The Long Road... - Page 12 - ThinnerTimes

fisher1000 · 01-28-2008, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duckie

Mike, where on the Cape? My dad lives in West Yarmouth (in the summer). I have NEVER been to Salem OR Gloucester so I'd love to meet ya there if I can. Heck, anywhere in the state. lol

Um, hello! She's in West Yarmouth!

That's awesome! When we plan our next trip, I'll PM ya!

-Mike

Duckie · 01-28-2008, 04:33 PM

OMG! That's so funny. I'll meet you there! (I don't have to pay for a motel room. lol) He's on horse pond road. Off of Windsor grey, I think. lol

just give me some advance notice so I can make some switches at work if I need to. COOL BEANS MAN!

MiladyB · 01-28-2008, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

Thanks Katie and Claire...

You two are ALWAYS there (and not just for me...). Do you have any idea how comforting that is? To know that there are folks out there that genuinely care AND have first hand knowledge of your own experiences is priceless! You two are priceless to me!

I don't think that there is any real rationalization to what I'm thinking here. It's a "do or don't do" situation...and I'm glad I'm on the "doing" end of things. Thinking too much probably contributed to my giant ass in the first place. (As I tend to lean toward the dramatic as well...)

My previous post was just thinking out loud--because I'm kind of living out loud right now. My experiences are kind of out there for everyone to see because I'm changing. I'm not scared by that, but I'm not personally invested in everyone that comments (I'm talking in person, not online...), so I'm in kind of a weird place. I know that makes no sense, but it doesn't make any more sense to me than it does to anyone reading this. I'm slipping into a cathartic, self-realization zone that I probably should have been in the whole time--but it's not a place of worry, it's a place of discovery. I just wish I had "discovered" it 10 years ago.

Thanks again for your kind words. They mean the world to me.

-Mike

Oh Mike, I SO get this!! As you can probably tell by some of our talks and my fairly recent posts I'm STILL in that self-realization zone!! Still trying to self-realize who I am and who I am becoming, though.

I guess I'm a slow learner.

I have always claimed and still proclaim that the emotional side of this whole surgery is SO MUCH HARDER than the physical side. I honestly never expected it. Sometimes I feel like I want to run away from it but as with TT I always seem to come back and lurk in my own self thoughts...test the water awhile and ultimately come to embrace that side of me. Personally I find it scary but also exciting. It's almost like a weaving for me....a quilt of sorts, on one side I see a person that I know very well but if I turn my life over there is a new person there to discover....still hints and tracings of the old but also something totally new.

Please know that I'm here anytime you get introspective...I think I'm one of the queens of introspection. *L*...you should read some of MY poetry if you doubt that!

I know you are testing the waters when it comes to plastic surgery. That is a whole other layer where self-realization plays a part...at least for me. Please feel free to bounce any thoughts or feelings off from me any time.

Gwen · 02-02-2008, 12:58 PM

...... oh Sweetie, I'm sorry I'm only catching this now - I have been trying to catch up with myself since last weekend when my friend came to visit and "interrupted my my 20-a-day-TT-habit"

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

I'm ready for plastic surgery now--I want the Chippendale Chiselectomy, not because I'm vain, or aspire to be a stripper/dancer, but because I think the calendar would be neat.

I can't wait either.... for the Chippendale calendar

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

I'm wondering what made me fat in the first place. I'm not harboring any childhood ill or psychological trauma, nor was I beaten into submission by Swedish Horse Traders; I think I'm just lazy. Can just being lazy end up costing me 200 pounds, diabetes, and high blood pressure? I'm amazed by this. I am so in control everywhere else...why in the world could I not push a plate away? Grrrr.

My thoughts exactly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

I am addicted to Thinner Times. I'm on here 15 times a day looking at what people are posting. Is that wrong?

15???!!! I'm seriosuly starting to get worried about my job security - I'm like constantly logged on....

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

While I go 3 or 4 times a week...I still don't like exercising. I'm doing better at it, but I don't really like going. Will this change? I want to like it, I want it to be a permanent piece of my day, but I'm struggling with it and would rather give it away, even though I know that would be detrimental to this entire process.

I hate that f....... place and don't think it will ever change - and here I was seriously hoping for exercise to be my addiction transfer (that or sex and guess which one won

) - said with all due respect to the seriousness of addiction transfer

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

I keep going through waves of emotions. One minute, things are calm, the next, I'm bouncing off the walls. I'm getting tired of the roller coaster, does it stop? I'm driving my wife bonkers.

I thought mine was to be blamed on the "cycle of the moon" but now I know better....

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

I want to kick the lady at work who compliments me everyday. I don't believe that she's sincere and I can't stand it when I bump into her. I wonder if I shouldn't have told anybody. Obviously they would have noticed after 110 pounds, but maybe that bitch wouldn't be so up in my grill everyday. I really want to etch something in the paint on her car. I won't do it though, because even though I talk big, I'm really a nice guy deep down. I'd love to have a genuine "bad boy" day though. I wonder how the people who truly don't give a flying f*** feel about themselves.

Jip - this one was also a problem for me until I said :"thank you for noticing" gave a big happy smile and moved on - they still compliment me but I'm not forced to repeat the same story 10 times a day.....

Thanks for always sharing, and in such depths, because although I might not put it down in writing I am feeling all these things and it helps to hear that others are going through the same issues.

PS: Please tell me more about the Benihana episode in The Office (is it the American or UK version)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

I'm going to find some peanut butter---

OMG!!!! I can't believe you just said that!!!

This is exactly what I do - but if, but no, but if, but no - hand me the peanut butter NOW!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nyn

Ditto. I love seeing posts by you, my podmates, since so very often I could have written them myself, but I haven't had much time online lately to be here on TTForum, so I rely on you. You guys are awesome, thoughtful, interesting people, and reading your posts means a lot to me. (I also don't have my own "personal stories" thread so I guess I borrow your entries to make me think about my "personal story". Sorry in advance for hijacking, lol!)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nyn

Mike, thank you for sharing so much of your journey with us. I look forward to your next post when you're feeling thoughtful (...or silly...or random...or drunk...or...)

I am lucky to have you, Corrine and Nyn as my SPM and I hope you guys will stick around - it's making my journey easier for sure.

We are all so lucky to have the "veterans" around - what would we have done without ClaireBear, ToonyBear, DuckieBear, Whitney (who should be a Bear) and MiladyB (I am sure that B stands for Bear) and the DesertBear

Keep on posting Mike - you speak for all of us

XXX

fisher1000 · 02-02-2008, 02:52 PM

Gwen...

You're awesome! I appreciate your comments! (I'm eating peanut butter right now...)

It's the American version of the Office...Here's a preview from Youtube!

-Mike

PollyC · 02-09-2008, 12:33 PM

Happy 1st Birthday Lily!

I wanna see party pics.

Persephone · 02-09-2008, 01:31 PM

Happy Birthday LILY

fisher1000 · 02-09-2008, 06:12 PM

Thanks, y'all!

We had a good time today with Lily--she had a blast with her cake and presents and all the people--including our Whitney!

Pics and video are on our weblog here:

http://www.landoffisher.blogspot.com

I can't believe Lily is a year old...time just flies!

-Mike

AriesGirl78 · 02-10-2008, 07:17 PM

What great pictures!!!! Everyone looked like they had a wonderful time! Where were the Dora shirts like Paula and Duane had of Elmo!?! ha Lily is so cute!!!

Oh yeah, I cracked up when I saw the "Manboobs" picture! lol too funny!!!

fisher1000 · 02-12-2008, 05:11 AM

I ate a whole sandwich this morning for breakfast. I toasted 2 pieces of wheat bread, added some PB and sugar free Strawberry jelly, and then ate the whole thing. I hadn't been able to do that since the surgery, and thought it was fairly significant.

I'm almost 5 months out and I'm starting to wrap my mind around the whole eating thing. I went into this surgery knowing that I have a problem, an addiction, to food. Whatever, whenever, was my policy. Now, I have a new problem with food. I still think of eating just as often as I did before, but I'm not "hungry" for it the way I used to be. The surgery killed the main beast, but it didn't take away the infestation. I'm still struggling with food choices, but not nearly so much as I used to. In fact, this is a struggle I can live with. Emphasis on the word "live."

Over the weekend, I went a couple of days skipping both my vitamin and the protein shake. I could tell immediately. You don't think about how essential some of these little things are, but they really make a difference in how I feel.

I'm also noticing that density plays a huge role in what I can eat. Depending on the food, I can eat between 4-8 ounces at a time. If it's less dense, I can eat more, if it's more dense, I can eat less. For instance, we had hamburgers last night. I eat just the meat, a 4 oz. patty, but can only eat 2/3 of it. (With ketchup) On the other hand, I can eat an entire Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones meals (not the big ones) unless it's fettucine noodles or those Panini sandwiches--for some reason, I can only get through half of those.

There are very few things that I enjoy now food wise, which at times has been frustrating, but it's a lot less frustrating than not being able to walk up a flight of stairs or barely being able to wipe my fat ass. Any frustration I have with food is tempered with so many other great things that have happened since the surgery.

Anyhoo...I ate a sandwich today and I'm amazed that it's taken 5 months to be able to do that. Such is the banter in my brain on these contemplative days. (Which are becoming more numerous...)

-Mike