"Girl Disappearing" - Page 4 - ThinnerTimes

Persephone · 01-10-2008, 12:05 PM

anji,

Thank you for being receptive and open. I'm so glad you took it in the spirit it was intended!

I'm doing much better. I'm down to three a day (from a 12 a day)

Tell ya what:

I'll give you part of my liver and you give me some lung

I know I can quit entirely. I can do this. I'm gonna give it up to my Higher Power.

Persephone · 01-10-2008, 05:22 PM

I'm now a SENIOR MEMBER....
**wipes faux tears**

I updated my sig to celebrate.

WHEEEEEEEEEEE

weigh in day tomoro. So if nothing is lost at least I still have this

srsly so glad I found this site.

Persephone · 01-11-2008, 08:36 PM

Well
*sigh*
The lowest number I managed to coax from my scale was 233.

I self diagnosed the problem. I'm not getting enough calories. My recommended intake for the puree phrase is between 800-1200. Looking over the past few days, I'm lucky if I top 500. My body must think it's starving.

I'm just so used to my body prompting me that I'm hungry and it's just NOT. I get too engrossed in whatever I'm doing at the moment:
Talking on the phone
(occupational hazard)
Watching ms Slyvia Brown on Montel
(guilty stay-at-home pleasure)
browsing various forums, the not-so healthy old ones and my new fave, TT
(it's quickly becoming a habit)

Before I know it the a.m. has passed me by and it's 1:00 pm.

I immediatly set out to remedy this. I shopped the ads from three different grocery stores. Safeway was first on the list because of the built in Starbucks. My first sip was like ambrosia. Liquid of the gods/goddess I tell ya. I found some seasonal tea as well as some calm but couldnt find my all time favorite Refresh tea.
It then become a quest.
The Starbucks at Albertsons sold them as singles. I purchased six. The perfect amount to brew and then pour over ice. As the name suggests it is utterly refreshing. My mom approached to order her sb fix and I showed her the various sf syrups I had found on the store shelf. The sweetheart barista informed me that they sold them directly AND it would save me some cash. "But I looked here first." She held up a key, handed my mom her cup of joe then unlocked a treasure chest. There were two sf gingerbread left. I snapped them up along with a carmel. They will be the perfect compliment to my remaining Winter Blend.
One more Starbucks stop in the very same parking lot. They DID have a box of refresh tea

We came home and unloaded all the groceries from the mismatched bags.
Then I decided some major RETAIL THEARPY was in order.
Mervyns was having a 70% clearance. I picked up three pairs of jeans for Ash. The boy has holes in the knees after one month! I keep threatning him with the tuff skins of my childhood but I can never find them. Also I got some early birthday/Christmas outfits for him. I purchased workout clothes and two shirts I can shrink into. I can wear my pjs to walk in but somehow I feel they are not suitable for the treadmill. We saved a bundle.

Then there was the matter of my complexion. I don't know if this is a symptom of WLS but i now have zits. I moaned to my boyfriend that 34 is waaay too old to go through pubery. He pointed out that I had been wearing make-up lately (which in itself in unusual) and then waking up with racoon eyes the next day. This was unthinkable in my 20's. I followed a strict Aveda routine and never went to bed without washing my face even after arriving home at 6am after an all night bender.
My priorities are messed up. It should be MORE important now. LUSH was my first choice to remedy my backslidden skin care regime but I was not up for making the trip to Scottsdale. I went back to my first source and splurged on some tried and true Aveda. My loving mum pointed out that the products I had used prior would not be the most successful. I listened to her advice and selected from the anti-aging line. (what the hay...every Arizona girl needs spf anyway right?)

This is what happens after 3.5 weeks of not getting paid and then getting one combined check.

soooooooo when did I have time to eat today? I really didn't.
Some crackers with shaved roast beef and cheese between unpacking groceries. Taco Bell pintos n cheese between stops. I had a nightmare last night that I ate 9 Olive Garden bread sticks but those don't count.

I'm good on liquids tho. I discoverd metromint water and life will never be the same. I'm thinking of even using it in my refresh tea.

Structure and organization are not things that come naturally to my chaotic life. I'm going to post my caloric intake here each day in order to hold myself somewhat accountable.

Here's to hoping that I soon see the 220'S!

CyndieBeltran · 01-11-2008, 10:02 PM

Hi, my name is Cyndie. I'm new to the site (just joined today), but I enjoyed reading your story. I'm about the same height as you and it's encouraging to read about someone my height and how they are doing. Anyways, I just wanted to say hello and tell you I am enjoying your blog. I wish you much success in your weight loss. You're a lovely lady and I'm sure each day will find you lovlier, zits and all lol...

Persephone · 01-12-2008, 02:07 PM

Welcome! You'll be surprised how very warm and supportive this site is.

Thank you for the nice compliments. The zits are clearing up very nicely already lol

Persephone · 01-12-2008, 02:16 PM

I headed back to the grocery today to stock up on my new favorite. Metromint water. I even got picked up the chocalate mint one to try it out. At the check out my eyes were drawn to the new People magazine. I always have bought the half-thier-size issue. It was so encouraging to me prior to surgery. I would try the tips and diets for about three weeks and then give up when I only dropped .5 lbs. As I lifted it from the shelf the words NO SURGERY appeared. Just like that. ALL IN CAPS. My immediate reaction was to be offended. I decided not to buy the magazine.

Now that I'm home I watch a lot of morning talk shows and they also celebrate people who lose weight "naturally" and emphasize the whole without surgery thing. Why is this such a stigma in our soceity? It was honestly my only way out and I'm frustrated by the message the media sends. Of course that is not a new issue for me. I'm ALWAYS upset and frustrated by what the media displays.

hmm I think I'm going to post this question in another thread. I think it bears discussing.

"The Media is not fooling me........"Ani Difranco

CyndieBeltran · 01-12-2008, 02:55 PM

I've been noticing that too. I haven't even begun my journey and I'm already tired of people saying "oh, you're taking the easy way out". There is nothing easy about WSL. From the point you decide to have it, with all the fear and anxiety through the whole healing process as well as the life style changes and sacrifices you must make. The media is too quick to judge. Losing weight is the biggest challenge many of us face in our lives. How you do it doesn't matter. It should be celebrated and encouraged no matter the method, as long as it is a healthy way to do it and not a fad diet. Anyways, I'm always long winded when I answer someone, but I just wanted to tell you that I agree whole heartedly with what you say!!

Persephone · 01-12-2008, 03:10 PM

Thanks for responding! I really want to know what others think about this. I just now posted a new thread that I hope will provide some enlightening discussion on this issue.

When I was a newbie there was a thread in the introduce yourself forum that had all the important thread links listed. One of them had some responses to give about people giving you that easy way out line.

Something like
"It's not the easy way out. It's my only way out."

There is some really great advice in that post. I'm going bump it for you and the other newbies. This site has been invaluable to me. I wish I would have discovered it post-op. But no time for regrets. No time for looking backwards. I'm trying to live and learn that one.

I got in 867 calories in today 60 g of protein....not bad.

Persephone · 01-14-2008, 02:11 PM

It's a beautiful 69 degrees here today. I love Arizona in the winter. I'm orginally from Utah and sorely miss the mountains but do not miss the snow.

Today is my 1 month anniversery. I can't weigh myself. I asked D to hide my scale because I was becoming crazy over it. The other day ,every time I went to the bathroom I weighed myself just because it was there and I could. My weight would fluctuate by 7 lbs in just one hour and wildly went up and down throughout the day. At first, I thought it was my scale and so then I included Ash and D in on the madness and there was only a 2lb difference at the most for both of them.

Around the 7th time I asked D to step on the scale he sighed his annoyance and that alerted me to how obssesive I was being. I handed him the scale, told him to hide it where I wouldn't find it and exited our bedroom.

But I'm still thinking about it. Does everyone fluctuate like that? What the hell is going on with me?

I started driving one day early (yesterday) and it felt so free to finally be all by myself crusing around in my car (she missed me) It was liberating. I realized how much I took for granted. I stopped at Barnes and Noble inspired by the new fiction thread. I picked up Onyx and Crake by Margaret Atwood. It was bargain priced at only 5.98 for the hardback special edition. I then browsed the other bargain books intending to only puchase from that section but I have a routine in Barnes and Noble that I instinctlively follow and I discovered a new Sue Monk Kidd book:
The Dance Of the Dissident Daughter. A Woman's Journey from Christain Tradition to the Sacred Feminine.
It grabbed me from the introduction. Her harmony with nature astounds me and the subject rings true to my own path. The intro had me in tears (it seems that anything can start the water works these days) but it's something I want to share:

"The reason I went ahead and wrote this book is difficult to express, so I will try to explain it this way. While I was writing it, a nature show came on television, a special about whales. I watched them on the screen as they flung themselves out of the sea, arced in the air, then fell back into the water. The behavior, the narrator said, is called breaching. He also said it may be the whales' way of communicating when the seas get high and wild. He speculated it was a tracking system for rough weather, some kind of urgent and powerful ballet that allowed the whales to follow one another's vibrations and not get lost. With each lunge, the whales marked thier course, letting the others know where they were.
I thought to myself that women must have the whales instinct. When we set out on a woman's journey, we are often swimming in a high and unruly sea, and we seem to know that the important thing is to swim together- to send out our vibrations, our stories, so that no one gets lost. I realized that by writing my book was an act of breaching. I hoped my story might help you find or keep your bearings or encourage you to send out your own vibrations."

I had to buy it even at full price I knew it would be worth it. As with, The Secret Life of Bees, I know that I will return to this book again and again. I haven't been able to fully delve into it. Ash stayed home sick today. He's sleeping right now (so exhausted) but were gonna have some one on one time when he wakes up.

sending all good vibes

The mountain cannot come to you, you must go to the mountain.

fisher1000 · 01-14-2008, 03:15 PM

Hey!

I bet you'd like these books too. I'm not some weird academic who reads chick empowerment books...I've just found elements of humanity in them that are way far and above simply what makes us male or female. I also read some of them in my Lit classes for my master's several years ago...but stuff like this sticks with me. I read such a variety of stuff, but the stuff I've been suggesting lately seems to all be in the liberation genre! Anyway, here's a couple of more to look for during your next trip to B & N:

The Warrior Woman, by Maxine Hong Kingston (Kind of in the grain of Amy Tan, but more powerful...)
Jasmine, by Bharati Mukherjee (a tale of culture clash, really liked this book. Bharati teaches in California and I emailed her and she wrote back to me!)

Oh, that reminds me...I got a letter from Margaret Atwood after Oryx and Crake. I wrote her to tell her how much I loved the book and she wrote back! I was THRILLED!

Also, I just noticed that your Dr. was named Juarez...coincidence? "Dropped off the edge again, by Dr. Juarez, perhaps?"

Later tater,

Mike