Hi everyone - ThinnerTimes

agosss · 03-24-2008, 05:28 PM

hey everyone, I'm new here, and I am amazed, and inspired by the pictures!

Everyone is so gorgeous!

I found this board accidently, I am 250 lbs (OUCH). I am not ready for such a big step to go into surgery, but I'm decreasing calorie intake.

I wonder how many calories do you eat post surgery?

I dont have anyone to tell about it, and it seems like you guys will understand me? Sorry for the rant, but I need to get it out there

Basically i am really down. I'm 22, still living with my parents, my mom is diabetic what is hereditary in our family, and theres a high possibility I may have or already have dabetes. My mom makes mean comments about my weight all the time, basically any time I enter the kitchen to get food and she seems me there, she says aomething about my fatness, or how pretty i would be if i werent this fat. Right now I'm at the point where I dont want her to see me, especially in teh kitchen and with any kind of food.
My mom is 180, and today she asked my dad to tell "us" who is thinner, it's depressing, thank god my dad didnt say anything. Then shes surprised I dont wnat to talk about my problems, and that everything is taboo for me, how am supposed to talk to you when you make all the depressing comments about my body, like it is the end of the world.
But the problem is not only her stupid comments, but because she's the one who buys the sweets and junk food all the time.
She went away for a month, it was me and my dad, my self confidence went up, no one was buying junky food, life was great, then she comes and all I hear is my weight, my body, how i dont take care of myself. After not eating sweets for a month, she comes with thousnds of calories in sweets, then she comes home with 2 pints of ice cream, while there were still sweets uneaten. I basically threw away 5000+ calories of sweets, and some of them were really good. But anyway here she is making all those comments, and then she buys that. Today she made FRENCH FRIES, like WTF I threw away half of them, but still you dont make french fries for an obese daughter, and then comment her on her weight. Especially when I didnt even mentioned i wanted french fries. I think I get a comment about my weight every single day.
It makes me really depressed. I see she cares, but why she buys all the unhealthy stuff? I think she wants to be thinner than I am. I seriosuly don't know what to think, I see the smirk on her face... I'm really confused.

I feel like I am her product, since i was a kid she never said i cant have this or that, and i ate and ate, sometimes 10 ice cream a day.
i hate living in this body, and i know that shes the one who poisons it, because i dont even crave sweets this much when nothing is home, but she buys them all the time, i can see on her face how happy she is when she bring shitty food while it makes me really sad, and I cant control myself not to touch it.

i dont where I'm going with this post. i just feel like a failure...

I wish I could ust stop eating.

agosss · 03-24-2008, 05:29 PM

But I wanted to add that your pics inspired me, and I hope one day i can look as pretty as you.

MiladyB · 03-24-2008, 08:10 PM

Welcome to the forum. Don't apologize for the rant. Sometimes we just need to write it out. I know there are many times I needed to do that and it most certainly helped to write.

I want you to know that your struggles have been shared by many of us. I too grew up with a mother who was so critical of my weight. It hurt and I can hear the hurt in your words too.

You know it took me MANY years to figure my feelings out and many years to love myself enough not to go running for food whenever I had the same kind of discussions that you have with your Mom. Sometimes my Mom's comments made me feel so unloved so I would run to whatever food I could grab and try to comfort myself. I tried to give myself the love I felt I didn't get from my Mom. But over the years I found it really didn't help. All it did was make me more miserable and made me dislike myself even more.

I want to direct you to an article I read the other day. I posted it on the forum. It was something that made so much sense to me...it helped me to understand why I tried to bury my pain with food for so many years and it opened a window showing me that there is hope.

My Mother, My Appetite

Go to this link....I think it may help.

Please know that you aren't alone in your pain, you don't struggle alone. You are a person of worth and it is worth giving yourself permission to love and mother yourself and to realize food isn't the answer...the answer is really within you.

katzz87 · 03-24-2008, 09:40 PM

Ah, Beth...you said it all in a nutshell!

Agosss~ Welcome aboard! I'd listen to what Beth posts...she's very helpful and caring! For what it's worth...you can come here and rant all you want...that's what we're here for, the good and the bad!

Cathy

pebitpeb · 03-24-2008, 10:04 PM

Your post was very touching and I could relate to some of the things that you hear in your daily life. Listen to the ladies about Beths posts. The words from a parent can be devastatiing, especially one who sounds as though she also has weight and health issues. She may have built up resentments towards you because you are younger and she see herself in you, therefore you get alot of feedback that is not appropriate at all.
At 22 are you able to get out of the house for work or with friends? I might try to get away from that environment as much as possible. Have weight been a issue all your life. The way food is used and then verbally abused towards you sounds like some of my own experience and this comes from a parent who is deeply involved in their personal crisis now making it and wanting it to become part of you.
Please stay here with this forum as we are supporters and want to see everying have a better life. You say you haven't really considered surgery, please read the stories here and about the changes that happen in people's lifes.
In the past 10 months of my life I am another person and continuing my life with many positive new changes. I am a small story in a large amazing web forum.
I wish you all the best and that you dont have to hear the abusive parent for some hours today.
pebitpeb
Paul

BillH · 03-25-2008, 01:48 PM

I know my mom loved me, but she was a terrible enabler too. She'd comment to me how heavy I was getting, but she'd be the one who brought over the coffee cake for my wife and I and that was even before we had children with which to share it. She was heavy and I think she never quite got it all figured out in her head, so she kind of gave me mixed messages too. I'm with Paul's idea. You don't have to be nasty to the folks, but at 22, it's cool to start considering moving out on your own or with a friend...
Anyway, use this site to rant all you wish. We're here for you and many have walked in similar experiences with similar moccasins.
BillH

BillH · 03-25-2008, 01:49 PM

Sorry, it occurred to me that last sentence of mine makes no sense if you don't know an old Native American proverb..."Before you dare criticize, you should walk a mile in someone else's moccasins." or something like that....
BillH

LyndasRoom · 03-25-2008, 04:36 PM

HI Sweetie,
So many of us can relate to your post! I have a 19 year old son and constantly fight the battle between having good food in the house, and his right to have some treats. In fact...I made his easter basket this year, then junked (yup, I threw them in the garbage) half of the candy I had purchased for it...he doesn't need it, nor do the rest of us in the house. YOU my dear are ultimately responsible for what goes in your mouth, as are we all, and many of us struggle with that on a daily basis. Why not see your family Dr. get on a plan with your Dr, and have it documented, so if you decide down the road to go for surgery, you are a step closer. For so many of us, this has been something that has saved our lives. Also, remember, this is a safe place to vent, as you have above. Don't play in to what you perceive to be your mom's competition with you...try to live a healthy and good life, and make decisions that are good for you.
Best of luck, and welcome!