Just need some support - ThinnerTimes

katlover66 · 01-19-2006, 09:06 PM

OK all, here it goes. Things have been really tough for me lately. My daughter has had a sub at school since Nov. This has caused many problems im my house. I am suppose to start school on Monday. My daughter got suspended today and she is only 5 yrs. old and my husband wants to send her away. I am trying to deal with cut hours at work and my last 20lbs to goal. I am confused and upset. I am ready to walk out on everything. I know this doesn't have to do with weight loss but I need some advice. I love my husband but I have goals and he is hindering them. Does anyone who has gone through this have any advice? I am truly confused right now.

coptergirl · 01-19-2006, 09:59 PM

First - I am so sorry everything seems to be crumbling around you. Hang in there sweetie - God never gives us more than we can handle!

Why has your daughter having a sub ( I assume a substitute teacher) causing problems at home? Why did your daughter get suspended at school? Sounds to me like your baby needs some attention and may be acting out to get that attention - hence the suspension. Sending her away will make her grow up to be a bitter and angry person. Sounds like your hubby was also reactionary when he said that (I just hope your daughter sisn't hear him say it), and that he doesn't really mean it. Kids are kids, ya know?!

You are starting school which can carry with it lots of fears along with the cut hours, you are understandablely stressed. Know this: you have lost an incredible amount of weight, and have so much to be proud of - and that weight is forever gone. We call ourselves losers (which we are b/c of the tooll), but we are really winners because this weight is off forever...now that os something to celebrate, my friend!

Hang in there sweetie - this will pass and will make you stronger. You will be in my prayers!

LizardQueen · 01-20-2006, 05:58 AM

5 yr olds do not need to be sent away! She is not a lost cause. We are having a similiar situation with my youngest-sub for the rest of the year (her teacher is expecting twins in March). I think your baby needs some love and hubby needs to help not make you more upset about things. Can you get her moved into another class after her suspension? Or take her out for the rest of the year and re-enroll her next year? Maybe she just isn't mayure enough to handle school yet. Have you thought about family therapy to help you through this? Big hugs to you and your child!

CharMc · 01-20-2006, 07:56 AM

Hi Katy,
May I make a suggestion. If your child is having problems with a teacher, go to her class, sit in the back and watch. Being a presence in the school/classroom is a very strong motivator for your child and her teachers. And don't announce the visit. Just go. Watch. Then figure out what to do. I will not make the suggestion that you get your husband to go, because he is already negative. Once you see the lay of the land, you'll figure out what to do. I did and it was fairly successful. I learned what the problems were and addressed them.
I must admit, this was not after wls, but 15 years ago. You have much on your plate. You need to take a deep breath. We're here to support you.

God Bless

Pixie · 01-20-2006, 08:26 AM

Katy ~

I can't really give any advice on a subject I have no experience with, but I just wanted to let you know you will be in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

Gladitsme · 01-20-2006, 09:57 AM

Katy,
It does sound like going to your daughter's class and observing could help. Maybe they could move her to a different class with a permanent teacher? I've been through the wringer with my guys, and we learned that they both have ADHD, and once they went on meds, it made a 1000% difference with them. You might consider having her evaluated for it. Hugs, you're going to be ok!

melanie hirschorn · 01-20-2006, 10:05 AM

katy,
i think first you need to look and see if something is going on in your home environment to be causing her to act out. maybe you should consider postponing school for a while and also maybe you should be looking to getting her in for counseling. something is going on with her. Also, a friend of mine has a 10 year old daughter who from a young age was always a problem child and it turns out the reason why was just recentlly she was diagnosed with adhd. I think you really need to look into environment issues and get her into some counseling and get her evaluated. i see in my job too many parents blaming other people and not taking responsibility for their child and realizing it's the child, with whatever problem, rather than the teacher or whoever.
melanie

Mavisavis · 01-20-2006, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katlover66

OK all, here it goes. Things have been really tough for me lately. My daughter has had a sub at school since Nov. This has caused many problems im my house. I am suppose to start school on Monday. My daughter got suspended today and she is only 5 yrs. old and my husband wants to send her away. I am trying to deal with cut hours at work and my last 20lbs to goal. I am confused and upset. I am ready to walk out on everything. I know this doesn't have to do with weight loss but I need some advice. I love my husband but I have goals and he is hindering them. Does anyone who has gone through this have any advice? I am truly confused right now.

Does your daughter have special needs? Where does your hubby want to send her? Can you fill us in a little better. I have some children I adopted from the foster care system that have some emotional/mental/behavioral issues. I've spent some frustrating years dealing with profesionals and schools. I do now have my 2 older ones in an out of home placement to get them some help. I wasn't sure if your situation has any similarities. Either way, I sure hope things look up for you......and DO hang on tight to your goals and dreams.

bridgetgirl · 01-20-2006, 11:55 AM

My oldest was "problematic" constantly suspended from school, kicked out of several pre schools, etc, etc... I used to be very distraught. When he got into kindergarten his teacher interviened, we got an IEP, now he is diagnosed with a plither of emotional problems, including ADHD he is a gazillion times better!!!! You should consider having her evaluated.... too be ashamed sometimes its better for everybody.
Hey whats your hubby thinkin' sending her away? You guys adopted her n stuff. If ya ever need a break, I would be happy to babysit.

I know how frustrating it can be, I agree whole heartedly with what Melanie said, you have to take responsibility. Her behavior isnt the result of what is going on at school. She has been quite the challange for you and your husband for quite some time.

Good luck to ya Katy!

twodogsmom · 01-20-2006, 02:31 PM

I can hardly believe a 5 yr old got suspended? What on earth did she do? Unless her infraction involved a o-tolerance issue like violent or aggressive behavior, I can't think of a behhavior that would warrant such a punishment. I have been a teacher (mostly spec. ed) for 30 yrs, and would be glad to chat this over with you, if you want to supply a few more details. Feel free to PM me. I also have skills and background in behavior management. As far as sending her away, I can't think of a worse idea. Your husband isn't the child's father, is he? Children aren't something to toss away everytime the going gets rough! At the outside, if you, the school, the teacher and maybe school counselor or psych can't solve this, a consult with a psychologist and some family therapy is in order. BTW, you can't just appear at school and walk into a classroom these days. Too much of a security risk. Observing is a very good idea, but make an appointment thru the principal or VP. Feel free to PM me.