1 1/2 years or more out - Page 4 - ThinnerTimes

Querier · 06-27-2005, 06:57 PM

Bridget,

I never told the guy that I had WLS or that he hurt my feelings. I just do like most of us probably do and keep the hurt inside. Since he has not ever had a weight problem, he can not understand how it can happen and never will and I could not put myself through the pain of trying to enlighten him. It is really frustrating to try to discuss WLS with someone who has never had a weight problem because they don't know what our lives are like and how narrow minded they really are.

Even people who knew me 10 years ago have forgotten now and will say something unkind now and then. When I pass up the sweets during company lunches or someone brings donuts for breakfast they say something like I should just join in with everyone for once and quit trying to be better than everyone else. This really hurts but I don't say anything because it will only hurt me more to make a scene.

That is why I came looking for this board. I needed a place to find support without feeling like I am having to justify myself all the time. This is a great place and I think everyone has their own style but we are all here for the same reason....to help each other and to get help for ourselves when we need it.

watergirl · 06-28-2005, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Querier

Bridget,

I never told the guy that I had WLS or that he hurt my feelings. I just do like most of us probably do and keep the hurt inside. Since he has not ever had a weight problem, he can not understand how it can happen and never will and I could not put myself through the pain of trying to enlighten him. It is really frustrating to try to discuss WLS with someone who has never had a weight problem because they don't know what our lives are like and how narrow minded they really are.

Even people who knew me 10 years ago have forgotten now and will say something unkind now and then. When I pass up the sweets during company lunches or someone brings donuts for breakfast they say something like I should just join in with everyone for once and quit trying to be better than everyone else. This really hurts but I don't say anything because it will only hurt me more to make a scene.

That is why I came looking for this board. I needed a place to find support without feeling like I am having to justify myself all the time. This is a great place and I think everyone has their own style but we are all here for the same reason....to help each other and to get help for ourselves when we need it.

Beautiful name by the way. You've come to the right place! (((((HUGS)))))

teacherkm · 06-28-2005, 10:22 AM

Bridgetgirl, I know how you feel-I'm a year and 2 months out, and I have been at a plateau here for about a month now-I feel good, but it scares me sometimes how much more food I can eat now-then I have to jump back to reality and look at it-it just seems like a lot compared to what I could eat 6 months or more ago-it's still pretty small compared to what I ate pre-op! I need to get to the gym a lot more, and focus on exercise goals, and just let the rest of the weight come off naturally-I only have 18 lbs to go, which is nothing compared to the 90 lbs I've already lost-I don't think I give myself enough credit sometimes for what I've already accomplished-does anyone else ever feel that way???

bridgetgirl · 06-28-2005, 10:32 AM

Do I give myself enough credit? Probably not. As I sit here, 1 1/2 years post op, I have been at goal for more than half that time, yet NOW I want to lose 5 pounds... why? I think Im just use to the idea of always having to try and lose weight. Its hard to shake that kind of thinking, Im used to the battle of attempting to lose. I thought I would be free of it, Im not yet free.

Also, I thought (in the back of my mind) that life would get a little easier being thin, no more stares or people mooing at me, or just being generally unkind. But people still avoid me, Im tired of hearing the word "intimidated" but I have to adjust. It always seems through our WLS lives we have to keep adjusting to other people, i.e Marina talking about people think she's better than everyone else because she refuses donuts. We clam up, at the expense of someone else being a creep. Oh well, I guess we have to keep adjusting, accepting and learn to be a little easier on ourselves at all.

Any suggestions on how we can do that? We need to give ourselves a daily reward, I think that will help!

Gladitsme · 06-28-2005, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

Oh well, I guess we have to keep adjusting, accepting and learn to be a little easier on ourselves at all.

Any suggestions on how we can do that? We need to give ourselves a daily reward, I think that will help!

Bridget,

One thing that I look forward to is the after photos. And didn't you just lose like 5-10 lbs? What an accomplishment! You deserve kudos girl. You're doing very well.

As for donuts, I plan to say that I'm allergic. Or that they make me sick.

bridgetgirl · 06-28-2005, 12:42 PM

When people offer me sweets and I refuse and they try and insist I just tell them I cant have too much sugar that it makes me sick, and then they are okay with it. Its funny because never once has someone asked me how or why it happens, why sugar would make me sick! Its all good.

Dara · 06-28-2005, 02:45 PM

Bridget:

You and I have talked about the subject of maintaining our weight. I completely understand your impulse to continue to lose weight. Why? Gosh, who really knows. Just a couple of thoughts--

Maybe we try to continue to lose weight because, in our minds, nothing we ever do is good enough?? Or maybe because of the accolades we receive when we announce that we have lost weight?? Maybe it's because once we stop losing weight, all the fun and excitement wanes??

I tend to think that, for me, it's because maintaining my weight is such a foreign thing to me. As an adult, I have never EVER maintained my weight for any length of time without the help of a diet pill. And, frankly, maintaining my weight totally petrifies me! For example, my PCP told me that she would give me a PS referral after I've maintained my weight for nine months. I had no idea how long I've maintained--I had to go back and look it up. Talk about avoidance syndrome!

Maybe we need to think a lot more about living "normally." Not about losing, not about gaining, but about LIVING. I hope that one day, the condition of my weight will not "weigh" on my mind every waking moment. That will truly be living!

bridgetgirl · 06-28-2005, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dara

Maybe we need to think a lot more about living "normally." Not about losing, not about gaining, but about LIVING. I hope that one day, the condition of my weight will not "weigh" on my mind every waking moment. That will truly be living!

Amen to that Dara. Well said, and thanks once again for your ever amazing, wonderful insight!

Julez · 06-28-2005, 02:59 PM

Dara,
You are so right.

714reginald · 07-01-2005, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dara

Bridget:

You and I have talked about the subject of maintaining our weight. I completely understand your impulse to continue to lose weight. Why? Gosh, who really knows. Just a couple of thoughts--

Maybe we try to continue to lose weight because, in our minds, nothing we ever do is good enough?? Or maybe because of the accolades we receive when we announce that we have lost weight?? Maybe it's because once we stop losing weight, all the fun and excitement wanes??

I tend to think that, for me, it's because maintaining my weight is such a foreign thing to me. As an adult, I have never EVER maintained my weight for any length of time without the help of a diet pill. And, frankly, maintaining my weight totally petrifies me! For example, my PCP told me that she would give me a PS referral after I've maintained my weight for nine months. I had no idea how long I've maintained--I had to go back and look it up. Talk about avoidance syndrome!

Maybe we need to think a lot more about living "normally." Not about losing, not about gaining, but about LIVING. I hope that one day, the condition of my weight will not "weigh" on my mind every waking moment. That will truly be living!

Hello Dara,

I just wish I could handle this weight thing and like you stated, "Live Life"! It was not a choice I made to be big. At the time I was a little child, I did not know how to handle rejection, I wanted so desparately to belong and be included. Most of all, I wanted someone to love me. I wanted a girlfriend. I was rejected, left alone, and not considered. I was so hurt because I could not understand. My mother told me to treat women with respect and dignity. That's what I did and I got used, runover, and laughed at. So, I found food and it loved me as I loved it. For about 35 years we have been happily married. I can't shake her. I need help. I'm slowly killing myself by continuing to eat recklessly, and I'm hurting deep inside by all this pain that I've carried in my heart and soul. For the first time, I want to live, I want to love, most of all I want to love me. I just don't know where to begin.

Sadly and Respectfully,

Reginald Williams