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Know what I hate? I freaking hate flying. Everything about it sucks, but it's so much worse if you're fat. I spend a lot of time before each flight worrying about how small the seat will be, about whether the person next to me will be annoyed that I sort of overflow into their space, about whether my hips will be so scrunched into the seat (man, airline seats have gotten smaller in the last couple decades!) that they will be a bit bruised feeling when I get off the flight. I worry about people giving me the side eye when I get into my seat. I stress about how uncomfortable it is to spend 15 hours with my arms crossed so I don't impinge on my neighbors' space. I remember overheard conversations or internet comment sections about fat people flying and how horrible the awful rude fat people are to subject all the other passengers to their horrible awful fatness. I hate flying as a fat person so much that I have not done it in almost two years. Me, a person who usually travels a LOT! Know what I'm doing at the end of this week? Flying. On purpose. To go on vacation. I'm still fat, but I'm a lot less fat, so I know that I will have a less bad time. Flying is horrible, but I will be so happy to fit better in the seat. Not so happy that I will enjoy flying (blerk) but happy enough to do it again.
I've done a little shopping to get ready for this trip, and it's been... a mixed bag. On one hand, I can go into the straight sizes part of the store and not worry that nothing will fit me (well, I worry, but stuff fits, even if it looks like it'll be too small). On the other hand, when I get it on, I am faced with the voices in my head that are always very loud in changing rooms. I look *better* than before (oh, so much better!) but I still don't look *good* to myself. The good news is that I feel a little more detached from my appearance than I usually do: I feel like this is how I look today, but I know that next week, next month, next year I will look different. So I feel like I'm judging a work in progress, rather than judging the very essence of who I am, which is an improvement.
I've already had to bail out of some plans set up by one of my travel companions. I'm going with my husband and another couple we frequently travel with, and the other couple is, well, much sportier and fitter than we are (particularly than I am). They will be climbing a volcano. I will not. It's an all day sort of deal, like hours and hours of hiking, starting out at like 8500 feet (2500m) in elevation, and I really really know that I do not have that in me right now. It felt sad to have to explain that to my friend, but at the same time, I know that because of my WLS, I will be able to do stuff like that in the future. As of six months ago, my future didn't look like it was headed in an "improving" sort of direction, health-wise, so that's a good thing.
I've got two flavors of Syntrax Nectar individual packs and two boxes of protein bars to take with me, so I should be set for protein intake. I'm going to Guatemala, and will have no opportunity to buy that stuff there. I have an idea of what awaits because I've been there a couple of times before: food should be fine, lots of beans and eggs and cheese to be had. I've got my vitamins ready to go. I think with all this WLS stuff, I'm going to have very little room in my luggage for my other stuff!
I think it'll be a good trip. I have a ton more energy now than I have in a long while, and I'm able to move around so much more easily in my body. I have a more positive outlook about things, and I don't feel so self-conscious.
I'm not going to be able to weigh myself for 16 days. SIXTEEN DAYS Yes, I know how many of you feel about daily weighings, but they are my jam. I also won't be able to log my food every day since I will be without internet at some points. I'll be flying blind for more than two weeks, and that scares the heck out of me. Logically it shouldn't, but I think we left the world of logic behind a few months ago. I'm curious to see whether no scale and limited food logging will feel freeing or frightening. Could go either way.
Wish me luck! I'm a little nervous about the flying.
When I started looking into WLS, I was 75% sure I was just going to go with a lapband. Easily removable, I thought. No big malabsorptive issues. Just a bunch of restriction - a kind of hand-holding into making me eat the way I need to.
Then I began my real research, and saw the complication rates were higher, and the amount of appointments necessary were higher, and that overall weightloss was considerably lower. Many people complained of still feeling hungry - which makes sense, when you consider that the rest of your stomach is still there, still largely empty, and still playing on hormones like grhelin to mess with satiety.
So I began to slowly embrace the idea that "real" bariatric surgery was my answer. I've come a long ways since being stalwart in my belief that I didn't need WLS - even if it took me years to get there. For the last couple months, I've been pretty set on VSG.
Lately, fear is creeping in as I read the experiences and see the weightloss of those with VSG versus GB. Don't get me wrong, I see plenty of people who have done absolutely exceptional on VSG and I know it can work - I'm terrified I will make it not work. That I'll end up being one of those people who eats ice cream as a "pureed" food, manipulates what can go in, and will suffer with little weightloss because of it. That I'll need the further restriction and malabsorption offered by a GB in order to have real weight loss.
I've devoured every thread on "how did you choose?" here on TTF and I know that some of my questions will be answered when I finally have that sit down with a surgeon, but in the meantime, I keep adding to my list of "Am I going to be one of those people who goes through a major surgery just to sabotage it?"
I try to shake off the thoughts - I wouldn't be surprised if they're fairly normal. I'm doing well in my pre-op classes (small gain this week, but there was a considerable amount of partying for my parents anniversary this weekend). I understand all that the surgery brings, and I think seeing success after surgery will be a fabulous motivator towards continuing the plan.
All that certainly hasn't stopped the "what ifs" though! The mental part of weight loss is certainly exhausting.
Sometimes I get worried I am going to do a backward slide. Yes, you know the one. That inevitable thing that always happens after a diet. You know. After you've lost quite a few pounds (the same ones you have lost again and again you're whole life) and they start to creep back on. They make their way back onto your body like the tiny little parasites pounds seem to be. A backslide back into your baggy sweaters and big jeans.
I tell myself the situation is different now. And its not a lie, it is different. I mean, I let someone I had met once rearrange my insides. I say it won't happen this time but then some other little voice in my head says, well it won't happen yet, at least not this soon. Its that "well" and that "yet" that are the real problem. I know because every time I have been here I have always gained it back, with friends. And I am scared that it is going to happen again.
Yesterday my husband and I went to a friends house. The two of them are amongst the collection of few that know about my weight loss surgery. One of them said they were really starting to tell I had lost weight, they could see it in my face. Later on while the friends were putting their kids to bed my husband and I were sat in the conservatory. He mentioned buying some new clothes and I just kind of rebuffed him but in a kind way. I said something like, lets see how it goes first. Because there's that little voice in my head that says, no point in buying new clothes, you'll just be back in your size 28 trousers in no time.
I've tried to take a very relaxed approach to this whole experience. Probably more so then a lot of people. I was never really scared or that nervous before surgery, not until I was actually on the table and I was looking up at the operating lights. But then I guess that's pretty natural because wow. I don't weigh myself very much. About once a month or so. Sometimes I sneak in a cheeky weigh just to make sure it is still coming off. It is. Of course it is.
Before the doctors suggested weight loss surgery I was pretty jaded. No, not pretty, I was really jaded. My skin was green. It was a case of been there, done that, got the T-shirt too. I have slammed myself full force into diet after diet. Crazy exercise routine after exercise routine. I was simply exhausted with it all and had given up. I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to eat normal. But my life has always been if I even look at the wrong foods then I gain weight. My weight crept up to 280 pounds which is an all time high for me.
I'm quite lucky that my husband is super understanding and has always supported me in every endeavour. I had some friends(?) suggesting Keto and Paleo which are two diets I admittedly never tried. I read about them. But I just couldn't sign myself up to that diet whirlwind again. The thought of facing it all made me feel physically ill. That excitement of the weight coming off, of the compliments you get, and then the side eyes you receive once it starts to creep back on. Because me and my jadedness never felt I could ever succeed at losing weight. I resigned myself to being a fat girl forever.
And then my neuro-opthamologist suggested weight loss surgery and I was pretty floored to be honest. I was over weight but not big enough for that, right? One of my Uncles had his stomach stabled when I was a kid. I still remember a lot of my mother's negative comments about it and even now she still says he looks gaunt. I was never as big as he was and that was my only measurement for WLS. I never thought it was for me.
Is it going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy? Have I deemed somewhere deep inside that all the weight will go back on so therefore it will? These are the three am thoughts.
I spoke the bariatric psychiatrist about this before surgery. About how I feel like having WLS is like failing. You know, because I couldn't do it on my own even thought all it takes is diet and exercise, right? She was pretty cool and really talked things through with me. She says its okay to have these thoughts and I am likely to have them for awhile as my mind and body adjust to things.
I know any weight will only come back on if I let it. Because this time I am the one in charge here. I have given my metabolism and my body the middle finger and given myself the best tool possible to overcome obesity.
Yet still there is that little cynical me in the back of my brain. The one scales of obsidian and jade that cling to her every limb. Hard eyes and a bitter smile. Really?, she says, you keep telling yourself that.
Shut up, old me.
Sunday I will begin my 2-week "diet" before surgery. My clinic does not require an all-liquid diet, just super low-carb - under 20g a day. This past month I have been working and lowering, and lowering, and lowering my carb intake. I haven't had any alcohol for over a month and I haven't had any sugar in a month except for fresh strawberries and a small squirt of whipped cream once a week. I know this is the final prep to shrink the fat around my liver and make surgery safer. I am taking this very seriously. Sunday is the final stretch toward this goal of getting surgery. It's been a hell of a 10 months to get to this point.
Saturday night, however...
I've planned for one final night of indulgence. My best friend and I are going to have a party night together. Have lots of alcoholic drinks, lots of greasy food at our favorite dirty diner, sing karaoke, and a final indulgence of Cheesecake Factory. She's not interested in surgery but she is interested in improving her health and losing weight. This Last HURRAH is for us both.
I have already picked up the Cheesecake slices for us and I will say that I almost didn't. I had some very intense feelings of embarrassment about going to the restaurant just to order from the to-go counter and take the big bag of cheesecakes on the bus home. I wanted to order the slices online using a delivery service app but the slices my friend wanted were both limited edition and only available in the store. I couldn't order them online. I work exactly 2 blocks away from Cheesecake Factory and walk by it almost every day on my way to the bus. In the 15 years I have worked here I have only been there probably 5 times. It truly is a rare indulgence, and that is 100% due to the shame I feel whenever I go there. I even felt shame about it the ONE time I ordered online to eat in the privacy of my home because a delivery person would had to bring it to me. The place is just so over the top with large portions and once slice of cake has the caloric intake for 2 whole days of food. The last thing I want is for someone to see me, the morbidly obese person that I am, buying 4 slices of cheesecake. The judgment of strangers shouldn't matter to me, and it normally doesn't, but I was really struck with the realization that I was judging myself. I was buying 4 slices of cheesecake with the full intention of pigging out on them this weekend. It's disgusting. I'm disgusted with myself. I don't even want to eat the stupid cheesecake now.
So me and my best friend are going to go out and have one last party night. I may or may not eat a greasy cheeseburger. I may or may not drink a lot of alcohol. The cheesecake might end up in the trashcan. I don't need it. I don't need it ever again.
So, I got a new lens! It's something I've been wanting for a really.. really.. really long time, and I hardly ever treat myself, but I bit the bullet, closed my eyes, and ordered it. I am thrilled. Thrilled with my lens, it's awesome. However, I am not able to take Selfies with it, alas.. Here are the last selfies from my other lens :
Goodbye old lens (No I still will use it, but I LOVE this new lens) It's a telephoto lens... So.. I took a picture of this dragonfly today.
That's from about 6 feet away.. And here it is fully zoomed in :
Aww.. so excited! I did try to get a picture of the waterfall and failed but it's an interesting shot of water nonetheless :
I am still learning how to use it, I took some shots of myself, and they all failed spectacularly :
From this not big they look okay, but really they are all out of focus. Which is fine, just frustrating. Regardless.. Today I went on a short hike. I've been meaning to do more, but the past two weeks have been hectic. My kids are out of school, my landlord called and informed us that he sold our place, so we may be asked to move shortly, which sucks, We've been here 9 years, my youngest has summer school for reading, and speech therapy, and we are in the middle of a heat wave, the other day it was 110!! I did go to a lake on Monday, but I didn't take any pictures, it was incredibly hot, and I ended up swimming out the middle of the lake with my daughter on my lap (using an inter-tube), and was exhausted. So, I've not had the time or the inclination to go out and walk, but while Kira was at school today, I went out. The trail I went on is the PGE ditch, it apparently goes all the way to Lyons Dam, (Which is about an 8 mile hike), but I didn't have time to go that far. A strange shift of perception.. (I'll get to my point in a moment)
Here is the beginning of the trail :
And about a quarter mile up the bend, or a little further is this :
And walking across it is very high, but very pretty (apparently, when you get to the end of the trail, it's a mile walk along 200ft up, similar to this, Oh I can't wait) :
Now, before I lost weight (And here is my point), that minor walk, felt like it took forever. I was winded, and hurting when I got to this, point, and ready to go back. Today, getting there, was quick, and easy and I couldn't believe how short it was, and how easy my body was able to make it there. It was slightly shocking.
Anyways, I went about 2 miles, I wanted to go further, and I will, but I had to head back to get Kira from school.. Here are some more shots of the ditch/trail :
And one more shot using the new zoom on the lens.. This bird was about 50 feet away!
I will have to finish figuring out how to use it, but I am still so happy with it.
And on a side last note.. Kira got a new headset, which she loves, and it's made my other daughter Brin, jealous :
Today 5 years ago I had my bypass and it was the best choice I made. Were there ups and downs? Yes but I have no regrets. I was 300 lbs and now 180. I got as low as 150 which was a healthy weight but looked sickly on me. Where I am now, I am happy. I feel and look good. My high blood pressure is no longer an issue. And my fear of getting diabetes has been pushed aside. Tomorrow is my workout day and I am looking forward to going there and staying as fit as I can.
The best thing about getting a divorce was moving to this complex that has the nicest pool ever. I think my daughter and I have been every day since it opened. No kidding.
I was just thinking it is so nice to just swim and not feel self conscious about being over weight. And to not get winded or something when I'm playing with my daughter.
At the same time, the typical female brain of a woman living in this culture starts doing really annoying things. Like looking at other women's bodies and missing my curves, missing my larger size breasts, looking at women in bikinis with totally flat stomachs and realizing I will never have that. I just wish when I was young and thin I would have appreciated my body for one damn day!
Oh well I tell myself I need to love myself. I didn't have surgery to look good, I did it to feel good. And I need to love the fact that I made the right choice for me. This surgery was so life changing.
I live in an area where half the people at least are from other countries. And so there are many times I am literally the only white American at the pool, which is fine, that's how I like things to be, I've always tried to put myself into situations where there is a lot of diversity. One thing that really bothers me is that the women from some countries apparently aren't allowed to swim. But their husbands can. And I just feel like it's so unfair. I have seen everything from a woman wearing a sari, a woman wearing the full on hijab with the full body gown/dress thing sweating by the side of the pool, and then just women who apparently have to wear long pants and three quarter length sleeves at all times.
And I look at them, then look at their husbands, and I just feel like this is shitty. This is so shitty. And then I wonder what they think of me, not just me, I wear a suit that has swim shorts and a tank top type thing, it's more sporty than sexy. But then you see women with huge breasts with them just hanging out or suits with almost butt floss. And I wonder what these women are really thinking, are they feeling like we American women are slutty? Does it bother them that their husbands can see us but they have to sit there in the heat and just watch their families have fun? I do have to say the husbands don't seem to notice the American women, they feel very safe and like they aren't pervs or anything. I'm not trying to say that at all. Most of them are focused on their kids and it's cute to see.
Or who knows, maybe the moms are thinking about something else and it doesn't bother them or they are so devout that this is their religion and this is how it is, this is their role and they wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for them.
I love swimming and if I couldn't swim because it was supposedly wrong for me to show my legs and arms in public, I would be so sad.
Hi I had my surgery on 4/4. I had complications - my esophagus was perforated during surgery resulting in a second surgery you the next day to have a stent inserted into my esophagus so it could heal and a third surgery 5 1/2 weeks later to have the stent removed. While the stent was in eating was a challenge and I threw up or heaved for weeks so I kinds missed the stages of purée and soft mostly i don't remember because of all the meds but lost almost 40 lbs. It was pretty miserable and I am still having some issues because of the perforation, that coupled with missing food I am weepy and feel sorry for myself way to much! I read how people are so glad to have had wls and it was the best decision and I hope to feel that way soon. I have gotten a little better with missing food but then I have a bad days with the health problems because of the surgery and it brings me down and I wonder what in the world I have done to myself. Since the stent was removed and I actually began eating I have lost about 7 lbs in a month. One problem I am having in particular is constipation! Yikes I think my body forgot how to poop! I am adding benefiber but I have to add a laxative at least every other night. Any advice on this particular issue would be appreciated! So that's my basic story, I have been reading forums and it does help but this is the first time I wrote about my journey.
I've never been great at managing a blog, but I plan to keep a short blog to reference days and details as I go through this journey. I attended a "Weight Loss Surgical Informational Session" hosted by Via Christi last night, which after my obsessive reaching lately, did help ease my nerves a bit. I have mixed emotions:
- Excitement - Ready to get the ball rolling, excited to see results
- Embarrassment - Haven't discussed this with anyone outside of my parents, who were the ones to bring it up to me, and my husband. I somewhat feel like I'm taking the "easy way out". Since I don't know anyone who's personally had this, I fear stigma of people gossiping behind my back about my weight loss.
- A mild amount of fear - What if I regret this? What if something goes wrong? Will I ever be able to eat my favorite foods again?
I'm not too worried about the procedure itself (leaning more towards the gastric sleeve at the moment), but moreso the healing process after and the whole post-op stage as a whole.
Weight: 249.6 lbs
BMI per CDC: 48.7
"For your height, a normal weight range would be from 95 to 128 pounds." It's been a good 10 years since I've seen that on the scale, so I have a long way to go.
8:00 a.m. - Pre-workout
9:30 a.m. - Protein shake made w/ 6oz of almond milk
9:45 a.m. - 2 scrambled eggs with cheese (est. 288 cal. per MyFitnessPal)
1:15 p.m. - Nutrisystem Chicken Parmesan (270 cal)
2:00 p.m. - 13 Apple Cinnamon rice crisps (120 cal)
4:30 p.m. - Sugar free lemon lime jello (10 cal)
8:00 p.m. - 4 oz teriyaki chicken / 0.5 cup jasmine rice
So, I've looked up and found myself in the countdown-to-200 portion of things. I weighed 203 this morning.
A ton of stuff is happening in my life right now, much of it stuff I'm not ready to talk about here yet, but even through all that stuff, which has me spread a little thin and a lot distracted, that number's got me focusing on it. It sticks in the head. It's sort of some childhood dividing line, maybe. It's a myth. It's an outdated idea. I blew through it circa age 14 and then I learned how fungible were the numbers you said you'd never cross. How little that counts.
I'm still doing this thing right now where I'm hovering between plus sizes and straight sizes, dancing around on a line that's hard to see and understand that has so much also to do with stigma, with social categories, with visibility, with femininity. When I walk around in the world I don't know what size I am. I feel simultaneously like I have so far to go and like I want to stop right now.
But there it is: 200. Below it, the girl you were supposed to be. Above it, the woman you became. (Brigid Berlin: "My mother wanted me to be a slim, respectable socialite. Instead, I became an overweight troublemaker.")
My therapist pointed out to me yesterday that I love the woman I became more than the girl I was supposed to be, that even as I find myself with the greatest access I've ever had to the version of "slim, respectable socialite" with which I grew up, the quasi-creative white-collar job and the husband with the same kind of job and the dinner parties and the chitchat and maybe the kids you'll probably send to private school even though you have political qualms about it but honestly they have to get into college, I am also leaning the hardest into my own desire to be a spinster, a free spirit, a revolutionary, an art monster, a weirdo. She's right, and I appreciate having that pointed out to me. I was always so afraid of not being able to make my own decisions. When WLS was first being authorized for teenagers, in the late '90s, which is when I was one, the New Yorker did a piece on it and I nabbed the issue of the magazine so that my father couldn't read it. I thought if he read about it, I'd end up on the table whether I wanted to or not. (I had no idea whether I wanted to or not.) I have, historically, not really understood my ability to make my own decisions. There are a lot of reasons for this vacuum, in my life, where agency ought to have been palpable. But none of them are really the point.
The point is that I feel it now. When I walk into the room full of people whose bodies and social selves intimidate and entice me in equal measure, even when I feel like it's not my body preventing me from being one of them, I'm still not one of them. Not in the digital media room. Not in the art room. Not in the sense of absorption that I fear. Not in the sense of being claimed, being stuck, being colonized, being coopted. Something stubborn and tenacious in me says no, rolls its eyes at the ill-informed views on Syria no matter how glamorous their speaker.
Which means that over 200 or under it, I am still running this show. The world won't absorb me unless I choose to be absorbed.
I get to choose who to be. My way.
Which means that being under 200 doesn't seem like such a big deal, honestly. I mean, today, anyway. I might still have a meltdown of some variety when I see a number that starts with a 1. No promises.
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I grew up in upstate NY, one of 3 children; an older sister and a younger brother. Yes I was the typical middle child; self-sufficient, lots of friends and all about going to school for the social side! I wasn't overweight as a child, kind of gangly and Tom boyish, playing in the woods behind my house! It was a good childhood, family camping, trips to zoos and parks and the occasional vacation to Wisconsin or North Carolina or Virginia to visit family members! Once I hit puberty my body started to change of course but I think I took the widening hips and larger breasts as somethin I needed to tame! That kind of set me up for failure & I spent way too much time obsessing over my changing body than it warranted. I spent my teenage years at a normal weight but I couldn't see that! I married when I was 18 (1 week past my 18th birthday) because I thought I was a grownup and had my 1st child at 19. By the time I was 27 I had 5 daughters and weighed somewhere south of 180 lbs....it wasn't a bad weight for me it was just not the weight I wanted to be! Then we moved to Florida for my husband's job...Florida is a place where you cannot hide your weight, too little clothing! I have spent the following 20 years going from 175 lbs to 245 or so pounds, up and down with much ease really....gained 20 lbs...try this weight watchers diet....gained by 45 lbs...let's try that herbalife diet.....gained 50 lbs.....let's try phentermine and vit. K shots!! And then we move to Tennessee two years ago....let me tell you I Love Tennessee! But we adopted our 5 year old grandaughter and I decided to stay at home after working for a dozen plus years in a fast paced (as in you ran for 12 hrs straight, no sit down breaks or anything remotely like a break) medical floor as an RN. I started baking our own bread (yum, yum!) And pies and goodies! And quickly ballooned up to 275 within a few months! It has progressively gotten harder and harder to keep up with my newest charge and I feel guilty because I'm not able to keep up with her. We went on vacation to NY by way of Gettysburg and I spent the majority of the time being out of breath or just sitting in the vehicle waiting for my husband and grandaughter to return from whatever sight I couldn't even get to! We went to breakfast to this overpriced cafe that I sat so gingerly in the chair I couldn't enjoy even a moment of that ridiculously over priced food because I was afraid the chair would break! We rented a rustic cabin for our stay in NY and it was beautiful there, I got to see my family but I ended up with a UTI because she says under her breath, it's hard to perform proper hygiene while in a rustic cabin (I know TMI!) I had already decided to try to have WLS before that vacation and it couldn't happen quick enough. I had gotten to the point of weighing in at 316 lbs, I'm diabetic, have hypothyroidism, osteoarthritis in my back, hips and knees, high blood pressure and needless to say mobility issues and constant pain. I want to be around to help guide my grandaughter to her adulthood. I want to be around to enjoy our retirement and enjoy my 10 grandchildren! I want to kayak and swim and slide downhill and just grow a garden and raise some chickens!!!!
I started this journey on August 30th, 2016 when I went to my first consultation at the Vanderbilt center for bariatric surgery and weight loss. I won't kid you the journey from August to finally having surgery on March 31st, 2017 was not easy, but was so worth it!!! Ten years ago I would have told you you were crazy to say I would have WLS, but now I am so grateful and happy that I have had WLS, it's given me hope for the future that I had lost!! Here's to a new me and here's to a new you!!!
I finally had my one week follow up appointment this morning! It felt so overdue!
My initial follow up appointment was scheduled for Tuesday, April 25, 2017 and I was so anxious for it. I wanted the doctor to give me the look over and tell me how I was doing for peace of mind. More than that, O felt ready to move and stretch a little beyond walking the 4-5 times a days around my apartment, but the staples kept me back.. I was so tender still around the incision sites that anytime I moved and felt something sting or pull, I sitting out for the count. But I know they were healing because of the itching. Itching is the universal constant for healing wounds and honestly it's the worst tease because you CAN'T scratch at them. Or also in my case: wear a bra, Because one of my incisions was right between my breasts and wearing a bra put pressure on the site and constantly rubbed at it. So for about two weeks I was free-boobing it. (An oddly freeing, but weird feeling without the support)
Unfortunately, my appointment was pushed back two days until this morning due to an emergency with the physician's assistant. This morning was the first time driving my car in almost two weeks and it did require a little ingenuity to bend in the places I needed to. But I got it all worked out and showed up this morning at the requested 15 minutes early to do the whole check-in and paperwork process, but afterwards ending up waiting almost an 1 hour and 40 minutes passed my appointment time. Just chilling in the waiting room watching Fixer Upper on Tv. I was a little annoyed that they were so far behind schedule, but I was more worried they would tell me we'd have to cancel and reschedule again. I needed the staples OUT! Thankfully it just turned out that he had been caught up in surgery and I headed back for my weigh-in and blood pressure.
It was a bit of a let down. At home I always weigh myself in the morning at the same time before I've eaten breakfast, after I've gone to the restroom, and without any clothes on. I want it to be as consistent and as accurate as possible to just weigh me. And from yesterday to this morning, for some reason that I'm guessing has to do with water weight (I haven't been the greatest at getting beyond 32 ounces yet when I should be at 50 ounces), I went up 1.7 pounds. Well dang. And then at the doctor's office, with the clothes on and everything, it was 3.7 pounds increase. Which sucks to see the numbers, but things are fitting differently and the shape of my body is changing and I'm just going to focus on the non-scale victories for a while. (but still weigh myself for the consistency) My blood pressure was 124/82 which is still in the pre-hypertension range, but it's a bonus in my book because I always free out when I go to the doctor's and the number is inflated from the anxiety. So if it's that high nervous, in chill-mode I'm gonna be in the normal ranges! And I know that as I continue to lose the weight and work on my cardio, the numbers will continue to drop all around.
And I was nervous to get the staples out despite how much I was excited for it. A hundred irrational fears ran through my mind as I sat in the room waiting, mainly thinking in circles about:
- Is this going to hurt?
- Are they going to give me a shot to take the staples out?
- Have the staples been in so long that the skin has started to grow over?
- What if I've been over doing it and I've ripped something?
- What if the staples rip something when they come out?
- What if my incisions are infected?
- What if I start bleeding again?
- What if the incisions haven't closed enough that I have to get new staples or stitches?
- What if I need to take more blood thinner injections?
- Is this going to really hurt?
I could not just settle down and let it go. But the nurse came in, and she was very friendly and all matter of fact about it. I think from start to finish, taking the staples out and putting on the new steri-strips took less than 5 minutes. She had me lay back on the standard examination table found in every doctor's office. I did get to sit propped up at an angle, so not completely flat and feeling vulnerable. I held up my shirt and bra out of the way so she could get to all the incision areas and she started before I even thought she had opened up all the supplies. There was a little bit of pain, but not from removing the staples themselves. On the incisions that had a little bit of dried blood around the staple site, I felt a slight tugging sensation to get the staple out. And depending on how much she had to tug, sometimes it's twinged the incision area. Honestly I caused myself more pain than needed because I tightened up during the procedure, so I overworked my stomach muscles and for about 40 minutes afterwards had some spasms and cramping along the main wound site. Just need to chill and go with the flow more.
But now that the staples are out, I am less afraid of sneezing too hard, or sitting down to fast, or stretching, or bending to the side. Driving was still an interesting endeavor after the appointment and will probably continue to be for a while, but I am cleared for full on walking now and I think that will do the most in helping to loosen up all the internal muscle stiffness. And is just in time too. Before my surgery was scheduled, I had signed up for the Warrior Dash 5k this Saturday, April 29, 2017. I know the obstacles are definitely beyond anything I'm ready for at this point, but I'm planning to push myself with the 3.1 miles. Here goes nothing.
Day 4 of the 5DPT: I woke up this morning and I was 207.2. This means I've lost 6.4 lbs in 3 days. I know the 5DPT isn't about losing weight (although it goes hand in hand with eating correctly), but it's always nice to see the scale go down. I will say that today has been the hardest so far - not because i'm hungry, but I didn't have a lot of time to do prep last night for "firm proteins", so I've been living off low-sodium lunch meat and chopped chicken breast IN chicken salad so it's more dense than chicken salad alone. At this rate, a turkey burger tonight sounds amazing.
So, I have to say - I'm not hungry. I'm not craving any carbs. I've been able to manage my 30-minute liquid cutoff before and after meals. And the 6.4 lbs has been just enough to see some of my clothes actually fit, which is always a motivator. For me, so far the 5DPT has been more of a mental reset than a physical reset, and I actually do feel like I have more confidence that my pouch still works, and that I can stick to the pouch rules and have success again. We'll see how day 5 goes, but dare I say I'm optimistic.
MORE MOTIVATION: Interesting fact recent posted on Science Daily: "Obesity resulted in as much as 47 percent more life-years lost than tobacco, and tobacco caused similar life-years lost as high blood pressure, new research has shown." https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/04/170422101614.htm
Ok, sorry for the Squirts part of the title but I could not resist. For any of you that have had the Sleeve surgery, you will totally understand what I mean - it is truly liquid in- liquid out at this point. I am now able to have full liquids which includes all soups and protein shakes but within 15 min of drinking any of those, it is time for a dash to the bathroom. I swear, I have no clue how my body has a chance to absorb any protein with how quickly it goes through me. Thank goodness for my Isopure protein drinks - they cost $4 a bottle but they are the only thing right now that my new smaller tummy likes. I use the Grape Frost flavor and mix it with Ocean Spray Diet Cran-Grape juice. The Isopure by itself has a funny after taste to me but when mixed, I don't notice it. One bottle of Isopure has 40 grams of protein so it is a great help on trying to hit my 60 grams target. I am not sure if I am hitting that target this early in but my Dr told me that it is really hard to during this early liquid only stage.
Now for the good! I am down 20 lbs since surgery (28 prior to pre-op). I know I am not supposed to weigh myself each day but it is really hard not to. I really need to hide the scale away and only bring it out once a week so I don't get frustrated when I have a day where it does not go down. Overall my pain level is next to nothing now. I am not having to take any pain meds. My stamina is not fully back yet but I am focused on increasing my activity level a little each day. I am going on a cruise the end of May so I even ordered a new swimsuit in a smaller size as my incentive to keep my eye on the prize and make the most of this tool. My Dr said I could start trying puree food this weekend which I am SOOOO ready for.
Now for the Bad.... Food Porn - yes I admit I have indulged in it. For those of you that wonder what the heck I am talking about, I call Food Porn the act of chewing food you can't have and then spitting it out. A couple of days ago I fixed a home made version of Shake-n-Bake Pork Chops and I could not resist. I chewed several pieces and enjoyed the act of just chewing something and savored the wonderful tastes, then spit it out. I of course, did this when no one else was around except for my fluffy side kick, Ginger, who luckily can only bark, not narc. I have been good since then, but I swear I never realized how many freaking Food commercials there are on TV - when you can't have something I guess that is when you notice it more.
I have watched more Game Show Network and put together more puzzles in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 10 years! I normally am working long hours, traveling frequently, and rushing to my kids events to hardly have a chance to sit down until late at night. I have been a fish out of water during this recovery. I will admit it has been nice to ignore my work laptop and not feel guilty.
I have taken 3 weeks off work so I will go back to my hectic office job next Wednesday. I probably could have gone back a little sooner but with my frequent dashing to the bathroom, I am glad that I am not there. I will be on full puree foods when I return to work so hopefully this whole squirt mess will be calmed down. I know TMI but what the heck, this is the one place I can be totally honest since we are all on this same crazy journey!
That's all for now folks - blog with you again soon! : - )
Well, the weekend has come and gone and progress has been made in several areas. Today I am 1 month, 2 weeks, 2 hours and 10 minutes smoke free (as of 10:30 AM). According to my app, I've been smoke free for 961.11 hours, I've saved $200.25 and I've not smoked 1,001 Pall Mall Light 100's (or 5 cartons-worth). I would reward myself with some type of treat, a movie, some electronics, etc., but unfortunately(?) my wife's budget has cannibalized the 'Cigarette Budget' and added it to the 'New Car Fund'. Fair enough. I'd just waste it on crap anyway.
This weekend was a very productive one, though it almost turned out to be a bust. Friday evening I let myself go and ate half of a large Pizza Hut pizza. Maybe you've been there before, and maybe you haven't, but it's a weird experience in retrospect. I had one slice of pizza, then another, then another and another. I went to bed with my stomach aching and feeling like a slob and a loser. I wasn't even that hungry. It just felt good to eat. I felt dejected and sad; worse than if I had smoked a cigarette, or even a pack of cigarettes. Saturday I couldn't do much of anything because we had family over, one of which who has had Bariatric Surgery recently. We ate pretty sensible on Saturday. One weird thing I tried that I hadn't tried before was a lettuce wrapped sandwich from Jimmy Johns. Everyone wanted Jimmy Johns for some reason. I just ended up pulling the lettuce off and eating the meet and cheese. The lettuce wrap did not work as intended, in my personal opinion. It was well done, but too much.
Sunday, I knew I had to atone. Luckily it was a very sunny day out, even though it was only in the mid-30's. I had to run to the office to take care of something I had forgotten about on Friday, and since my office is right on the Ohio River, I figured I'd go for a stroll, and considering I'm not under the constraints of work, I could stroll as long as I wanted. I sat my Samsung Fit2 for an hour's walk and set out fully intending to walk a lot more than that. And boy did I walk. I just kept walking and walking and did a circuit through three cities! I started in Covington, crossed over into Cincinnati, walked around the newly developed Smale Riverfront Park and passed my beloved Great American Ball Park, home of the Cincinnati Reds. I did some exploring then crossed a bridge over into Newport, KY and then walked back through to Covington, KY where I started. My results were as follows:
Time Spent Walking: 01:36:03 (stopped and started a lot to take pictures)
Distance: 4.04 mi
Total Calories Burned: 722 Cal (According to Samsung SHealth)
Average Speed: 3 MPH
Max Speed: 5.5 MPH (Damned techno)
Total Ascent: .59 mi
Avg. Heart Rate: 119 bpm
Max. Heart Rate: 146 bpm
I don't care too much for all of the 'Total Ascent' and some of the other measurements. I care most for the distance and the time spent. I know that it's a lot of up and down hill stuff, it's not all flat walking, and I know my average heart rate would be higher but I stopped a lot to take pictures (in the span of 90 minutes I took a total of 75 unique pictures, two movies, and 5 panoramic pictures for reference. Next time I walk I intend on doing so without the camera.
At any rate, Sunday I did well on my food log. I ate ~800 calories and burned about 722 according to Samsung. If you read this far, can you tell me if you think that is healthy? I know asking health questions to anyone outside of my doctor is frowned upon, but I'm curious and I feel okay, don't want to bug the physicians unless I'm really feeling funky.
Sorry, wanted to get this blog finished before I have to leave for my kid's doctor's appointment. She's 15 months old today, and I've got a feeling that it's immunization city for her. Pray that we have a nurse that doesn't drag the process out. Most nurses can give 3 or 4 jabs in the blink of an eye and I can distract her from them. The last one put about half a minute or more between each shot and poor baby girl did not appreciate that at all. Neither did mommy or daddy.
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I am reporting to the hospital tomorrow at 5:30am central time for my surgery that starts at 8am. Its been an interesting journey so far & I know that journey is only going to get more intense in the next 17 hours. I first saw the dietitian August 15, 2016, weighing in at 397lbs. Before I started my two week (2/21/2017) liquid diet, I was 355lbs. and now today, I am now 335lbs (62 lbs. lighter since August). That is a far cry (91Lbs. difference) from my highest recorded weight of 426lbs.in September 2014.
I want to say a big thank you to all the admins & those who have given me so much support and advice on here. Onto the next step of this journey,,,,,
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It's 2am, getting late, and I'm listening to a 90's play list presented to me by Apple Music on iTunes. It's adult pop of the 90's. I'm 36. In 1990 I was 9 or 10 depending on the month. So the nineties coincided with my tumultuous adolescence. I was just as crazy as any other teen but perhaps even crazier. That's a story I'll save for some other day. :-)
Right now lets focus on this woman I've become. I'm creative. I like to paint, bead necklaces, explore new and old music, and I daydream. I'm pretty and kind of smart. I never was married and have no kids but revel in my freedom and feel little more than gratefulness when I see my friends and with babies and children because I know my life is easier and my heart is already full.
My weight has become major eyesore and health issue. I'm almost 5-5 and I weigh 324 pounds which means that I basically need to lose 200 pounds. I do have a food addiction and it is somewhat out of control. If I'm not eating I'm reminiscing about food or plotting my next meal. I need to grow apart from this addiction because its killing me.
I just wonder if I can do it without surgery but the clock is ticking and I know that a diet and exercise will not make me lose as fast as having a sleeve gastrectomy. I can do both and lose like crazy. I can undo the harm I've done unto myself over the years in much less time if I subject myself to this. I just worry that I'll be one of this people who regret their decision at least in part. I feel like after the surgery, food and I will have a weird, awkward relationship and I won't know who I am anymore. lol. Food is a part of me like a lover I suppose. It's been a lifelong thing between food and I and I've lost many relationships in this life and losing my love and passion for food because I won't be able to take more than a few bites at a time sounds rather like a punishment I don't necessarily deserve. Or do I?
I AM one of those people. I am one of those people who binge-ate like it was a career and didn't care about the consequences. I refused to exercise most of the time. Maybe punishment IS what i deserve?
I'm planning on getting my surgery in January 2018 so i'll have time to test myself and if needed I can prepare myself for the surgery. I might not end up getting it if I can kick this problem without a sleeve.
About 6 years ago, I joined this community and became HOOKED on the fact that I could use the gastric bypass as a tool to help in the extreme battle of the bulge. I had my surgery on 3-19-12, and it was a complete success.
I'll go ahead and answer the burning question: At my heaviest documented weight, I was 397lbs. When my surgery was scheduled, I was down to 268lbs. My goal weight was 145. The lowest I ever got was 147. Today, I'm weighing in at 161(and not too happy about it). Will I battle for the last 16lbs to be gone?? Of course!! What's 16 lbs when you started at 397??
Let's get real: life is messy. Gastric bypass doesn't make it any less messy. Since my last blog, I lost down to 147lbs, then gained some back. However, I survived my hubby's 2.5 year deployment, infidelity in my marriage, a long pause then restart to my math degree (I feel your cringes from here), moving across the country, complete separation from half of my family, hospitalization for viral meningitis for one month and subsequent detox from fentanyl over the span of 2 months, AND 5 years of growth for each of my girls.
I decided, however, that it's important to continue my blog on thinnertimesforum. Along the way, I will post about real life, real food, and the real challenges that I face daily. I promise to document every achievement, shortfall, and swan dive off of the wagon.
Last November, I started becoming frantic, frankly. I knew I was losing control, again. I started looking WAY too much like 397lb me.
Here are my personal warning signs that I'm reverting:
1. Avoiding the scale or making excuses like, "That's not 'real' weight; I'm about to start my period in 2 weeks. Or, my favorite, "It must be water weight from the salt I had yesterday." No sweetie, it was the fries that the salt was on.
2. Daily decisions to "start a new lifestyle." In November, I decided to do the 5 day pouch. It was "ridiculous this far post-op." Then, I decided I would live and Atkins lifestyle. Reality check: Atkins plus carbohydrates isn't Atkins. It was "too hard while I'm in school."
3. I suddenly have a larger stack of "goal" jeans in my closet than I do of current fit jeans. That's okay, self, "you'll get back into them after the holidays. The hubby must've shrunk them in the dryer."
4. I keep telling myself that "I'm a health foodie. I wrote a wholefoods blog. I don't eat like that" as I'm eating a burger or handful of chips.
5. My house is suddenly bursting at the seams with junk food and chocolate and I lie to myself, "it's for the hubby and the kids." Yeah, honey?? Then, stop eating their food.
6. I KNOW deep down that I'm letting the food monster creep back in...nay, the food monster is here, bigger than life. But, if I cram the food into my mouth super fast, the calories somehow won't count..... There's not even any logic in that one.
I'm done with that version of myself. Done. So, I've spent several weeks reflecting on my journey. This is a fork in the road, a pivotal moment in my life. Will I be a success long-term or will I become one of those people that everyone's co-worker warned you about----that lady everyone knows that had gastric bypass and ended up bigger than before.
Here are the truths that I've written down to remind myself what's at stake:
1. "Living to eat" only leads to one place. Weight loss surgery is like playing a game of chutes and ladders. All it did was set me back at the beginning. If I take the same footsteps I did before, I will get to the exact same place. I used to say, "If I had it to do over again, I would have.......(never stopped running, fallen in love with nutritious food, said no to every second helping, etc...)" I got a re-do. I'm calling my own bluff. Am I strong enough to do it differently this time? Every step counts. I will make the most of each one.
2. Maintaining my spoiled-brat food attitude means failure. Eating to live means prioritizing my health TODAY, not starting tomorrow. If there's anything we should all know, it's that being healthy is freedom and being unhealthy is a prison of flesh. So, why have I been choosing things that are unhealthy to put inside my body?? Isn't it about time that I give it what it needs instead of what I want?? Is it only in America that we whine about eating fresh fruits and veggies while other parts of the planet don't have any?? Is it only in America that we whine about how fresh food doesn't taste good enough because we don't get the taste of cheesecake with every bite? Are we a nation of fist-pounding toddlers refusing to eat our green beans and wanting to move straight to dessert? Attitude is a decision. Changing it is as easy as changing my mind. "Do or do not, there is no try--Yoda"
3. There is NO cheat code for this game. There is NO way to live a life of food splurging and NOT gain all of my weight back. There is no magical combination of foods that will allow me to "eat the foods I love and still lose weight" unless I learn to love foods that are healthy for my body. If my plate holds the same foods that it did when I was 397lbs, I should run, terrified, to the garbage bin, scrape it frantically, and start over. We all know the combination to weight loss. This is not rocket science. Eat an appropriate amount of foods that are dense in nutrients and lead an active life. LIVE.
4. I am not "cured." I will always be a food-aholic; I should never let my guard down. Food is not a reward. Using it to celebrate is dangerous. Do alcoholics give themselves a pass on their birthdays or holidays?? I sure hope not. Rewarding myself with dangerous food reinforces my food addiction and makes it easier to make excuses for the next meal...like "I've already blown "my diet" for the day, I'll start again tomorrow." I have had enough fried and sugary foods for a lifetime. Eating them did not make me happy. In fact, eating them made me miserable. I will remember that this is not my "diet," this is my life. This is not my lifestyle. This is my life. This is a life that "blowing it" with a plate of food means walking back toward being a mommy that couldn't bend over to tie her own shoes. This is a life that is worth more than trading it for a piece of cake or a slice of pizza.
BACK TO MYSELF:
The last 16 lbs will be reached by becoming again the best version of myself, not by further depleting my body. I'm currently on day 8 of going back her. She wrote a daily whole foods blog and was a serious health foodie. Every bite of food that went into her mouth was for one reason: TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY of her life. She believed in the power of nutrition to heal and that foods should be eaten as close to their natural state as possible. She didn't need to count calories, fat grams, carbs, etc... because when you're living the right way, your body balances itself. And, the greatest part of all.....I'm still her. I just need to remind myself of that.
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Hello, I'm new. has anyone had pain like someone "kicked them in the stomach" ? when I wake up, when I drink or not., it doesn't seem to go away, walking helps but it comes right back soon. I had sleeve done on 12/14/2016 and I was wondering if anyone has any ideas that helped them relieve this awful pain. please help, thanks
Warning: horn tooting ahead:
When I began this bariatric adventure my leg pain and numbness was so bad I could barely walk or stand for five minutes. I had to stop working at a big hospital back East and move home to my family on the West coast. I told the team at the weight loss clinic that my goal was to get down to where I could be back on my feet and get back to work, if not I would have to go on disability. I'm an ultrasound technologist, so it's long hours on hard floors all around the hospital. Well today, I got a job offer from the nice little hospital five minutes from my house. I have worked so hard to be able to stand and walk again. I really think I will be able to do the work.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to see the surgeon's office for my 6 month follow up from RNY and I get to tell them the good news. I have lost over 100 lbs (some of that was pre-op diet) and am somewhere in Twoterville . My home scale won't give me a reliable reading, so I don't know exactly where I am. My primary doctor told me a few weeks ago that I am having the best outcome of anyone he has ever worked with through this process. That really helps make me feel good when I worry that I should be losing faster.
So anyway, not to ramble and brag, but I have hit the century mark, made it to Twoterville, and got a job. Life is good.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT ONE MONTH HAS PASSED SINCE I WAS SLEEVED.
HIGHEST WT. 261 LBS.
WEIGHT AT BEGINNING OF JOURNEY 251 LBS.
DATE OF SLEEVE OCT. 21, 2016
WEIGHT ON DAY OF SURGERY 241 LBS.
CURRENT WEIGHT 213.1 LBS.
IF YOU ARE HAVING BARIATRIC SURGERY AS THE SOLUTION TO YOUR WEIGHT LOSS ISSUES, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG.
I AM SURE YOU HAVE HEARD IT IS JUST A TOOL.....AND IT IS. HAVING BARIATRIC SURGERY REQUIRES A LIFE CHANGING COMMITMENT . HOW YOU ASK? WELL, MOST REQUIRED PREPS ARE VERY DIFFICULT. FOR ME, IT WAS A STRICK DIET FROM THE DAY OF MY CONSULT UNTIL 2 WEEKS BEFORE SURGERY . THEN, IT WAS A 2 WEEK LIQUID DIET . THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ANY AND ALL LIQUIDS. NO CAFFEINE , NO SODA, NO ALCOHOL, NO SUGARY DRINKS AND NO CARBINATED DRINKS.
I LOVE THE WEIGHT LOSS I'VE EXPERIENCED AND THE COMPLEMENTS . SINCE SURGERY I'VE HAD TO FOLLOW SEVERAL EATING PLANS.
WEEK 1: SAME LIQUID DIET AS PRE OP
WEEK 2 & 3: PUREED DIET. 1 1/2 OZ. PROTEIN AND 1 OZ. FRUIT OR VEGGIE. NOT ALL FRUITS OR VEGGIES.
WEEK 4 & 5: SOFT DIET. SAME AS PUREED EXCEPT FOOD IS NOT PUREED.
WEEK 5: I AM NOW ABLE TO EAT MOST FOODS AND UP TO 4 OZ. OF PROTEIN , IF POSSIBLE. THERE WILL BE ANOTHER DIET PLAN AFTER THIS.
IT IS IMPORTANT , ALTHOUGH NOT MANDATORY , THAT YOU HAVE THE SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND OR FRIRNDS. EACH PERSON HEALS AT A DIFFERENT RATE SO YOU MAY NEED HELP FOR LONGER THAN YOU THINK. IT TAKES A WHILE TO GAIN YOUR ENERGY BACK. I AM STILL WAITING. BUT I THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN HERE FOR ME AT EACH TURN OF MY JOURNEY.
FOR ME, THESE ARE THE HARDEST LIFE CHANGES:
NO DECAF FOR A MONTH AND NO CAFFEINE AT ALL.
NO BREAD, PASTA OR WHITE POTOES UNTIL MONTH 6.
AND....TALK ABOUT LIFE CHANGES . .NOTHING TO DRINK BEFORE EATING, DURING EATING AND FOR AN HOUR AFTER EATING.
EATING HAS CHANGED, TOO....TAKE A BITE, PUT FORK DOWN, CHEW AT LEAST 20 TIMES PER BITE, SWALLOW, COUNT TO AT LEAST W0 BEFORE TAKING ANOTHER BITE.
NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG. I AM HAPPY TO MAKE THESE CHANGES. MY PURPOSE FOR THIS SURGERY WAS TO GET HEALTHY, NOT TO WEAR A BIKINI. SINCE SURGERY , MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS. HAVE BEEN CUT IN HALF, I AM OFF SOME OF MY HEARTBURN MEDS AND WILL BE OFF THE REST BY THE END OF MY 2ND MONTH. I HAVEN'T HAD TO HAVE A STEROID INJECTION IN MY BACK AND AS I SAID IN A PREVIOUS POST , I AM ABLE TO WALK BETTER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS.
SO READ THIS CAREFULLY . USE IT AS PART OF YOUR RESEARCH TO SEE IF YOU ARE ABLE TO OR WILLING TO MAKE THE NECESSARY CHANGES.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DECISIONS!!
Clip on the pictures below. The top picture was taken at the end of week 4. The bottom picture was taken the day before surgery .
I haven't been around in a while! Lots of life has happened in the last few months. I got a new (much better) job, my husband and I are moving out of our house because our landlord decided to sell it, and I finished the last of my appointments for all my pre-op requirements last Friday! it's been very stressful and a little overwhelming but I'm trying to deal with it by taking my stress out at the gym rather than in the kitchen.
Of course there's a problem with my new insurance, because I started a new job & thus got new insurance. It seems like what I have done so far under my old plan is not going to be enough for my new insurance. My prior employer's insurance had a 6-month monitor requirement whereas now I have to have a 12-month program. Thankfully I only lapsed one month because of the job change (I have an allowance of 3 months can be lapsed in the new program). So I think the worst that will happen is that I'm going to have to keep going with the pre-op appointments until April. I hope I can just get a waiver since I completed everything under my old plan, but since I still don't even have my insurance cards I can't be sure what I need to do yet. Until then I'm just going to stick with it, keep exercising & eating right, and keep making monthly appointments until I hear different.
It sucks I have to wait 6 MORE MONTHS, but honestly the first 6 went by so quickly it will be April before I know it.
Now to make sure I don't have any holiday gain!
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#SelfieLife #Beautiful #FaceBeat #EyebrowsonFleek etc, etc, etc!!!!
How many times have I taken a gorgeous photo of my face, hair done, makeup done and posted it to my social media accounts? I can't even count at this point. But the truth is, what about the other portion of my body? Some may say I am "THICK" or "CURVY" or a little extra to hold on to… I pride myself on loose fitting tank tops to disguise the muffin top that I have gradually created for myself. Jeans? I forgot what those were! The thought of trying them on one leg at a time only to get to my hips and either JUMP, shake or suck in my gut to put them on has become a tiring task in its’ self. Leggings have become my new best friend along with flats. FLATS are the new high heel for fashion in my closet! Just the thought of squeezing my now chubby toes into a sexy 5-6 inch heel is tiring enough… Now, I just want everything to SLIDE N GLIDE… slide into my leggings and glide away in my flats… awe the simple life!
But is it really so simple? I have just been getting by and accepting the unhealthy physical change not even truly knowing that my mental has adjusted to this bad habit as well. I think that I secrete confidence and in reality I am disguising my pain and defeat. I wish I would have thought about it a while ago. I wish I would have known that my SELFIE is SELFLESS without my true worth being the equivalent to the picture. This is NOT going to be an easy journey, but I can only pray that GOD gives me the strength and courage to make every appointment, to be sure to be as up forth and coming with all of my flaws, to be patient in the process. My goal is not to just be SKINNY! I want to be GREAT in all aspects and not just SLIDE and GLIDE thru life, but to be able to LIVE it…
Today I go to my 1st VGS seminar with DR. Douglas Khan… today marks the 1st day of my new life… My #SelfieLife will no longer be just a face, but a new self-image ALL THE WAY AROUND!