Opinions Needed - ThinnerTimes

Jtcox88 · 08-17-2005, 01:23 PM

Hi everyone! Okay I need some help with an "issue". I am in the pre-op stage and I absolutely can not wait for my surgery. So here is my dilema...

My husband is now starting to come around to the idea of surgery. He was completely against it at first. He is slowing getting better. The problem is that my husband likes larger women. I was 220 when I met him. Now, 5 years and 60lbs later, he still thinks that I am perfect. Don't get me wrong, my husband ( and my kids) are the best thing that is ever happened to me. He is always trying to sabatoge any attempt at dieting. Just the other day he mentioned that his main problem will be "all the loose skin will be a major turn off". How do I combat that type of thinking? He refuses to believe that I am not healthy. Granted I don't let my weight stop me from doing anything that I want to. However, the older I get the harder it has become. My husband finally statred to understand the consequences a couple of months ago. We went to Disneylad for 3 days. By the end of the 1st day I was dying. Day 2 was so bad that he wanted to rent a power wheel chair for me so we all could continue to have fun. But still in his mind there is nothing wrong with me.

How do I help him understand? (He of course doesn't have a weight problem. 33" waist) I know that surgery is very hard any any relationship but I am determined to have the surgery and to keep my husband!

Any one else have any similar issues?

Thanks for letting me ramble on...

feliciaespinoza · 08-17-2005, 01:29 PM

Well Terrah...I have a friend whos husband is the same way with her she feels horrible all the time and has so much pain from being overweight but thats how he likes her so she has decided to stay that way for him keep in mind that this surgery you are contemplating is not for your husband or for your kids it has got to be for you....you have to do it because you feel it is what you feel is right you other half should always support you in whatever decisions you decide to make but most importanly they should love you regardless of your size I say you do what you feel is right for you health wise. I think he will come around maybe have him go with you to a support meeting to see exactly what its all about and maybe to better educate him on the risks health wise you now face if you dont lose weight. Good Luck to you. Take care.

LizardQueen · 08-17-2005, 01:54 PM

I agree educate him on the health risks you face being MO and how those things will improve after wls. Tell him exactly how you feel and why you want wls. It is hard to understand when you aren't overweight how hard it is on your life and what you can and can't do. Sit down write out your thoughts and then tell him what is going on inside. I hope he can understand. Good luck and I'm sure he will want to do what is best for you.

NelleBelle50 · 08-17-2005, 03:07 PM

The bottom line should be that your husband loves YOU whether your thin, fat, old, pregnant, whatever......

Ideally.... Maybe you just need to have a conversation with him to confirm in your mind that he will love you no matter what you look like. Yes, it's important to be attracted to your partner, but he chose to love you for richer or poorer, in sickness or health. He may not see it, but this is a "sickness" time....

Do what you gotta do to stay healthy, explain your reasons for wanting to be healthy (including living longer to spend more time with him and the kids!) Hopefully he'll come around!!!!

gramamarc · 08-17-2005, 03:20 PM

You may also consider some pre surgery Marital counseling. There may be an underlying reason he doesn't know he has, thinking he only wants a 'fat' person. If you do I think it could only make your situation better.
M

bridgetgirl · 08-17-2005, 04:05 PM

People change their minds all the time.... just live one day at a time-and see what happens, as each day passes. If he loves your purely for vanity reasons.. thats selfish. If he loves you for you, thats a different story. What you are telling us he sounds pretty shallow. Im sure he loves women with both limbs too.. God forbid there be a terrible accident-would he jump ship then?

My advice ultimately, just take each day one day at a time. Best wishes!

Jtcox88 · 08-18-2005, 07:33 AM

Thanks for all the input. I guess my husband does sound pretty shallow. I know that my husband loves me and he is just voicing his concerns. Maybe that is his way of not wanting to lose me on the operating table. I don't know.

But any way, thanks for all the opinions!

bridgetgirl · 08-18-2005, 08:42 AM

I think your relationship (if its solid now) will endure all. I will let you in on a little secret, I have no idea what drew my current boyfriend to me. I am the SMALLEST girl he has ever dated. He usually likes a THICK woman. He tells me, he doesnt discriminate.. lol discriminate againist thin chics!!!!!

Im sure all will be fine, everyone is afraid of a little change. Best wishes sugar pea!

Julez · 08-18-2005, 10:49 AM

Girl if this is something you want & need to do for YOU.
My husband didnt want me to go thru it at all.My father said "NO WAY" Surgery is so scary to people & the fear of the unknown.They knew nothing about WLS.My brother is a fitness instructer and he wanted me to just walk & eat right.OK I was over weight since I was 10yrs old & tried EVERY diet,as we all have.Nothing worked for me.
Im now 11mo out & healthier than ever & my family is so proud of me & happy to see me livin life and putting my health as a priority.Ive actually got my father on the health kick.He has lost weight & my husband eats much better,cause I do the shopping hehe....
So basically if you feel stong about it...do it...do it for you!!! They all will see and you will get support!!!

veroniquetalk · 08-18-2005, 11:05 AM

Your husband sounds like someone who is in-tune with what he likes and how he likes it. He is probably smart enough to know that if you lose weight it is going to affect your marriage - one way or another. My guess is that is what is scaring him. The fact that he is coming around to the idea shows that he is trying to put those fears behind him and see what is right for you. Good luck!