How has your marriage changed? - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes

allie08 · 03-14-2008, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire-in-Texas

John, I respectfully disagree

Speaking for myself, I am a greatly revised me.

I am the same, but different. I have allowed part of me to surface that I would never permit to surface before because I didn't want to draw attention to myself (my sense of humor, for example). I am more energized, and therefore require/expect more out of life. I am more adventurous. There is more.....

Combine that with my DH, who is the same as he has always been. He has not undergone a life transformation. He has had to keep up with all of my discoveries about myself. He tells me I am his NEW wife that he has not known before, combined with the same soul.

I think this is a MAJOR factor in a marriage.

I wouldn't say that my DH is secure or insecure. I think he is paying attention, supporting the changes, and going on this ride, unafraid. He is able to do that. Not everyone can.

Marriage is a far more complex relationship than any other (and I include life partners). It is an intense one, a constant one, a personal one.

My marriage is not perfect (I know of no perfect marriage), but it is, in fact, better than ever, and it gets better and better daily.

Clair

I can't tell you how relieved I am to read your post. I hear so often about how marriages end after GBS. I love my husband dearly and I know he feels the same. We talk often about how things will change after I have GBS. I fear that I will gain my health, confidence and so much more but lose the man I love. It is comforting to hear about a love story that continued. He too says he is ready to go along on the journey of my life and he will be there to support me and to help me in anyway he can.

I guess we are truly blessed and very lucky women

Amandazon247 · 03-14-2008, 11:48 AM

I have to be honest here and say .... I know that my marriage will have some serious issues after the fact.. My husband is already insecure. and if he doesnt face those demons... I am not sure what will happen. But I know this.. I want to live to see my grandkids. and I want to be healthy and happy. Honestly I am at the point of get on the train or be left behind.... funny even at 303 pounds i think I am the best looking thing ever..LOL guess thats sounds strange...

porshh951 · 03-14-2008, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allie08

Clair

I can't tell you how relieved I am to read your post. I hear so often about how marriages end after GBS. I love my husband dearly and I know he feels the same. We talk often about how things will change after I have GBS. I fear that I will gain my health, confidence and so much more but lose the man I love. It is comforting to hear about a love story that continued. He too says he is ready to go along on the journey of my life and he will be there to support me and to help me in anyway he can.

I guess we are truly blessed and very lucky women

thats awesome.

good for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenomia

What John said is dead on...What is Strong or Weak in your marriage, friendships, whatever will be MAGNIFIED 10 fold. We may 'feel' like the same people, but the outside changes affect how the rest of the world relates to us therefore it changes who we are in such simple understated ways that we aren't often aware of it until it is HUGE. My husband and I are stronger than ever, however, it's because we KNEW this would change the dynamics of our lives in various ways and we made adjustments along the way to compensate for that. He had to change his perceptions, and views right along with me. CHANGE is key...accepting those changes together is paramount in keeping a relationship together. I am NOT the MO girl I was 4 years ago. I have a body I am proud of, I don't hide in the darkness anymore, I am no longer a shy wall flower. I hold my head up when I walk and I don't attempt to 'blend' into the background when around other people. I have become more outgoing, more personable, and more willing to put myself into the spotlight - so to speak. THESE things I wouldn't have done 2 years ago. Those are HUGE changes, but they didn't show up all of a sudden...it was a slow, gradual transition that we have had to adjust for. My husband had to adjust too...he had to get over our comfortable 'homebody' lifestyle and take me out more. I wanted to do things I hadn't felt comfortable doing, I accepted invitations I wouldn't have before, all those little things he had to be willing to adjust with as well. This is one of those processes that don't just affect YOU. It affects everyone around you. My In-Laws didn't like the fact that I was now telling them NO. I was standing up for myself, I wasn't getting pushed around anymore and I stopped being walked over like my life didn't matter in the grand scheme of theirs. THIS...didn't set well with them, and they chose NOT to adjust with me, they chose to complain and lament about 'the way things USED to be'. It's sad, but true.

WoW....as per usual...I have spouted a NOVEL. Hope in all that rambling, I actually had a coherent thought or two that helps...

good for you zen. You guys did things the right way. Talking about all these issus in the open and being honest with yourself and your partner is key. Because everything you said is dead on. The world looks at you different and reacts differently to you. Not only that your personality has become much more strong, confident and outgoing. This in itself changs the dynamic that both of you share greatly and he may or maynot like that very much. Sounds like you have a very loving and understanding partner. You are truly blessed.

I tip my hat to you(if I was wearing one)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alleusion

I think what particularly means the most to mean in John's post is this :

My ex had MAJOR self esteem issues, as did I. With him being in the military too, it didn't help. He was gone much of our marriage in I was still practically a child myself when we married. As I grew, he grew, but we grew in different ways. Because I told myself I couldn't do any better, I stuck with it, when I should have left him years and years ago.

The final straw was when his self esteem issues conflicted with my new confidence and strength in myself, and he became abusive. I knew he had it in him, just never figured he'd take it out on me. I'm glad I took the steps I did. I'm where I belong now.

Yeah sounds like the a typical male who has trouble confronting his feelings and being honest about things. Glad you got out of that relationship and into one thats much more rewarding to you. You are truly a success story from a weight standpoint but, more importantly from a life standpoint.

The lbs we loose here make up such a small and insignificant part of this journy in the broad sqeem(sp?) of things. There is actually much much more going on wih us and our lives that alot of times doesn't really ever get posted or talked about. I think thats the cause of so much shock for some people when they become post-op. So many people when they speak don't truly speak for many reasons, some personal, some professional im sure. Regardless the pre-op person doesn't get the "whole" story they only cover the weight loss stuff, the physical drawbacks and the day to day grind that makes up your life as a post op GBS patient.

While all of that is important like I said its everything else that will require your attention if you are to truly be a success post GBS patient in life, in marriage, ect.

BTW congrats on your new little one on the way. You must be so excited and filled with love. Bless you and your new family. May you guys be strong and compassionate. Your story is truly one for the books!