Struggling with Weight Gain & depression - ThinnerTimes

Suzanne-photog4fun · 10-17-2004, 04:57 PM

Hi everyone,
It's been a very long time since I posted. I just lost interest in the group since there were so very few long term postops over 2yrs. out. I feel like I hardly even know anyone anymore. The issues longer term are so different than those who are less than 1+ yrs. postop.
Maintaining my weight loss as been very tough this past 1/2 yr., especially over the past 3 months when I really started eating sugary crap again and snacking. I've gained a little weight and had to buy new pants since my "thin" ones were too tight. It has been humiliating and very frustrating dealing with the sugar compulsion and resulting 15 lb. weight gain. I haven't exercised in months.
I'm scared of this behavior continuing. This weight gain has really set off old feelings of being fat and "less than". I've been suffering from depression and have isolated from all of you.....MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. It's hard to reach out for support when I feel down in the dumps. My usual behavior is to retreat within myself when feeling down which is not healthy.
Each day I get up and swear to myself that I won't buy the crap but my willingness just doesn't last and then I'm sucked into the sugar compulsion. I probably need to return to Overeaters Anonymous to deal with this addiction but I feel so unwilling and totally resistant. Damit, I'm pissed off that I'm going through this rough time with the food. I may have to finally seek counseling to deal with issues that I haven't appropriately dealt with since my massive weight loss 2 2/4 yrs ago. Does anyone know of a good therapist? Email me privately with your recommendations of one.
The first step for me to "get back on track" is to come out of my secrecy and share with others about what is going on with me. Next is to go to my support group meetings this week which I don't want to do because I feel down. Making a few "support group" phone calls/emails would help me also. Planning my meals for the day has also helped in the past to get back on track. Tomarrow I'll have my protein shack for breakfast and a healthy choice frozen dinner and a apple for lunch. Bringing my lunch to work helps relieve the temptation to go out for lunch or overeat. Perhaps I'll find a friend to meet to have dinner with after work so I won't be so tempted to buy the sugary crap and eat all evening. I must break the cycle. I know that I'll feel so much better within a week of getting the sugar out of my system. Sugar has always been such a chemical depressant for me.
Well, thanks for listening to my woes. I will be at the support group meeting this week. I hope to see you all there. Hugs, Suzanne

Blueyz · 10-17-2004, 05:37 PM

Hi Suzanne,
I was worried about you and thinking a lot about how you were the first visitor I had in ICU. I am so happy to see that you are back on the forum with us. I value your support and wisdom.

I am happy that you shared your feelings with all of us. We are here for you just as you have been for us. I am having the blues today and I find myself wandering the kitchen for food. It is very scary. I go shopping instead and if I keep that up, I will go broke. I know that when we give up our best friend...FOOD, it is so hard to not want it. I am only three months out and I am scared because I am tolerating more foods. Suzanne, I can totally understand how you feel and hope we can all help you. I would love to see you at the Thursday meeting. I know that Newthindale might go and she is over 2 years out..I think that is right. She could probably help a lot.

Do not worry about your weight gain. You will take it back off when you get back on track. I love your avatar and by the way you look great.

I hope to see you soon....hopefully this Thursday night. Stay here on the forum, we can all work together to help you through this.

Big Hugs to you!

Phunchaser · 10-17-2004, 06:40 PM

Suzanne...

Sorry about your rough time. I do know two excellent therapists. Both deal with eating disorders and the extreme emotions that go along with them. The first one is Patricia Mangini, Ph.D., she is in Hillcrest and her number is (619) 296-8103. She is an excellent therapist. The second is Susan Ward, L.C.S. W. She is in the Golden Triangle area and her number is (858) 450-3210. She also is a great therapist. I hope you feel better soon.

Sue
Pre-op

watergirl · 10-18-2004, 06:56 AM

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) to you!

Your fears will be ours soon, if not already! So, thank you so much for sharing them with us. We are here for you!

You know what you're doing wrong and you know how to fix it. The power is within you. You wrote, "...especially over the past 3 months when I really started eating sugary crap again and snacking." If those are your down falls, you know you need leave those alone. Snacking, eat healthy snacks, low in fat and sugar. Excersice, we all need to get out there and just do it. Have you read the "Rules of the Pouch?"

It's really good that you've expressed your feelings, that's half of it. I hope you'll find someone to talk to that you'll feel comfortable with. What area of town are you in?

Looking forward to seeing you Thursday! Come chat with us today. Love your new Avatar! You look really amazing!

Christina · 10-18-2004, 08:17 AM

Thank you so much for your heartfeldt and valuable post. It is very important for the post-ops who are out over 2 years to post, unfortunately they don't very often. But when you guys do, it is always something that we can take with us as newer post-ops. Thank you for sharing your struggles and as you know.. admission is the first step. You admitted you had a problem, and no, don't worry.. nobody is judging you. We will all go through the same thing eventually. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You are HUMAN. You know what the problem is.. so it's just that rough step to getting it out of your system. Good luck to you, and if there is anything any of us can do to help, please don't hesitate to ask. If you want me to go with you to an OA meeting.. I'm here for ya.. just don't worry your sweet head off.. you're going to do fine.. you reached out.. and that was the first and most important step..

Love ya..

MaryClipper · 10-18-2004, 08:23 AM

Suzanne,
I am so glad to hear from you. The support of your peers is very important, and even though you feel different because you are further out than the rest of us, please remember that it is a give and take. You are providing a valuable resource to the newer post ops by letting them know that it gets harder down the road. They need to know this. And you get the support that you need to stay on track. You need to come back to the monthly meeting. I missed you last month. I also believe that you are right about finding a counselor to help you with your issues. If you think you need some help then you do. Get the help, do the work, you are worth it.

In the meantime, you know what you need to do. Start walking again, it will help with your depression. Give me a call and we can start setting up some saturday walks. Up your protein, it will help curb the cravings. Plan your meals, clean the crap out of the house, don't bring money to work, CUT OUT THE SUGAR COMPLETELY, etc. You know what you need to do, just do it for today. Just one day.

Remember, you are loved and cared for. Reach out and we are here.
Mary

bridgetgirl · 10-18-2004, 10:28 AM

Hey Suzanne! I was so happy to see your post.

There are alot of post ops further out than a year that feel the same way you do, about not knowing anybody anymore... I can understand how frustrating that is for you and why you stay away, alot of other gals here say they dont go to support group meetings because they feel the same way, they dont know anybody anymore... but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that I need your help and guidance... I need ot hear your trials and tribulations. I need to hear what works for some, what doesnt for others.

I see that you are more than 2 years out but I find myself at 9 months facing the same fears you have... many of us newbies do. I knwo you dont have an obligation to post here or go to meetings but I would surely appreciate the service if you could ... right now I habe MaryClipper and NewThisDale to listen too ..... I need more and want more.. I dont want to read anybody's books... I want to hear straight from you Callery kids... your success, your demons.... It is important to me... perhaps by being a mentor to us who are further out could encourage you and give you strength to get back on track. I am not sure if this is something that you are ready to do, but please know it would be appreciated!

I have a couple of friends that had the surgery who I talk to about food issues, and it helps alot. It is not a cure by any means... but if I didnt have Stacie on the phone yesterday Im sure I would have bought that Zebra Cake! (Thanks for saving me Stacie!)

Being up front and honest helps! I started counseling last week because I feel those same urges coming on as well... and Im freaked out because I am having plastic surgery in a couple of weeks... and totally worried and feaked out that gaining any weight cannot be acceptable.. I cant ruin my new skin and body..... but all I have been able to do consistantly my whole life was gain weight... people could always count on me being big! I am fearful of being that big person again.... i dont ever want to go there... so i can totally empathcize with how you feel .... I need to give ya a hug.. if you dont mind 'em... just know that you are not alone, many of us feel just as you do. I look forward to seeing you on Thursday, despite what you see as a failure, you are still a huge inspiration! (((((HUGS)))))

pambragg · 10-18-2004, 10:41 AM

Suzanne,
I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing some problems. I am very glad to see you back in the forum though. I really value hearing from you long term post-ops. It helps to keep in focus that during this honeymoon period is is very important to take advantage of the easy loss. I look forward to seeing you at group Thursday. Stay strong and kick sugars nasty little butt. Big hugs.

JudiGee · 10-18-2004, 10:41 AM

Hi All,

I had my surgery on 6-19-02. I too know the fears of weight gain and having the "fat girl" revisit me. Last April I had 15 lbs. creep back up on me. My clothes wouldn't fit, I felt fat, frumpy, and very miserable. I was socializing around food, imagine that? I had to address the problem head on. I never had exercised during the weight loss, my back was so compromised. I decided pain or not exercise would have to become an added lifestyle choice. I went for it. I began walking/ now run at Torrey Pines about 5 days a week. I feel better than I ever have and find that it is a great stress reliever. My weight now is where it should be.

275/139

onederlandbound · 10-18-2004, 01:46 PM

Hello Suzanne,

I'm a newbie, a pre-op. Reading your post really hit me with a little dose of reality. Not that I didn't know before that the "struggle" would return, but I kind of put it on the back burner for a while. Thank you for sharing.

I just wanted to send a little encouragment your way. Number one as I'm sure you know after writing your post, confession is good for the soul. It's good that you spoke out what you were going through. Number two, there is strength in numbers. Now that you spoke out about your trials, look at all the people who are ready and willing to help you make it through. Take advantage!!!

Now that you've taken that step, just continue stepping in the right direction. Stay strong and encouraged. Sometimes you have to remeber the past in order not to repeat it. Try to reach back and remeber how you felt right before you finalized the decision to have WLS.