Help! 7 years out and I am in real trouble - ThinnerTimes

MissScarlett · 01-27-2008, 08:29 PM

Ok, I shouldn't be writing this post. I said I was never going to be fat again. I knew I had it conquered. I had a whole new life. Then 3 years ago, it slowing started coming back. I was going to stop it at 5lbs..then 10lbs....then 20lbs now it is 80lbs. 80lbs back. How could this happen? 80lbs.....80lbs. I keep saying the number over and over. How can I ever conquer this again? how could this have happend to me?

I still can't eat much at a meal. I had gastric bypass. I drink nothing but water. Every once in a while I will drink V8 or Fusion. I love water and don't miss drinking anything else.

I know what my problem is. I had gastric bypass so I am not supposed to be able to eat sugar. But I can. Not all kinds but I can eat candy. Sometimes I will get slightly sick feeling but it passes quickly.

I seem to have an addictive personality. I started with Hershey bars, something about the chocolate calms me. I could eat only them all day. I started with just one then moved until I was eating 6 or more a day. I would eat the hershey bars and maybe one turkey sandwich for my whole day. Then I said I was going to stop them and I did. but I started eating M&M's. I hide a bag in my desk drawer. I work from home and spend at least 10 hours a day on the phone. I pull out 10-12 peanut M&M's at a time all day long and still only drink water and eat maybe a turkey sandwich. I eat it on whole wheat bread no mayo I have never like it.

Eating this way has caused me to gain 80lbs. I know it seems ridiculous. Just stop eating the M&M's. But just knowing they are there calms me. If I don't have them I am so stressed out.

This is insane I am depressed and don't know what to do? How did I let this happen? What kind of person eats M&M's all day? I feel worthless and tired. I won't go out anywhere because I am afraid I will run into someone I know and they will see I gained the weight back. I only take my daughter to school and pick her up and I never get out of the car. I send my older daughter to the store to shop or run any errands that need to be done.

I don't even know what I expect anyone to say besides stop eating M&M's. I just really needed to say all this and I haven't told anyone how bad I feel.

taleci · 01-27-2008, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissScarlett

Ok, I shouldn't be writing this post. I said I was never going to be fat again. I knew I had it conquered. I had a whole new life. Then 3 years ago, it slowing started coming back. I was going to stop it at 5lbs..then 10lbs....then 20lbs now it is 80lbs. 80lbs back. How could this happen? 80lbs.....80lbs. I keep saying the number over and over. How can I ever conquer this again? how could this have happend to me?

I still can't eat much at a meal. I had gastric bypass. I drink nothing but water. Every once in a while I will drink V8 or Fusion. I love water and don't miss drinking anything else.

I know what my problem is. I had gastric bypass so I am not supposed to be able to eat sugar. But I can. Not all kinds but I can eat candy. Sometimes I will get slightly sick feeling but it passes quickly.

I seem to have an addictive personality. I started with Hershey bars, something about the chocolate calms me. I could eat only them all day. I started with just one then moved until I was eating 6 or more a day. I would eat the hershey bars and maybe one turkey sandwich for my whole day. Then I said I was going to stop them and I did. but I started eating M&M's. I hide a bag in my desk drawer. I work from home and spend at least 10 hours a day on the phone. I pull out 10-12 peanut M&M's at a time all day long and still only drink water and eat maybe a turkey sandwich. I eat it on whole wheat bread no mayo I have never like it.

Eating this way has caused me to gain 80lbs. I know it seems ridiculous. Just stop eating the M&M's. But just knowing they are there calms me. If I don't have them I am so stressed out.

This is insane I am depressed and don't know what to do? How did I let this happen? What kind of person eats M&M's all day? I feel worthless and tired. I won't go out anywhere because I am afraid I will run into someone I know and they will see I gained the weight back. I only take my daughter to school and pick her up and I never get out of the car. I send my older daughter to the store to shop or run any errands that need to be done.

I don't even know what I expect anyone to say besides stop eating M&M's. I just really needed to say all this and I haven't told anyone how bad I feel.

I wish I could help you. I think the thought of this happening to any of us that have gone on this journey is terrifying. I can also eat sugar...in fact I can eat anything..rice, pasta, cookies. In the 7 months since my surgery, I have only been sick 3 times. DH is different...he is two years out and still gets sick if he eats the wrong thing. I am so jealous of him.....isn't that crazy? It makes me mad and angry that I have this "force" that seems so powerful. Most of my good habits now are from sheer willpower. But I know too that my old habits have not changed enough.
I am doing really well on my weight-loss, and I feel really, really good. However, I know that it is a daily struggle and it is scary to think that one day I could lose. I have been thinking about going to a hypnotist to see if that would help my mind get to the place my body is working so hard to get to.
Good luck to you.

chiquita · 01-27-2008, 09:58 PM

I feel for you, and yes that is all of our fears.

Could you slow down slow instead of just cutting yourself all off at once?

Let's say, you eating 6 bars of chocolates (or packets of mm's or what not) a day. Can you plan when you will be eating them. Let's say you can cut back to 4. You can have one only after you have had some protein for breakfast, whatever that might be. Let's say you eat a small omelete, and then if you still have room, eat the chocolate, and if you can only get in a bite, then that is all you eat. Then have one after lunch, and eat first some protein then try the chocolate. Then one after diner and one for evening snak?

Slowly start replacing the chocolate with protein, something you really like for protein too (cheese, piece of teryaky chicken, bacon, piece of sausage). Try to avoid carbs like bread, since you are getting plenty of carbs with the candy.

Everytime to crave sweet, have it a rule that you put in some protein in you first, then if you have room you take a bite of chocolate.

I used to be really bad about sweetening my coffee. I was putting 4 or 5 tbs of sugar in my cup. I slowly started cutting back, I now take it black, or with just a bit of skim milk. Didn't happen overnight, but eventually, I got there, and now putting sugar in the coffee is not even appealing, I am ok with no sweet coffee, even tea

.

I know is not an easy way out, it took some time getting there just like prior to your surgery, but you have to give it your best shot, you did it once, you can do it again. Stick to this support group for help, even find one you can attend in your town close to you. I work at home so I know how it is, prior to my surgery, I kept some nuts, or snacks by my desk all the time, it was horrifying to see how many calories a serving it had, and how many servings per container, and to see me make it disappear in just a day or two, was quite upsetting.

Hugs, best of luck

nextbigloser · 01-28-2008, 06:21 AM

This is the story of my life. I have always been able to lose the weight but never keep it off. My last time I said the same as you, I will stop it at 5 lbs. and so on. I just never did and made it from 140lbs to 286lbs. I would suggest trying the 5 day pouch test to get you back on track. Keep a food diary if you aren't already. You like sweets so try and find an alternative to the candy. I know it will be hard but you can do this. I really enjoyed my sweets prior to surgery. I have decided that if I don't try it I wont know if I can tolerate it. I just tell myself I can't have it. I wish you lots of luck and you can do this.

Zenomia · 01-28-2008, 06:52 AM

Have you considered seeing your PCP and getting a perscription for anxiety? A lot of us deal with stress, emotional tensions, anxiety...and are on perscriptions to help eleviate the highs and lows. If NOT having the chocolate is that upsetting, maybe, just maybe it isn't the chocolate? Just a suggestion...because the only way I know how to drop the weight is to CUT the crap out. Meaning...ditch the chocolate. Addictive personalities can't start with these things, because we just keep going..and it progresses into something worse, as you have seen. I struggle with it ALL the time. My demon is Jelly Bellies at the moment. I switch around a LOT...going from one bad choice to another, which at the time seems like a lesser evil until it too gets out of control. This is why I had the surgery, and now I have to deal with the 'mental' portion of it. Knowing there is a problem, is the first step to fixing it!! Best wishes!!

Angela · 01-28-2008, 07:16 AM

dear, there have been many great suggestions. Perhaps you need to consider finding a support person a therapist and psychiatrist? You seem to be having more going on than just a simple need foe chocolate. If might be helpful for you find the answer to the question "why?" having the combination of medication and therapy could be something to help you feel in control. If you need help finding a therapist let us know. What stTe you are in? What type of personality you like to interact with? Do you lime a therPist who might give you answers or just listen so you can find your own answer?

MissScarlett · 01-28-2008, 07:30 AM

thanks everyone I really appreciate all the kind words. I know my problem is more than "chocolate" I don't eat chocolate cake, brownies, cookies etc... We had all the sweet desserts for Christmas and I didn't eat any of it. I don't want it. I will make brownies and cupcakes for my daughter for school and will never eat one. I can't eat ice cream, it makes me really sick. Used to love it, now want nothing to do with it. It is literally just the M&M's in the drawer. It is truly pathetic to have gained all this weight from that. No one believes me except my husband and daughters because they actually see what I eat. My own mother doesn't believe that is all I eat. she says you have to be eating something else look how much weight you have gained. My day consists of handfuls of M&M's all day long and a turkey sandwich or salad. That is it. But M&M's are high in calories and carbs and all the bad stuff. And I work from home 10 hours a day on the phone no exercise. I weighed 291lbs when I had surgery. My lowest was 160lbs and now I weigh 256lbs. I am 5'10. I need to replace the M&M's with some finger vegetables or something. I just don't feel like I can make it back down this road again, and I don't know how to get it back off. My mother and my husbands parents are the only people who have seen me and they are the ones who don't believe what I eat. They think I am eating large dinner portions after they leave. My husband and I are both only childern so I don't have any other family members. All my other friends haven't seen me in 3 years and think I am still thin. I won't go anywhere because I dont want to see anyone. I have to get it together.

Lu Lu · 01-28-2008, 07:51 AM

Have you tried not keeping any M&M's in the house?

When I saw a therapist she said to not let the foods I love to munch on be available. She said recovered alcoholics do best living in a environment where there is not temptation... I apply my food addiction to that of a alcoholic. When I decided on this new lifestyle, my husband and I needed to clean out our cupboards and we cannot let that food back in our home that I love to snack on. It has really helped a lot. I will think I am hungry... go to the cupboard and look through them and see nothing I desire and go back to what I was doing.

Really... think about not letting the m&m's be available.

Best of luck to you on regaining control. This is the best place to come for support

Angela · 01-28-2008, 09:18 AM

Once you lose weight, those fat cells are stills in our bodies. They do have the tendency to want to be fed. Weight gain for a formally obese person is easy. You can't beat yourself up. Isn't this the cycle that we all live through...sadness, eating the wrong foods or overeating, guilt and more sadness, eating again...you can't let this cycle win in your mind. You can't let other people tell you your truth...you know what is going on. You can't seclude yourself either. It really sounds like you have a lot of anxiety and maybe some depression. If you are working on the phone for 10 hours a day...that could make anyone feel depressed. Can you join a gym or some exercise group. There is a website called spark people. There may be a local support group in your community that you can join for free. These would be new people, people who have never met you but who are also on a journey for weight loss. Please give yourself a break and don't allow these thoughts to dictate your life.

Sorry I had terrible spelling in my previous post, but start a search for a good therapist. You definitely DESERVE it. Just don't seclude yourself! I feel your struggle and am concerned about your well being. Understand that you do not deserve to live that kind of life!

ladytonya · 01-28-2008, 11:14 AM

If you're only eating one turkey sandwich a day, you're not getting enough protein! You need more protein. If you get 60+ grams of protein per day, you probably woulnd't have as much room left for the M&M's. Of course, I have no room to talk. I have been very bad since Christmas. Luckily I haven't gained any weight. I have only lost a few pounds so I am very lucky, but I am still technically in my "honeymoon" period and should be losing more. I don't dump on junk. I wish I did. As far as the comfort of having those M&M's in the drawer, I agree with others on here. You need to talk to someone. If you get anxious because there is no candy, there is some other problem going on. I would definitely seek help before it goes any further! Good luck, and hang in there! You still have your tool! Someone on here posted about a 5-day pouch test that takes you back to the basics. You might want to try that. I don't remember where I saw it, but if you search for "5-day pouch test" I'm sure you'll find it! Good luck!

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