How has your marriage changed? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Escondido Elf · 03-07-2008, 08:10 PM

Unfortunately, my marriage hasn't changed much. I guess things weren't that great before, but I thought losing a lot of weight would re-ignite things a bit, ya know?

My husband has put on weight during my loss and nothing has changed which can be depressing...

Claire-in-Texas · 03-08-2008, 05:23 AM

Ah, sweetie, I have often said, and thought, that the marital relationship is the most difficult one in life. Very complex. And each relationship is different.

The best advice I can offer is not anything odd or deep - communication is the only tool that really, in the end, holds a couple together.

I've been married 3 times, the curent one going on 12 years. It's a work in progress, and both of us are giving 100% now (or close, anyway). That was not always the case. And we are all imperfect people.

Lots of hugs!

Alleusion · 03-08-2008, 05:33 AM

Mine ended. As I lost weight and gained confidence, he found he couldn't handle it and became abusive. I wouldn't stand for it and the divorce was final a year and a half after my surgery. I'm remarried now and so far so good

janh · 03-08-2008, 06:52 AM

Mine has been going strong for 30 years.

veroniquetalk · 03-08-2008, 07:40 AM

I am currently going through a divorce. Its very sad but probably something that should have happened nearly 30 years ago.

lealphachienne · 03-09-2008, 07:56 PM

Hmmm....mine ended 1.5 years ago......gosh, so short??? Seems like a whole life ago!

genameana · 03-13-2008, 06:13 PM

Would not blame the weight loss, although I do see where I see what bothers me more now that I can not eat away my unhappiness. My sex drive is in overdrive and my unsatisfactory sex life has become even more frustrating.

All the differences we had before are still there- yet seem to come under a microscope.

Godsblessedme · 03-13-2008, 09:11 PM

i'm in that boat too. although mine didnt have anything to do with WLS. We have been arguing since day 1 8 years ago. I came to the end of the rope with his attitude and yelling and laziness that he never seemed to realize. So I told him to move out and he gladly obliged

I think instead of the 40+ pounds i've lost so far, i've lost like 240!!!! Amen

porshh951 · 03-14-2008, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genameana

Would not blame the weight loss, although I do see where I see what bothers me more now that I can not eat away my unhappiness. My sex drive is in overdrive and my unsatisfactory sex life has become even more frustrating.

All the differences we had before are still there- yet seem to come under a microscope.

QFT

I don't think the surgery changes much in the sense that whatever was in your relationship before(or wasn't) is now magnified.

If you were truly strong and secure before you will be after you loose the weight. If your relationship wasn't secure before(even if you sometimes think it is, sometimes later you find out it wasn't) then it certainly won't be afterwards and now it will things will be much more dramatic.

If a guy has self esteem issues he just simply won't be okay with you getting thin and getting attention. For alot of you women you find after you drop a good bit of weight your commuication is percieved different and taken differently. The general public starts to treat you differently. All of this takes its toll on a guy who isn't balanced. Same go's for the women.

Turns out all my female relationships before weren't balanced and thats why things changed so greatly after I had lost the weight. They all had to end but, what can ya do. I had to be honest with myself and its not righ for me to lead anyone on.

Your marriage I should think would fall under the same perameters as any of my relationships albeit just much more intense and life altering. Ending a marrage with years behind it and children is a whole different ball game than ending a 6 month relationship.

Water seeks its own level. I wish you the best in your relationship, im sorry you are having trouble.

Claire-in-Texas · 03-14-2008, 08:08 AM

John, I respectfully disagree

Speaking for myself, I am a greatly revised me.

I am the same, but different. I have allowed part of me to surface that I would never permit to surface before because I didn't want to draw attention to myself (my sense of humor, for example). I am more energized, and therefore require/expect more out of life. I am more adventurous. There is more.....

Combine that with my DH, who is the same as he has always been. He has not undergone a life transformation. He has had to keep up with all of my discoveries about myself. He tells me I am his NEW wife that he has not known before, combined with the same soul.

I think this is a MAJOR factor in a marriage.

I wouldn't say that my DH is secure or insecure. I think he is paying attention, supporting the changes, and going on this ride, unafraid. He is able to do that. Not everyone can.

Marriage is a far more complex relationship than any other (and I include life partners). It is an intense one, a constant one, a personal one.

My marriage is not perfect (I know of no perfect marriage), but it is, in fact, better than ever, and it gets better and better daily.