to tell, or not to tell? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

kovy · 10-20-2009, 08:41 AM

so, i made the decision to get WLS. at first i was thinking that i wouldn't tell everyone. then, in my excitement yesterday of my doctor saying yes, and having gotten the ball rolling, i decided i didn't care what anyone thought and announced it on facebook.

well, i still don't really care about what most people think but i've also realized that i don't necessarily want to open myself up to hear about what they think either. i even considered just saying i'd changed my mind about the whole thing and only telling those i wanted to...but how juvenile is THAT? lol

which got me to wondering, did you tell? who did you tell? do you ever regret telling anyone? or, should i just stick with my belief that i shouldn't care...but it doesn't mean i have to hear it?

blevy · 10-20-2009, 09:14 AM

I told people and of course some of them made negative comments about it and everyone else was supportive!!! But my attitude was the negative crap wasn't gonna change my mind now, I was doing it no matter what people had to say!!!

Negative comments only push me to do things anyway just to spite the other person!!!

Samantha. · 10-20-2009, 09:25 AM

I'm still pre-op and I'm pretty lenient with who I tell. If it comes up it comes up.

I've told my primary family, my staff and professors, and whoever finds out about it.

The acquainances have been the nicest for me at least. "Why do you need that? You look fine!"-- "Well, it's for my health, and I really want to dance again"-- "Oh! Well good luck!" I actually had a classmate tell me she was proud of me out of the blue.

Three of my best friends(two of which are overweight, all of which are male) told me I would fail.

You can't block the negativitiy out, because it makes you stronger. If you are sure you are doing this for you and you are doing this for the right reasons for you. Than who the hell cares.

I do get upset when people say I'm wrong, I'll fail, It's the easy way out.

Yeah, I do start thinking what the hell am I doing.

And then I think.... of all my goals I have that I CAN NEVER ACCOMPLISH if I'm still at this weight.

The negativitiy made me totally, drastically change my life.

I've made new friends, I've gone out to different places, I went back to the gym, I go to church, I'm a health nut, I laugh more, I stress less.

I have cut them out of main life, because I don't need my cheerleaders telling me I'm failing. I've recruited new cheerleaders.

It feels good to get it over with now while I am still 'sane'. I'm looking forward to next September when I'm 11 months out and we all come back after five months of being away from each other and I can shove my weight loss down their throats.*

Hope that helps! Sorry if I hijacked a bit..

*Not that that's the biggest deal, but a big eff you muthereffer will suffice when I'm finally me and they find out what they're missing out on

PPS. Sorry for the longest reply.. EVERRR

poet_kelly · 10-20-2009, 09:46 AM

I pretty much told everybody. I was excited about it and I was proud of myself for finally doing something to get healthier.

If you tell lots of people, you will probably hear some dumb comments. When people start telling you they think you shouldn't do it, you can just say, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I wasn't asking for your advice. I was just letting you know I will be having surgery."

When they start telling you how their next door neigbor has an uncle who knows a guy who died from the surgery, feel free to stop them and say you don't want to hear it.

I have actually gotten a lot of support from people. No one has been too negative to me, but I know sometimes it happens. But if you don't tell people, you miss out on their support. And most people, I think, really do want to be supportive.

Kelly

jennuwine23 · 10-20-2009, 10:04 AM

I told my family at first and my mom was against it, my aunts ( who are overweight i call them my lunch crew :-) ) are still against it and i havent seen them since before the surgery and very rarely will they even answer when i call them. My mom got onboard when i told her i needed her support...she was just uniformed and i took her to some meeting's and when she was able to get her own info she was and is fine with it.

My coworkers all know, i work with a group of 7 so it was a given to tell them...no bad comments from them all support.

my husband family knows...wasnt on planning on telling them but DS was up visitng great grandparents and he let it be known. no negative comments they are a more of wait and see kind of group.

Friends- well that is a mixed one..close friends know. the ones that are also overweight actually gave me great support and we started the proccess together and i was the first to go thru the surgery the others are still in the proccess. my skinny friends that know are happy for me and have been handing me their clothes that no longer fit them. now that may change but it may not

All in all except for the aunts i dont hear negative comments...soemtimes i may hear uneducated comments...like oh well i guess you cant have any more kids...and i just inform them of the facts. I only do that when i respect the other persons opionin...otherwise i just ignore them

Toony · 10-20-2009, 10:43 AM

I told my co-worker, because we are friends and I thought she'd need to know because I'd be away for a couple of weeks. I told her I wasn't ready to tell everyone in the office, and would when I felt like it.

BIG MISTAKE.

She told select people... I can pretty much figure out who she told and who she didn't. Those who NEVER comment on my weight loss must be the ones she swore to secrecy... I've "caught" a few others in conversations over the past year or so...

It has damaged our friendship - I find myself not telling her much of anything anymore. Sad! I don't trust her and am hurt that she betrayed my confidence.

My family knows... my closest friends know... and at 20 months out, I guess I really don't care who knows anymore. I just didn't want a lot of advise and scrutiny as I went through the surgery and post op... This is MY journey, not the whole world's!

Highlandlass · 10-20-2009, 11:05 AM

At first I wasn't going to let anyone other than my dearest friend know, not even my hubby. I was just going to tell everyone that I was having the Hiatus Hernia repair. After seriously thinking it over, I began by telling my kids - my daughter was the most supportive, but my 3 sons also agreed that it was a great choice and wanted to know details. My husband is a real worrier, so I waited till a week before surgery to let him know that I would be having the bypass and, yep, he began worrying. What would I eat (he's our Italian cook and loves to feed folk), how would I survive, he had loads and loads of questions, but he's really been a big help and support me. I then told 2 other friends who I am sure have told others as well. I don't really care who know now, as long as they have positive input ... I can't deal with negativity any more. I know it was the ONLY choice for me after a mini stroke, climbing blood pressure, at 58 yrs old and unable to exercise properly due to arthritis and the extra weight. I do believe if I hadn't taken this step I would have had a debilitating stroke because of the B.P. I was just so sick of being sick and lazy....now I can get out and walk, play with the kids, ride a bike and LIVE. To H..L with all the negative remarks from people who just don't know what we go through on a daily basis and how we want so desparately to be healthy.

lowercases · 10-20-2009, 11:17 AM

My family knows about the surgery... as well as a select few of my friends. When I meet new people.. I don't tell them. I met a guy last week who's pretty into me and I'm debating it... but I honestly don't see why I would need to tell him.

Vetty · 10-20-2009, 11:27 AM

THe first time around I told everyone that I was trying for lap band. Some people were excited and some where not. THen I got denied and felt like an ass. This time around only my parents brother and sister in know that I am actively pursuing GBS. I feel like if I tell people before I am approved then its like telling poeple im ohn a diet and when the weight loss doesnt happen its one more failure for the world to see. I think it was great of you to annonce it! It something special to many of us. THose who do not understand oh well! I think the moment I get approved (someday) I will tell everyone he he he

kovy · 10-20-2009, 12:36 PM

before i had gone to the doctor, i was mainly concerned about the people who didn't know what they were talking about giving me the inevitable, "easy way out," BS. then, in the midst of my excitement, i didn't care what ANYONE thought. this morning i was calmer and realized that some people, even while they're trying to be supportive, can be annoying. "the doctor is gonna want you to make some changes beforehand."

umm...i have. repeatedly. as a matter of fact, i'm down 10 lbs from before i had the baby. *sigh*

you know what? i think i'm just going to go back to not giving a crap what people think...it was a much better feeling! LOL

thanks to all of you for your responses. it's just as nice as i thought it would be having people to talk to about things like this who KNOW what i am going through.