I've been reading here for about 2 days now. I finally joined. I am an avid lover of forums and how they allow people to interact. I run several of my own.
I have dabbled in the thought of gastric bypass for about 10 years now. The first time was when I was 22 and weighed about 240 lbs. I am 5 ft. 6 in. tall. I got scared and chickened out without ever talking to a doctor.
About 7 years later I got interested again as the diets just weren't working. By then I had divorced, re-married, and had my 2nd child. I was weighing in at about 270 lbs. Again, I got scared, never talked to a doctor and forgot about it.
Now I am at 312 lbs. The pic of me in my avatar was taken about a month ago. Ironically, I don't look like a big woman at all in that pic but I assure you its all hips and ass.
I use to chat in Yahoo alot in the BBW rooms. I was the queen of every room, as I admit I am a pretty woman. Don't take that to be snobbish of me, but I have learn to focus on what beauty I do have over the years. I am more than pleased with my face.......its the rest of me that haunts me. I could go into chat rooms and be the next supermodel. I could go on cam and never have to show my body. Those men who loved BBW's made me feel like a Queen. It didn't take long before I grew tired of that. I got tired of being the "pretty face" that was hiding a dragons body. I put on 40 lbs sitting at my computer all day getting compliments from other people. It was addicting and it cost me in the end.
I am now through with my chat days. I go in once a month or so and talk to a few friends I made, but I no longer go for the comments. It was an emotional cycle that went out of control.
Being large has always had its drawbacks. I have (had) a wonderful husband of 6 years. He left me this past July 12th. We do not fight and are not angry with each other. He has some major issues he needs to deal with and so do I. He never had "work ethic" and took care of his family. I ignored my family while sinking into the depths of depression.
We both agree that we need to be apart right now. We are trying to become 2 new people and straighten out lives out. If we end up back together - great. If we don't - life goes on. I love his more than words can say but we just can't live together right now because our own faults were bouncing off each other and we can't progress as long as we are together. I don't expect that to make sense, but it is what is working for us right now and we are taking it one day at a time.
Reading this forum has given me so much hope again. The low carb diet works great for me but I can only live on meat, eggs, and cheese for so long......plus I can't stand the taste of diet drinks. I would lose 30-40 lbs and then go back to eating like I use to, putting on more weight than I had lost. You all know the story...lol
Today I called my insurance to see if they even covered gastric by-pass. They do cover it with a doctors referral and approval. I then called and made an appointment with my regular doctor for Friday (one week from today). She will refer me to a surgeon who will (I suppose) submit the needed paperwork to see if I can be approved.
In all honesty, I am scared to death. I am scared of the surgery itself, nothing more. The death rate of 1/100 is freightening to me and has always been the reason I chickened out. I have no known health problems at the time, but do have a family history of diabetes and heart disease. I KNOW I will become diabetic if I keep this up. I watch my father take insulin shots everyday, I see his feet swelling, his eye sight going.....I don't want to live like that.
I weigh more now than I have ever weighed in my life. I see some of the before and after pics here and only dream of looking like some of you. I have been fat since as far back as I can remember......I was fat from a very young age of about 7. I have spent the last quarter of a century being fat.
I have never once went into a store and shopped normally for clothes. I don't know that feeling. I always have to look for a plus size rack. I have never once been to a county fair and not dreaded "acting" like I would get sick on a ride just so I wouldn't have to try to get on and realize I couldn't fit. I was 31 years old before I ever wore my first bathing suit and it was only in front of my husband and son for 3 times. I always swam in denim shorts if I went swimming at all. I haven't walked to my own mailbox in over 5 years. I drive to it because my drive is on a slight hill and walking back up it was HARD. I can't bend over to fasten sandals on my feet and I love wearing sandals. I ask my son to fasten them for me or I wear slip on shoes. I stay in the house all summer because I can't take the heat. I don't go to school functions because I'm afraid I'll embarrass my son. I'm tired of living like this.
I noticed that several of you have had the surgery performed by the same doctor. I'm wondering if this forum is nationwide or if it is a congregation of his patients? I would very much like to join you all here and be a part of getting to know you, but don't want to push my way in on a particular doctor's patients if thats the case.
I tend to be candid, but that is the only way to learn sometimes. Humor helps as well so forgive me if I get a little off base sometimes...lol
This is my story so far and with much strength, I am going to go to that doctor appointment Friday and begin my journey.
Hello Everyone! My First Post!!
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René
Gina in NY
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