Other People's Opinions - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

tigerlily1977 · 10-30-2009, 01:16 PM

I am tired of other people's opinions and ideas as to which surgery I should have, when I should have it and if its even worth it. Damn and at first I thought I was getting support. WOW and now I am confussed. First let me tell you a little bit about situation. I am married to a US Navy Seabee who is currently on deployment. I have three boys ages 12, 7 and 4. I am also a civilian contract medical personel for our local Air Force base. Yes to say the least I am very busy. My surgery is scheduled for 10Nov09. I have crazy people coming out of the wood works telling me I am depressed because my husband is on deployment, having this surgergy is only going to make it worse, have I even considered my children in this surgery.Who will takecare of them. Am I sure I will be able to go back to work. Have u really tried everything else before surgery. Surgery should be your last options. OMG These people are making me crazy, depressed and to say the least STRESSED!!! I will admit I haven gone back and forth about if this surgery is for me. I am excited to get my life back, I am excited to go play football with my wild and very active boys, I am excited to show them and teach them how to take care of themselves, stand on there own two feet and make it through anything. The day to day living of being a military wife is just like everyone else who is a wife and mother. I don't see the big deal in it personally. I am sad that my husband is gone away on deployment HOWEVER depressed. That is just not me. This is my life, the US Navy way of life has been my life for the past 12 years. Here is my thing I have an amazing amount of support through my family *who will be flying into town for my surgery* An amazing support system through other military wives who really knows what it is like to be a military wife whose doing it all on her own. I have never used being a wife of a US active duty soilder as a crutch. SO why in the world would I start doing it now.

Now that I am done complaining about people's opinions.

* Has anyone else ever dealt with this?
* Has anyone ever gone back and forth with in themselves to see if this is the right decision for them?
* How did you know it was right for you?

poet_kelly · 10-30-2009, 01:34 PM

I think everyone deals with that. Maybe it's harder for some than others. But I think everyone deals with it to some extent.

How did I know surgery was right for me? I just knew I didn't want to go on the way I was. And I felt sure I could not lose the weight on my own. I had tried. Many times. I looked at the risks of having surgery, and I looked at the risks of not having surgery and staying morbidly obese. The risks of remaining morbidly obese seemed greater than the risks of having surgery, to me.

Kelly

Hychap2009 · 10-30-2009, 02:25 PM

I think you have to keep in mind that not everyone fully understands or appreciates the need for WLS. It's not always an easy decision to make - having the surgery, but once you've made it - it has nothing to do with anyone else apart from your nearest and dearest. You have your support system around you, so what does it matter about what others think. I would suggest you just don't discuss it - its off the agenda. Do what you need to do, you know the reasons why you even considered having the surgery. You want to be healthy and fit to spend time with your family as they grow.

Don't let other people pressure you.

Silence is golden. lol

tigerlily1977 · 10-31-2009, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poet_kelly

I think everyone deals with that. Maybe it's harder for some than others. But I think everyone deals with it to some extent.

How did I know surgery was right for me? I just knew I didn't want to go on the way I was. And I felt sure I could not lose the weight on my own. I had tried. Many times. I looked at the risks of having surgery, and I looked at the risks of not having surgery and staying morbidly obese. The risks of remaining morbidly obese seemed greater than the risks of having surgery, to me.

Kelly

Thank you Kelly, I have been researching WLS for almost a year now. I am ready for this change in my life.

tigerlily1977 · 10-31-2009, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hychap2009

I think you have to keep in mind that not everyone fully understands or appreciates the need for WLS. It's not always an easy decision to make - having the surgery, but once you've made it - it has nothing to do with anyone else apart from your nearest and dearest. You have your support system around you, so what does it matter about what others think. I would suggest you just don't discuss it - its off the agenda. Do what you need to do, you know the reasons why you even considered having the surgery. You want to be healthy and fit to spend time with your family as they grow.

Don't let other people pressure you.

Silence is golden. lol

Hychap2009
I agree that people who are not over weight or ever dealt with the issue doesn't understand. I will take your advice and keep the lips shut and go on road that is going to make my life so much better.

shiver · 10-31-2009, 10:40 AM

A friend of mine just had her surgery last week. Her advise to me was to tell people on a need to know basis. She said that she told everyone and either people are judging her for having it or are asking to many questions (me I think).

Many single mom's are over weight. They don't have the time or money to work on making healthy choices whether it is healthy cooking or exercise. Their families come first in all instances. Military wives are single mom's. I love my soldier but whether he is state side or abroad he is rarely home. And when he is we are so busy trying to make up for lost time that we are still to busy for health. Not all military ladies struggle with this. But more than half of us do.

It doesn't matter what you are doing in life you can't please everyone happy! Take the support that people are offering and tell others thank you for your concern but I have this under control.

good luck.

no_more_big_order · 10-31-2009, 07:48 PM

I have experienced the same thing. I will tell you the response I use that tends to calm the situation.... I always thank people for their opinions and experiences... but I also ask them if they are aware of the side effects and long-term complications of obesity.
That is just my opinion.... and it seems to work for me...
My surgery is Nov 11th... I started down the surgery path a few years ago and decided against it.... However, after many many weight loss attempts and feeling like my weight was controlling my life... I decided to take control and go full force on the surgery route.

Highlandlass · 10-31-2009, 08:25 PM

Sometimes people give their opinion because they think they are helping - most of the time they aren't, but they think they are!
How did I know surgery was right for me - well I've been overweight for so long, missing out on so much, had a ministroke in February and decided THAT IS ENOUGH. I had to do something....I had tried all kinds of diets but they just didn't work. When I was told I was a candidate for WLS I cried and laughed and was so bloody excited, but I didn't share it with anyone, not even my husband. I kept it secret so I could just smile and know something that no one else did. When I did share it was with my very closest friend and she was so happy for me and supported me all the way through everything. I should add, I did finally tell my family but only about 3 weeks before surgery and they have all been very supportive and helpful.
If you feel this is right for you, it is right for you. The side effects of obesity far outweigh the side effects of the surgery. If you asked me if I would go through it again I was say YES in a very loud and clear voice.

momrobare · 10-31-2009, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by no_more_big_order

I have experienced the same thing. I will tell you the response I use that tends to calm the situation.... I always thank people for their opinions and experiences... but I also ask them if they are aware of the side effects and long-term complications of obesity.
That is just my opinion.... and it seems to work for me...
My surgery is Nov 11th... I started down the surgery path a few years ago and decided against it.... However, after many many weight loss attempts and feeling like my weight was controlling my life... I decided to take control and go full force on the surgery route.

My surgery is scheduled for November 11 too!!!!

What I hate is the question..."You've lost so much weight already, do you really need to have surgery?". YES i have lost 32 lbs since April 29 in preparation for the surgery but...I know myself! I know that I will begin to eat a little here and a little there until eventually it isn't a little anymore and I'm back to 212 or more lbs and eating the same way I used to!!!! I've been through this many many times and it starts with "You've lost ____lbs...so you can have a SMALL treat" but again the small treats turn into larger treats on a more frequent basis!

BUT some people don't understand that!!!!!

AirForceW1fe · 10-31-2009, 09:57 PM

The other thing I have found at least is that there is a profound lack of correct information regarding WLS. People think we just keep eating whatever we want to eat, we just eat less of it. They think we will all suffer from malnutrition. I have heard people say that our hearts will go bad within 10 years because our bodies will eventually eat away at our heart muscles. And the eternal favorite, why take the easy way out? And it goes on and on. I have been very open about the fact I have had WLS.

I try to answer peoples questions and clear up misconceptions when I can but I have also come to realize some people will just think what they want to think no matter what and it's just better to let them rather try to convince them they are wrong if they are not willing to listen to facts.