1 1/2 years or more out - Page 5 - ThinnerTimes

TabFox · 07-02-2005, 09:10 AM

Oh Reginald, your post brought tears to my eyes. I think most everyone on this board can relate to what you're feeling. In this society, we ARE judged on how we look, not so much by who we are. A large, nice person will be treated like $hit, and a skinny jackass will be more readily accepted. Is it right? Of course not, but that's how it is. Our body is just a shell. Many times I've always said that the size of my a$$ does not dictate WHO I am. Unfortunately, the world is full of shallow, misinformed people. I was teased and taunted as a child. Teased and taunted as a teenager, and still as an adult. Loving yourself first is the most difficult. After listening to a lifetime of insults, we begin to believe it. I don't know if we ever get over it. Since I've lost weight people treat me differently, and sure it's nice, but at the same time it royally pisses me off. I'm still ME! I have more confidence and I'm not as self-concious as before, but my likes, dislikes, personality, etc. is still the same. I still am very caring and compassionate. I still love animals and the little old ladies who come into the salon each week. I still hate people who abuse others, people who are mean to animals, and people who are judgemental. These things don't change. I'm not sure if I truly "love" myself yet, but I "like" myself. The first thing I did to start liking myself was to go through with this surgery. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to wear decent clothes. And I wanted to look better. Yes, part of it is vanity. The only thing that has kept me grounded is my husband. I met him when I was about 280 lbs. He loves me for who I am. He loved me when I hit 325 lbs. He was about 250 lbs. when we met and was about 350 when he had his surgery. We've supported eachother through thick and thin (no pun intended).
I know I've rambled on. I don't know the answer to stop the destructive behavior of overeating. Diets never worked for me, except short term. I had to have surgery. I had to do something completely restrictive to control myself. I still battle the urges to binge, and thank God my pouch quickly lets me know "ok, one more bite and you're going to hurl."
Good luck with your journey. This is a great support group.

Mavisavis · 07-03-2005, 11:33 AM

This has been a very interesting thread. I am pre-op, probably ready to submit to insurance within the next few weeks. I came to the post-op boards hoping to get a glimpse of some of the thoughts, feelings, struggles, and joys of post op. It's great to see so many people getting to their goal and maintaining! That truly is incredible. I learn so much from reading all your experiences and advice. I never thought about how it may feel to blend in eventually. I too will always be a fat chick, no matter how thin I get. One time years ago, I was down to a size 16 and a guy I was friends with talked badly about the MO. I was incensed and told him so..........that he was talking about me too. He couldn't grasp it. In a strange way I feel blessed to have lived as a heavy person. I've no doubt it has helped me to be a less judgemental and more open minded and compassion person to those struggling with their own addictions and issues. I will always be that person in many ways.........the important ways. Thanks to all of you who stay here to share our successes..........you will NEVER be just ordinary.

Marty

Nikkiart29 · 07-06-2005, 08:40 PM

ORDINARY?! I guess I won't know that feeling until I'm further down the road, but just know that all of you long term "post-opers" are doing the rest of us a great favor by sharing your kind words, advice and encouragement. I ahve learned a lot from this forum. as well, and am thankful for all of you "ordinary" people!
You guys are EXTRAORDINARY!

714reginald · 07-07-2005, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TabFox

Oh Reginald, your post brought tears to my eyes. I think most everyone on this board can relate to what you're feeling. In this society, we ARE judged on how we look, not so much by who we are. A large, nice person will be treated like $hit, and a skinny jackass will be more readily accepted. Is it right? Of course not, but that's how it is. Our body is just a shell. Many times I've always said that the size of my a$$ does not dictate WHO I am. Unfortunately, the world is full of shallow, misinformed people. I was teased and taunted as a child. Teased and taunted as a teenager, and still as an adult. Loving yourself first is the most difficult. After listening to a lifetime of insults, we begin to believe it. I don't know if we ever get over it. Since I've lost weight people treat me differently, and sure it's nice, but at the same time it royally pisses me off. I'm still ME! I have more confidence and I'm not as self-concious as before, but my likes, dislikes, personality, etc. is still the same. I still am very caring and compassionate. I still love animals and the little old ladies who come into the salon each week. I still hate people who abuse others, people who are mean to animals, and people who are judgemental. These things don't change. I'm not sure if I truly "love" myself yet, but I "like" myself. The first thing I did to start liking myself was to go through with this surgery. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to wear decent clothes. And I wanted to look better. Yes, part of it is vanity. The only thing that has kept me grounded is my husband. I met him when I was about 280 lbs. He loves me for who I am. He loved me when I hit 325 lbs. He was about 250 lbs. when we met and was about 350 when he had his surgery. We've supported eachother through thick and thin (no pun intended).
I know I've rambled on. I don't know the answer to stop the destructive behavior of overeating. Diets never worked for me, except short term. I had to have surgery. I had to do something completely restrictive to control myself. I still battle the urges to binge, and thank God my pouch quickly lets me know "ok, one more bite and you're going to hurl."
Good luck with your journey. This is a great support group.

Hello TabFox,

Thank you for your kind and sincere words. Your message was inspirational and it really touched me. I'm so sorry I did not respond sooner because I was out of town visiting my brother in Arizona. I almost, almost fell for this woman but it turned out she thought I exposed to much of myself through our converstaion that I left nothing for her to be surprised by. In other words, I guess I was predictable. I like her though, and she was pretty too, although that did not make a difference. It was just the fact that I was in "awe of her" and felt totally good about myself until she turned and showed me another side to her that I did not even begin to know how to deal with. Enough of that, I am fine now because I am at home and I read your post. TabFox, through your words I realized someone actually cares about me and
showed compassion for what I felt, it made me almost cry. I thought I had lost it. Weight has really been an issue for me because I can't seem to control it like love. I am always "Wishing"! I wish I could look good, I wish I could fit in that chair, I wish I could bend down and not hurt, I wish I could be great at something, and finally, I wish my heart would stop longing for someone to call my own, a girlfriend"! Well, this is depressing, I'm sorry. I must hide these emotions, I cannot deal with this right now, I'm so sorry!!!

Reginald.