Two years later - things we learn - ThinnerTimes

LisaM · 12-06-2007, 04:29 AM

OK, this is my first day off in a while without my nose stuck in a general operating manual, and this was on my mind when I woke up. I really hope that some of the other long-termers will add to this... there's so much that we go through individually and as a group.

Some of the things I've learned:

That being this person is totally different than being the me I've always been. I have more confidence, I smile more, I LIKE being this person more than I have ever liked being me before.
That I may not be as physically strong as I was before (good grief, I could push a Ford Explorer without a problem!), but that I am mentally and emotionally ten times stronger than I was as an obese person. Getting chemical assistance out of my undiagnosed depression was the first step to gaining my mental equilibrium.
That I do best with my eating when I'm in complete control of the situation--in other words, at home. I do worst at restaurants, where the portions are too large, and where I don't know the ingredients in the food. I probably ate out for 60-75% of my meals prior to the operation. That's now less than 15% to 20%.
I've found that there is a new normal at the end of the rainbow (though I certainly understand the "I will always be obese" way of thinking, and I respect that, it doesn't work for me).
That normal includes the fact that I have wrinkles on my face, and will continue to do so--I'm 47, and the only reason I didn't have wrinkles before was because I was so fat, there was no place for my skin TO wrinkle. Now it's wrinkly... So is every other 47-year-old woman's face in the place...
Like every other 47-year-old woman out there, my skin is a little soft around the arms and in other places. I can affect the look of the skin on my arms with exercise, and I can improve the way I look in my clothes with exercise. Ta-daa! Normal!
That there ARE days (again, like every other normal woman of any age) where I feel fat, and there are days when I feel thin. I like the thin days better (who wouldn't?) and try to take the fat days as the reminder to keep my eating within my control.
I've also learned that it's easy to drop back into the mindset of using food as a coping tool, even in the limited quantities we can eat. Bluntly, my stress levels have been so high of late that I HAVE turned to food, and added to my inactivity because of classes, has the scale bumped up almost five pounds. I had the time to exercise yesterday for the first time in weeks, and I took it, worked out for nearly two hours--and it felt GOOD. I'll have the five pounds off by the end of the week. I didn't go back to the old ways for long, and in the old days, I would have gained 15 or 20 pounds, and never been able to straighten up and get them back off again... God, how I love this tool.

Andie · 12-06-2007, 04:49 AM

Amen...good words!

LisaBoston · 12-15-2007, 07:13 AM

great post Lisa as always.....makes me reflect on my changes too!

Claire-in-Texas · 12-15-2007, 06:53 PM

Lisa, although I am 20 years older than you, I can pretty much re-iterate all that you said, especially the very first one about your self esteem, and also the one about having thin days and fat days (Thank G-d - I thought it was meeeee!!!).

bridgetgirl · 12-19-2007, 05:26 PM

I learned so much about myself and learned that I wasnt selfish enough. I always thought I had an eating disorder, in fact I learned that I am codependent. Its been an interesting learning experience emotionally for sure.

Hugging is better thin, I love the way it feels.

I KNOW I will never get heavy again. I do not take this tool for granted, I love having portion control and I do not try and cheat it. I feel blessed and do not want to ruin this. Learning about self sabotage has helped me with that as well. I thought I was a heavy person, who was an emotional eater, who had a hard time with portion control and calorie consumption.

I am in all actuality a recovering codependant woman, who has learned to be more selfish and take care of myself. Its funny how my interests have changed as well. Now I want to surf and camp, I didnt do it thin. Now, I dont like drinking excessive alcohol, I just dont feel good. ( A revelation that came about within the past 6 months.) Perhaps its because of all this self discovery with the help of a therapist that I know I no longer need liquid courage... ???? I dunno. Whatever it is, I am so much happier now emotionally and I am still single, and living pay check to pay check!!

Claire-in-Texas · 12-19-2007, 05:38 PM

Bridget, sounds like you are finding the AUTHENTIC YOU. How wonderful, how important, how liberating!!!!

bridgetgirl · 01-01-2008, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire-in-Texas

Bridget, sounds like you are finding the AUTHENTIC YOU. How wonderful, how important, how liberating!!!!

Absolutely Claire, its been a miracle. I am loving life and appreciating the people in my life NOW so much more.

I wish nothing but the same for everyone else!