I'll have the guts to share mine someday.

Traci

HAMPTON5555 · 03-29-2005, 04:35 PM

Ed,
Keep telling the story. I was fortunate enough to hear some of this in person!! The story teller really is an inspiration!!!

Thanks Ed for putting it here on the forum!!

Rain

Blueyz · 03-29-2005, 07:45 PM

Love reading your stories. Can't wait for the next post....it is very interesting to me.

Esouza · 03-29-2005, 08:59 PM

I'm concerned about posting some of this. I'm afraid some people will think the acts of bad behavior will work for them. Please do not do it.

So I'm sittin on the couch with the chips on my lap and I'm telling myself where have I seen this picture before. When I was 450 pounds of course. Not only when I was 450 pounds but my entire adult life I've had eating habits like this. I'm really terrified and I'm sure I'm going to regain weight. I go thru some phases of bulimic activites to purge whatever food I ate. I began taking handfuls of metabolife I think I'm buying a new bottle like every 3 days. I am a total mess. Sure the scale is moving down but I am not sleeping well. I feel like crap and god only knows what I'm doing to my body. I decide I just can't do this anymore and I need to do something..anything but sit in the house. I decide to get into the social scene with other WLS patients. I meet a woman who is loads of fun. She is a complete crack up and I like her a lot. We talk and she tells me she had been in OA for a number of years. A light goes off in my head. "There's something I always wondered about but never tried". I pick her brain for info.. Every detail I could think of. I mean I have to know my enviornment to feel safe still right? I'm still thinking like a fatman. After I drain her of all the info I could I decide I would do what the people in other programs suggest. 30 meeting in 30 days. I commit to it and go to my first meeting. Ummm... What? I didn't get it. I couldn't relate to any of the stories and was completley lost. Well the next day the second meeting. I hear some things that sound familliar but still kinda lost on the whole thing. 3rd day and 3rd meeting.... I hear my story. I can relate to everything the person is saying and I feel something that I can't really describe. Almost like a relief that I'm not the only one like this. Sometimes I felt that no one could relate to how fat I was and how much I hated it. Pretty self centered but when you grow up your entire life ashamed of it, never discussing it, and isolating how are you ever going to know if anyone feels the same way you do. I share for the first time at that meeting. It just kinda comes out of me. The shame I felt, the lonliness of being an obses person and the self-loathing. It felt good to get it out there. I felt like I came home at that meeting. Like I was in a place where I could be loved and accepted. It felt safe. I always think of the "Bee Girl" in that Blind Melon video when I recall that. lol So then starts my journey in OA. I find a sponsor and work the steps. I find so much awareness thru this program and continue to do so today. OA helped me gain some much needed spirituality in my life. OA has tought me that obesity is a 3 fold problem that has a 3 fold solution. It's spiritual, mental, and physical. So OA is helping me spiritually now I also need to deal with the other 2.....

ugh.. this is going to take some time. lol

VanessaSFL · 04-01-2005, 07:18 AM

Ed,Thank you for telling the story.Today was the first time I had ever went to the personal stories section.Glad I did.

Thanks Again,

Vanessa

Esouza · 04-19-2005, 09:45 AM

So now I'm an Alcoholic. I thought that maybe I'd maybe cross addicting for the last year. My detox was so bad the other night I had all the physical manifestations. I had turned into one of those functioning alcoholics. I called employee assisteance and they referred me to a intensive inpatient program. They reccomended a medically supervised detox but I passed on it. It was bad. Shakes, sweats, nightmares, just sick feeling. So now I get to recover from something else. I'm a little depressed about it. I went to an AA meeting lastnight. It felt good. I was doing something positive for myself again.

bridgetgirl · 04-19-2005, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esouza

So now I'm an Alcoholic. I thought that maybe I'd maybe cross addicting for the last year. My detox was so bad the other night I had all the physical manifestations. I had turned into one of those functioning alcoholics. I called employee assisteance and they referred me to a intensive inpatient program. They reccomended a medically supervised detox but I passed on it. It was bad. Shakes, sweats, nightmares, just sick feeling. So now I get to recover from something else. I'm a little depressed about it. I went to an AA meeting lastnight. It felt good. I was doing something positive for myself again.

So good to hear from you Ed! Thanks for your honesty man! I am here for you brother as you were here for me through my funk! You've got mail! best wishes and please stay close!

pambragg · 04-19-2005, 09:56 AM

Ed,
Thanks for sharing your journey with us, twists and turns and all. It is crazy how we subconciously trade one addiction for another. I find myself drinking a lot more these days. It used to be a drink a month or so, when I would go out or whatever, now I catch myself drinking at home. This is something that really bothers me. I was raised by two alcoholics and vowed that I would never go that route. I think recognizing this change in behaviour is the first step to doing something about it.

JohnsWife4Life · 04-19-2005, 10:59 AM

Ed, good luck, I think alot of people have done the transfer of addictions. I am sure I have done the same, I just don't know what it is yet. I have been scared to death to take a drink, but this transfer is something common, and so common in fact that it was mentioned in my education seminar, like the divorce rate increases with gastric bypass.

I will pray for you Ed, your task will be difficult, I lived with an alcoholic husband for 10 years, it isn't pretty, but you can do it, because one thing we have learned here, is that Ed, and anyone of us, can do anything we want to do, and this is necessary for the quality of your life. I was happy to hear a few precious words about your personal life Ed, and I am sure that the discovery was an encouragement, and you saw very quick that the alcohol was getting in the way of life long success that you have worked so hard to achieve. One day at a time, and the spiritual awakening, that is where it will come together.