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It's been a couple weeks since my Psych evaluation and ever since then I have been tossing around the idea of seeing a therapist/counselor . I have never entertained the idea of seeing a shrink in my life because I do not have a history of depression or other mental illness. But I also never entertained the idea of Weight Loss Surgery until this year...
After talking to the Psych at my surgical clinic I've come to realize how nice it might be to talk to someone, in depth, about my history of obesity, my relationship with food, relationships with others, and also help process my grief about the death of my mother which was directly related to her lifetime of obesity. I skimmed all of these topics with the Psych at the clinic, but overall the interview we had was about my readiness to take the step into surgery and if I was aware of what I was getting into. There's no doubt in my mind that I am ready for surgery - there was no doubt in the Psych's mind either. But the conversation clearly brought up some thoughts in my head that I have been mulling over for 2 weeks now.
I've checked my insurance and found a counseling service nearby that is not affiliated with the hospital and have sent them an "application" to find me someone to talk to. I decided to try this place instead of talking to the other psychs at my weight loss clinic because I want to do this mental health work as a separate thing to the physical work I am doing for surgery and doing them at two different clinics just makes more sense to me.
I like to think I have a support system in place, friends and family, to help me through rough times but I'm warming to the idea of speaking to a third-party who is not going to be an enabler or worry about hurt my feelings. Friends and family mean well but they're not professionals.
So...that's the nuts and bolts of it. Hopefully in the next few days I can have a meeting with someone at the counseling center and see if I will feel comfortable talking to them.
Warning: horn tooting ahead:
When I began this bariatric adventure my leg pain and numbness was so bad I could barely walk or stand for five minutes. I had to stop working at a big hospital back East and move home to my family on the West coast. I told the team at the weight loss clinic that my goal was to get down to where I could be back on my feet and get back to work, if not I would have to go on disability. I'm an ultrasound technologist, so it's long hours on hard floors all around the hospital. Well today, I got a job offer from the nice little hospital five minutes from my house. I have worked so hard to be able to stand and walk again. I really think I will be able to do the work.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to see the surgeon's office for my 6 month follow up from RNY and I get to tell them the good news. I have lost over 100 lbs (some of that was pre-op diet) and am somewhere in Twoterville . My home scale won't give me a reliable reading, so I don't know exactly where I am. My primary doctor told me a few weeks ago that I am having the best outcome of anyone he has ever worked with through this process. That really helps make me feel good when I worry that I should be losing faster.
So anyway, not to ramble and brag, but I have hit the century mark, made it to Twoterville, and got a job. Life is good.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT ONE MONTH HAS PASSED SINCE I WAS SLEEVED.
HIGHEST WT. 261 LBS.
WEIGHT AT BEGINNING OF JOURNEY 251 LBS.
DATE OF SLEEVE OCT. 21, 2016
WEIGHT ON DAY OF SURGERY 241 LBS.
CURRENT WEIGHT 213.1 LBS.
IF YOU ARE HAVING BARIATRIC SURGERY AS THE SOLUTION TO YOUR WEIGHT LOSS ISSUES, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG.
I AM SURE YOU HAVE HEARD IT IS JUST A TOOL.....AND IT IS. HAVING BARIATRIC SURGERY REQUIRES A LIFE CHANGING COMMITMENT . HOW YOU ASK? WELL, MOST REQUIRED PREPS ARE VERY DIFFICULT. FOR ME, IT WAS A STRICK DIET FROM THE DAY OF MY CONSULT UNTIL 2 WEEKS BEFORE SURGERY . THEN, IT WAS A 2 WEEK LIQUID DIET . THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ANY AND ALL LIQUIDS. NO CAFFEINE , NO SODA, NO ALCOHOL, NO SUGARY DRINKS AND NO CARBINATED DRINKS.
I LOVE THE WEIGHT LOSS I'VE EXPERIENCED AND THE COMPLEMENTS . SINCE SURGERY I'VE HAD TO FOLLOW SEVERAL EATING PLANS.
WEEK 1: SAME LIQUID DIET AS PRE OP
WEEK 2 & 3: PUREED DIET. 1 1/2 OZ. PROTEIN AND 1 OZ. FRUIT OR VEGGIE. NOT ALL FRUITS OR VEGGIES.
WEEK 4 & 5: SOFT DIET. SAME AS PUREED EXCEPT FOOD IS NOT PUREED.
WEEK 5: I AM NOW ABLE TO EAT MOST FOODS AND UP TO 4 OZ. OF PROTEIN , IF POSSIBLE. THERE WILL BE ANOTHER DIET PLAN AFTER THIS.
IT IS IMPORTANT , ALTHOUGH NOT MANDATORY , THAT YOU HAVE THE SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND OR FRIRNDS. EACH PERSON HEALS AT A DIFFERENT RATE SO YOU MAY NEED HELP FOR LONGER THAN YOU THINK. IT TAKES A WHILE TO GAIN YOUR ENERGY BACK. I AM STILL WAITING. BUT I THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN HERE FOR ME AT EACH TURN OF MY JOURNEY.
FOR ME, THESE ARE THE HARDEST LIFE CHANGES:
NO DECAF FOR A MONTH AND NO CAFFEINE AT ALL.
NO BREAD, PASTA OR WHITE POTOES UNTIL MONTH 6.
AND....TALK ABOUT LIFE CHANGES . .NOTHING TO DRINK BEFORE EATING, DURING EATING AND FOR AN HOUR AFTER EATING.
EATING HAS CHANGED, TOO....TAKE A BITE, PUT FORK DOWN, CHEW AT LEAST 20 TIMES PER BITE, SWALLOW, COUNT TO AT LEAST W0 BEFORE TAKING ANOTHER BITE.
NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG. I AM HAPPY TO MAKE THESE CHANGES. MY PURPOSE FOR THIS SURGERY WAS TO GET HEALTHY, NOT TO WEAR A BIKINI. SINCE SURGERY , MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS. HAVE BEEN CUT IN HALF, I AM OFF SOME OF MY HEARTBURN MEDS AND WILL BE OFF THE REST BY THE END OF MY 2ND MONTH. I HAVEN'T HAD TO HAVE A STEROID INJECTION IN MY BACK AND AS I SAID IN A PREVIOUS POST , I AM ABLE TO WALK BETTER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS.
SO READ THIS CAREFULLY . USE IT AS PART OF YOUR RESEARCH TO SEE IF YOU ARE ABLE TO OR WILLING TO MAKE THE NECESSARY CHANGES.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DECISIONS!!
Clip on the pictures below. The top picture was taken at the end of week 4. The bottom picture was taken the day before surgery .
I'm getting the hang of the "stair-step" pattern to weight loss. My weight levels out for anywhere from four days to a bit more than a week—tiny losses, then bouncing up and down within the range of a pound. Then there come several days of daily losses in the area of a pound a day. The drop seems to be triggered a bit by high-fluid and/or slightly-higher-than-normal calorie days, but I suppose it's chiefly just waiting it out.
Today it was 267.8, the second day of a pound-a-day loss, which means there might be a couple more to come in the next few days, which I guess is why I'm getting for the first time the prickle of imminent anticipation/concern/fear that I'd been expecting about the "home stretch" to 250, which is my lowest adult weight. Part of me never expects to cross that line, no matter what I do. Part of me is trying to make my peace with weighing 250 pounds for the rest of my life, simply because I can't imagine weighing less than that: I've had a sense of boredom with my weight loss lately, which is in part due to the election and my feeling of "who could possibly give a damn about what she weighs when there is this kind of urgently terrible stuff going on in the world?" but I think is also related to a kind of "this is all I get?" sense that's based on the subconscious idea that it's almost over, that 250 is the absolute limit. I have no idea what happens below that—what my face looks like, how much space I take up in the world, how it feels to move around in a body that weighs less than 250 pounds. I am a really, really deliberative human being, and leaps into the unknown are really not my strong suit, which is why it took me as long as it did to have WLS in the first place. But another part of me is excited, bouncing up and down with glee, pulling at the leash with impatience.
This is going to be a rough couple of months, I think. I don't mean the holidays, although I have a few pragmatic concerns about that, and I'd probably be stupid if I didn't. I mean that there is going to be a lot of breath-holding and second-guessing between here and 250. It also looks like if things do go according to my general pattern, that I might expect to cross that line in early to mid January, so there's something that kind of interests me there about the New Year and this new frontier coinciding.
Several years back—in 2012—my boyfriend and I shared a sublet for the summer, and it happened to be the summer that marked a change in fortune for his baseball team, the Baltimore Orioles. He couldn't believe that they might actually be kind of good after so many years of being terrible. He was new to New York and looking for work, and he'd listen to the ballgame in the other room of that apartment, which was always glowing red from the neon sign right outside its windows, until he couldn't take it anymore and he'd come and stand in the doorway of whatever room I was in to tell me that maybe, maybe, if they were still above .500 by the end of June, the end of July, the end of August—then he'd believe that they weren't going to tank. It was a confrontation with his years of learned pessimism, which had aggregated into a sense of inevitable failure. (The Orioles made the playoffs that year.)
It's like that. It's a confrontation with my sense of order, with my belief about what the rules of the universe are. Something deeply ingrained in me, something fifteen years old with roots further back still, says that 250 is where I start to gain again, where the ellipse makes its turn and starts heading in the other direction, because lower than 250 does not exist for me. Seeing it start to approach, finding myself squarely in the 260s and both rationally expecting weight loss to continue AND irrationally certain that it can't...it's going to be a push-pull. There's going to be distress in it. There's also not a lot I can do besides take it a day at a time, work the program, and wait. And worry. And try to stop worrying.
So I'm trying to sit tight. I'm trying to have faith. I'm trying to distract myself. I can feel the pull of the kind of fixation that I've spent my adulthood learning to manage. The thrum of it, absorbing. The fear of getting sucked in. Sixteen different kinds of fear, and not a few kinds of curiosity and excitement.
One day at a time. Head up, shoulders back, look it in the face and see what you find. See it and confront it. Name it so you don't have to enact it. That's what we're doing here.
I haven't been around in a while! Lots of life has happened in the last few months. I got a new (much better) job, my husband and I are moving out of our house because our landlord decided to sell it, and I finished the last of my appointments for all my pre-op requirements last Friday! it's been very stressful and a little overwhelming but I'm trying to deal with it by taking my stress out at the gym rather than in the kitchen.
Of course there's a problem with my new insurance, because I started a new job & thus got new insurance. It seems like what I have done so far under my old plan is not going to be enough for my new insurance. My prior employer's insurance had a 6-month monitor requirement whereas now I have to have a 12-month program. Thankfully I only lapsed one month because of the job change (I have an allowance of 3 months can be lapsed in the new program). So I think the worst that will happen is that I'm going to have to keep going with the pre-op appointments until April. I hope I can just get a waiver since I completed everything under my old plan, but since I still don't even have my insurance cards I can't be sure what I need to do yet. Until then I'm just going to stick with it, keep exercising & eating right, and keep making monthly appointments until I hear different.
It sucks I have to wait 6 MORE MONTHS, but honestly the first 6 went by so quickly it will be April before I know it.
Now to make sure I don't have any holiday gain!
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#SelfieLife #Beautiful #FaceBeat #EyebrowsonFleek etc, etc, etc!!!!
How many times have I taken a gorgeous photo of my face, hair done, makeup done and posted it to my social media accounts? I can't even count at this point. But the truth is, what about the other portion of my body? Some may say I am "THICK" or "CURVY" or a little extra to hold on to… I pride myself on loose fitting tank tops to disguise the muffin top that I have gradually created for myself. Jeans? I forgot what those were! The thought of trying them on one leg at a time only to get to my hips and either JUMP, shake or suck in my gut to put them on has become a tiring task in its’ self. Leggings have become my new best friend along with flats. FLATS are the new high heel for fashion in my closet! Just the thought of squeezing my now chubby toes into a sexy 5-6 inch heel is tiring enough… Now, I just want everything to SLIDE N GLIDE… slide into my leggings and glide away in my flats… awe the simple life!
But is it really so simple? I have just been getting by and accepting the unhealthy physical change not even truly knowing that my mental has adjusted to this bad habit as well. I think that I secrete confidence and in reality I am disguising my pain and defeat. I wish I would have thought about it a while ago. I wish I would have known that my SELFIE is SELFLESS without my true worth being the equivalent to the picture. This is NOT going to be an easy journey, but I can only pray that GOD gives me the strength and courage to make every appointment, to be sure to be as up forth and coming with all of my flaws, to be patient in the process. My goal is not to just be SKINNY! I want to be GREAT in all aspects and not just SLIDE and GLIDE thru life, but to be able to LIVE it…
Today I go to my 1st VGS seminar with DR. Douglas Khan… today marks the 1st day of my new life… My #SelfieLife will no longer be just a face, but a new self-image ALL THE WAY AROUND!
Hi! Next week I will be having the sleeve surgery. I have been debating with myself on whether or not to keep before pictures of myself. I honestly don't want to remember or see how big I really am. However, looking at all the before and after pics of people, it is amazing the transformation that people have gone through and achieved. Does anyone have thoughts about this?
As for body measurements, I know my weight but don't really care for the rest. Should I take measurements too?
As for my clothing, I am throwing out anything that no longer fits me as I lose weight. It seems if I keep it, I end up back in them again. I am ending this yo-yo cycle on October 17th. I think I am just stressing about everything right now.
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I don't know why. But i have always had problems with stalls.
I was never built a thin person. I have always had a little extra on the sides. That followed me through my chilhood, and up to my teens, where i did something about it.
I started taking Ephedra and Coffein, plus i joined i Gym. Then it started to go quick.
I was nearly down on my ideal weight with no stalls really. But as soon as i stopped with the pills, i regained.
I continued taking them as long as i could. But then i could not more. My head would not allow it. I began to experience anxiety and stress.
After that i was put on a SSRI. And i really began to gain weight. I stopped with them, but i could never loose weight as i could before.
Maybe i just got older, and my metabolism changed. I don't know.
But in five years, with many attempts. I have tried to loose weight, and get under 118 kg's. But never succeeded. There is something that is stopping it there. It's like i hit a brick wall every time.
No matter what i eat, no matter how many months. It just doesn't matter.
But now i have had the surgery, and i'm almost down there. And i'm stalling again. I have stalled for over a week. Almost two now.
Sitting here sipping my soup, doing last minute research for my Gastric Bypass on Tuesday.
Been on a liquid diet for 7 days, and it hasn't been too bad. Lots of yummie soup, which by the way, Imagine makes a really great line of creamy organic soups. Naturally low fat and very yummie. I am enjoying the Creamy Butternut Squash Soup, tomorrow is clear liquids so I have some broths on stand by.
So far in my journey to the new me I have eliminated several things from my life. Caffeine, Sugar, white flour, and diet pop. The diet pop was the hardest, I had physical withdraw symptoms. Every muscle in my body ached, I was light headed most of the time, and the fatigue, ohhhh the fatigue, all I wanted to do was sleep. Took a good two weeks to feel normal again. It scary the thought of something that can cause such withdraws was such a huge part of my life since I was a teenager.
Well, I certainly didn't expect this to happen so soon. I am 8 months out and only 2 LBS (!!!!) away from *my* goal of 130 lbs. I'm pretty amazed at this process, honestly, and a little fearful for the future. I know that I will probably weigh less than 130 lbs in the next few months, but I don't want to go too far. I'm 5'2" so presently I'm at the high range of the 'normal' BMI now. I have been 120lbs before and I was WAY too skinny and looked unhealthy. Even now people are saying "don't lose too much" and "you look great but don't lose anymore".
I have my next NUT/doc appointment in another month and my topic of conversation will be about maintenance. Is it too soon to start thinking about that? Everything I've read has people adding back in 'good fats' to maintain, such as nuts, avocado, cheese, etc. But these are foods I already eat--I've never gone the low-fat route on this journey as I believe good fats are essential to a healthy body. My normal blood work proves this to be true FOR ME. YMMV.
Some things I've noticed at the 8 month mark:
- My appetite has not returned yet. There are times when I 'crave' certain foods, but I've not experienced hunger like I used to. I do notice when I have low blood sugar and need to eat, however. Same jitters as before.
- I cannot tolerate chicken or turkey. At all. I've tried at various times and I still feel as if it gets stuck at top of my pouch. This saddens me greatly as I feel most of the food choices and recipes center around chicken. For substitutions, I eat shrimp (probably more than I should), ground beef, regular beef steak, white fish, tuna, and pork is ok.
- I'm still not getting more than 900 calories a day. I try and try to add more, but I just can't do it. This worries me.
- I absolutely love the Premier Protein shakes and usually use it as creamer in my coffee every morning. (My fav is the new Banana flavor and Chocolate of course.) This also means I've been able to cut the Splenda and Half & Half that used to be the staple. I think it's a better substitute.
- While I haven't added any breads, pastas or rice in my diet at all, I have tried a few things: wheat thins with tuna salad, for example. Rice noodles with veggies and cod. When I was in Amsterdam a few weeks ago for work, I tried 1/2 slice of their brown bread (brod) with salted butter. (Yes, it was delicious.) But again, I notice that my pouch fills up quickly so I still tend to focus my meals on the protein first.
- My body is entirely different than it was when I weighed this over 15 years ago. My butt sags, as does my arms and tummy. And I wear clothing very differently--which has been eye-opener. Before when I would look for the right pair of jeans to fit my booty, now I fit into every size 8 I try on, as there is no booty left to stuff in!! :-)
- Second-hand stores are my friends. Goodwill has been a lifesaver, as has ThredUp.com which sells nice used clothing for very cheap.
If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, would be very glad to hear them!!!
I changed surgeons a few months ago; we moved to a community north of Austin in March, and the drive downtown was killing me (never mind parking, ugh!), so I asked to be reassigned to a different surgeon in the clinic that's in Round Rock (I'm north of RR, too, but it's a lot closer than downtown Austin!). NB: I didn't change surgeons because I didn't like him - no, I adore Dr Faulkenberry. I already drive over 100 miles a day just to get stuff done, and to add a trip to downtown Austin was more than I could stand. I love Dr Acheson, too - just as nice, and we have a great connection re football (he's a former college QB!).
So I saw Dr A on June 16th. He was very happy with my progress. He nodded along with my long tale about my umpteen doctors regarding my anemia and my hypothyroidism - "as long as you're following up with it and staying on top of it, I'm not going to worry too much." Believe me, I want this other crap over and done with and stabilized so I can move on with life.
He looked at my weight and smiled: "As of today's visit, your BMI [34.6] is no longer in the morbidly obese range." And: "Your weight is great - you're at 202; I bet it will feel great to be under 200 here shortly!" Yeah, baby!
I've been busy with a zillion things since that day, including a blood transfusion and the beginning of a second set of ten iron infusions (yeah, I was/am walking dead anemic, have been for a long time). My son's school year ended, and I've been trying to keep him busy, including a month's camp.
Today, I finally got into an endocrinologist, Dr Singh. I have to say, I love her... and, as I said to my better half, I love all my Texas doctors. I've gotten more accomplished in the 18 months we've been here than all that time in Phoenix. My docs are no-nonsense, Dr Singh included. She popped me on Synthroid immediately with samples, before she fired off my prescription to the pharmacy. Now THAT'S progress!
But as of today, officially at the endocrinologist's office, I weigh 197. 197!
I AM IN ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, first blog entry and it's a unpleasant one! lol!.... I did something stupid and had to send an email to my senior support nurse for support......well, the experience has taught me to not have anything outside 'my plan' I have created! the liquids are not rich on that!
Despite my senior support nurse being away on holiday, she still logged on and answered saying that I would be ok and not to worry....she said that there will be some things that I just can't eat, but that in a few months if you try them again (if you want to) then they may be ok that time! ....weird! Just shows you how fragile you can be sometimes inside without knowing it! I certainly found out the hard way! Have absolutely no problems following the experience and feel absolutely fine! :-)
This is the panicky email I wrote the following email yesterday to my senior nurse!:
Sorry to disturb you, but, I have just been violently sick, threw up twice, in short succession; everything I had to eat came back up and then as there was no more it just stopped, and now feel as right as rain! I am worried though, in case I have actually damaged any stiches or staples or something? It seemed like my whole body went into spasm, and severe pain all over, and it was the worst I have ever felt while being sick, and a very frightening feeling.
I can only assume that it was down to what I had just had.....I had drunk quite a large glass of milk, and not by sipping it either, which I know I should have done, I just didn't think.....then, as I was thinking of going to get some Bouillon for lunch, my house share mate said he had some really tasty gravy leftover from his cooking for his lunch, and said why didn't I have it...well, I did, and it was lovely, but very spicy and very rich....I guess it was too rich for me, coupled with the glass of whole milk I had (which was also his as I had run out of my skimmed and haven't been to the shops yet), I guess my body just expelled it.
What should I do? If anything? (apart from not doing that again). Will I be ok?
When I was getting ready for my gastric bypass surgery, I read whatever I could about it. Back then, blogs and online support groups were pretty new, and few and far between, so I read a few books on the topic. Now, there are tons of online resources, but I still really like a "all info in one place" book. Here is a list of 7 of the most popular and helpful out there!
The Sleeved Life by Pennie Nicola is about her journey getting the vertical sleeve gasterectomy. The cool thing about this book is she combines her personal story with lots of the most recent research on this type of WLS.
The Big Book on the Gastric Bypass has everything about gastric bypass, from how to pick a surgeon, what to expect pre-op, how the surgery is performed, recovery, etc. It has lots of info about afterwards as well, how much you can expect to lose, the diet, & exercising after.
Weight Loss Surgery: The Real Skinny is a great one that talks about all the "bad" parts of WLS. It goes over the mental aspects, how to change your relationship with food, and how to handle when you don't get the results you were hoping for.
The Success Habits of Weight Loss Surgery Patients (3rd addition) has stories from patients that have had all different bariatric surgeries. Patients interviewed are long term success stories, from 5, 10, 15 years ago, some from 30 years ago!
Back On Track After Weight Loss Surgery is great for any of us struggling with weight regain, with slipping into bad eating habits, not making time to work out, etc.
Weight Loss Surgery for DummiesWeight Loss Surgery for Dummies I absolutely love the "Dummies" books so of course this one had to make the list! As all the other "Dummies" books, this one is written in clear, easy to understand language, tons of tips and tricks, and fun to read.
Al Roker: Never Goin' Back I had to include Al Roker from NBC on this list. He is such an inspiration, and this open and honest story of his life, his struggles as a child with his weight, and what finally led him to getting bariatric surgery, is a must read
Most of these are available hardcopy or on your kindle, which is personally my favorite way to read
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Today was a frustrating day! After talking to others regarding insurance and preauthorizations, it make me curious to see if my Bariatric office did turn in my paper work to insurance. They said 3 days ago they were sending it out.. Nothing has been sent..ugh.. Said they were waiting for the surgeon to sign it. I need to be patient and just focus on my healthy eating and exercising ! This waiting game is not my bag.. Lol.. Just had to blow off some steam.
On the 10th I was officially 2 months post op! As always let me get this out of the way: I weighed 203lbs on that day. Which if you're keeping track, is only 12lbs down in a month. HOWEVER, I weighed Friday, three days AFTER my two month mark, and I came in at 199.2. I am NOT celebrating onderland yet because I'm baaaarrrrrrely under 200. Let me get to about 195 and keep it there for a couple days and I'll be partying in the streets!
I attempted to take my measurements this month, but it didn't really work out. I have no idea if I'm putting the tape measure in the same places as the last two times, and I wasn't impressed with the results I was getting (there was almost no difference between this month and last month). I'm not sure I'm going to continue to take measurements, its just too iffy and aint nobody got time for that.
My clothing situation continues to be ridiculous. I have about 6 shirts and three pairs of pants I can still wear, and I don't mean like, "I can wear them but they aren't very cute on me anymore." I mean like, I cant wear them because they're falling off and a boob might accidentally pop out in public. Its a great problem to have, I'm grateful, but its also irritating.
I'm going home to Texas for a long weekend this week. I can't drink. Eating isn't fun. I don't know how this is going to go and I'm a little nervous. It will definitely be a test, both for me and my will power and discipline, but also for some of my relationships. I have a feeling many of my relationships are built on a foundation of going out to eat and drink. We shall see! However, I'm also concerned to go home because I know people are going to comment on my weight. The last time I was home I was 40+ pounds more than I am now and wearing 4 pants sizes larger than today. I feel like they're either going to think I should have lost more by now, or they're going to go way overboard telling me how great I look. Either one will make me uncomfortable honestly. I really don't like attention, predictably. Which brings me to...
Since I've started losing weight, my boss has become incredibly inappropriate with me. It's been so bad I had to report him to HR, though HR has yet to do a darn thing... but that's another story entirely. My point is, I KNOW this wouldn't have happened to me 70 pounds ago, and knowing that makes me feel a lot of things I'm not sure I can sort out on my own. It's not just my boss of course, I've been getting more attention in general, and while its flattering and makes me feel nice in some ways, it also makes me so so uncomfortable and I feel so awkward and out of my element. I've never in my life had to worry about men approaching me. But also, it's very... confusing? -Is that the right word?- when I receive attention from other men, but not necessarily from my husband. I think I should probably start seeing a therapist. But then again I think that sounds like a painful mess, dragging everything out of the closet and looking at it, no thanks. My schedule changes in June, if I have the time to go to therapy, I promise myself I'll at least look into it.
In other news, I feel gas pains in between my shoulders now. I didn't have this immediately following surgery but now two months later I do feel it occasionally and its actually pretty painful. Another thing is I get this weird feeling in my stomach sometimes, not necessarily painful, just kind of nauseating I guess. I'm not sure if my stomach is telling me I'm hungry, or if its just gas, or maybe some acid reflux. I really can't pin point what's happening in there! Anybody else have a weird feeling in their stomach that sounds something like what I'm describing?
Hmm, lets see. I had to give up the bariatric advantage vitamins, they taste so bad that I catch myself accidently on purpose forgetting to take them. So I got some chewy vitamins instead and I actually compared the ingredients and they're almost exactly the same. My advice- don't spring for those Bariatric Advantage chewables. Get something cheaper.
Oh also, I really do think my hair is falling out with a lot more frequency. I am teetering on the edge of spending gobs of money for products and supplements for hair strength/growth... but should I? I could really use some advice. My hair is already thin! I can't afford to lose anymore of it yall.
Well I'm working on a big project for my department right now and I should probably get back to it.
Until next time!
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I am two weeks out of surgery. Well, technically I am only 13 days but I'm rounding up.
I weigh 103.9kgs!!! I know this site runs on pounds but I am not American and it kind of confuses me, but that's amazing!! I am proud of myself and I cannot really remember the last time I was proud of myself or the last time I was 103.9kgs! Probably two and half years ago.
When I first started this journey I expected something else, something much simpler, much more straightforward and less painful. I know that weight loss surgery is not the easy option, that it is difficult but I guess subconsciously, I did think of it that way.
But it isn't.
First of all, surgery is a nightmare, I've never had it before, never been to a doctor for anything serious, I've never stayed overnight before and I am lucky, because not only is recovery a #*%$#, hospitals are also spooky at night.
I also underestimated how awful the liquid diet would be. My stomach wasn't hungry, but I was jealous, of everything that everyone was eating that I could not. Honestly, I thought I would breeze through the liquid stage because I didn't mind protein shakes or soup and yoghurt. Well, that was a lie. There is something so draining about eating the same thing every day, and not chewing, or having any flavours; everything was either too bland or sickly sweet. Eating becomes a chore, and maybe this is for the best because I definitely didn't have a healthy relationship with food pre-op, but I don't like hating food, I would just like to strike a healthy balance.
I am looking forward to eating real food, but differently, I'm excited to try new healthy recipes, the ability to leave food on my plate. Enjoy food and not gorge myself until I'm filled with self-loathing.
Pain wise, I am doing okay, I am 2 weeks out and I feel pretty good, almost how I was pre-op barring the occasional struggle. I am moving around and I try and to go up the stairs couple of times each day, I get winded pretty easily but not sure if that's from surgery or being fat. I am lucky that my recovery is going well, I know it's because I'm young.
It's just this has not been easy, it has not been awful and terrible, and I am very blessed, there have been no medical complications so I shouldn't complain, and I am not. I am happy I had this surgery, I am just learning that this is a tool, that you don't wake up afterwards a new person. You are still you, and you are responsible for making this work.
It's important that I know my weaknesses
- I love carbohydrates. I love my 8 pieces of toast and pasta and rice, and I know that I will have to stay away from them if I want to prevent regain. It is difficult but I know it's for the best.
- Exercise! I am good at it. But I am also lazy and good at putting off going to the gym. A good diet is one thing, but I know I need to work out too.
- Cheating. I am all talk, I know all about diets and healthy eating, I know a number of calories in a milkshake, I know what I should be eating and what I should be eating, therefore, is no excuse as to cheating. I have to be serious. I cannot allow it this time.
Sorry for the rambling, I've been trying to catch up on the past two weeks and I need somewhere to place my thoughts.
Well I had surgery on April 4th. This was scary and exciting. I was right back in action in 3 days. It was easier then I thought it would be. I am now current weight of 312 pounds, I can not remember the last time I was below 320. Watch out Twosville here I come. A year ago I was 370 my surgery weight was 324. I am happy with the results. I have to say though I travel for work. I travel across Canada and the US. It is very difficult to have the protein and the water that you needs while you travel. I land in cities I do not know and I try and find protein in Walmart's and Targets and try and find a GNC. I can not purchase to many because I have to go back to the airport and get on a plane again in a day or two. . Going to enjoy the results and not be the fatest person in the room. Fall back meal for me is soup. Some of the waitress think I am crazy when I ask for as much broth and as few noodles as possible. Ah Well
I'm 2 weeks and 3 days post op and I've only lost 11 Lbs. I saw my surgeon last Friday and relayed my concerns about my slow weight loss, it was then that he informed me that he couldn't make my stomach as tight as he would have liked because I had too much scar tissue from a previous surgery (lap band 2008). But he assured me that by keeping on the program, eating enough protein, getting my fluids in and exercising that I would have no problems losing weight. So I weighted myself on Friday and I had only lost 2 Lbs. from the previous week. Against my better judgement I decided to weight myself again this morning, 3 days from the last weigh in, and no weight loss!! I've haven't eaten anything since 2 days before my surgery on March 25, 2016. All I've had since than is protein shakes and water. I read blog's from other VSG patients and most have dropped 16 Lbs. or more by the end of their 2nd week. I even read one blog where the individual is losing 2 to 3 lbs. a day...wow. I know everyone's body is different and I shouldn't compare myself with others.....but man it’s hard not make the comparisons. Oh, and I'm on my 3rd week, which I understand is notorious for stalls.....great!! I'm gonna keep the faith and keep on the program and hopefully I'll see a difference soon.
Maybe someday I will come up with a more original title for my blog entries, but it will have to suffice for today. Day two started off really strong. By mid-day I was drained of all energy and felt like I was moving under water. And I had a terrible headache. On top of that I got some bad news about my dad, who is nearing the end stages of terminal cancer. When my sister texted that her dog is very ill and they might have to put her down, I lost every ounce of willpower I had in me. When I got home from school (actually work but I'm a teacher so I always refer to it as school) I was feeling rotten so I ate rice cakes. I know that sounds harmless, but they were flavored rice cakes and I downed two and a half 3.5 ounce bags over the course of the next hour and a half. The reason I am able to do that is because I drink while I eat so the chewed up food just goes right through my stomach. Throughout the rest of the evening I ate a piece of pizza and a half a bag of granola.
Past history would have me wallowing in self pity and feeling like a weak-minded sloth! That type of thinking is just going to perpetuate these eating habits, so I am going to make a conscious choice to think about the positive. I did manage to go 41 hours on all liquids, which is more than I have done in quite some time. When I did eat, it wasn't good, but I could have done much worse. And I exercised.
Now, I could use feeling crappy, my dad, and my sister's dog as reasons for falling off the wagon. But here's the thing, if I continue to justify my unhealthy eating because of what is going on in my life, I will never get back to a healthy lifestyle.
I am going to my parents this weekend to help my dad transition back home after spending almost a month in the hospital. It is going to be a very emotionally charged weekend, and in the spirit of honesty, I can't say that I'm going to eat healthy or stick to my plan. With that said I am going to make an effort to do things that will continue to pull me in the right direction. I am going to continue blogging and checking into thinner times. I am going to go for walks (they live on a lake in the middle of the woods so it's absolutely beautiful) and I'm going to strive to make good food choices.
I am not going to give up on this.
It has been 2.5 years since my bypass. I apparently hit my base weight (which I still am not sure what that means) at 245. I just stopped losing weight last January 2015. Just stopped...I have been trying everything to get back on the losing track. What exactly is base weight and why I have I stopped losing? I have kept off the 75 pounds...but don't know why I can't lose. Any ideas what to do? Doc said to eat at the same time everyday. I have tried that even though that is hard with all the things going on in our lives. But I do try. I try to watch how much I'm eating and doing pretty good at that. No soda, not eating out very often...I need help please I need to lose at least another 50 pounds if not more.
Thanks in advance for any advice from others this has happened to.
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On February 20, 2015, my insurance company and medical provider determined that I qualified for bariatric surgery based on BMI. At 237 lbs and 5' 4", my BMI was over the required 40 (40.7). While I had (pre-surgery) or still have a number of obesity-related conditions (PCOS, pre-diabetic, plantar fasciitis, etc), none of them were considered qualifying comorbidities under my insurance plan. However, my plan allows qualification based on BMI alone, and thus I began the testing process to begin my actual approval for surgery.
My testing took some time due to the usual medical bureaucracy, but went largely without incident, and on November 23rd, 2015, I consulted with my surgeon and my dietitian, and was approved for an RNY gastric bypass, which the surgeon and I both agreed best suited my situation. The surgery was scheduled for December 14th, 2015.
The day of the surgery, I arrived at the medical center just over half an hour earlier than the required check-in time, and after waiting for some time, found that my surgery time had been delayed. This wasn't surprising - surgeries often run over. My surgery had been scheduled for 1:30 in the afternoon, and expected to last 3-4 hours, but ended up starting around 3:45. I was out of surgery before 6:00 PM. My surgeon told the people who accompanied me to the surgery center that the surgery was able to be completed so quickly because I had "a delightfully small liver."
My in-hospital recovery (discharged around noon after two nights, so I stayed in the hospital for one full day and one half day) was uneventful, aside from a few minor hiccups with my allergies. (I was, at one point, given a medication to which I am allergic - thankfully it only causes nausea, and I noticed the problem before I took the second dose, and I was on anti-nausea medication at the time, so the effects were not serious. I was also twice served food to which I am allergic, which I refused to eat, and the dietary services staff chastised me for "not telling my allergies to the kitchen when I called in my meal," which I explained that I had not done, since I was on the clear liquids meal plan, and that my allergies were all on record with the hospital and my nurse.) My surgeon saw me briefly post-op, but after surgery he delegated all of the check-ups and exams to his ARNP. I would say that he is a very, very good surgeon, but that his follow-up leaves something to be desired.
I was off my narcotic pain medication within 2 days of my return home from the hospital, and off of the liquid Acetaminophen another 1.5 days after that. One of the suture sites was not closed quite right (the glue was inside the top 1/4" or so of the incision, holding it open, rather than over the incision pulling it closed), so it was not healing. I eventually figured out what was going on when that site still had not healed at 6 weeks after all of the other sites had healed, and I removed the glue, cleaned the site, and used medical tape to pull the top of the incision closed. It healed quickly, taking less than a week to close, but it is not as neat as the other sites, due to having been held open by the glue for so long.
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