I started this morning off groggy. I had stayed up until the early morning hours reading through Sue Monk Kidd's Awakening and then Initiation chapters. Remembering my own a-ha moments when my eyes had been opened and learning some new truths that reasonated deep within me.
After dropping Ash off to school, I figured I would ground myself in the "real world" and logged into my work email. I was immediatly overwhelmed. How was I ever going to get through all the email that had piled up? As usual, when feeling overwhelmed I ran away. I justified closing outlook by reasoning it would be much easier to catch up once I am actually in the office.
I googled some online retreats in my own backyard of Sedona and was trying to decide between the dream workshop or actually just going for it and signing up for a vision quest. D woke up from his "sick day" and looked over my shoulder. We started to discuss the possible dates I could attend. He started to look puzzled as we read the disclaimer about the vision quest which goes as follows:
"A Vision Quest is a personal decision to journey to the unknown, undefined spaces that exist within us and outside of us.
Your sacred quest is on national forest land in the wilderness area of Sedona. There is wildlife in this setting that can become part of your quest.
In embarking on a vision quest, each individual must understand the risks involved and assume the responsibility for their own personal safety.
Sacred Mesa assumes no responsibility for any liabilities as a result of your journey"
"If that happens I will have found my Totem animal. Which right now I consider the turtle."
"What brought this on?" he asked "I mean I know that you've always been into this stuff but actually going away and walking into the desert???"
I was wary to speak my truth but it came spilling out anyway.
"I'm lucky that I had my awakening much earlier then what is statiscally normal. Most woman have these moments in thier early forties. But I feel I missed the point. I just became really angry and bitter. I simply rebelled against everything I knew. I need to come from a place of love and compassion or I will never fully heal."
He nodded and helped me decide between various locations. I don't know why I had trepediation telling him. After all, any man who puts up with me has to have feminist leanings.
I'm understanding that there needs to be a transformation not only in my body but my soul as well.
What an incredible journey life is!
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