I have an eating disorder... do you? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

bridgetgirl · 10-18-2006, 08:30 PM

Hey peeps, I have been away for sometime, Im sorry.

I wanted to tell most of you, that I miss you. I had a fortune cookie today that read, "friends long absent are coming back to you." If we were ever friends, we still are and I am sorry for not keeping in touch.

I realized recently, I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. I masked this in the past like so many others do but saying, im an emotional eater." That doesnt do it justice. I hurt myself with food, I starve myself from food, I gorge when Im upset, I starve when Im upset. I eat in secret- I have a problem.

I strayed from the board because I felt that my emotional needs couldnt be met here. I still pretty much feel that way. I hope that I can get more of you to go to support group, so I can talk to my peeps, know my peeps, see my peeps.

Coming here feels like a big charity outlet, someone begging for something. Not holding people accountable for their actions, being passive. I need a place where someone can tell me its not okay to over eat. Its not okay to gain 15 pounds. Its not okay to ONLY eat cookies everyday and then eat them in secret.I feel liek so many people here do things in secret still.

I visit the board with all these issues, and all this pain inside-and everyone here is always saying its okay, here's a handout, ... denial, and then I leave feeling a freak, Or like an ass for telling someone else what I need to hear; That its not okay to make bad choices, over and over again. Its not okay to forget about me and my well being. its not okay to be a drunk, or a hussy. Its not okay to decieve people, it's not okay to be two faced, its not okay to hate someone because they brought you chocolate as a gift.

I think I need to know that other than the fine folks that come to East County Support Group, is everyone else here really okay? Is anyone else struggling with their eating disorder appropriately. Are you switch addicting? Did you gain weight, but not really want to? Do you want to stop the cycle? Does anyone else resent their parents for the crap you were put through as a child?

Im supposed to be thrilled right, with a fantastic figure and optimal health.... thats a mask though, on the inside I am in a ton of pain. i dont want to hear, go to a therapist. I know I have a problem, I feel as though I am dealing with it appropriately, I just want to know is there anyone out there somewhat like me?

I apologize if this seems like a rant and rave, but the idea for this board was for support... emotional support. Anyone else out there, emotional?

I dont miss food, when I eat it I love it. My appetite is alright, I hate the idea that I abuse myself with food.

I cant wait to hear from you, the good, the bad, the ugly, the real, the raw deal! TTFN.

VanessaSFL · 10-18-2006, 08:55 PM

Bridgette,

I'm glad your back...and for the record...I eat Vieana Fingers (all the time)

I have a hard time writting down my thoughts here,but know that I related to much of what you spoke of.

On a side note:I went to my local support group meeting lastnight...and I just sat there thinking the whole time...These people are full of crap or we didn't have the same surgery....Everything was "Great","exciting",Multiple WOW moments...blah,blah,blah....I wanted someone to say...
Maybe even me....

I am angry...

Get Real....I'm trying.

Miss your insight Lady~

V

bridgetgirl · 10-18-2006, 09:08 PM

Thanks sugar pea

I cant believe all the time I have been away, am I still the posting leader? Shhesh! It cant be.

At my group, we share a wow moment, I have to. Not everyday can be an absolute crap day.

you know what I wonder? If you have a southern accent n stuff? ;D

VanessaSFL · 10-18-2006, 09:15 PM

My accent is getting less and less with age..I have been out of the Carolinas for about 5 years...now get me on the phone with my Carolina Gals and my big glass of sweet tea and you would think Paula Dean moved in.

Sadly,I say,I recon an awful lot..instead of I agree.

*Funny you mention the whole voice thing,because I have made up voices for all of you in my own head.

V

Blueyz · 10-18-2006, 09:17 PM

Oh, this post hits close to home as I can eat cookies all day, too....Pettridge Farms...soft Snickerdoodles. I ate a whole bag in one day...yes it is possible and yes, I did it....I couldn't believe I didn't dump, but I ate one every two hours. It is a good thing you posted this because you will find that you aren't the only one who is in love with food. I love food, sugary and salty and I have to keep myself in check and give myself a kick in the rear. People tell me "ah, you are so skinny, you need to eat" Well, if I ate every time someone told me to eat, I would be right back where I started from. I eat when I am stressed and then don't eat because I can and then I feel crappy. It is abuse on our bodies and I know it and glad you shared...I am sure there are many of us who do this, but don't fess up.

Well, here is another confession, I love Diet Coke with Splenda and I ended up being a bad influence on another one of our wls sista's and now she is hooked. We tease about it..but it shows that we have these compulsive addictive behaivors and mine really started to hit me at the 2 year out mark.

Glad that you posted Bridget...we are here for you to rant, vent, or whatever you want.

Hugs to you,
Dale

bridgetgirl · 10-18-2006, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanessaSFL

My accent is getting less and less with age..I have been out of the Carolinas for about 5 years...now get me on the phone with my Carolina Gals and my big glass of sweet tea and you would think Paula Dean moved in.

Sadly,I say,I recon an awful lot..instead of I agree.

*Funny you mention the whole voice thing,because I have made up voices for all of you in my own head.

V

ha ha ha ha, aint it funny? I wonder what it will be like if we all ever meet, like with marty... cant wait to hear what she sounds like!

What did you mean by this statement; "Sadly,I say,I recon an awful lot..instead of I agree."

See ya in the funny papers.

VanessaSFL · 10-18-2006, 09:26 PM

Here is an example of you and me on the porch drinking tea......
You say~
Hey Vanessa ,it sure is hot today!

V says~

I recon.

Am I making any sense?

(It's as if I am saying..I suppose or I guess you're right)

V

LisaM · 10-18-2006, 09:59 PM

Bridget - to translate, that's pronounced "Ah wreck-un." As a southern belle myself on occasion, I find myself saying "well, bless your heart" a little too much, so I sympathize with Van

.

And to answer your first post, I think there's a certain sense that the board's not terribly safe to be wide open emotionally, or as much as it was when I came here a year ago. While you were gone, one of your favorite people was tortured by some acquaintances who got on the board and used her threads to spread gossip about her (or at least that's the way I understood it). Don't want to mention her name, as it was hard enough for her as it was.

I edited out a lot of the end of this, because it wasn't OK to write it out. Yes, I get angry, but mostly at myself because I waited so long--and my father is dead, and being angry at him is like trying to tear down a cinderblock wall with my bare hands. The only one who feels anything is me, not the wall. And yes, I struggle with my addiction to food daily - if sugar didn't make me completely ill, I would be gaining weight right now... And yes, I struggle with the replacement addictions. I think we all do to some extent.

katlover66 · 10-19-2006, 12:10 AM

Bridget,
I too have gained 15 lbs. I put on suit yesterday for a job interview that use to be too big, now it fits perfect. I know at lot of it is stress and that hormone that caused weight gain. I try to stay on track but some days it is hard. I understand your frustration and I am and always have been here for you

SDphotogrl99 · 10-19-2006, 12:50 AM

Hey Girlie! Its good to see you back. I saw I missed a call from you today....will we ever stop this game of phone tag?......

I will try to call you soon

I am sorry you are having issues. It truly is a never ending battle I have bad hours, bad days and even bad months.....I get off track and i am sick of dealing with it... I know I will always fight with how I deal or don't deal with food. Its just like any other issue with drugs or drinking.....it will always be in the back of your mind......I guess we just have to be stronger.....I wish I could tell you I have mastered that skill but I havent....I just take it day by day. we have eachother though and that is what we are here for...we need to chit chat!