Post Op WLS - Sexuality Awareness - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Wusang · 10-31-2009, 12:06 PM

I tried searching this topic and didn't find what I was looking for. I was looking for a discusiion surrounding sexuality post WLS.

Hell I am having a great time being smaller than 322 pounds (now 230'a and heading toward 174 goal). I always thought I was just an average looking guy, actually perhaps I have convinced myself not good looking at all! Even though every woman I have ever loved or cared for that cared or loved me has always assured me beside my weight I am a good looking guy, and a great disposition and witty off the wall personality.... well I am now feeling uncomfortable in the developing new me and anticipate it getting a worse before better in that I find I am attracting attention from women that never would have talked to me before. At work, at home, amongst friends. I had one particular woman, a real head turner (HOT) just freshly seperated, flirt with me at a party (I am happily married) and if I didn't know any better made an outright pass at me, I was loss for words. Caught me completely off guard. Not use to this whatsoever..... is it just me .... have I really missed that much in my life being fatboy on the block????!!! I am going to cry! I can sense the difference in how people relate to me these days. I can see how fat people react to their own overweight when brought to the limelight publically. WOW, I am blown away. As I lose I am seeing so much from a different perspective from what I am use to seeing things from. Just never thought increased sexuality as part of the whole picture of benefits of WLS. The wife is happier than shit for it all, and our sexlife is back where we left off a few years ago, it is great. I think she is actually beginning to feel a little insecure though but as I tell her "if it is not for love, it ain't happening baby". Just I am so wow'd by it all of late ............

mistymee · 11-01-2009, 07:09 AM

This is a common topic though probably very difficult to search for because there isn't a good single word to tag this with.. it is so much more than just the sexuality at play..

There have been people in the past complaining about how wo(men) react to them now and how they wouldn't in the past and sometimes that generates an anger response, since many feel they haven't changed except for their size.

One thing that is at play here is your renewed confidence which can be very attractive to the opposite sex. I think that is often what is going on now- we walk differently, often in the past many of us walked with our eyes reverted, perhaps with our heads down a bit, and giving off body signals that say - stay away- and as we lose our weight, we are lifted, both mentally and physically to where we feel confident, we smile at people, we make eye contact.. hold our shoulders up... and confidence is very sexy, way more sexy than that former behavior. So people respond to that in a way that we're just not used to dealing with.

And it's a funny thing- it's not just the sexual side of things.. you may have noticed that people are kinder, they'll hold that door open for you as they pass through it, rather than letting it slam back in your face without notice... they'll say hello as you walk by instead of walking past w/o even an acknowledgment. Sales clerks are more helpful now days.. as a woman, I always found men helpful when shopping at places like home depot or lowes (and had more attempted pick ups in those types of stores, even at my largest, LOL) but even moreso now, even when I'm with the hubby.

I firmly believe that in much of it, it is how we behave now vs then that causes a lot of this change in people, more than it was our fat turning them off though there is that in play too. I've seen the tv shows where the gorgeous girl puts on a fat suit and gets treated badly but if you watch closely you'll see how she acts completely different as well. Usually, they'll make her hair look mousy, and she'll drop her shoulders and puts her head down and just acts the total opposite of how she is when she's thin and gorgeous.. so, I can't say those shows are really saying what's what.. put the gorgeous girl in the fat suit, and have her act like she's the bees knees and then we might see something, lol..

As for the better sex with your honey- you ain't kidding there

Better, lots and lots better, lol

DrStephen · 11-01-2009, 01:55 PM

Great thread! I remember back to my Pre-Op psych exam. The doc asked if my wife was going to be comfortable with the increased attention I would get from other women. That comment struck me as funny - I've never considered myself attractive, and don't (or didn't) expect that to change based on my weight loss. But the doc seems to think that this might happen. How my wife will respond is yet to be seen!

STeve

j.marie · 11-01-2009, 02:13 PM

This is a fantastic topic, and I see that it is in the mens issues, but...

I am about three months post op and I am dealing with similar issues. I have always gotten male attention, appearantly theres always just been "something about me" but lately the attention has been unreal. I havent lost all that much weight, but I agree my self esteem is much higher and like Mistymee said, that is very attractive.

I have been in a happy relationship for the last four years, but its difficult for me to keep focused, to say the least! Im sure this is difficult for him, as is it for me. I hate to admit, I like the attention I get. It makes me feel good about myself, and I know I shouldnt value myself on that kind of attention, but it is reassurance.

On the other side I do get comments like "oh you look so much better now," or whatever and its more like an insult than a compliment, the thoughts I have when I hear stuff like that are along the lines of well was I that bad before? I was the same person then that I am now. Its shocking to think that people who are close to me had such a negative view or opinion of me. It is also sad to have the fact reconfirmed that looks are everything to most people.

lovelycal · 11-01-2009, 02:42 PM

Im back from Mexico I did the sleeve and everything went great
It was the best experince I ever had. They were Great clean and helpful
I realy loved every one . And thank you all on thinner times

DrStephen · 11-01-2009, 02:47 PM

What really surprises me is when my wife jumps! "Oh my God, look at your face!" I think I must have an alien attached to my nose or something. No, she is just surprised at how thin my face has gotten. Now I've only lost 20 lbs (10 days post op), but even that small amount seems to have made a difference. My parents saw me for the first time since post-op recovery, and they were all aglow.

I go back to work in a week (working from home for the next week, Mon 11/2) and will see what their reaction is. My wife and I have several Christmas and Holiday get-togethers already scheduled.... we will see what those guests reaction is, and then get to see what my wife's reaction is to their reaction!

Lots of "pre" pics of me and my family here.

Steve

DrStephen · 11-01-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovelycal

Im back from Mexico I did the sleeve and everything went great
It was the best experince I ever had. They were Great clean and helpful
I realy loved every one . And thank you all on thinner times

I hate to ask, but did you have your sleeve procedure done in Mexico?

mistymee · 11-01-2009, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovelycal

Im back from Mexico I did the sleeve and everything went great
It was the best experince I ever had. They were Great clean and helpful
I realy loved every one . And thank you all on thinner times

Hey there... not sure if you meant to put this post inside this thread? If not, let me know and I could help you move it to the right section of the forum.

Glad you things worked out for you and your surgery.

Pho · 11-08-2009, 08:50 AM

Haha, I'm waiting to get noticed by the females soon. All in due time I suppose.

bigskinit · 11-08-2009, 09:17 AM

Fantasy & Fantasies are normal adult human development. The content can range from socially normal to abnormal. It's my opinion that ego has control of all of the above.