Self-image VS. Self-worth (1) - ThinnerTimes

eyesthatkissu · 12-09-2005, 05:52 PM

Earlier in Lisa's thread discussing Understanding Anorexia, it reminded of a few things from my previous therapy. I thought I might start a series of posts regarding self-image and how it relates directly to self-worth. I hope these posts will be helpful.

Body image

Body Image is often a central issue for individuals with eating disorders. The body can be looked at as a canvas that the eating disorder individual paints their inner emotions on. Self-worth is often entangled with physical appearance. As an example of how emotions can be tied to our bodies, complete the following word association questionnaire:

Write the first word or words that come to mind when you read the following words:

Fat ___________________________
Hips __________________________
Stomach ______________________
Thighs ________________________
Buttock _______________________
Overweight ____________________

For the word fat, did you think of a substance necessary for the proper functioning of the major organs, including the brain? Or for the word thighs, did you think of a major muscle group necessary for walking upright? Unfortunately the words usually associated with our body parts are negative in connotation. Individuals are usually more comfortable talking about those parts of the body they dislike than those they do like.

To begin to develop more positive feelings towards our bodies, it is helpful to look at our first experiences in learning about our bodies. During infancy, physical sensations of the body are the way we begin to formulate the separate sense of ourselves from an otherwise seemingly shapeless and boundless space. How we feel about our bodies developed in direct response to how our caregivers treated our bodies during infancy and childhood. The ways in which we were touched, held, caressed and nurtured even before we could communicate sent us the message about how we should feel about our bodies. Individuals who were touched apathetically, held insecurely and neglected often develop poor and distorted body images later in life.

During childhood we explored our bodies. If we were told that touching ourselves was "bad" we could have inferred the message that our bodies were something to be ashamed of. Comments about weight and teasing by family members can also lead to negative feelings about ones body. Not only the messages we received about our own bodies but how our parents related to their own bodies influenced our level of body image acceptance. Parents who displayed dissatisfaction with their bodies were likely to have children with body image disturbances.

During adolescence the influence of peers became important. Self monitoring and comparing ourselves to others becomes central to our psyche. This may have been a time when we were particularly vulnerable to images in the media and the pressures from our peers. As our bodies developed and changed, how others and we reacted to these changes influenced our eventual body perception. Accepting and supporting these body changes is especially important for an adolescent girl's father. If a father feels uncomfortable or threatened about his daughter going through puberty and subsequently distances himself from his daughter, the adolescent girl may also try and reject her changing body. Other possible catalysts to a poor body image could have included sexual abuse, physical abuse, domineering coaches and controlling relationships.

Not only a poor body image but also an overemphasis on appearance can lead to an eating disorder. Being labeled as a beauty can be both a blessing and a curse. When a child gets attention, admiration, and acceptance mainly for their looks, their self-worth can become intertwined with their appearance. Any real or perceived physical flaw is viewed as a flaw in their very essence. Their physical appearance becomes indistinguishable from their identity. They will often do what ever it takes to continue to get the attention for their looks. This is often the case for individuals who were once the ugly duckling and have since blossomed into a swan. For these individuals, nothing is worse than the fear that they may return to their perceived unattractive state.

So now that we know some of the influences of body perception, how do we begin to develop a positive body image? In essence we De-program ourselves from the negative messages we have internalized over the years. You can accomplish this by connecting with, taking ownership of, and appreciating your body. Start by making a list of the parts of your body you like and the amazing things you can do with your body. You are probably more use to and comfortable with concentrating on those aspects of your body that you dislike, but instead concentrate on the positive. Constantly weighing yourself can be a negative experience that can lead to dissatisfaction and obsession. Many individuals who have come through our program have chosen to smash their scales and in the process have freed themselves from having their emotions tied to a number that has nothing at all to do with who they really are. It will also be important for you to re-program yourself by replacing any false messages you have received about how you should look with realistic goals that take into account the beauty and uniqueness of you. You may even want to avoid and not purchase fashion magazines that promote a body type that fits less then three percent of the population. Lastly, take time to give yourself the things your body needs. You may be familiar with nutritionally nourishing your body but you also need to emotionally nourish your body.

We have discussed how images of our own bodies may have been influenced by our experiences during infancy, childhood, and adolescence. Fortunately, as adults, we have the opportunity to deprogram ourselves and hopefully reverse these negative images. As humans we all need to be touched, caressed and pampered. At Rader Programs, we help individuals find ways to receive these essentials in their life.

LizardQueen · 12-10-2005, 07:32 AM

Great post, Robin! A lot of that really hits home with me and I know others will feel the same way. I have to admit, I'm hooked on fashion magazines! I do think they give people unrealistic goals, but I love to look at all the beautiful clothes and shoes I'll never be able to afford! Thanks for the good info!

bridgetgirl · 12-12-2005, 12:50 PM

Thaks robin,, im gonna print this up and give it to folks at lindas on Weds!
I cant be alone in the way I think, can I?

bridgetgirl · 12-12-2005, 01:02 PM

You know what, i looked more into anorexia and stuff, I dont think Im at the verge of it. I am not periled into self destructive behavior because of body issues, I dont have that after looking more into anorexia, I think Im just plain ol fashioned depressed. When I looked up depression, this is what i found:

"Depression is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be wished away. People with a depressive disease cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people with depression. "

I think thats me.

Julez · 12-12-2005, 01:48 PM

Thanks for sharing with us,some of these things really do hit home with me.

Dara · 12-12-2005, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

I think Im just plain ol fashioed depressed. When I looked up depression, this is what i found:

"Depression is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be wished away. People with a depressive disease cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people with depression. "

I think thats me.

Bridget:

If you think you're depressed, please ask a professional about it. The right medication and/or therapy can totally change your life. I know from personal experience.

If I might make an observation...you are the brightest and most generous star. You are everyone's biggest supporter. You are always positive and uplifting. You're just a lovely person all around. I try to be the same type of person in my own way. However, sometimes our type of personality is very susceptible for depression. We tend to give everything to other people and leave ourselves empty. My dear, you need to take care of yourself too! Please don't think I'm being critical of you. I love you dearly and would never judge you. It's just that I can see some of my similar personality traits in you. I know where I've been and where I am now, and sometimes it's not pretty.

Again, please make time for yourself to meet your own needs as well as the needs of others.

Just food for thought...

jeanie51 · 12-12-2005, 02:09 PM

I think that self-image is a very complicated issue. I had a great childhood, no issues there, and I don't think that my weight was ever an issue for either my ex-husband or my current husband. For me it was as simple as the fact that I couldn't stand to look at those rolls of fat, I had trouble buying clothes to fit, and I felt that my weight was limiting physical activity and I wanted to be active with my children.

On the other hand I have two daughters-in-law who are overweight, and they are very content with themselves. One of my daughters-in-law, Leslie, says she is 'big, bold and beautiful'..and she is. Even though she is overweight, when she comes into a room it is as if she is inviting everyone to look at her. She wears sparkly jewelry, nice clothes, and has her make up absolutely perfect. She is very outgoing and self-confident and that self-confidence radiates from her. To her, weight is a non-issue.

My other daughter-in-law has dieted a few times and gave it up. But she also seems to be very self-confident and content. She is very outgoing, a church leader, very socially involved, has a zillion friends, etc.

Then I have another daughter-in-law who is about a size 8 and thinks she is fat.

I think it is all just about how YOU feel about your appearance.

bridgetgirl · 12-12-2005, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dara

Bridget:

If you think you're depressed, please ask a professional about it. The right medication and/or therapy can totally change your life. I know from personal experience.

If I might make an observation...you are the brightest and most generous star. You are everyone's biggest supporter. You are always positive and uplifting. You're just a lovely person all around. I try to be the same type of person in my own way. However, sometimes our type of personality is very susceptible for depression. We tend to give everything to other people and leave ourselves empty. My dear, you need to take care of yourself too! Please don't think I'm being critical of you. I love you dearly and would never judge you. It's just that I can see some of my similar personality traits in you. I know where I've been and where I am now, and sometimes it's not pretty.

Again, please make time for yourself to meet your own needs as well as the needs of others.

Just food for thought...

No I dont feel yoou are being critical, but I dont have body issues, I dont have food issues, I have numb your feelings and punish yourself issues. I punish with everything negative, its something new with me that I do agree I need professional help with. Its weird n stuff. I dont feel like i have clinical symptoms of depression, fatigue, not being motivated.. Im all those things- but yet there is something wrong about the way I treat myself. Hmmmmm, thanks Dara. As soon as my insurance issues are settled, Im going back to therapy!

Realtor Linda · 12-12-2005, 02:20 PM

ya know Bridge....the new post-ops with Dr. C and Dr. P are all suggested to get on Welbutrin. It may be that after some research, it is likely that depression becomes relevant in post op WLS than previously thought. Perhaps that is all it will take to make you feel better.
Just my 2 Cents

eyesthatkissu · 12-12-2005, 02:32 PM

From my experience, anorexia and other eating disorders don't have as much to do with appearance as you'd think. Although self-image is a crux for such things, it really boils down to a personality disorder, and trying to control certain areas of your life. Even over-eating is a method of control, even though we feel like it's out of control. There's a certain satisfaction from controling what goes into your mouth. Any kind of personality disorder will often stem from depression. And depression is not that rare, even for happy people if that makes sense.

Bridget, we all have our obsessions. I totally think yours is helping people. I bet a day can't go by without you helping someone. Of course this is completely noble. But.... it can also be detrimental. If you always place yourself at the bottom of the list, your sacrifices will include yourself.

I think wether people here want to admit it or not, and I'm sorry if this is offensive, I don't mean it to be so. But we all have serious issues. And not just about food. Food and obesity are merely a symptom of a greater issue. I truely believe that we didn't get obese, we didn't get fat because we like Ho Ho's and pasta. There are much deeper issues. Self-worth issues, or abuse issues, or something..... these have to be dealt with. They WILL surface again, even once you are at goal. That's my two cents.... I have 25 cents... but I'm tired of typing....