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03-07-2008, 08:10 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Dec 2006 |
Location: Escondido |
Surgeon: Dr. Milton Owens |
Posts: 88 |
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How has your marriage changed?
Unfortunately, my marriage hasn't changed much. I guess things weren't that great before, but I thought losing a lot of weight would re-ignite things a bit, ya know?
My husband has put on weight during my loss and nothing has changed which can be depressing...
__________________
 Escondido Elf
Surgery date: 4/12/2007
Dr Owens Alvarado Hospital
San Diego CA
highest/day of surgery/current/goal
317/315/164/ 160
153 POUNDS GONE FOREVER!
TT Gym Rat #8
Century Club Member 11/16/07 
Onederland 1/19/08
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03-08-2008, 05:23 AM
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#2 (permalink)
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TT Master
Join Date: Feb 2007 |
Location: Brenham, TX |
Age: 69 |
Posts: 3,209 |
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Ah, sweetie, I have often said, and thought, that the marital relationship is the most difficult one in life. Very complex. And each relationship is different.
The best advice I can offer is not anything odd or deep - communication is the only tool that really, in the end, holds a couple together.
I've been married 3 times, the curent one going on 12 years. It's a work in progress, and both of us are giving 100% now (or close, anyway). That was not always the case. And we are all imperfect people.
Lots of hugs!
__________________
Claire, AKA ClaireBear
4'9.25"
Lap RNY - 4/9/07. Pre-op, 236 lbs - Current: 104 lbs. - Goal: 126 lbs.
CENTURY CLUB: 11/26/07 Wooo Hoooooo!!!
WAY more than HALF of me, 132 lbs., GONE!!!!!
Size 3 in skinny jeans, Petite Small in all else!
T-T Cruise 2008 Memories and PHOTOS thread: http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/soc...-memories.html
Last edited by Claire-in-Texas; 03-08-2008 at 06:33 AM..
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03-08-2008, 05:33 AM
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#3 (permalink)
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TT Master
Join Date: Jul 2005 |
Location: where I don't belong |
Surgeon: Dr. Taller - NMCSD |
Age: 33 |
Posts: 1,957 |
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Mine ended. As I lost weight and gained confidence, he found he couldn't handle it and became abusive. I wouldn't stand for it and the divorce was final a year and a half after my surgery. I'm remarried now and so far so good 
__________________
Jenny
299/287/ 147/155
Lap 10-25-05
Emily Elizabeth born 03-25-08...a miracle 2 years in the making...
A new peanut due Dec 31, 2009

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03-08-2008, 06:52 AM
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#4 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2005 |
Posts: 247 |
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Mine has been going strong for 30 years. 
__________________
Lap RNY 12/08/05
Dr. Courcoulas
Pittsburgh, PA
282/ 156/145
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.
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03-08-2008, 07:40 AM
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#5 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 |
Location: Minnesota |
Surgeon: Howard Lecerer |
Posts: 1,446 |
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I am currently going through a divorce. Its very sad but probably something that should have happened nearly 30 years ago.
__________________
Veronica
Lap 7/6/05
215/155/123
start/goal/current At NORMAL weight!
BMI 39.32/21.8
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03-09-2008, 07:56 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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TT Master
Join Date: Apr 2004 |
Location: Oceanside, CA |
Surgeon: Dr. Potts |
Start Weight: 235 |
Current Weight: 128 |
Surgery Date: 05/28/2004 |
Posts: 5,127 |
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Hmmm....mine ended 1.5 years ago......gosh, so short??? Seems like a whole life ago!
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03-13-2008, 06:13 PM
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#7 (permalink)
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Newbie
Join Date: Jul 2007 |
Location: Ohio |
Surgeon: Dr. Dock |
Age: 40 |
Posts: 23 |
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Having difficulty.
Would not blame the weight loss, although I do see where I see what bothers me more now that I can not eat away my unhappiness. My sex drive is in overdrive and my unsatisfactory sex life has become even more frustrating.  All the differences we had before are still there- yet seem to come under a microscope.
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03-13-2008, 09:11 PM
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#8 (permalink)
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TT Master
Join Date: Nov 2007 |
Location: Phoenix, AZ |
Surgeon: Dr. Steven Simon |
Start Weight: 270 |
Current Weight: 175 |
Goal Weight: 135 |
Surgery Date: 12/18/2007 |
Posts: 5,337 |
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i'm in that boat too. although mine didnt have anything to do with WLS. We have been arguing since day 1 8 years ago. I came to the end of the rope with his attitude and yelling and laziness that he never seemed to realize. So I told him to move out and he gladly obliged  I think instead of the 40+ pounds i've lost so far, i've lost like 240!!!! Amen
__________________
Deborah
Highest weight 268
Surgery Date: 12/18/07 Lap RNY
Current Loss: However far this journey will take me Current Weight:175 (10/26/09) and finally a SIZE 12
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03-14-2008, 07:47 AM
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#9 (permalink)
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TT Master
Join Date: Jan 2007 |
Location: new york |
Age: 27 |
Posts: 1,758 |
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Quote:
Originally Posted by genameana
Would not blame the weight loss, although I do see where I see what bothers me more now that I can not eat away my unhappiness. My sex drive is in overdrive and my unsatisfactory sex life has become even more frustrating.  All the differences we had before are still there- yet seem to come under a microscope.
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QFT
I don't think the surgery changes much in the sense that whatever was in your relationship before(or wasn't) is now magnified.
If you were truly strong and secure before you will be after you loose the weight. If your relationship wasn't secure before(even if you sometimes think it is, sometimes later you find out it wasn't) then it certainly won't be afterwards and now it will things will be much more dramatic.
If a guy has self esteem issues he just simply won't be okay with you getting thin and getting attention. For alot of you women you find after you drop a good bit of weight your commuication is percieved different and taken differently. The general public starts to treat you differently. All of this takes its toll on a guy who isn't balanced. Same go's for the women.
Turns out all my female relationships before weren't balanced and thats why things changed so greatly after I had lost the weight. They all had to end but, what can ya do. I had to be honest with myself and its not righ for me to lead anyone on.
Your marriage I should think would fall under the same perameters as any of my relationships albeit just much more intense and life altering. Ending a marrage with years behind it and children is a whole different ball game than ending a 6 month relationship.
Water seeks its own level. I wish you the best in your relationship, im sorry you are having trouble.
__________________
TT Gym rat club member #1
Any action ever taken out of fear is always going to be the incorrect one.
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03-14-2008, 08:08 AM
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#10 (permalink)
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TT Master
Join Date: Feb 2007 |
Location: Brenham, TX |
Age: 69 |
Posts: 3,209 |
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John, I respectfully disagree
Speaking for myself, I am a greatly revised me.
I am the same, but different. I have allowed part of me to surface that I would never permit to surface before because I didn't want to draw attention to myself (my sense of humor, for example). I am more energized, and therefore require/expect more out of life. I am more adventurous. There is more.....
Combine that with my DH, who is the same as he has always been. He has not undergone a life transformation. He has had to keep up with all of my discoveries about myself. He tells me I am his NEW wife that he has not known before, combined with the same soul.
I think this is a MAJOR factor in a marriage.
I wouldn't say that my DH is secure or insecure. I think he is paying attention, supporting the changes, and going on this ride, unafraid. He is able to do that. Not everyone can.
Marriage is a far more complex relationship than any other (and I include life partners). It is an intense one, a constant one, a personal one.
My marriage is not perfect (I know of no perfect marriage), but it is, in fact, better than ever, and it gets better and better daily.
__________________
Claire, AKA ClaireBear
4'9.25"
Lap RNY - 4/9/07. Pre-op, 236 lbs - Current: 104 lbs. - Goal: 126 lbs.
CENTURY CLUB: 11/26/07 Wooo Hoooooo!!!
WAY more than HALF of me, 132 lbs., GONE!!!!!
Size 3 in skinny jeans, Petite Small in all else!
T-T Cruise 2008 Memories and PHOTOS thread: http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/soc...-memories.html
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