Update: Scared On Telling My Boss And My Bad Day. :o( - ThinnerTimes

88Shelly88 · 02-05-2008, 11:07 AM

I know that a few of you have been following me and offering wonderful advice, which I appreciate immensely! Today I am kind of having a few set backs which is frustrating. I told my step mom about wanting to get the surgery. We have a great relationship overall. She is not hip on the idea and thinks that it is way to risky. Well now it turns out that she is in San Diego this week. She just got there today and mentioned the surgery thing to my step sister and my step aunt. Might I mention ALL of whom are very thin and have never had any weight issues or health problems. Now she calls me today saying that my aunt knows someone who had died from complications of Gastric Bypass, la, la, la. I told her that I am having this done for health reasons and that it is much riskier for me to live my entire life being obese than it is to have the surgery. I also said that it is easy for her to say things like this when she has never EVER had a weight issue, nor has anyone in her family. :O(

Then today of course "PUNCHSKI" day at work. (SP???) My boss was back by the doughnuts and she asked if I was going to have one. THIS IS THE BOSS MIND YOU THAT I AM SCARED TO TALK TO. (I decided to hold off until I know when I can have the surgery after I meet with the surgeon and see what the insurance co. says.) I told her NO that I was not really a doughnut person and that I am on a strict diet right now. I said something to the effect of "yeah I need to loose some weight because it is getting pretty bad, and that I have tried everything.) Her comment: "I do not think that you have tried everything."

Needless to say I am just so scared about all of the adversity. I am usually one who is never afraid to stand up to anyone but now I am for some reason. The fact of the matter with work is that I need to get my time off paid short term disability and I do not think that it will be a problem. It is just having to explain everything to my boss who never understands. For Goodness sakes she freaks when I am 5 minutes late and I have a 9 month old baby that I am running around all of the time and trying to be a working mom. Sometimes life is just so hard.

After talking with my mom, NOT MY step mom, she thinks that I should tell her that I am going in for the gastric bypass but that it is a personal decision for my health and that I would like to keep the details private as it is emotional for me to discuss my family history of weight/health problems.

Sorry to rant on and on. I just needed to vent. I know that someone here will identify with me. Thanks for listening. *tear*

crzymom04 · 02-05-2008, 11:11 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this, it is such a hard decision to begin with, and then to worry about the people you have to tell I am sorry. People make me so mad sometimes.

When I told my sisters they were so bad and said why don't you just stop eating, yeah like it is that easy. Well if you ever need to talk pm.
HAve a good day.

trace6417 · 02-05-2008, 11:28 AM

I'm sorry that you are going through that with your step family. I know how it is to want to have approval and not get it from the important people in your life.

I had a question about your boss, why can't you just tell her that you are having major surgery? Why do you have to get into the details about the surgery? I told my boss that I have surgery scheduled and I would need two weeks off. He asked if it was serious, and I told him it was a major procedure, but that I am doing it for health reasons. Legally he couldn't push the issue. Just an idea on how to approach it, just be a little light on the details... maybe?!?!?!

whoffman691 · 02-05-2008, 04:38 PM

Boy, I can identify with you. I've been worring about telling my work..I've only been there about 6 months. And taking all the time off at once, seems like a lot to ask...but it will be worth it. I'm following Tracy's advice and not getting into details..I'll think we will just know when we feel comfortable enough to share what you are doing or have done with others. I haven't told my mom, sister or brother yet because I know they won't have a supportive attitude. Tey will have the usual reaction...if you really wanted to loose the weight..just watch what you eat! I've only shared what I'm going to do with a couple people...and of course...they know someone that died or was in a coma for a month. This site has been a wonderful discovery for me. Knowing how many others are out there that feel the same way and seeing the success is so inspiring.

Wendy

coptergirl · 02-05-2008, 06:02 PM

Sweetie - remember...folks only need to know as much as you want to tell them.

Once you have dates and are farther along in your process:

To your manager: "Hi Pattie (or whatever her name is), I need to request a period of time off starting _____ and ending _____ as I need to have surgery on ____ and then time to recover. I would prefer to keep the details to myself, but am glad to provide you with a note from my doctor attesting to this."

Time off approved by your manager in writing?

To HR: "HR Judy, I have XXX amount of time off approved by Pattie for a surgical procedure that I need to have done. Here is the authorization for time off as well as a note from my doctor. May I please have the STD paperwork ?"(you might also ask for your FMLA paperwork at this time)

No details and no need to explain. Your STD paperwork may require more info to be disclosed, but it is sent directly to the STD ins co. IF (BIG "if" due to you being protected under HIPAA) they provide a copy to your HR department for your file, that medical info MUST be maintained in a seperate file from your personnel file (since other managers can access that personnel file). This medical file MUST remain confidential within the "need to know" area of your HR Dept, or you could sue...and win. If everyone does their jobs correctly and professionally, HR may know the details, but your manager will still know only what you have told her.

But you already knew this

jerseygrl684 · 02-05-2008, 06:10 PM

I am the queen of the office who DOESNT understand.

Honestly, it is your decision and on your time that you are doing this. You wouldnt be doing this if you didnt feel you were at a "last resort". Fuck em all at work, you can always get a new job, can't get a new life.

As you can tell I am having severe work issues regarding my surgery and post-op complications. We are a small company so its basically waiting it out till i find something new, for me. If you need to talk, do not hesitate to ask.

frances · 02-05-2008, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseygrl684

I am the queen of the office who DOESNT understand.

Honestly, it is your decision and on your time that you are doing this. You wouldnt be doing this if you didnt feel you were at a "last resort". Fuck em all at work, you can always get a new job, can't get a new life.

As you can tell I am having severe work issues regarding my surgery and post-op complications. We are a small company so its basically waiting it out till i find something new, for me. If you need to talk, do not hesitate to ask.

First and formost...."I don't think you have tried everything." Did this person REALLY say that to you??? Of all the nerve...the gall....the BALLS!!

You should have responded with any number of things that, I am sure, would have gotten you fired, but it would have really made you feel good. Why is it that people feel that because your issue is one they can see, they have a 'right' to make a comment. If you were getting surgery done for snoring....would they comment? How about surgery for...I dunno....if you were a man getting circumcised later in life....would they comment?

You know what I mean? This just kills me the way people feel that their input is not only required, but wanted. Jeez. The nerve.

(ok....taking chill pill now before I blow a gasket)

jerseygrl684 · 02-05-2008, 08:02 PM

People feel the need to put their 2 cents in things they have no knowledge of.. i could understand taking advice from someone who had a family member or they personally went through it, but no one has in my office.

my coworkers, some are MO, but are in denial about it, others just think they know it all. It is kinda sad to see how closeminded people actually are. my boss is a twig and thinks eating too much salad is pigging out. I think when I finally quit, I am going to reference TT threads in my letter. These people have no idea that this is no 'easy out'. I wish it was. This isnt like weight watchers where I can decide not to diet and eat what i want 2wks from now or decide to have a salad for lunch & big burger too, this is a lifestyle change. Which most are not prepared for at all, including me.

I am young and it is definately making itself known now when i over-eat .. or try to have that last bite.. i have yet to train my head to get in my with what my tummy is saying, they don't talk to eachother it seems. lol

coptergirl · 02-05-2008, 08:09 PM

Shelly - you could also try the blink and blank stare

SueRN · 02-06-2008, 03:55 AM

I thank my parents for my confidence, self esteem, the the quick ability to come up with a really aweseomely sarcastic remark. people just feelthey can say whatever to us calorically challenged folks. If someone did actually have the never to tell me tht I haven't tried everything, the first thing that came to my mind was....oh shit...you're right. I haven't tried the cabbage diet! then after I do that and stink up the office with my noxious smelling gas for about a week, then you will know that I have tried everything! I never got the skinny gene in my family, but thank god I got the smart ass quick wit that some of the women of my father's side were blessed with! So many people seem to think they know so much about being overweight. diets, and WLS. AND feel they have a right to tell you about it....like we don't know. You don't have to tell anyone about the surgery that you don't want to. It will be up to you to decide if it's the right thing for you. It's not right for everyone. Support is awesome, but in the end, it's up to you to follow the program and lose the weight and maintain your weight loss. My husand and mother were not for the surgery at first. It would be too strong to say they were totally against it but my husband did say that he really didn't want me to do it because he was scared of the complications. I told him that I understood and appreciated his concern, but this is what I had to do and was going to do it. They came around. I told my coworkers and they were actually very supportive. After WLS, people have this weird facination of watching what you are eating, ask about what you eat, all kinds of questions. Most were appropriate because there were really just curious. Some were inappropriate. depending on who it came from, was whether a sarcastic answer was given or just a dumb blank stare. The one thing that you will have to be aware of is that family, friends, coworkers, and actually complete strangers will just make stupid comments at times. Preparing yourself in advance will be the best defense and help you to deal with it. Think about the typical stupid comments and prepare a canned answer if you need to. You can always come here to vent and we'll support you!!!! Sue