Hubby makes BIG mistake - tells my FIL! - ThinnerTimes

Gina in NY · 11-30-2005, 05:25 PM

My father in law was here for 10 days over Thanksgiving and my husband's birthday and I did not breathe a word about my surgery to him. He is sweet, but I just didn't want to deal with his reaction and I REALLY don't want him to tell my sister-in-law, who is not sweet.

So all went well all week, then, as I am driving him to the airport (an hour drive) he suddenly starts talking about my surgery!

What the heck?! I knew hubby must have told him and I was FURIOUS!

But I still had to spend 30 minutes defending my decision. I mean, he asked me if there were any activities I liked to do (like I never tried exercising). He told me about how he skipped lunch to play handball, I mean, he went on and on as if I had never tried anything. So I ended up telling him that I had lost 500 pounds on various diets, but had gained back 600. I also told him that only 5% of people who lose as much weight as I need to, actually of weight keep it off. I told him lots of sensible things, but I just didn't want to have that conversation at all! Oh I was mad.

I got home and told sweet hubby what he'd done and he was just so upset with himself - he appologized 100 times and wrote to his dad to tell him he shouldn't have said anything. I hope that is enough to keep him from telling my SIL - she is from Hades. Grrrrrrr.... But I still feel all off balance about it - still feel upset. I need to let go of this, but I am so MAD!!

Just had to vent...

Blueyz · 11-30-2005, 05:33 PM

Gina~

Vent away...that's why we are here. I hope your FIL doesn't say anything to your SIL. I know it is hard especially when people don't understand the surgery. Sending hugs your way.

coptergirl · 11-30-2005, 05:34 PM

Hi Gina...I am sorry your hubby blew it for you. I think he knows what he has done, and how you feel, and probably won't repeat that mistake again.

Him writing to his dad probably won't prevent FIL from blabbing to SIL, so you might want to give him a jingle to respectfully ask that he not say anything because you would like to be the one to personally tell the family. It is none of his business at all why, and he shouldn't ask. If he has already spilled the beans, if your SIl starts in, you have every right to tell her that you are not willing to discuss it with her. This is not her decision to make, and it is entirely yours.

I wish you the best of luck...please keep us posted!

eli_far77 · 11-30-2005, 07:13 PM

Hi Gina, I know what you mean about not wanting certain members of the family to know about the wls. I myself had a few family members who I DO NOT want to tell about my decision to go through with the wls. So, I made sure those who knew didn't say a peep...I was basically in every conversation to make sure of that

Nobody's business but your own.

SDphotogrl99 · 11-30-2005, 07:50 PM

Hey sorry about that. I know its hard when you have to defend yourself because you want WLS. Some people just don't understand...some people never will, that is why you have us! We support you Gina!

Marilyn · 11-30-2005, 10:53 PM

I completely empathize. My mother is on my sh*t list. My sister had WLS last April and my mom told everyone (friends, family probably strangers as well). Boy did my sister give her a piece of her mind.

So when my surgery was coming I specifically told my mother that she was not to blab to everyone like she did about my sister. I told her that it is my decision, my body and my right to discuss it or not.

Two days before surgery I get a call from a distant cousin in Wisconsin asking how I was doing. For a moment I couldn't figure out why she was calling me but then she told me that my mom had told her. It was sweet of her to call and check up on me but I was pissed!

I called my mom and chewed her out but I don't think it made a difference. She doesn't get it and I don't think she ever will. It sounds like your husband is not half as clueless as my mother. Good luck!

ThinnerTerri · 12-01-2005, 04:55 AM

hi gina i live in upstate ny too! i love it when i see someone on here that could be as close as a phone call away. my two sisters and i had the surgery so we actually have each other to support. i have been talking to lady on line who is trying to decide whether or not to get it done. i hate people who judge!!!! dont they realise if we could have done it in our own strength we would have? as if this is an easy route too OMG! i am here for you if you need me. i live in baldwinsville and would love to talk to you if you need to. just know, that you know that this is about you and only you! seems selfish but so worth it in the end as the pounds melt away

take care terri

CiCi · 12-01-2005, 06:53 AM

Sorry for your troubles! It's hard enough to defend your decision to people you do tell!

Either way, you are strong and know why you are making this decision. Hang in there!

Dyann · 12-01-2005, 07:03 AM

This is such a difficult decision that once you make it, the normal doubts you have are magnified when people who are ignorant make comments and you feel defensive all the time of your decision. You need to be able to channel all of your energy into a positive attitude for yourself.
I feel the same way. My inlaws do not know, nor will they before the surgery. I don't need any of their negative comments bouncing around in my head. I have enough stress as it is!!!
It is funny that we spend weeks, months, years coming to this point and people think that uneducated comments help.

sdgrrl · 12-01-2005, 09:14 AM

What is it about this surgery that people cannot wait to tell others about? I am sad to say that my daughter is still being a poop about my surgery. I wanted to tell her on my own time, in my own way--never wanted to hide it, just wanted to tell her in my own way, when a friend of hers who is a Callery kid read a posting of mine and told her. This was even after I pm'd her friend and respectfully asked her not to "share."

People are so mean to each other.