getting your inside to match your outside looks - ThinnerTimes

lmayfield · 03-21-2007, 03:46 PM

Hello everyone, I am not a frequent poster on this website, but instead I read a lot of what everyone else has posted for advise, but recently I have been struggling thru body image issues and am wanting to get feedback from others as well. As a size 28 I used to look in the mirror and feel beautiful, now as a size 8/10, I have been having an identity crisis for months. When I look in the mirror, I can't even catch a glimpse of what I thought and felt when I was bigger. I have tried cutting my hair, coloring it differently, just to see if I could get back to how I used to feel, but nothing has worked. This has caused huge issues in my marriage and a separation, we have recently reconciled and are trying to work thru issues. I have recently started individual counseling to try to figure out and find myself as I want so much for my outside looks to match the inside. Also want to find out why I got to be so heavy in the first place. Anyone else go thru this issue? If so, any suggestions for me?? Thanks everyone!! Liz

bridgetgirl · 03-21-2007, 06:49 PM

Hey Liz, for about a year after I reached goal I did my makeup in a mirror no bigger than a small round compact. I could not stand to look at myself, I felt like I looked like the crypt keeper!! I missed my cheeks soooo bad!

What are your issues with your appearance?

lealphachienne · 03-21-2007, 09:09 PM

I had the opposite happen. From day one, I had this certain image of my self that my outside never fit. When it was all said and done, I was able to make my outside reflect the inside. Physically, I often don't reconize myself when I look in the mirror, but the same spirit was always there. It takes work, acceptance, and love to bring it all into alignment. UNtil you accomplish that, you will feel a sense of disconnect from yourself.

sweetchristiangal · 03-21-2007, 09:26 PM

I still have issues with that piece of glass. I am better though as I used to not even want to look at myself when I brushed my teeth. I would turn around and lean againist the sink.

Now I am better. I am still too over critical of how I look but I also admit I look pretty good. Pre Op I used to walk by a glass window and say who is that MO person. Oh thats me. Surely I can't be that big....must be the concave of the glass etc.

lmayfield · 03-22-2007, 05:42 AM

Those are the biggest issues I have the hardest time looking at - before when I was heavy, I would wear a swimsuit and not even think twice about it, now it is very difficult for me to do this. Wish I could get back that I don't care what people think about me attitude.

LisaM · 03-22-2007, 05:58 AM

Don't know if this will be helpful--don't know your past, and none of us can know the future. But a lot of soul searching led me to realize that, until my father (and abuser) was dead, I was not capable of even thinking seriously about having the surgery to lose weight. He was the reason I put on my original fat suit, so that I didn't have to feel vulnerable. He was at least part of the reason I married a man who was not very interested in sex, so that I didn't have to feel vulnerable.

My husband and I have made our peace with each other over these issues--but it's very possible that the reason I'm not interested in having plastic surgery is that my saggy, baggy skin continues to make me feel safely unattractive to other men. I look great in clothes, but like an unmade bed when I'm naked.

It may, however, also be that I love this body--I love having small breasts, even if they are staring at my belly button. I love the bones that protrude through my skin, and being able to find my pelvis, my ribs, my spine, even my tailbone, without effort. Someone said in another thread that they keep touching their collarbones. I do that, too. Finding what you love about your body and learning to live with what you hate about it may be part of your answer. I hope you find it soon.

newlife4me · 03-22-2007, 08:50 AM

Lisa what a great healthy attitude. Love your body, yourself.......just be happy and thankful for what we have....
I don't have huge body issues. I like looking in the mirror and seeing a different person, accually I see my Mom, who is and always has been a fox. I finally look like I thought I did until I looked in the mirror.

I probably won't pursue plastics unless I have medical problems, not that I don't completely admire those who have done it, man are you guys brave, I am just a complete baby.
Good luck in your journey Liz....God Bless
Lori

Gina in NY · 03-22-2007, 03:26 PM

I find out every day why I became MO. If you really put down the food, you feel so much that you blocked out before. A good therapist will help all the body image issues too. I did all my therapy before surgery, so that post-surgery it is more like becoming physically who I have always been in every other way. Just don't be afraid of the issues - face them as squarely as you can.

Keeping a journal is a really good thing - writing can help so much.

brookscn · 03-30-2007, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LisaM

It may, however, also be that I love this body--I love having small breasts, even if they are staring at my belly button. I love the bones that protrude through my skin, and being able to find my pelvis, my ribs, my spine, even my tailbone, without effort. Someone said in another thread that they keep touching their collarbones. I do that, too. Finding what you love about your body and learning to live with what you hate about it may be part of your answer. I hope you find it soon.

Lisa - God Bless Ya, girl! I was thinking about hiring a maid just to see what she can do about this unmade bed of a body of mine!

But, finding bones that you didn't even know you had has been a blessing to me. Fitting into a size 6 has, too. I'm going to learn to live with (and love) my extra skin for now, and your post makes me feel alright about it! Thank you!