End Game...why it's NOT the END!! - ThinnerTimes

Zenomia · 10-30-2007, 10:10 AM

For those of you newbies, and that includes those who are still under 6months out...this post is for you!! ((THIS IS LONG...FORWARNING!, You know how I like to ramble on...

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Did you think waiting for surgery was hard? The stress, the ups, the downs? Then the date finally comes and it's all excitement for the next two years!

We spend approximately 2-3 years in this process from start to finish. Meaning for 2-3 years of your life you are moving from one phase of weight loss to the next, to plastics for some. Then when you finally hit that GOAL...that last number, THE END....WHat is there?

Let me tell you. I thought once I hit that GOLDEN # my life would be very different. I thought I would have the body I wanted, the health I wanted, and everything would just progress into normal life. Boy was I WRONG!!! Let me explain, I do have the body I wanted, and my health has never been better....but this is NOT WHAT I THOUGHT the END would be like!!

When thinking about surgery we hash out all the what ifs, the good, bad and ugly. We think about the WOW moments and the progression of down sizing our wardrobe. We even dream of the day that GOAL # drops into our laps and we are finally DONE! That is the day we can start living life like a normal person and keep the whole weight loss thing in the back of our heads...right? That is what I thought.

Here I am....At the end of my game. I have lost the weight, hit goal, done plastics...and should be ready to hit LIFE running! Yet, I find myself constantly working to MAINTAIN this damn weight. I hit goal, went under, than slid back up, back down, back up and have been dancing in a 20# range with it for the last few months. It's not like I got where I wanted and that was it. Noooo sireee! I have to re-diet, re-evaluate, and THINK about my food choices every day! I GAINED WEIGHT....I LOST WEIGHT....it's a freaking roller coaster that you NEVER, EVER GET OFF OF. This isn't something that stops one day and they hand you a certificate that says: " Congratulations, you passed Gastric Bypass 101, welcome to the world of living life without worrying about Food!". Nope, that doesn't happen. I was shocked when I realized this. SHOCKED!

I mean, really, if we all think about it, and realistically remember, I think most everyone who has surgery looks forward to the time when life is not about Gastric Bypass. When you are just YOU! What I have found is that time is never going to happen. I can think like a normal, eat like a normal (for the most part), and behave like a normal....but damn if my body doesn't take every opportunity to remind that I AM NOT NORMAL! I gain weight easily, I lose it easily as well. Sure, it's my food choices that make it so, but the minute I stop paying attention, I snack, therefore I gain. I snap to attention and stop the bad habits...and the weight creeps back down. Here I am though, thinking about it daily. Heck I think about it more NOW than I ever did when I was FAT! And I was MO...don't get me wrong, some might say lightweight...but my bones couldn't handle any more weight....now here I am, NORMAL...yet NOT normal.

I can't forget for one minute that I had surgery. If I do, I eat one of those mini-candy bars for the trick-or-treaters, and of course dump. Or I eat to quickly and choke, gag and hurl. Or...better yet, I snack through the whole day without actually sitting down to eat anything. (The last of which is the worst of all!!) Yes, I do these things. It's what normal people do isn't it?

Looking at my stats...I'm below goal. Sure, I worked to get there then when I went 'below' I got nervous. I also felt for some stupid reason that it was then OK to have a regular Cappuccino before class M-F. That eating a handful of animal crackers between meals 3x a day wasn't going to hurt me, since I was so low anyway. I was right. My weight stabilized, I stopped losing, and then as would be expected, I didn't STOP those things...I kept going and as you may guess....I gained weight. It wasn't fast, it was a slow creeping thing...1/2 # every two weeks or so...and then Whammy...I was 5-10#'s up. How the HELL???

Yeah, I was surprised. I was shocked....I didn't see the stupidity in my thought process or what I was doing until it crept up on me and slapped me upside the head. THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW. Life as a Bypasser doesn't end just because you reach goal, get to a weight you like, or feel good about yourself. It's a constant struggle. One with UP's and downs. The diet is FOREVER. Not just for a year or two. It's a lifestyle change with ebbs and waves that need constant vigilance. Basically....

WE CAN'T BE NORMAL. We can pretend, we can look it, we just can't do it. It's too dangerous. Being NORMAL for me...leads me right back to where I was before I started all this...and I for one don't want to BE NORMAL anymore!!

So, for those of you thinking about this surgery...it is not a magic wand, there is no END to the game. You will work harder when you are DONE than you will when you are losing the weight. MAINTAINING is NOT the easy thing I thought it was going to be. It's work...it's hard....it's annoying...but most of all it is VERY NECESSARY!!!

Lastly, support...you never, never Don't NEED it. You may not need it like you did when you were early out, but we always need to remember where we came from, and where we have been to keep us from running right back down that path again! I was falling away from the board and found myself...falling back into stupid old habits. Coming here, reminds daily, of what I am and what I have been working for. It keeps me accountable to someone when I am not even being accountable to myself. I don't know where I will be 5 years, but I do know that I will still be keeping track of my stapler brother and sisters....so they can keep track of me too....

There is NEVER an END to Surgery or this journey....guess it's taken me a little longer to realize the truth of this....count me in for not the brightest bulb in the bunch!

Toony · 10-30-2007, 10:22 AM

Zen... excellent post... it is truly a life-changing decision... I wonder/worry about those having it done so young, and do they really know what a LIFETIME is all about? On days I wish I'd done this YEARS ago, then I think I wouldn't have had the courage to face a lifetime of living a RNY life... At my more "mature" age, I think --- I mean I KNOW I can handle it forever... my forever isn't nearly as long as yours

Thanks - and the wattage in your light bulb is just perfect!!!

katie

Zenomia · 10-30-2007, 10:57 AM

Thanks Katie....I just know your going to be a super success!! As much as you have learned just in the short time you have been here...heck....Your 2 steps ahead of most at this point. Now just to get you a date.....hmm.....

as to my light....I think some would argue with you about the 'wattage'! LOL!!

Lu Lu · 10-30-2007, 11:25 AM

Excellent post Zen. I am pre-op and needed this eye opener. I need to prepare for this fight! Thank you so much for telling it how it is!

Dayanara · 10-30-2007, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toony

I wonder/worry about those having it done so young, and do they really know what a LIFETIME is all about?

Yup, I do know. I also know that I want to be a healthy mother, wife, and person. If I have to work at that every day I have no problems with it, because no matter how hard I worked before surgery it would never work.

I think it is more about how much people research and how educated people are. I see some 20 year olds who know more about the surgery and are more prepared than some 40-50 year olds. It is not about age, but mentality towards the surgery I think.

By the way Zen, excellent post. It is all so true, nice to see it in writing up there to read to think about again. As nice as it wouldd be to be "normal"...what is normal though? For a weight loss patient normal for us is now eating much less, no sugar, etc etc, and I have no problems with that.

Robin W · 10-30-2007, 12:08 PM

Thanks for the post Zen...I try to remind myself that there really isn't an end to the journey until the light bulb flickers and goes out completely, which I'm hoping is a LONG LONG time away.

This post should be renewed over and over!

MiladyB · 10-30-2007, 12:10 PM

Laura, I've been realizing the same thing as you, so I guess we both at least can claim that we are NORMAL RNY post-op'ers.

This most certainly isn't "the end". I'm finding myself in the same cycle as you but in some way, isn't that cycle "normal"? I know not everyone has to watch their calorie intake like a hawk but many of those out there that I have looked at as "normal" most certainly do. No, they don't dump when they eat too much sugar....no they don't have to spend a lifetime following the "pouch rules". In those areas we will never be "normal". We will never see "the end". But the grazing, putting on weight, taking it off...that is a lifetime struggle for many "normal" people"....this surgery just put us at their level, on their "playing field".

Excellent post, Laura...this is something all of us need to be aware of, no matter where in the process that we are.

Deb2 · 10-30-2007, 12:17 PM

Zen,

I rarely post but I just had to take a moment to thank you for your very articulate and relevant post. I REALLY needed to hear what you had to say. I copied your post and pasted it to a permanent file where I can find it quickly when we need it.

I, too, have been waiting to feel "normal." It ain't gonna happen and it's most likely a good thing. I didn't get MO because I was normal...(whatever "normal" means)

Thanks, again.

LisaBoston · 10-30-2007, 12:52 PM

Zen, great post.. i know it was meant for those early out or just starting out, but I feel it too....I too am truly thankful for the surgery, but also cannot forget the numbers everyday...everything and everyday.

porshh951 · 10-30-2007, 01:51 PM

Zen as others have already said. Great post. Everyone thinking about starting this journey or even others still early on should read this thread.