Eating To Kill: The Guilt Keeping You Fat
By Dr. Matthew Anderson
Exclusive for eDiets
Toxic Guilt!
This emotion is so significant to so many of you, I decided to give it an entire article. It could change your eating and your life.
First, the assumptions. Many of us, much of the time, use food to manage/eliminate our uncomfortable feelings. The more uncomfortable the feeling, the more we eat. What can we do about this? We can learn to identify, experience and work through our difficult emotions instead of burying them under a mountain of food.
Today we are going to look at one of the most powerful and potentially destructive emotions -- The one that many of you say is an "eat everything in sight" feeling: TOXIC GUILT.
There are two kinds of guilt: Healthy and Toxic.
Healthy guilt is the kind we should feel when we have done something that is truly inappropriate or harmful. For instance, a man who beats his wife or children should feel lots of guilt. A person who drives drunk and causes an accident should feel guilty. I think you get the point.
Healthy guilt says "Hey, you made a mistake. Do something about it." It helps us acknowledge wrongdoing and encourages us to act contritely. Almost everyone feels healthy guilt some of the time.
But healthy guilt is not the problem when it comes to food. The culprit here is Toxic Guilt. Toxic Guilt is, to use a professional phrase, neurotic guilt. It is guilt that arises from dysfunctional thinking and beliefs. And, boy are we loaded with them!
The thinking that produces Toxic Guilt is learned in childhood. It is usually, unwittingly, taught to us by parents and/or religious organizations. Then, without awareness, we live our lives at its mercy, never questioning the rightfulness of our adopted thinking patterns. The problem is not, however, the original source of the guilt but the fact that we perpetuate this thinking in the present. We have become victims of our own thoughts.
Many of you (in your poll responses) have used the phrase “the eat-everything-in-sight emotion” in reference to guilt. The guilt you refer to is not healthy guilt. It is Toxic Guilt, and it is powerfully pervasive in many lives. You don’t feel guilty because you have been a truly bad person. You feel guilty because you have been a normal person with normal needs, wants, desires and behaviors.
We can only call this kind of guilt toxic because it never leads to healthy reactions. It does not lead you to forgiveness and redemption. Instead, it drives you to self-condemnation and self-hate. Or you “eat everything in sight." Who would choose the pain of self-hate over the soothing warmth of a big bowl of pasta or the comforting sweetness of chocolate?
You are instinctively having a self-protective reaction to Toxic Guilt when you eat. You eat to feel better. For a time it works. The problem is, eating is only a Band-Aid. It does not eliminate the cause of your suffering. As soon as the food remedy wears off, Toxic Guilt is back at work. You feel guilty for eating the “bad” foods and for just about everything else that a normal person does or thinks.
Toxic Guilt is an internal abuser that is as destructive as any wife beater. If you are to find release and relief from it, you must learn to think of it in these terms. It must be confronted and controlled. You must take it seriously and become an expert on its voice in your head. You cannot afford to deny or avoid it.
I recommend that you print out this article and carry it around with you. Refer to it when you feel Toxic Guilt appearing. Share it with your friends. Everyone has a bit of it. Get some support.
If you want more tough minded tools about eating to kill your emotions please email me at
mattcoyote@aol.com.
Matthew Anderson, D. Min., is a counselor, organizational consultant, seminar leader and the author of books and tapes that can help you overcome your obstacles to well-being. To learn more about Dr. Anderson, click here. eDiets members can join Dr. Anderson for his monthly chats. 
Eating To Kill: The Guilt Keeping You Fat
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