Couldn't stop obsessing - ThinnerTimes

reeeeka · 08-02-2005, 04:19 PM

The last few nights I couldn't stop thinking about the surgery. It's to the where I'm not getting to sleep until 2 or 3am. It's to the point where I'm almost 90% sure it's something I want to do.

I'm thinking about tons of different things. I went through tons of different senarios in my head.

Did anyone experience this type of obsessing over it? Is it a good sign? I know this would help me so much. I was watching I lost it! today and this lady was on there and she was bigger than myself and had the surgery. What made her realize she needed it was her children, the fact that she couldn't wash dishes without sitting on a chair and the fact that when she wanted to cook her family members brought the cutting board, knife and food to the table for her to cut it.

Those last 2 things are me! It's horrible, I don't want to depend on seating for the rest of my life to be comfortable. It's really frustrating to not be able to go to the swapmeet with my family because I can't walk around with them without having a seat. It's starting to come between me LIVING my life and I don't like it. I feel trapped.

Another thing that scares me is that after all this termoil and going back and forth to make this HUGE decision whether or not to have it and I finally decide that I want it that the insurence can just say no. It bothers me so much that they have that kind of control over whether my life starts or not.

Dee22 · 08-02-2005, 04:41 PM

I obsessed a lot. I was scared, and excited at the same time. I was scared that I was going to die and my kids would have no mother. I was scared that I was making the worst mistake of my life.

At the same time I was excited that I would finally go out and be social with people instead of hiding. I wouldn't be depressed. I could see my kids grow up and I could do things with them without the other moms staring at me and snickering. I was excited that I would be able to finally ride rides at an amuesment park and sit in a plane seat without an extender. Being excited to actually fit in a movie theater seat! I can go on and on lol I was excited that I would have my life back that obesity took from me for all of my adult life so far.

The pros out weighed the cons by miles. Don't get me wrong, I was obsessing right up until they wheeled me in the OR. You know what though? It was the best damn decision I have ever made in my life. The only regret I have is that I wish I had done it sooner.

As for the insurance part...I obsessed about that too, I drove everyone mental. They just said stop thinking about it until you get an answer....it wasn't doing me or anyone around me any good.

reeeeka · 08-02-2005, 06:19 PM

I'm scared and excited at the thought of being able to go to the swapmeet, going to the movies, riding an airplane to see my honey and not having to ask for a seatbelt extender and having a comfortable ride, going to the mall and being able to walk around, having kids and being able to play and run and enjoy life with them, when I get married being able to physically STAND at the end of the isle without any pain in my back or sweating like a pig. That's the things that make me so incredibly excited about even thinking about getting this done.

0o0o that makes me so happy to even think about having a pain free day.

The things that scare me shitless are dying, getting an infection, dying...did I say dying? I know that eventually if I don't do this I will die young so really on the SLIGHT chance that I would die from having this then atleast I know I tried to make my life longer.

"The pros out weighed the cons by miles."...they seem too. Thank you for your comment. It was awesome, atlleast I know I'm not alone on the obsessing over it and over insurence.

I just really want to be healthy and be able to have a life instead of hiding inside away...

Dee22 · 08-03-2005, 07:32 AM

I know how you feel....

Now after the surgery though, we all obsess about different things. Feeling guilty about eating too much, obsessing if the weight is going to come back. Obsessing about the way we look....

It's a daily battle with us women I think

reeeeka · 08-03-2005, 10:29 AM

oh great

I'm sure though It won't keep me up allllllll night long.

LizardQueen · 08-03-2005, 12:47 PM

This is a big decision! I was the one sitting at my table and the kids were bring me everything too! Now, I do everything for myself. I feel like I'm out of prison and free again!

reeeeka · 08-03-2005, 01:27 PM

I want that...I want to do things for myself...I want to live my life. I'm 21, my teens are gone because I was trapped. I don't want my twenties to be the same way. I've already gave up 1 year...