JWheeler

Hi there-- During the course of the paperwork process and deciding whether this surgery is really for me, I was always looking for personal stories and experiences of those that had gone before me. I read Carney Wilson's book and searched the Internet for other WSL personal stories. I thought I would return the favor by sharing my journey with others. Hopefully someone will find this helpful.

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

The Effect Obesity Has Had On My Life:
To describe the effect obesity has had on my life is hard to explain because I’ve not ever experienced life as a normal-weight person. I was born overweight. In 1970, I weighed in at a hefty 8 pounds, 6 ounce. I’ve always led the crowd in clothing – as a newborn, I was in 3-6 months; when my peers were in “youth,” I was in “juniors.” When my friends were in “juniors,” I was in “Misses;” and when they finally reached “Misses,” I was well into “Women’s.”
I ran track in grade school, played volleyball and softball in junior high and high school, but my activity level and lack of food had no effect on my weight. Every year I was told at my annual sports physical, “You’re cleared for sports, but here’s a 1200 calorie diet for you to follow because you’re overweight.”
I started taking diet aids and engaging in excessive workouts as early as 14, struggling to drop my weight below 175. My daily high school activity in addition to 2-hour aerobic workouts and 16-mile daily bike rides did nothing to help me lose weight. I had reached a point of such desperation with weight loss in high school that I sought out amphetamines, but by the grace of God, the “sources” never panned out. However, over the course of the last 18 years, diet aids, medical prescriptions, and exercise have done nothing but guided me through the diet rollercoaster – up and down, up and down. I’ve paid for programs such as Nutri-System, Weight Watchers, TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly); taken Xenadrin, Metabolife, and other herbal remedies; been prescribed Xenical and Fen-Phen; tried “The Cabbage Diet,” “The Zone Diet,” “Carbohydrates Addict,” Slim Fast; and then of course, there’s been the consistent gym memberships and Jazzercize. At one point, with the assistance of “The Cabbage Diet,” Slim Fast, and 4-mile walks twice a day, I actually dropped below the 200 mark! I was so excited!! But that didn’t last long. As soon as I added a regular healthy diet back into my food plan, the weight came back.
Along with dealing with my own feelings of failure, I’ve had to endure family questions such as, “With all this non-fat food you eat, why are you still fat?”; “What exactly do you do at the gym? Because whatever it is, it’s not working”; “You’re still hungry?”; “Are you sure you want to eat that?” Of course, all these questions are prefaced with, “we just hate to see you so unhappy” or “we just want you to think about what you’re doing to yourself.”
Now that I live two states away from my family, I dread the “family visits.” I dread the disappointment on their face when I walk off the plane and they see that I’ve not lost weight or that I’ve gained a few more pounds. I worry that they’re embarrassed to be seen with me.
I’d like to think that the lack of intimacy in my life is the result of my busy schedule, but I know that it’s not. I am 32 years old and have never had a boyfriend, or even been out on a date for that matter. I didn’t even get asked to any of my school dances. I have male friends, but I’ve never been able to cross over to “girlfriend.” I recognize that relationships are more complicated than a weight issue, but I strongly believe that my weight has greatly influenced my personal confidence with the opposite sex. If I wouldn’t want to be seen with me, then who else would?
I also think my weight has caused me to overcompensate with my personality and professional life. I use humor and generosity to distract from my weighty self. And while I’d really like to think that I’ve pursued my law degree for professional growth, I suspect it’s been another way for me to cope with my weight, hoping that money, intelligence, and a charming personality will blind society to my fat. But as I prepare for a highly competitive legal interviewing process, I worry that my intelligence and charming personality won’t distract from my weighty presence – that my weighty presence will distract from my qualities making it easier to be dismissed as a serious candidate for the image-conscious legal community.

Goals to be achieved from a medical and social point of view:
First and foremost, I want to be healthy. I want to live a long and healthy life. I would like to experience life as a thin person – to experience what it is like to be desired by a man – to actually believe that marriage and children may be in my future.
Secondly, I’d like to be comfortable when I’m working out at the gym. I’d like to feel like I can go to the gym whenever I feel like it, rather than arranging my workout schedule to avoid the masses of the physically fit. I’d like to be happy to see my family and friends, and not have to fret about pictures being taken of me and whether I positioned my face and body so as to get the least of myself pictured. I’d like to purchase clothes from a regular rack, and to actually be able to shop with my thin friends at the same store. I’d like never to have to dread sitting on a crowded flight, or being seated at a booth in a restaurant, or sitting on a plastic chair.

Concerns/Fears about the surgery:
“The grass is always greener on the other side” syndrome … My biggest concern/fear has been that something unwanted will happen either as I’m losing weight or when I’ve lost it that will cause me to retreat back into my protective weighty shell. I’d like to think that I’m strong enough and want to be thin badly enough to resist an urge such as this, but having never been thin, I’m just not sure what quite to expect. At times I feel as though I’m making a deal with the devil. I’ve heard people say, “nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” I’m not going to let this concern keep me from seeking this surgery, but it is an awareness I have and will continue to seek out things besides food to help me deal with whatever “unwanted” event comes my way.

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

Today is the last day of my life as I've known it. Tonight at 11:30pm, I will drive myself to Pomerado Hospital for a gastric bypass surgery.

Saturday (10/11) was my birthday. Texas lost to Oklahoma, but that didn't stop me from enjoying my last pizza and my favorite alcoholic beverages.

A strange emotion has overcome me. Up until Friday, I've been brave aobut the surgery -- talking lively with others, discouraging my parents from coming down, etc. But Friday evening I started crying a lot and wanted my dad with me through the surgery. I've talked to him about it, but at this point, it's too late for my dad to get a reasonable flight to be with me. For whatever reason, I suddenly felt like my 12 year old self who was about to have her appendix removed. My dad had been with me all day, taking me to the clinic who then determined that I needed to go to the hospital. After Dad and I arrived at the hospital, I changed into my hospital gown and was getting ready to climb into the bed when my dad said he was going to leave to get my mom and brother and come back. I just remember seeing him turn to leave and then getting so scared and wanting my dad to stay with me. That's exactly how I'm feeling again.

Well, I'm packed, I've cleaned my bedroom, and it's getting on to be 11:30.

Here we go....
256 pounds; 137 is the goal.

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

I arrived at the Emergency entrance of Pomerado Hospital as 12:15 am in my favorite pajama lounge pants and a t-shirt. I didn't get admitted until 1:00AM. Forty-five minutes in the emergency room lobby was not fun at all.

When I was finally processed, I started crying again and the nurse helping me was so friendly. She sat with me and talked about the surgery and life in general. She gave me a sleeping pill to help me relax and then about 3:30AM she started getting me ready for surgery -- blood work, antibiotic shower, etc.

At 6:30AM, the surgery staff cam to my room and took me to the prep room. Norma arrived just prior to me being rolled away. Seeing her set off another crying session. She gave me a big hug and told me I'd be just fine.

I remember going into the surgery room and getting prepped. The next thing I knew, my stomach really hurt and the nurse was telling me that I did really well and she was giving me medicine to relieve the pain.

The rest of Tuesday is a complete blur. I vaguely remember Norma stopping by to "tuck me in." I called my parents in Seattle. That didn't go to well. I just wanted to tell them I was okay and then they started asking questions and I was too incoherent to answer properly.

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

It's Wednesday now. I've been moved to another room because I don't require as much attention. I'm off the morphine now and can actually function. I was up and walking around the hospital by 9:00AM.

Bry came to see me and brought me some shampoo to wash my hair. What a great feeling. I took a shower, got refreshed, and slept pretty well.

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

I'll be released today. Dr. C came to see me and was pleased with my progress.

Norma came and picked me up at 5:00PM. We stopped at Albertsons's and a striker tried to block our path into the store. I told her that I'd just been released from the hospital and needed to get a few things. She moved aside and let us in. We also ran into some traffic heading toward San Diego. But I was home by 7:00PM and asleep by 8:00PM.

It's amazing how satisfying chicken broth and jello can be!

252.5

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

After reconfiguring my pillow set up, I slept pretty well last night. Woke up at 2:30AM and watched some TV until I fell asleep again. Rewoke at 8:00AM and got up.

Flinstones childrens chewable vitamins are disgusting. I'm amazed that kids eat these! Dr. C suggested Bug's Bunny, so maybe I'll give them a try.

Jello for breakfast. Decided the elixer is a nice to have -- it just takes the edge off of the healing process. Showered and then took a nap at 10:30AM.

250.5

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

Called the grandparents to tell them I'm home and doing well. Grandpa said not to change too much because he liked having his big girl to hug. I told him I'd still be the same girl, he could just hug me longer.

Went to Mission Valley Mall. Started feeling a little queazy. May not have been such a good idea this soon. Rested and drank some water, which seemed to help. Took a 1-1/2 hour nap when I got back home.

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

Kelly called and scheduled my first check up. I found out I could take off the bandages, which felt good. Also learned that clam chowder doesn't count as a cream soup. I made it thin and tried to drink just the juice. I got some clam, but it didn't seem to affect my stomach any. I'm having this serious craving for sausage and chicken. Stupid Papa Murphy's pizza commercial is not helping matters.

245.5

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137

JWheeler

Had kind of a painful night last night. Took some elixer at 5:00AM and wore the binder all night. I'm trying not to have to take more elixer today, but I may have to break down a little.

244.5

__________________
--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137