"Girl Disappearing" - Page 17 - ThinnerTimes

Persephone · 05-07-2008, 06:59 PM

I will go Friday FO' SURE.

I WILL!!!!

Thursdays are crazy busy but Friday is my day off. AND I WILL let them weigh me and report it here.

I guess I just have to give my mind time to catch up with my body and that is easier said then done.

Persephone · 05-09-2008, 12:24 PM

From Ash's Journal June 24,2007

Ashton announced the arrival of the tooth fairy Saturday morning.

His snaggle tooth fell out during his dreams. Apperently it was the Toothfairy who extracted it.

He told me he heard her Sparkle.

When the good fairy visited him last night, he was somewhat disappointed with the five bucks under his pillow. His dentist told him street value for a front tooth was ten. I wish he would have informed me. I could then tell the tooth fairy

His other front tooth came out at Kids Club when he ran into a tree and has not been recovered. I told him we could write the tooth fairy a note tellling her where to find it and tonight i'll slip him another five...i'm just not sure how to Sparkle when i do it...

Ash is so cute without front teeth!

And almost a year later his two front teeth have filled in but he lost the one baby tooth next to them. He called it his "shark tooth"

He carefully tucked it under his pillow the other night and then he clasped his hands together and I watched as his lips started to move.
"Did you want to say prayers tonight?"
"No I'm done. I prayed to the tooth fairy that she would leave me 105.00"
"Honey, She can't do that. She wouldnt have any other money for all the other kids in the world who lost a tooth today."
"Well I'm the first kid in May to lose a tooth and my name is going on the tooth calendar tomoro."
"That's GREAT kiddo. You should ask the kids who lost teeth last month how much the tooth fairy left them."

In theory, I guess the value of a tooth could skyrocket just like gas prices.

Godsblessedme · 05-09-2008, 04:04 PM

ok out with the results sister!!!! did you get weighed today

Persephone · 05-10-2008, 10:02 AM

So ooooooooookay,

To answer Deb's question, I did not make it to the gym yesterday. I wanted and intended to but it was impossible. It's a long story and I'm still slightly angry and so I won't post the whole drama about WHY I didn't make it. I'll stick to the bright side of life (da dum da dum)

I DID make it this morning. I officially weigh 196 and have lost 19 inches. I'll post as to where the inches were lost in the exercise forum but my girls are rapidly disappearing.

So today I am officially celebrating Mothers Day (I work tomoro) as well as living in the land of one

I'm nearing the five month mark and feel that I should have lost more by now. I do a repeat mantra of all the very wise posts made here. Mentally, I DO know that everyone is different and everyone will lose differently and I honestly don't compare. As I said in a pm to Donna, I had to disconnect and take a break for a while because I was starting to become jealous and I don't want to be that person.

But I realize I need this site and need to start posting in the accountablity forum. Those skinny lattes should be a once in a while treat but it's an almost daily Starbucks habit The latest incarnation of my addiction is Tazo Passion tea lemonade. Speaking of accountablity the barista accidently gave me one that was sweetened and ever since I have not been tacking the "unsweeted please" to my tea order. And it's not just liquid. I've been snacking at my desk. Sunflower seeds. Alot of them. A previous habit that I had thought would be gone after surgery has resurfaced.
Basically, I'm doing the same things during the work day that I USED to do. And I'm worried that I'm on a slippery slope.

But realistically the BEFORE was a breakfast burrito combo meal with a coke for breakfast.

fast food from any of the usual mcdonalds-arbys-carls jr-sonic-wendys and the same for dinner that night.

So I have changed but have not done the complete 180 as this life changing surgery requires. And I wonder how it's going to the next few months when life is going to get stressful.

I'll post a bit more later. Perhaps in the support forum. But right now I'm gonna change my signature

Hooray!

Persephone · 05-16-2008, 12:38 PM

My grandpa- my very last grandpa- is very sick.

He has stage four cancer and at this point, it is inoperable, it is in his very bones. Not even chemo will help now. The doctors are just medicating for the pain.

He has already been through so much in his life. When my mom and dad first met, my grandpa and grandma were long range truck drivers. Soon after my parents married, my grandpa rolled his rig. The second time I saw him he was comatose in a hospital bed. My sister Rosie could not even bear to enter the room. At that point, I had not even called him grandpa yet. When he emerged from the coma, he had to confront the fact that his entire left side was paralyzed. His life completly changed for the better, or so I've been told.

I always knew him as the grandpa with the sweet tooth who was forever slipping you some candy. His favorite time of year is Easter. He is a proud cast member of the massive passion "The Master Mender" which draws huge crowds from all over the state of Utah each year. Both he and my grandma are pillars of thier church and thier life's revolve around that center. My grandma recently quit driving bus for the private school so she could attend to his needs. This was met with a strong protest from him, but she insisted that she just couldnt randomly call in when he had a doctors appointment. They would need someone reliable everyday.

Both of them accepted new grandkids with open arms. I officially adopted their last name in fifth grade in order to be the first one in the lunch line and I have used it without incident ever since. When I got my drivers license a baptism certificate was considered proper identification if you could not produce a birth certificate.

Going with my sisters recent sentiment of "if you feel it, say it" I sent him a heartfelt email last week. Today I received a handwritten letter from Grandma. Today it is all sinking in.

I will always remember them taking me in when my mother was at the height of her craziness. Grandpa hooking up my first stereo and introducing me to the beauty of Richard Bach via Jonathan Living Seagull.

"The bond that links your trus family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof."

Godsblessedme · 05-16-2008, 03:34 PM

aww honey i'm so sorry

Persephone · 05-16-2008, 07:34 PM

Thanks Babe^

It will be ok. When it's your time, it's your time. When it's not, it's not.

And I do know it's not goodbye forever.

I did indulge in some retail thearpy today.

New highlights (i went blonde for summer)

A spa pedicure and manicure.

A new top from the avenue. I now can fit into a size 16 jeans!!! I'm most likely still an 18 at Lane Bryant. Sooo excited. I'm ordering some new jeans online. I couldn't find them at either retail store.

Oh and OLD NAVY has the coolest plus size stuff online. I'm thinking about ordering a hot dress. I have not worn a dress in YEARS but this one has me reconsidering. It's pure hawtness. I'm trying to talk myself out of it. After all in a few months I'll be able to go into Old Navy and fit into thier large size.

Yep....I feel better. Retail thearpy can almost always cure my blues.

fisher1000 · 05-16-2008, 07:48 PM

Manda,

If you can...video or audio tape him reading some books. It's something I'm trying to get the folks in my family to do now.

I want them for the baby as she grows up, but also for me just to be able to see and hear the familiar when I need it most.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I remember the time before my own grandfather passed away. Alzheimer's had taken away the man we knew, and lung cancer took everything else. It was so hard, and when the end came, we all knew it was a blessing--he wasn't suffering anymore. That was close to 15 years ago and I still miss him like you wouldn't believe.

I talk to him still sometimes and tell him about Lily, and how I wish he could see her doing this or that, or how much he would have gotten a kick out of her. Dammit--I've started the waterworks a little...didn't mean to do that. Liz and I are trying for another young 'en and I'm hoping we have a boy next, just so I can name him after my Papaw.

Take care honey...and let's talk soon!

-Mike

"Little Sis you must crack this"
he says to me
"you must go in again
carbon made
only wants to be unmade"
Blade to ice
it's Double Diamond time

Persephone · 05-17-2008, 03:11 PM

That's a really good idea.

I don't know that he's up for it

The letter from my grandma implied that he took the time to read my email but didn't have the energy to reply.

I need to pull myself together and plan a trip to Utah to see him.

I think your grandpa sees Lily. I know that when Ash was little my grandparents visited him. Today he has a (invisible) friend named John that he hangs out with sometimes on the school playground. And even though Ash has a very vivid imagination, John's history is far beyond his seven year old experience.

Children have not yet learned to not believe.

I was reminded of this when I visited my sister. The baby was gazing up into space and randomly laughing. Rochelle followed his gaze and softly whispered "Hi grandma...I love you"

I still ask my grandmas for help when I feel that I am just not measuring up.

I'm off to to spend some time with my brother. I just really need to be around family today

"but one day, girl, you're gonna learn to make 'em crawl
make 'em grow tall
but have the grace
to be a lady with disgrace
and you fry them taters
and you make them with lady's hands
and know you're my pappy's baby"

VanessaSFL · 05-17-2008, 03:28 PM

I am sorry.I am glad you have family to be around.Hang in there...spill here if you need to,we are here.

Take Care.